Rhymenoceros

Just a few months ago Drew could barely squeak out an entire sentence.

But as we parents learn all too quickly, the sleep stops, the ravenous eating begins, and in between the rabid monkey style tantrums, the kid starts speaking in paragraphs.

All the time.

And really, the chatter itself, though incessant, is rather entertaining.

Like the conversations and then arguments about the size of his turds with his older sister, or the reciprocal questions he asks me like "What's your favewit cuh-wer, mommy?"

And who can complain about hearing "I missed you, Mommy" (you know, after the one precious daily hiatus called "naptime").

But lately he's taken a turn for the worse. And I don't mean cursing, or backtalking, or singing the same God damn song over and over again "We represent, the Lollipop Gear, the Lollipop Gear NO MOMMY IT'S NOT GUILD THAT'S SILLY WHAT'S A GUILD?"

(okay maybe I do mean it dear God make it stop)

I mean the rhyming. The spontaneous rhyme fests that sound like a poor white boy stumbling along in some rap competition.

"Could you please use your napkin, Drew?"

"NAPKIN, FLAPKIN, HATKIN, BAPKIN. Bwwwwaahahahahahaahahaha!" *snorfle, chuckle, gag, snort*

Seriously, just add a few "yos," some "hos," and some groovin' back beats, and you've got a top 40 rap song.

WORD to yo mothah.

He rips apart pet names like nobody's business, which generally ends up getting him in trouble because no matter what he started with, he ends up with poop.

"Hey Drewboo [his nickname], come here please!"

"Hey POOPOO! STINKY POOPOO!"

It's even better when company's over, mostly because you don't exactly know which word will suddenly strike his inner poet.

"Seriously, that toaster is a piece of junk!"

"PUNK! You're a punky punky junky monkey!"

As a writer and once poet myself, with such works as "Happiness Grove" (unpublished, 1983) - you know, "where all the traits of love have been wove...," I appreciate his creativity.

And any kid who can somehow go from the word "blue" to the word "cooter" (several times actually, at the grocery store, really loudly), has my utmost respect.

This kid's going somewhere. I just know it.

Comments

[Claire]

At like 4 I figured out I could do the rhyming thing & slip in a swear word & play innocent while my mom got mad & my dad held back laughter. "It's a NITCH, and a KITCH, and a STICHT, and a BITCH." :)

[tara wesely]

i just liked your title. (and didn't read it as anything to do with anyone's hymen.)

[Mom101]

A future Walt Whitman. I'm sure of it.

[Asianmommy]

Ha! His rhyming is hilarious. I hate to tell you this, but my 7-year-old still does that. I'm worried that her little sister won't know any real words. :)

[Julie]

He sounds like your typical 15 year old boy. One completely innocent thought or word, leads directly to the cooter.

[Yankee Doodle]

Yeah, this is what we were singing after your visit:
drew, drew bo boo fanana fana fo foo fee fy fo foo Drew Boo

And then the same with Quinlan, Margot, Gianna, Tatie Then the Bob the Builder characters...Muck, of course, is my favorite and it's sooooo hard not to laugh at that one.

[Angella]

Drew is awesome. You need to catch his act on video. If not for us, then for him (one day).

[psumommy]

Oh, yeah- bring on the bling and the fallin' off pants!

[Restless Mama]

You've got the coolest kid on the block lady! Maybe he can make some funky beats with the Hiphopopotamus...

[Diana]

You crack me up! :)

[marty]

I think he is brilliant.

[Dani]

We go through the same thing with my son. Currently he's obsessed with singing a tune where every word begins with the same letter. For instance "Mary mad ma middle mamb." It it driving me insane!! Even more so when I walk into daycare and they tell me how amazing and proud they are that he can do this. Apparently it's a great language skill for a 3 year old. yay.

[G]

Aw, I love him! I like rhyming too. Plus it's a great way to annoy people and stimulates the mind, hehe. He's so smart! Seriously, that is something. I should know. I live in the land of aspiring something-or-others...

You're doing such a great job with your kids. I always have to keep in mind that just because I don't like what my daughter likes, as long as she's safe and happy with what she's doing, I should encourage and support it any way that I can. You never know where it will lead...and I try not to think that far ahead, otherwise I should probably just be committed. :P

[Secretia Teller]

You'll get through it, you're a MOM.

Secretia

[Jane]

Just wanted to let you know that our boys are exactly alike. Even down to the part about everything winding up at poop. It is quite amazing. If Drew is the Rhymenoceros then Henry is the Hip-Hop-opotimus!

[Linda]

My kids are totally into rhyming everything too. Remind me to never send my daughter with a "truck" or a "duck" for her share and rhyme time, if you know what I mean. heh.

[Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com]

Mommy Spills made me laugh =)

Anyway, if the kid can rhyme things with cooter, he's obviously going places.

[Belle]

My boyfriend inevitably brings any conversation or song to poop... if it makes you feel better. And he's fairly sane. So don't worry about your kiddo. :)

[Keyona]

Cooter! LOL! Hilarious!

[Mommy Spills]

LOVE IT!!! I can totally relate...my kid is also an incessant rhymer - often throwing in words such as "cock" and "fuck" unknowingly. I can't blame her either. I won my first poetry contest in the first grade with the following gem:

The weary dog was very weary.
The weary dog was very hairy.
He wasn't in a good mood.
So I have him some more food.

Freaking Brilliant!!!

[Jennybean]

I just read your post title as "hymenocerous," and found myself wondering what special occasion caused you to blog about your hymen. Obviously, I need more sleep!