Curses

No matter how hard I try not to curse in front of the kids, inevitably a naughty word pops out at least once or twice a week. Granted I'm not calling anyone in the carpool lane a motherfucker. Yet.

I find that it's usually when I smack my head on the car door for the 400th time or forget to put the stopper thingy in Margot's sippy cup and she dumps all her water out on the table.

"Damnit!" I'll say, obviously annoyed with myself more than anyone around me.

It's nothing major, really, compared to what I heard fly out of my dad's mouth growing up. But it's also nothing to be really proud of either, I suppose.

And while I'm generally pretty careful, since the kids have never called each other or worse, a friend or grandparent-like figure a "sunuvabitch," I figured that maybe I was flying under the radar- that apparently they were keying into all the very important things I was teaching them, like how to make underarm farting noises, and all the "shits" and "Jesus's" were going completely unnoticed.

Until a few days ago at dinner, Drew said "You're an asshole!"

I couldn't help but laugh. My husband hid it better than I could.

"What's an asshole?" Quinlan asked inquisitively.

They repeated it back and forth a few times, in a sort of weird, inappropriate version of "Who's on First?"

We finally explained to them that "asshole" along with a few other choice words that we shall apparently not be saying anymore are "mommy and daddy" words and aren't things that children should say.

That seemed to be enough to send Drew back to shoveling mashed potatoes into his mouth with his hands, and for us to consider the words we use a bit more carefully.

Well that and investing in some ear plugs for the car.

Comments

[RosaRosa]

Based on what I have read, it appears that cursing is ok. I don't think it is funny, cute or amusing; it is rather vulgar and to quote my mom "common." And yes, my mom cursed a few times in front of me when I was a child as some women find strong language a necessity when they have to put strange men in their place. On a day to day basis, I never heard it, don't use and am offended when I have to hear it. Amazing that many don't want their children to use curse words, but think that using foul language is not "that bad." Good preparation for communicating at work, in public and when trying to make a point.

[Eos Mom]

My 4-year-old son said "f--ing sh-t" in speech therapy the other day. Oops! His therapist and I couldn't control our laughing.

[Ninja]

My almost 5-year old casually let out an "oh ... fuck!" when she dropped a toy. And then she did it again, about 5 times that day. In front of my parents, who were sitting her and her 2-year old brother for a week!

I've never heard her curse before, and am trying to 'undo' this curse word without making it sound too important (irresistible to use).

[Jennifer Mendoza]

I thought I could get away with cursing in foreign languages, but it's so obvious to everyone but the kid what she is saying that it's not working out so well.

[Helen]

Here's my link about a similar conversation I had with my son. Kids are so funny. Oh, wait! I mean parents are so funny.

http://aguidetopracticalparenting.blogspot.com/2008/11/grown-up-words-advice-from-serial.html

[Julie @ The Mom Slant]

We try, and we fail. Kyle routinely tells CJ "Go brush your hair, it looks like hell," and I routinely tell both girls "Pick up all your crap." What comes out when we're mad is far worse.

I figure hearing it - and hearing us remind them (and ourselves) that it's not appropriate - lessens the shock value.

[Atlanticwriter]

I was already forced to explain the whole 'adult words' thing after my my ever-so-observant son began parroting my (and I have to say more often my husband's) words. I thought we were home free until he started telling people what words they shouldn't say. Out of the blue, and with no swearing from my mother to prompt it, my three year old said 'Nana, you shouldn't say Fuck.' My mother's jaw dropped and I wanted to sink into the sofa. It was not a proud parenting moment (although it always gets a great laugh in the re-telling!).

[cjwsbg]

I just remembered another one my 3 year old said to me...

I was doing the laundry one day and he came up to me and said...What the hell are you doing, Mom?..

I said something along the lines of...well, is that how you are supposed to say that? He thought for a second and said..

Excuse me, Mom? What the hell
are you doing?

LOL..KIDS!

[Brandi]

Great post. I just stumbled upon your blog and it make me laugh out loud! Thanks!

