Can't find a better mom

There's something about a couple of weeks vacation away from my role as primary caregiver that makes me want to be a better mom.

I suppose it's not really the best time to make a bid for mom of the year. That's like Kelly McGillis launching a huge comeback.

Of course, we all probably said the same thing about Neil Patrick Harris. And harem pants.

Stop! Hammer time!

Who knew that Neil Patrick Harris would be my flask of hope?

But really, the chance to step back and enjoy your children on a "husbandly basis" (at least in our house, anyway) is refreshing, mostly because you get to wipe the film off your parenting glasses and see things clearly.

Rose colored, even.

Yes, it was just that awesome.

You know, when meals are meals again and not an hour-long food litigation case, and mega blocks are fun, creative toys and not the tools for building the devil's empire.

So considering that I've endured a pretty strict diet and most recently, an exercise program, making the decision to become a better parent shouldn't be that difficult. But unfortunately, in those situations, I was the one in control. With kids, I am at their will, or better, at their will and 4000 other factors that converge on a daily basis.

Or just lack of sleep. That's enough to make any good parent strike out.

But if I can make Jillian Michaels my bitch, then I'm determined to make a conscious effort to be a better mom to my kids.

Ironically, it has less to do with my actual interactions with them, and more with how I take care of myself. I've made plenty of efforts over the last five years to ensure that my kids are afforded the best opportunities. I'm not talking baby yoga classes and private Mandarin Chinese lessons. Just activities outside of the daily routine of eat, sleep, and play.

But sadly, the activities I do with them are far more than I do for myself. Hell, I can barely find time to shower.

I've put aside a lot for my kids. Probably too much.

And I've gotten busy, with things that I enjoy, don't get me wrong, but many of which are a time suck. A needless time suck that I've used as a way to escape from what tends to be a challenging existence.

So I'm refocusing my attention. I'm reorganizing my priorities. And I'm trying to figure out what's really important to me and what I need to let go.

Comments

[Johnny K]

We all need a break from it all - my wifes just had a week away and come back rejuvenated with a new lease of life, more enthusiasm & energy. Great post!

[Fat Burning]

This was an inspiring post and I like the way you experess yourself in it.

[Fat Burning Furnace]

mom is a great asset of the earth. always we are looking a real mom who will take us her heart.

[Lindsay]

I felt the same way about my week, H&M included.
Lindsay

[mannequin]

It seems we have to steal. We have to steal forbidden moments, at least that is what life teaches us.
I will teach my children differently.

[Meredith]

PS I now have Pearl Jam stuck in my head.

[Meredith]

"You know, when meals are meals again and not an hour-long food litigation case" - my favorite line of the day.

And I BOW to anyone who makes Jillian their bitch. You are a golden goddess.

[Nel]

How did you make Jillian Michaels your bitch? I need to do that. ASAP.

[Melissa Beth]

Give something up. As long as it is not this blog.

:)

[Heather]

Sometimes those mindless time-sucking activities are so necessary for my sanity. Bejeweled on Facebook is one of those.

[Adventures In Babywearing]

I know just what you are saying. It's not easy to say or do, but is admirable. I want to be a better Mom, too.

Steph

[Aunt Becky]

I'm doing exactly the same thing. I'll be interested to see what sticks around for both of us.

[Manic Mommy]

With both boys in school five days a week, I'm finding myself to be a much better parent than I have been during the 24/7 slog of the last 7 years.

Good luck with your quest.

[Ronnie]

will be interesting to keep updated on the progress of this! Finding time for me is impossible but I try to sneak it in so I won't go absolutly stark raving mad! Even if its a haircut or hiding in my room for 10minutes! Will be interesting to see how others deal with this too. With 3 boys all in sports and one in scouts our weeks are insane! Some days I have 3 things going nearly at once (and this is after work) and I find then I am letting just even TALKING to my kids slack! While I don't miss being married there are times I miss having someone to at least have a hand in the taxi part! Anyway I think alot of us could have written your post.

[Dawn]

I could have written that post. Well, not so much the part about having gotten a break from the family, but the part about realizing that my attitude is shaped by how well or how poorly I care for myself.

I got a haircut three weeks ago and I began crying while the girl was giving me a scalp massage during the wash. I didn't mean to, but suddenly I was. And I realized it was because no one ever takes care of me. So, I guess if no one else is going to do it, then I have to do it myself.

And so do you.

Hang in there. It will be even harder with your husband gone, but you have to prioritize time for you. Even if it means paying for a sitter or trading with a girlfriend.

[Mrs. D]

I love the honesty of this post. Very well said.

[julie]

"Ironically, it has less to do with my actual interactions with them, and more with how I take care of myself."

Now there's a life lesson.

[carosgram]

I love reading your blog! You are so honest and able to articulate the conundrums that we all face. You go girl!

[Courtney@ChaosIsUs]

I had to laugh at Mommy Spills because i too usually enjoy my trips to the ER because it seems to be some of the few times (as long as i am not there with a kid) that i get a break and some uninteruppted silence.

I hope you find your happy medium!

[Mommy Spills]

Good for you! We all give of ourselves endlessly. I mean, is it bad that I sort of enjoyed my time in the emergency room because it was really quiet and I had the TV to myself and someone was taking care of ME?! (thank you appendix!)
Somewhere out there is a happy balance. When you find it, spill the details. I've been on this goose chase for five years!

[Boston Mamas]

K, I think this is exactly why the Shredheads was the best thing that came around for me in a long time. When I talk about it with friends I joke about how you e-barked at me (c'mon bitch, it's 20 MINUTES a day!) and how that was a real turning point. Like yes, I deserve 20 minutes a day. And once I started affording myself that a lot of things got better -- not just physically, but emotionally as well.

Especially over these next couple of challenging months I hope you'll do whatever it takes (sitters, calling in the relatives, even if it's your MIL) to get yourself some personal space.

-Christine

[Secretia Teller]

Doing for the family can take away every minute of our existence.

[Michelle]

Anything that allows me to take time out of my 'life' is good. Sometimes it's just pulling a few weeds with no-one realising I'm outside. Other days it's leaving the family home and going surfing.

You are so right. You need 'You' time, that energises you for the family, and allows you to feel like an adult (human) again.