Don't cry over spilled jelly beans

I opened my daughter's lunchbox after school yesterday to find almost all the contents, save the Babybel cheese and the tiny container of jelly beans completely untouched.

What followed was a completely horrible display of parental frustration that I hope she will quickly forget.

I suppose I should have known better, since she warned me the night before that because she didn't have time to finish her jelly beans on the first day, she was going to be sure to eat them first. 

And apparently she's a woman of her word.

Unfortunately, as a kid who is pretty damn underweight for her age, the whole dairy and candy lunch combo is not going to cut it.

I realize that it's not the school's job to make her eat her food. And I'm betting (as was later confirmed by her teacher) that she was chatting it up with her new friends and taking her dandy old time unwrapping her cheese and savoring each bite of her jelly beans.

So really, I'm to blame.

For not preparing her better. For packing a ridiculously large lunch. For having to use every single container of the Laptop Lunchbox that I bought for her because otherwise wtf would I do with the extra container???

Anal retentive much?

And then for acting like a complete smacked ass over a piece of cheese and a few jelly beans.

Yeah, well I cried enough for both of us.

So, today I packed her a smaller lunch - a small piece of fruit, half a sandwich, and no jelly beans. I figure I had better save those for when I fuck up again, which should be, oh, tomorrow at the rate I'm going.

Comments

[Seedmomma]

Well, I am anticipating the kindergarten moms, as I am sure I will be the only 22 yr old with the 5 year old. Should I join PTA just because I could possibly be a student as well?

At least my daughter will have the laptop bento lunchbox and I will ultra hip and eco-friendly than the other suburb moms there...

[Heidi]

What's really fun is when the other kids start critiquing what you pack. Grrr!

[Umber]

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[MamaBunny]

I feel your pain. Kiddo has been in a day camp this week- first time, and first time I've had to pack lunches for her (her daycare, on vacation, has supplied lunches for the kids).

So... day 1: pizza, grapes, broccoli, waffle, Teddy Grahms: I pick her up; she tells me she only ate some veggies and grapes; once we got home, she ate some of the pizza.
Me: So, what about the waffle?
Her: It was too crumbly.
Me: You didn't eat the pizza?
Her: It had spinach on it. (small green flecks)
Me: That wasn't spinach; that was seasoning.
Her: Oh.
Day 2: two slices of bread, buttered on one side, pressed together; cheese slices, corn and carrots (which she likes to eat); applesauce
At pick up, she reports that she only ate some cheese.
Me: You didn't eat the bread?
Her: I don't like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Me: It was just two slices of bread with butter pressed together.
Her: oh.
I opened the container of applesauce.
Me: You didn't eat any of your applesauce? (She likes applesauce)
Her: Oh! I thought it was mashed carrots! (It was in a plastic container that was transparent orange)
Me: I think I should discuss your lunch menu together.
Her: Yeah, you should!

[Suebob]

My mom used to give me $1 for lunch (I am OLD) and I could get a cookie at the lunchroom for 15 cents and a coke for 15 cents. I saved the rest of the money to buy candy after school. And no, she never found out.

[carolyn]

As the mother of a 16 year old girl, I'd like to say that the mommy guilt does not go away. Also, I still second guess myself constantly. Parenting is a journey and I seem to have no control over my destination. It can be scary!

[Heather]

I did something similar when my oldest went to Kindergarten and didn't eat much of her lunch. Live and learn. She's in 2nd grade now and I'm getting better at gauging how much she'll eat.

[Bella]

I needed to read this today -- mommy guilt is currently PEEKING. Banal, scream-y shit that need not be recounted, but oh the guilt.

OK. I'm going to go in that room and cuddle them. Today SUCKED.