[Shnerfle]

I can't believe they let it go so easily. When I tried that, mine needed to know what it meant, and why people used it, and why it's not nice, and does it mean you're not a nice person if you use it a lot, like Uncle does, and....

[Misti]

Oh my goodness...I just seriously had the best laugh I've had in ages while reading your blog and everyone's comments. Seriously, I just about wet myself.

My husband and I are actually really good about not cussing in front of our kids, but my 7 year old has taken to saying "Sweet Mother!" when something irritates him.

[Michelle]

My nephew used to say son of bitch regularly. My sister and her husband told him it was a bad word so he shortened it to o bitch. It was really hard not to laugh.
It is only a matter of time before my sweet little daughter lets out a big old "shit" in front of my mother.

[J from Ireland]

Yes my older kids know that they are words that adults use because everyone one in Ireland curses and they have always heard it so its not really a big deal. My 22month daughter has been taught by my brother to say "Oh Bollox" when she drops something, now that is hilarious.

[Meredith]

Not too long ago my three-year-old spilled some corn on the floor and declared it was a Fucking Mess. My jaw dropped and I accidentally reflexively said "what?" She turned to me with a serene smile and emphatically repeated it: FUCK. Sweet, sweet child.

[usedtobeme]

I feel for you. My 12 year old's first swear was "dammit dogs!"

Then came the day we were waiting to park at ToysRUs at Christmas time. I was flustered and kinda forgot the kids were in their car seats. Some dumb woman kept honking at me to pull forward and I kept pointing to the spot I was going to pull into as soon as the old lady figured out reverse. Upon the fourth honk, I said "I'M WAITING TO PARK YOU STUPID TWAT!"

A small, dainty voice from the back called out "Mom, what's a twat?"

Proud mommy day there.

[Molly]

For us, fuck and shit are off limits, but that means my kid says, "Crap!" all the time! I use the old religious, "Lord have mercy!" or "Jesus, Mary and Joseph", just like my sainted Irish aunts.

[Jen]

How do you un-do a curse word? Do you have to just let it runs it's course like a disease? I wonder this because my daughter last year picked up GOD DAMMIT and repeated until we were forced to tell strangers that she had tourettes.

It eventually just stopped, but we tried everything to divert her.

[lynn2009]

Kristen, girl, you are a hoot! I'm an old fart mother/grammie (53) with two grown, cussing, boys/men. I could write a book about the stories you all have posted about your babies and cussing. Now, being the old woman I am, I can see my boys try 'not to' cuss in front of me! Funny stuff!

[Melanie]

I thought I was doing well. Shit was quickly followed by, "Oh dear, that came out wrong. I meant to say shoooot. Shoooot. Shoooooooot. Shoot," until my son was repeating shoot with me, not shit.

Then the cat peed on my favourite snuggle-chair. For weeks, my then 2 and a half year old son followed her around cheerfully calling her, "Fucking kitty," instead of her name.

He's now three and a half. It'd been a while since the last time he said a 'bad' word. Then I listened to him prattling on in the tub. Splash. "Fucking hell," came lightly out of the bathroom. Splash. "Fucking hell." Splash, "Fucking hell." He was systematically dropping each toy into the tub, and swearing with each one.

Oops. I know that one. That's something I say without thinking about it. I told him I needed to stop saying that too, and we could both say, "Flipping heck," instead.

It's just not as satisfying. I think I'll try the "mommy word" thing instead.

[Dusty]

oh don't we all laugh when we know it is seriously cute but so bad at the time. Anyways, I think we are learning too, well maybe just me. Thanks for being so honest.
I look forward to many more laughs

[Danielle Miller]

I never even planned to cut down on my swearing when I had a baby. I just planned to tell them certain words are for grown ups. Now that I have a little one, my cursing has dramatically decreased automatically. Not quite as many fucks and shits being thrown around. However, enough for Dawson to learn shit. The funniest thing was when he was climbing the stairs saying shit, shit, shit with every step. I didn't plan for the phase where babies repeat sounds without knowing what they mean. LOL. It is definitely hilarious. I agree with a previous poster. I think curse words are fine in the proper setting. They need to learn the appropriate setting and circumstance rather than just have the word be forbidden.

