FTW!

I'm not sure there's anything more difficult than a kid who's obsessed with winning.

I try to tell myself that "she's 5 and she's doing her job."

Oh fuck that. Who came up with that shit anyway? I don't care if it's "her job" - she's still driving me completely insane and turning me into the parent who just spouts off cliches while her 5-year-old daughter spikes a kid-sized mini golf putter at hole 11 like she's Tiger Woods having a bad first round.

"It's not about winning. It's how you play the game!"

Even my husband groaned.

Like he has room to talk Mr. "This Isn't Mini Golf, This is the US Open and So I Shall Bring my Own Putter and Tally my Score Because it Matters OH YES IT DOES."

It didn't matter anyway. She wasn't even looking at me. She was too busy stomping away to the next hole, her sweaty hair flopping on her shoulders and her princess shoes flashing like angry fireflies in the dusk light until she stopped and frantically attempted to tap her ball through the huge ceramic gorilla's legs.

We stopped counting after six shots.

WIN! I'M THE WINNER! RIGHT MOMMY? I WON!

"No, sorry dear. You can't win all the time. It's more important to do your best!"

More groans from the peanut gallery.

More tearful screams from THE ONE WHO MUST WIN!

"Look at your brother. He's just having fun climbing the large metal windmill that looks like it was built in 1934."

It's no time for life lessons or teaching moments or magnanimous parental epiphanies.

We're on our family vacation playing a friendly, fun-filled family round of mini-golf. damnit.

"Yay. You won the 5-year-old with the pink golf ball division. WOOOHOOOOO!"

So sue me.

Comments

[Lori]

LOL! I would love to meet her.

[Red Cup Mom]

Gord effing lord... this happens at my house too. I thought I was raising a singular monster. She wins at everything all day long -- junior scrabble, dora memory game, puzzles, all of it... something's wired in the apple juice or whatever they are drinking.

[Zozo's Mom]

When I first read this post I read 'winning' as 'whining'. Which is what is happening at our house 24/7. My first response was NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My daughter is only 16 months and I CAN NOT STAND 3 MORE YEARS OF WHINING. Now I see that's it's winning. Which seems better to me. now. From my vantage point of 3 years away. Although whining about winning -- uuugghhhhhhh.

[amanda]

Completely off-topic, but I'm having a SAHM-hell day today and I just want to let you, Kristin, know that I love your blog. It makes me feel much less lonely and alone in this whole mom-of-3 thing. Seriously. My oldest is almost 3.5 yrs and my youngest is almost 4months (we're insane, I know). All of them are a little bit sick today and all of them are also a little bit-quite a bit cranky today. I want to bury myself in my bed and lock them out of my room. But I can't. So, they're napping and I'm laughing at your blog and reading your BFFs blog...and thanking god for the internet and mommy blogs. How the hell would I get through the day without it/ya'll?

[Greg]

I think you guys should find a skeet shooting range next...

[Asianmommy]

My little one has a hard time with losing. It's not easy when your big sister always wins. I usually let her beat me at tic-tac-toe. :)

[Katie]

You know what helps whining? Minivans.

[Mom101]

Wait, he really brings his own putter to mini golf?

[Grizzly Kitteh]

You can either give in and let them win until they're old enough to understand that they can't win all the time... Or you can beat them at every game you play until they can beat you, at which point it's your turn to cry and throw the fits.
My Mom has refused to play cribbage with me since I was about 16. My Dad hates wrestling with me. C'est la vie.

[Momish]

I have to say, my 4 year old is fairly OK with losing a game. What she tortures me over is being right all the time. "You're wrong, Mommy. I was right. You were wrong." Agghhh! Drives me crazy. She gets that nasty habit from her father ;)

[Tracy]

You're not alone. My son is the same way. And his dad actually encourages this behavior. Hub seems to think that these days's 'attitude' of "everyone is a winner" is lame therefore...
Oh well.

[Julie @ The Mom Slant]

CJ - not just obsessed with winning herself, but obsessed with ME winning. At Sunday's tri: "Mommy, you won, right? RIGHT?!"