[Boston Mamas]

You are TOO HARD ON YOURSELF!! The best you can do is pack the lunch; it's up to Q to figure out how to chit chat with her friends while eating. :-)

If it's any consolation, I never got a packed lunch (6th child phenomenon) and many days I spent my $1 of lunch money buying 4 whoopie pies. I made it out OK (save the cavities). -Christine

[S]

I swear to you that my oldest son only ate fruit snacks in his lunch and one bite of peanut butter sandwich every day of his kindergarten year.
I screwed up with my kids SOOOO often and yet? they are all healthy adults with the youngest leaving for college next month.
It's ok. You are not a bad Mom. :)

[Julie @ The Mom Slant]

I didn't tell you this yesterday, but on Tacy's first day of first grade, she told me she didn't eat lunch because she didn't have any money and she didn't have her cafeteria ID #. Not only would the cafeteria have served her anyway, but I'd tucked a few bucks into her backpack that morning and reminded her about it at least five times.

Sometimes they just have to learn.

[Aunt Becky]

This would be why I love school lunches.

[Redneck Mommy]

Laughing. It's like I'm reliving my past reading this post.

As I've got nine years of packed lunches behind me (ya, cuz you know popping out babies at 20 makes me an early achiever) I feel your pain.

Take heart. One day she'll be starving and eat everything you pack.

That'll happen like ONCE.

The other times, she'll ignore all the healthy options and only eat the treats you pack for her.

And after that, in a few years, she'll take to trading all the good stuff in her lunch for the crap other kids bring. You'll think she's eating everything nutritious you packed only to find out when you go in for a parent teacher conference she's auctioning off the carrots and apples for a pudding cup or a cookie and subsisting on pure junk food.

That's right. You'll be packing those nutritious lunches for other people's children.

Welcome to grade school lunches darling.

It's all down hill from here.

[Scattered Mom]

I wouldn't stress too much about the school lunches, Kristen. Like someone else said, provide the lunch, and it's her job to eat. She might go through times where she doesn't eat much, and then other days she'll clean the lunchbox right out.

Jake did the exact same thing. If she's hungry after school, ask her to look in her lunch box and eat what's there.

Try keeping it more fingery foods that are high nutrition and skipping the treats until then, maybe.

[mariah]

Me + Lunches always = a disaster! My kids are older, 10,12,14,17 and I pack all of there lunches, STILL and I STILL screw something up

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Dudes, the laptop lunch is the bomb because you don't use any ziplocs or plastic wrap AND there's a container for everything. It practically thinks for you.

Or in my case, over thinks... :)

[julie]

Hang in there.

You're a pro and your daughter's a little genius. Between the two of you, you'll figure it out.

[Shannon]

wow, if I had a $40 lunchbox I'd want top use every container, too :)
It IS cute, though!
i used to teach preschool and found that most busy (meaning, TALKIN) girls like finger foods- half a bananna, a squeeze yougurt, and maybe cut her sandwich into 4 pieces. Grapes are big too. They want to be able to get EVERY WORD in between bites!

[wookie]

I've found that kids are really hit and miss with wether or not they can be bothered to eat lunch. They'll eat almost nothing for a few days or weeks and then clean it out and ask for more for a few.

Mine pulled the "eat the sweet thing first" a few times, until I told her we wouldn't be packing sweet things anymore, because I was upset at the healthy food going to waste. I think kindergarten curriculum now has "healthy foods" as a component.

[Issa]

Kristen, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what I tweeted at you yesterday. Had I known, I'd of kept my big mouth shut. Really.

I hope today is a better day for you both.

[My Kids Mom]

I try to convince my children that just like at home, dessert comes after the "growing foods" but we give up control when they go off to school. We can only hope that they get so hungry on the jelly-bean-only days that they eat something healthy sooner the next day. Mine were told they can buy ice cream even if they've packed a lunch, as long as they have an account. Like hell they can! Better run that one past Mama first!

[Karen (Submommy)]

I have a slightly underweight kiddo myself, and here's what I decided when Girl was in K:

My job is to provide her with the best food I can.

Her job, is to EAT IT.

I can't make her.

(((hugs.))) It's all new stuff right now, this whole school, lunches, out-of-my-reach-all-day thing.