[Kate]

Kudos for not calling anyone in the carpool lane a motherfucker. That takes incredible restraint. I knew I liked you...

[cjwsbg]

My boys repeat things that come out of our mouths too...and the harder we try not to say something, the worse it gets!

I tell them that they can say those words in their room when no one is listening...

The other day, my youngest son, who is almost 4, was vacuuming their room and a backpack was in the way. He told his older brother to "move that son of a bitch".

Lovely little sailors we're raising.
:p

[Carrie]

@Melissa Wardy I so agree! To me shut up is worse than any of the other words curse words that come out of my mouth.

[Carrie]

Ahhhh love it! Hunter, my 5 yr old, has picked up damnit from me and Jesus from his father.

My favorite is that he says the works in the correct context: Jesus that's a lot of food! or Damnit I just broke my lego truck.

[Andrea]

Hilarious. I was just thinking yesterday on my drive home from work that when I have kids, their first words will probably be "fucking prick"...ugh...

[Boston Mamas]

Weirdly (or maybe not so weirdly), I've found myself swearing in abbreviation form. Kinda the way I do on Twitter and elsewhere. Jon finds it comical that I'm yelling "GD! GD!" Laurel just thinks I'm talking nonsense. :-) -Christine

[Jennie]

My daughter is two and so far I've been pretty lucky as well. I curse a LOT, but I try really hard to keep it clean in front of her. So far so good, but now that she's talking a lot more I know it is coming! I just can't help but use the occasional curse word and I'm sure I never will be able to stop completely!

[Angela]

LOL, I think we're all with you on this one. Nicky picked up damnit in the car from his dad before he turned two I think. We managed to turn it into "donut" for a good long time. He learned "goddamnit" from my MIL though, and there's no unlearning that one.

We've taken quite a shining to the spongebob cursewords though, even Tom and I. Fishpaste, tartersauce, and lately Nicky has been saying "tumbleweeds" on his own.

I think I'd rather hear the occasional damnit than shut-up though. And he's been forbidden from casually using "I hate you." I told him that has to be saved for something really bad.

[BJC123]

I can't help it but laugh when one of the grandkids will say something. Yesterday Joshua (7) informed the whole truck load of us that Makaylah (10) hit him in the balls. Between the 5 of them something comes out at least once a day that makes me laugh.
My daughter never said a bad word when she was young and thats a miracle considering how her mother and I talked. However, now she swears like a truck driver which is what her husband is.Life is funny when you sit back and watch.

"Shit,Piss,Fuck,Cunt,Cocksucker,Motherfucker and Tits"...

BJC !

[Jill]

My son was throwing a fit a few months ago and I was ignoring him. Until he said "For God's sake mommy! Can't you hear me!?!?" And I burst out laughing... in fact I'm laughing about it now just thinking about it. Because a four year old saying "For God's sake" in proper context is just awesome!

[Angela in Ohio]

And you wonder why you keep getting hemmie treatment offers!

[Adrienne]

My son came up to me the other day and said "Daddy being a douchebag?"

LOL...I wanted to say "yes son Daddy is being a douchebag" but knowing that I had to be the adult and in charge of teaching my son about "grown up words", I refrained:)

[Keyona]

So exactly which one of you was he calling the asshole and why? LOL!!

I try to do good too but I KNOW I slip up, thank godness my daughter is smart enough to know better.... :o)

[Susan Getgood]

I feel much the same way as She Likes Purple. I definitely swear less than I dd before we had Douglas, but I don't stress about it too much when the occasional word emerges. We focus on making sure he understands that words that aren't such a big deal at home are not for public, especially school.

When he was about 4 and someone cut me off, he piped up from the backseat, mommy that guy was an asshole. He had it right in context. Hard to be upset with that.

