When you're smiling
I decided that a change of scenery might do us good, so on the invitation of Great Wolf Lodge (and a big, free lodgey-type room with "bunkbeds!!!!!!!!!!!" to quote my children), I drove five hours north to Concord, North Carolina.
[This is the part of my post where I pay homage to the DVD player, headphones, and handy case that hangs from the back of my headrest that I bought and I don't care how much you hate DVD players in cars and "we survived without them as kids so just play the alphabet game with your two year old" WHO DOESN'T KNOW THE ALPHABET but oh my God my sanity AMEN]
All weekend people treated us like my husband was sleeping in the room, which is probably code for "nuts."
The chipper craft club helpers told Drew "you can take that picture back to your room to show daddy."
Let's just say if Daddy were here, Mommy would not be lugging all three children through an indoor water park alone, and Daddy sure as hell would not be sleeping in bed while I was doing it.
The same thing happened at the restaurant. "Wait. So there isn't anyone else joining you?"
"God, I wish" I said, over the cacophony of my children banging chopsticks on the table.
I left a larger tip for the server who would have to clean up the rice bomb that went off around our seating area.
I admit, this trip has been almost equally as stressful as it has been fun. In fact, when I got here, it was seemingly more stressful.
Add in the gihugic water park, meals in places other than our own kitchen, and a couple of pretty tired kids, and I was about to pack things up and go home.
Drew has rendered me a nearly ineffective parent these last few weeks, and I find myself resorting to threats and bribes and behaviors that just don't represent me as a parent. Or well, as a good one, anyway.
And I realized that amidst their excitement of being here, their sheer "dance around the room talk to me until my head falls off" excitement, I hadn't smiled once.
I'd barked. I'd threatened. I'd even yelled.
But not even the tiniest grin.
That's just not a memory I'm willing to give my kids.
Don't get me wrong. I've still done my share of raised voice talking and not-so-effective parenting techniques. When Quinlan woke up both younger kids with her loud, headphones on "THE DVD IS OVER, MOM" when I was sitting right next to her, I gave her the glare of the century.
But I've also held tiny hands jumping waves, cheered for big girls riding down even bigger water slides, and cuddled them all closely whenever I can.
I've praised them for the small things - the little itty bitty things that generally go unnoticed but still deserve appreciation.
"I love you to the farthest away place!" Quinlan said.
"I love you to Australia!" I said.
"I love you to Af-a-ghan-a-i-stan," Drew said.
How can you not smile at that?
I can't promise them that I'll always be smiling, but I can promise them that I'll do my best to never forget how.
And that last statement is so important, and so much of being a mom. We get so obsessed over doing everything well that I think sometimes we forget -- but oh, the smiles when we remember.
And the "held tiny hands jumping waves," part? Pure sweetness.
Posted by: WhyMommy | October 20, 2009 at 05:02 AM
You are a VERY brave woman. I don't know that I would have taken that adventure. I'm sure it was SO worth it though. Welcome home!
Posted by: Nel | October 19, 2009 at 03:30 PM
A "21 years old college student?" Which college would that be? What's with the spamming?
You're a brave woman. Road trip, vacation, water park - solo? Brave or crazy. Not quite sure which.
Posted by: julie | October 19, 2009 at 01:11 PM
aw, sweet, sweet Drew! i love you too to "Af-a-ghan-a-i-stan"! Everyday I think of the miles separating your family and I pray. hope that's okay. i'm glad you are smiling. hugs!
Posted by: laura | October 19, 2009 at 12:46 PM
Glad you managed to find some reasons to smile - I raised my sons alone from the time they were 2 and 5, so I'm quite familiar with those kinds of trips.
I just received word that my younger son, who's in the Army, will likely be deployed to Afghanistan in 2010. My older son, who's in the Navy, has been in Japan for the last year and will likely be there for another 3.
Is it weird that I'm slightly jealous of your chaos? I guess we just play the hand that's dealt at any given time.
Posted by: Carrie | October 19, 2009 at 11:53 AM
I think that I find it odd that we live in a country with a 50% divorce rate, yet anyone who goes out with children alone has to deal with comments. It's annoying, really. I'm a single mum in North Carolina and you'd think I was wearing a scarlet letter A instead of being a woman who owns a business, raises a child, and happens to be divorced. *sigh*
Posted by: Melanie | October 19, 2009 at 10:19 AM
My son especially has a way of irritating me to nearly the breaking point then saying or doing something that makes me laugh. He has strong survival instincts.
Posted by: Heather | October 18, 2009 at 11:45 PM
I love you to Afghanistan?
That is such sweetness. Now I'm all weepy.
Posted by: Stephanie | October 18, 2009 at 08:34 PM
"That's just not the memory I'm willing to give my kids." Hmm. There's a thought. I suppose we can't control those memories, but we can contribute to them. It's worth it, being awake about it, paying attention to what makes memories.
I don't think I'd have the courage to go to Great Wolf Lodge on my own with my kids, let alone to smile through it.
Posted by: MDTaz | October 18, 2009 at 07:23 PM
Oh I can be so guilty of this even in these situations. Thanks for the reminder.
Posted by: Vicky | October 18, 2009 at 07:13 PM
Good lesson and well put.
I've even tried smiling through times when I reeeaaalllyy wanted to yell. Eh, it works sometimes and doesn't other times.
Okay, it hardly works, but I'm trying!
Posted by: Amira @ DefineMature.com | October 18, 2009 at 04:31 PM
Thank you, this helps a lot. I think you know it does and you know some of us are really grateful. Thanks.
Posted by: Jane | October 18, 2009 at 04:14 PM
Even babysitting, I often get caught up in all the "don't do that!" and "don't do this!" and "no!"s and I have to remind myself to just smile and enjoy the silliness. "I love you to Afghanistan" helps though... :)
Posted by: Belle | October 18, 2009 at 02:04 PM
Husband sleeping in the room. Bet me! Glad you were able to put on the grins.
Posted by: patois | October 18, 2009 at 10:46 AM
That is a good story. You say the people treated you as if your husband was sleeping in the room, that makes you think, it does.
Secretia
Posted by: Secretia Teller | October 18, 2009 at 09:42 AM
Even without the smiles, you get a bravery badge for tackling a water park with three kids alone!
I hear ya though. I don't want to be that mommy.
Posted by: Manic Mommy | October 18, 2009 at 08:56 AM
Ooooh, I'll love you from Afghanistan!! That's so heart-meltingly wonderful and definitely made me smile.
Is there a point where you spend more on tip to clean up the meal than you actually spent on the meal? 'Cause I can totally see that happening.
Posted by: Karen Chatters | October 18, 2009 at 08:39 AM
Ah the rice bomb. I am well familiar with that. And if you can't smile at a good rice bomb explosion in North Carolina, it's hard to smile at anything.
Enjoy the trip. And the now.
Posted by: Mom101 | October 18, 2009 at 08:36 AM
Well from Australia, I'll send you the love right back.
With 4 kids and a husband who has to work (and play) hard nearly every night my poor kids are stuck with me. And occasionally I catch myself being an idiot and stop to think, is this how I want them to remember me? No way. So smile and enjoy your kids a little. I get it.
Posted by: Alex | October 18, 2009 at 06:10 AM