I miss my daddy

"She's crying because she misses her daddy," he said, as I strapped Margot into her carseat while she screamed and thrashed like I was trying to hog tie her.

"You're probably right, Drew," I replied. "Sometimes I cry when I miss Daddy. Do you miss him too?"

"Yes I do. I do miss my daddy."

*****

Drew has been the only one to verbally express his feelings about the physical absence of my husband. Every now and then, without predictability or an easily determined trigger, he'll tell me that he misses him. 

Quinlan has been less verbal, the strain of being the oldest in a one parent household made obvious in her more that usual outbursts. Her frustration and over 15 minute long fit over a ripped paper on her homework assignment is completely uncharacteristic. And yet, I don't fault her.

We're all on edge. We all miss him, in our own way.

*****

The more my kids need my attention, the less I feel I have to give - stretched between doing work and keeping up with the house, both of which I actually enjoy because it passes the time. The burden is lightened by neighbors taking my oldest two for playdates and bringing me meals twice a week.

My upcoming half-marathon training (HOLY SHIT!) is keeping me in a pretty steady routine, and the book (THE BOOK!) is an equally exciting and frightening distraction, with unedited copies in the hands of real people, some of whom are not my friends and don't actually have to like it.

Heh.

I've also taken to putting together weekly care packages for him, a task I relish because I don't even bother worrying about prices or coupons or whether that organic beef jerky is on sale.

I figure it's a small price to pay.

Last week I created a short Power Point presentation with pictures and a few words for the kids to watch as a way to stay somewhat connected to him.

And let's be honest. It makes a fantastic bedtime story replacement. One less thing to do before bedtime is like winning the golden ticket on some nights.

Plus maybe if they see him every night, it'll make the pangs of missing him, however they manifest themselves on a daily basis, a little less painful. For all of us.

Daddy's Tour of Duty Slideshow by Cool Mom Picks

View more presentations from Kristen Chase.

[I created this slide show as part of an advertising campaign on Cool Mom Picks. I was not asked or required to post it here on this blog, but since this blog has now become DDB (Depressing Deployment Blog) I figured it was appropriate].

Comments

[mom, again]

You made me cry!

[amyinbc]

Great slide show :)

I can relate. But my hubby is not at war, he is a firefighter in a large city about an hour or so from our home. For 4 days and nights he is away from us and for 4 days and night home.

While he is not at war I still worry the heck over him and have mostly assumed the role of single mom (I am here 100% of the time, he is here 40.)

It is not easy...

[Jen]

Aw, I agree... best use of Powerpoint ever. Glad Drew can express himself ... I am sure Q is listening and thankful that Drew can speak for all of them. Hang in there and thanks for sharing.

[TheFeministBreeder]

I want to watch it, but I just can't. EVERYTHING makes me cry these days (if I actually had sex, I would most definitely think I was pregnant, but since I don't I can only assume I'm going quietly insane.)

I really don't know how people handle deployment, or even traveling husbands. If my husband was gone for a single day I'd lose my mind. Okay...that's not true, a single day would be a very nice break. I could stretch out in the bed and sleep without worrying about his snoring waking me from my blissful dream about Ryan Reynolds. But anymore than than one day and I'd be calling him screaming for him to come home and help me with these damn kids. Honestly, if you're surviving, you're doing a better job than I would.

Hang in there.

[jaelithe]

Your blog is not depressing. War is depressing. Children separated from their parents is depressing. Spouses being kept apart is depressing. But your blog isn't depressing.

Your blog shows a really strong family dealing admirably with a difficult separation. It's instructive. It's reminding me not to whine about petty annoyances in my own marriage, reminding me to feel thankful that my husband is here, snoring his annoying snore in the next room.

Reading your blog lately makes me feel sad and very anxious for you and your family. But it doesn't depress me. It makes me want to work harder to make this world a better place, to try harder to create a future where parents will not have to leave children behind to go to war.