[Joy]

During Kindergarten, I made the boy repeat after me, sandwich first and then the rest. It sunk in eventually. ;) And I sent him a note, too, saying Mommy missed you, have a good day, and eat your sandwich first! He soon asked me to stop sending notes, though...

[Meredith]

I work in a preschool and I've seen the lunch battles go on between parents and kids - in addition to the battles I have with my own two. A few thoughts:

Kids usually socialize during lunch, they are not really paying much attention to what food is packed.

Teachers are usually too busy to notice what each kid is doing. By a few months into the school year I was able to try to keep an eye on who was eating what and I tried to help the parents out but it's very hard.

Most common lunch packing mistake in my opinion - packing too much food. Your lunch today sounded good - half a sandwich and a healthy side dish. If she starts eating all of that then you can add something else in there.

Save the treat for after school if she eats enough of her lunch. Or if you have to put something sweet in there, make it something easy and quick to eat. If a handful of jelly beans is taking up all her time, try one Hershey's Kiss or something.

It's a process, you are doing great!

[Nancy]

Kindergarten is a learning experience for us moms, too. Don't be too hard on yourself.

(my lunch horror story: Mimi swears that the worst day of her life was the day in kindergarten when she grabbed a veggie burger instead of a regular burger by accident. The drama continued even into the evening, she was that traumatized.)

;-)

[marty]

"For having to use every single container of the Laptop Lunchbox that I bought for her because otherwise wtf would I do with the extra container???"

This is exactly why I haven't bought one yet. Thank you for being a little crazy with me. It makes it less lonely.

[patois]

Hanging on the yard a couple of times a week during lunchtime, I can't tell you how much food doesn't get eaten. (Hey, wow, I'm finally a freakin' expert at something!) We've started making the kids bring their lunches home rather than sneak it all into the trash cans. Just to make sure loads of moms' heads explode. (You're welcome!)

[Kerrie]

I send lunch to daycare for Tess (hey she's 1, her meal shouldn't be all beige like they seem to serve). I have learned to hide veggies in the pasta sauce, some days that's the only way they go down. However, if she had it her way she'd sustain on cottage cheese. I never had the full feeling of being a failure until I started feeding solids to my daughter. Nothing like multiple daily affirmations of my lack of parenting skills.

[DeAnn]

Think of the alternative, I packed my son and daughters lunches the same since they are 14 months apart and I had been making her lunch for 2 years so I KNEW just what to pack when it was time for him to go to school(old pro right?)... Until my son came home with a note form the teacher that he was begging for some of other children's food that they weren't eating!
When he told me why I literally crawled into a black hole inside myself and cried. Turns out he was HUNGRY!!! So yeah would you rather have a starving child or one that brings home their lunch... sadly I have both.
But I do give him tons now, just to you know justify myself to ANYONE that might read this, aawwww the guilt remains, my old friend(sigh)

[Keyona]

I learned that that hard way. For the first few weeks they are so busy talking with thier friends that they forget to eat. I would pack half a sandwich, grapes and a drink and that got her through. As the school year went on she wanted more added and I did but I did learn the hard way.

[sarah]

My 3 year old doesn't eat anything. He had two bites of dinner last night, just two. And I know this because I was the one that shoved it in his mouth.

His doctor says that kids won't allow themselves to starve. I beg to differ if he has inherited any of my guilt-trip genes.

[Sue Rodman]

Love Woman with Kids response. Perhaps that should be my new mantra. I generally lose it at bedtime - or the half hour after it was supposed to be bedtime.

[delilah, the unruly helpmeet]

Yeah, my head almost exploded yesterday when my kid refused to eat 4 measly Chickfil-A nuggets and some fruit, just drank her apple juice and proclaimed that she'd like to ride the carousel, please.

NO DICE, TWIGGY.

No eats, no ride. When your kid won't even eat fast food, where do you turn?

[Woman with Kids]

I like to be consistent, so I fuck up at least once a day. That way the boys know what to expect. :-)