[G]

I used to quickly turn the word into something else when she was younger. Now I just suggest that she doesn't use it in school or the general public. She has a vocabulary twice as rich as mine so she really doesn't have the need to use them much. Some cursing now and then doesn't hurt anyone, it's simply not "socially acceptable".

[Melissa Wardy]

Amelia prolifically uses "god dammit" and her favorite, "Oh for Christ sakes!". And I swear the other day Benny came up to me with a broken toy and said "da bammit". You know, I don't mind that as much as when I hear other kids say "shut up" to each other. Or worse, "I hate you".

[Gina]

My son was pretty good about not repeating my outbursts, but my daughter not so much. When she was 2, her favorite phrase was "Oh My Dammit" (which for the record - none of us has ever uttered - she's a creative type, clearly).

[Mom101]

Thalia recently told Sage that they had to clean up all their "crap."

It actually didn't bother me as much as it should have.

[ClumberKim]

My sister once asked my niece to do something and her three year old mouth responded, "Just a damn minute." Swearing. In context. At 3. Said niece now has three boys of her own (all under 6) and I cannot wait to see what happens.

My four year old son has never been much of a mimic but my 2 year old daughter repeats everything she hears. Knowing my sister's cautionary tale, I have cut way back on the road raging.

[Bill]

Wow, I'm shocked...no, SHOCKED...that you use bad language. This whole time I assumed the worst you said was "gosh darn it" and "golly gee."

I don't even want to hear that you aren't a virgin. LA LA LA, I'M NOT LISTENING!

[tuesday]

My husband and I have such bad mouths. When my son was born my daughter told my mother in law " I wanted a friggin girl!"

So not good in front of the MIL!

[Erin]

We haven't had this happen... yet - and that is a big YET because I have terrible road rage so it's just a matter of time.

[Kerrie]

I'm not so worried about the curse words as I am about hearing "My momma says you're a bitch".

[delilah, the unruly helpmeet]

Last week my kid was moving Goldfish from one bowl to another, counting them out with, "Damn... damn... damn...".

She also says, "God Almighty," when she's feeling quite passionate or annoyed about something. Oops.

[She Likes Purple]

God, I'm so weird about this. I don't really think bad words are all that ... bad. I mean, I don't want my kids to call their friends fucktards or anything, but I think telling them that some words are OK for adults in adult settings or better just to say at home or something like that is good enough. I know people are going to go all wide-eyed if they read my comment, but of all the things I want my kids to pick up from me and to figure out about life, not to stay certain words just isn't a priority. I think it's more important for me to teach my kids about the emotions that MOTIVATE me or someone else to say those words and that, hey, they're not great and you probably shouldn't channel them in a job interview or a date one day but they are a better way of releasing steam than, say, punching a wall or breaking crap.

[Manic Mommy]

Upon spilling an entire glass of milk down the cabinet and onto the floor, I yelled "GOD-" and caught myself. HRH finished it for me "DAMN IT!"

I like when you can identify whose swear words are whose.

[harrytimes]

I have a terrible filthy mouth, and I am trying so hard to clean it up, but yeah. It happens. The other day, I said "thunder bugs," which is what Toot and Puddle say, but then I felt like SUCH an asshole.

[Aunt Becky]

I like to call out "BEN, ALEX, EARMUFFS!" so they can cover their ears when I feel like saying something inappropriate.

[Wifey]

The other day I was doing something and hurt my hand. "Shit!" flew out my mouth and I looked up at my eight year old and thought "Oh, Shit! I just said shit out loud." He must've known what I was thinking and said, "that's OK, mama. You're a grown up. You can say that."

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

[Nicole Scherer]

HA!! i think this is an inevitable moment in parenthood....along with trying to figure out how not to laugh when they do something off-limits, but look too cute doing it.

just found your blog....i am new to this blogging thing. i LOVE it! You have made me laugh out loud so many times in the past 24 hours. will be reading every day....