[Jessica]

Ahh, competitiveness! I have 4 children that suffer from the very same thing! (1 boy, 2 girls and a husband) With time and guidance, your daughter will learn how to better control her outward reactions to losing and develop ways to mentally rant & rave or throw the gameboard.(my 4 yr old's approved solution) I bet your daughter's strong will turns out to be a good thing in the future and will help her go far in school & in her career field. At least, that's what I keep telling myself when my kids are sore losers.;0) Do you mind if I use the "Pink Ball Division" technique sometime?

Also, just wanted to say that I give you props for sticking it out in Columbus. My husband was a FAIP there (a nearly 5 year tour)early on in our marriage and the pictures you posted brought back memories- some of them good.

[Roblynn]

We never, never, never play games as a family. Even then "who can get there first" and little competitions like that come into play. I can't blame it all on the hubby, I was a triathlete and so I am a little competitive. The best quote in the world, "Everyone is competitive, some people are just better actors!" We are all really bad actors.

[kyslp]

My kids are so competitive that I have to play games twice. Once with each child. And I always have to let the youngest win or there will problems. I won't even consider mini-golf anymore. Someone usually gets hurt.

[Tiff]

Hey, just so you know the "popular searches" feature on the right side of the page has some disturbing shit in it. I know you don't control what goes in it, but there are some uhhh... child-negative items in there. I'm really not trying to be a butthole, I just would want to know if it was me. Sorry! Also, people are disturbing.

[Melissa Beth]

When my son wins, we make him high-five everyone else and say, "Good game, good game, etc. to each "loser." Then, when we make sure we win a large share of the time and we tell him the same thing.

If he throws a fit, game is over.

He learned pretty quickly that it is more fun to play twelve rounds of UNO and lose some than to play ONE round because of his bad sportsmanship.

Good luck!

[Lara]

On our school's trip to Africa this summer, I played a card game called "Family Business" with a group of my students. Being a slightly over-competitive player, I may have crossed the line of student-teacher boundaries by loudly calling one of my beloved pupils "Jerkface McFlakes-a-Lot."

It took me a long time to live that down.

[Jennifer]

I'm in huge trouble then because my 3.5yo son is the WORST loser on the planet already. Teaching him how to be a gracious winner...head on a brick wall. I'm now very afraid of 5.

[Nel]

This is so hard to deal with. The other day, I was babysitting two little girls. One lost a game, through a fit, and ran & hid. I tried to explain to her what a sore loser was and told her she needed to apologize. She walked up to the other little girl and said, "I'M SORRY FOR BEING A BIG LOSER!"

[Courtney]

I know how you feel! Everday it is a race between my boys from the car to the porch, from the bed to the couch, from the front foor to the back door. Everything is a damn race and who is better or who wins! I tried the same thing. We even inforced a "braggers are losers" rule which i am not sure is very nice either but hey who cares right.

[Meredith]

Argh we are dealing with this issue at home right now since we have the Wii. When my girls get upset I just tell them that if the game isn't fun we will just turn it off. Sometimes that shuts them up but usually there are just more screams and tears. Good times.

[patois]

Thank God there's the pink ball division. That's the only saving grace for us. (Well, the yellow ball division.)

[ClumberKim]

My four year old son is very competitive, especially with baseball and board games. We started looking into some books about sportsmanship. A few come up in an Amazon search. I am especially interested in "Liam Wins the Game, Sometimes" and "Sam Is Not a Loser".

[Angela]

Miniature golf should be 9 holes. The end. I don't even have the patience to make it through 18 with grace. Wow. Now that I see that in writing, it looks really sad.

But you're right. It's vacation, and everyone wins!

[Adventures In Babywearing]

I know this too well- right down to my hubby bringing his own putter and little tally pencil. There's usually uncontrollable sobbing and pouting by the second whole.

Steph

[KEYONA]

There is just something about that age that makes them all about the win. My husband fixed that shit when she was young by always beating her at games. It used to piss me off but he says it would help build character. Now she doesn't EXPECT to win.

[Nicole Scherer]

Ugh, my 4 1/2 year old daughter is the same way. she is ultra-competitive and really gets upset when she isn't the winner. sorry you are dealing with it too, but happy to see I am not the only one. thanks for the post!

[cjwsbg]

Another great post! I have been enjoying your great point of view and awesome sense of humor!

I usually spout off "encouraging" phrases to my kids too...then I want to amend myself by saying something like..."Yes, honey, It's great how hard you try, but when you grow up, someone out there is going to find a way to knock you down so they can get to the top faster!"

But, I just bite my tongue!