Apparently my asshole is sending SOS signals across the interwebs and those savvy PR folks are picking up on it.
Upon checking out the website, and even better, the application directions, I figured that perhaps all my butt needed was some fresh air and a little lift and separate.
And maybe, if I applied the two large pieces of sticky gauze (seen left) that I have no idea how exactly help your actual bleeding, searing, burning butthole, perhaps I'd get ass relief and an ass lift.
So, I attempted to apply it to my ass.
But it just felt like I was walking around with my ass cheeks spread apart by two big pieces of tape, so I decided to get crafty.
Look! It's a birthday crown!
No straps or elastic required. It's genius!
Hmmm, well now I know why they tell you to shave before you put it on.