Lucky.

My husband is living in some sort of makeshift Sudanese hut. I can't figure out whether that's the technical term or if it's code for something else.

He spends his nights listening to the sounds of airplanes taking off and landing, which isn't necessarily a new sound for him. But their energy and intention are different.

"It's a war zone," he said, almost as if he was saying it to himself.

He said the shock has worn off quickly, life on a very over crowded base smack dab in the middle of the desert. It's harder now for him than it was - before the war, before the kids, before me.

I wait anxiously for his emails and daily calls, the frequency of which will soon end as his 16 hour duty days begin, something he's been looking forward to if only to pass the time.

I tell him about our days on an echoing phone call that's patched through our local Reserve base. The kids talk to him and then I grab the phone back just to hear his voice. It's quieter than I remember it. Tired. Still proud. Homesick.

I don't know what to tell him and what to leave out. Does he need to know that we ate my special enchiladas? Or that Drew wrote on the steps with permanent marker? Or that Margot has starting chattering like a battery-operated baby doll that's oddly charming?

Everything seems so small and silly when your spouse is deployed. The moans about being alone, the fights about the shoes in the hallway - all completely and utterly ridiculous.

His departure has given me focus and renewal. And it's reminded me that I'm pretty damn lucky.

Comments

[MDTaz]

I can't imagine what you are experiencing, despite the clarity with which you share it. What you're expressing is important to share - so we all remember what too many families are going through. Thanks for the candid telling of it.

[muskrat]

My wife got fucking robbed right after I went to Iraq the second time. I didn't like feeling helpless, but by the time she'd told me, at least she'd gotten everything fairly well put back together with USAA after the asshole bought $7,000 in MARTA cards with our debit card.

I'm glad she didn't tell me about the near wreck and flat tire in my car. I liked hearing what the kids were doing but was sad I missed the girl's learning to walk.

Y'all will figure it out. Once he builds a routine, it'll be harder on you than it is on him, which, I suspect, is what you want.

[amanda]

He's lucky too, and like the earlier commenter, send my thanks to him. Prayers.

[dieg]

I can not honestly wrap my brain around what military families go through with deployments and returns. It is more sacrifice than should be asked of anyone. I am hoping for more peaceful days.

[Keyona]

I'm glad you get to hear from here. My brother (Marines) left last week and I haven't heard from him yet. I would give him info that makes him smile. Happy shit. Nothing that will make him feel guilty for not being home. I have yall in my prayers.

[Ruth]

Tell him thank you from our family for serving this great country!!! Also thank you for continuing to blog, your blogs make me laugh and you made my butt smaller, LOL I worked out right along with you (no shred though) and lost 40 pounds!! :)

[girlsgonechild]

Beautiful. Thinking of you.

[Heather @critterchronicles]

Tell him all the happy little things that happen from day to day, and leave out the big scary stuff. What they always tell us is:
1- Don't watch CNN
2- Don't tell them when the toilet is constantly running or that you need to replace the furnace
3- Distracted Soldiers (Airmen, Marines, Sailors) are... too distracted to do their jobs properly.

So yes, tell him about the enchiladas, and how your children are thriving yet missing him. Tell him how you talk about him with your kids all day long, and how he's always with you even when he's not physically there.

And breathe. He'll be home before you know it.

[Dedra]

Prayers sweetheart..as a retired military spouse of 21 years and doing it with three little ones myself..you can ..you will and so will he...mental hugs.

[Christy]

You are very lucky. And yes, tell him thanks for all of us. I don't know if you have seen this... but it's something special.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ETrr-XHBjE

[Aunt Becky]

Yes, we all are so very lucky. Sending love, light and prayers.

[She Likes Purple]

I love this post. It reminds us all, even if we aren't in your shoes.

Hoping the days/weeks speed by.

[jaelithe]

I know I said this on Twitter, but thank him for me, okay?

And thank you too, for making it possible for him to go.

[sharon]

Your so brave...it was a nice blog

[Amira @ DefineMature.com]

You are so brave and so amazing. Don't you ever forget that.

I don't a clue about what it's like to have a husband in the military, and frankly I don't think I would be able to handle it.

Major kudos to you

[Irish Mammy]

Interesting insight in the life of a war wife! I hope the time passes quickly for both of you.

[Secretia Teller]

The non-military families have no perception of what it's like for you. It is a good thing to write about.

[Marketing Mommy]

Have you read Jon Krakauer's "Where Men Find Glory"? I'm finishing it right now and I've been so touched it. You military families sacrifice so much for the rest of us. It is a shame that our country's leadership can't offer better leadership.

[Aidan Donnelley Rowley]

Thank you for your honest and inspiring words.

In particular, I love this:

"I don't know what to tell him and what to leave out. Does he need to know that we ate my special enchiladas? Or that Drew wrote on the steps with permanent marker? Or that Margot has starting chattering like a battery-operated baby doll that's oddly charming?"

There is something stunningly heart-wrenching about the little things.

[Nel]

You are very, very lucky. And I think that is what you need to tell him during your daily phone calls. Tell him how lucky you feel to have him...just to be able to speak to him. And tell him thank you from ALL of us please.

[Karen]

I hope the next two months are the fastest of your life. He'd love to hear about the enchiladas (although, tell them they were ok, not as good as normal) and Margot's chatters.

((HUGS))

[julie]

I think he'd be happy to hear about all those things. I'm sure he misses all of you tremendously, and it must be nice to know that there's life outside the hell he's living.

[Boston Mamas]

Definitely, it puts things in perspective. I'm thinking of you guys everyday -- sending good thoughts. xoxo Christine

[Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck]

Nicely said. When my husband was deployed, I made sure to tell him the trivial-seeming things because that is, honestly, what made up my days. And that way he could feel like he was more involved...

It's hard, but you're handling it with a good attitude. Good luck, and prayers that he comes home safely and soon.

[Asianmommy]

Hope this time passes quickly.

[BMom]

Thanks Kristen for the reminder & sharing it with all of us.

Thinking of each of you & thanks for writing and letting us know how its going for him.

Take care.

[natasha the exile on Mom Street]

We ALL need to be reminded of that now and again.

Good for you for having the clarity to recognize it even while swimming in what must be really murky depths.

[Michelle]

Yes. Yes, you are. Especially since you know it.

Praying for his safe return and your family while he is gone.

Also, the 'normal' things are good to share, so he doesn't feel left out. :)