Your husband is at war on my behalf and you and your children are struggling with missing his presence on my behalf and I have not forgotten that it is on my family's behalf that families like yours make the sacrifices you do. And so even if your stories about your kids missing their Daddy make me sad I will keep reading them. My entire country owes your family a debt of gratitude for your willingness to serve.

[MDTaz]

When my guy goes out of town for a few days - for a business trip, or a few days with his friends - the work is doubled, my stress is amped up. What you are juggling, it's really extraordinary. I hope it helps you to write about it, because it gives me enormous perspective to read about it.

[Her Bad Mother]

I might have to steal this idea. We don't struggle through the long stretches that you do, but I spend too many nights explaining to Emilia that it's still going to be *x more sleeps* until she sees Daddy.

It's hard enough for us. I feel for you, and boggle at how hard I know it must be.

[Issa]

That's a really good idea. Thinking about you guys.

[patois]

I can see them asking to watch it again and again.

[Suebob]

I hope you are all back together soon.

[Angella]

Sigh.

I don't know how many times I can say, "I don't know how you do it" but...I don't know how you do it.

Hang in there, Kristen. You are stronger than you know.

[Asianmommy]

Aww...what a sweet presentation!

[Baby in Broad]

That was awesome, sweet, and sad. I was just feeling sorry for myself because my husband is gone for almost 13 hours every day--but at least he's home for dinner.

You're doing an incredible job.

[Jenny]

Good job, mama. On everything, you are doing great! I'm guessing you'd like to have a 10 minute fit over nothing too some days, here's hoping time flies. Much love to you!

[Claire]

My man is serving with the Royal Navy, and now we have a 10 day old daughter I wonder how we're going to do when he's deployed. I worry he'll miss so much, and she will miss him. I guess you need to just crack on with it. Your approach is great, much respect to you xx

[Atlanticwriter]

Your power point presentation is fantastic. As a board member of a Canadian Military Family Resource Centre I'd like to pass it along to our deployment coordinator. This kind of thing can do a long of families a lot of good. Good luck with your deployment. It's hard but you are handling it beautifully. Thank you for sharing. I have passed along your blog to a number of deployed wives here in Canada.

[Nancy]

That is the best use of Power Point I've ever seen.

Thinking of you and your family.

[Greg]

Keep smiling, keep finding things to laugh about or distract you. But bottom line - keep doing what you are doing. Its working.

Suppose the goverment will consider the new book as porn? I hope so...

[Amira @ DefineMature.com]

Damn, Kristen.

I just can't understand how you and so many other families facing the same thing do it.

You are far stronger and braver than I, and the kids, well you're a fantastic job with them.

The video is a wonderful idea and honestly, I started choking up.

You're simply amazing.

Now look at what you did, making me all emotional and everything...

[angie]

My husband read books for our daughter before he deployed. She was only 7 weeks, though, so we really just wanted her used to his voice. It helped, I think, for her to know her daddy a little bit when he came home at 18 months.

[Redneck Mommy]

Hmm, with all the time Boo spends away I have never once thought to put a slide show together for the kids.

Hot damn you are a smart woman.

Here's to absent husband and kids who miss their daddies. May our worlds right themselves soon enough.

[MarcomMom]

Such a great idea. Blessings to all of you!

[Keyona]

Awesome! Not you and the kiddos missing your husband but the slideshow. You put a lot of thought into that. You rock. The end.

[Mom on the Move]

Love your slideshow - it's very similar to a book I made for my 2 year old when her Daddy left. I had it bound and laminated at Kinkos and she chewed on it and took the book everywhere and to bed every night. Heaven forbid the book slipped between the wall and bed or she could not find it at 3am. Here is the site with the template on it: http://www.zerotothree.org/site/PageServer?pagename=key_military
It's towards the bottom of the page and called 'Over There'. I think this time around (sigh...) I will do a power point like what you have done since she is older. It's a great project that DH can help with before he leaves.

[J from Ireland]

That is lovely and sad too. Hope you are all holding up well.