Anuleaf - A breath of fresh air for your asshole

I never received the fancypants Saks-worthy hemorrhoids treatment I mentioned awhile back, but a few days ago, I was asked if I'd like to check out Anuleaf.

Apparently my asshole is sending SOS signals across the interwebs and those savvy PR folks are picking up on it.

Upon checking out the website, and even better, the application directions, I figured that perhaps all my butt needed was some fresh air and a little lift and separate.

And maybe, if I applied the two large pieces of sticky gauze (seen left) that I have no idea how exactly help your actual bleeding, searing, burning butthole, perhaps I'd get ass relief and an ass lift.

A two-fer!

So, I attempted to apply it to my ass.

But it just felt like I was walking around with my ass cheeks spread apart by two big pieces of tape, so I decided to get crafty.

Look! It's a birthday crown!

No straps or elastic required. It's genius!

Hmmm, well now I know why they tell you to shave before you put it on.

Comments

[phoenix air conditioning]

Lol, why do they send you these things if you always make fun of them. I guess there is the whole concept of no bad publicity, but...lol, oh I dunno.

[Helen26TH]

I opine that there's no reason to compose the research essay by your own! In fact, that would be faster to order the term paper titles at the essay writing service, just because that can save time.

[Karen (SubMommy)]

Assholes need a breath of fresh air?

Who knew?

[Meagan Francis]

"anuleaf" might be the funniest product name I've ever seen. Is that your actual ass in that photo?

[JHP]

I particularly enjoyed the instructions for removal while avoiding "mechanical trauma." Sounds much worse than your average, run-of-the-mill trauma.

[TNG]

An ass-lift-slash-eyebrow-wax all-in-one.

GENIUS.

[Angela]

Perfect. A Christmas gift for my MIL.

[Suebob]

The instruction page made me laugh so hard I almost threw up.

[Red Cup Mom]

You are funny as hell. This post may be the greatest of them all.

[amanda]

I am happily reading this from my pitchless perch.

[Amber]

Hmmm, I guess I can't just stand around pulling my cheeks apart with my hands?

[Kerrie]

Duct Tape (10 yards) $2.35 a roll
Anuleaf $14.95 (one time use?)

I know what I'm buying.

[ali]

oh. my. god.

that's really all I can say.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

@Karen - yes - I was thinking of trying that, but honestly, that tape - it'll pull that loose boob skin right off.

Well, my loose boob skin. Sigh.

[Karen]

Do you think I could use it as an over-the-shoulder-bolder-holder-boob-lifer?

[katie]

Skinny bitch!

[BJC123]

Yea that ass-breath can be brutal at times.You must have smell - o - Net?

[Lisa Kay]

So, BY FAR, the best comment is: so its a breatheright strip for your ass?

Really, though? Someone thought of this???

[Fairly Odd Mother]

Please tell me the birthday crown photos came before the butt photos? Or, you had more than one strip?

That is the strangest product I've ever seen. When you pull it off, is it like taking a bandaid off a hairy arm? Ouch!

[Adrienne]

Wow. I wonder who thought "we really should change the way hemorrhoid cream is delivered. Instead of smooth, refreshing cream to calm the fiery heat of a burning ass, let's try ass tape!" That's a great idea. One I anticipate NEVER trying. But you never know when a birthday crown will come in handy:)

[Motherhood Uncensored]

@Suburban - talk to @karenchatters (on twitter) - she had it "taken care of"

@Nel - I think the directions say it all :)

[mamazilla]

so it doesn't work for hemrrhoids but it's an excellent alternative to an eyebrow wax?

[Nel]

I'm not sure I fully understand how this works....

More explanation required.

[Suburban Supermom]

Damn it!!!! When will there be a cure???!! My grape smuggling has graduated from a couple to a full bunch. HELP!

[Heather]

Priceless!

[Kerrie]

So it's a breathright strip for your ass?

[lynn2009]

Ditto Hellcat13! This is the greatest blog ever. I look forward each morning to this, it just makes my day! Kristen, your babies are adorable and you look great. Thanks for sharing the pics.

[Julie @ The Mom Slant]

Can you get Saturday School for taping your own ass cheeks?

[Carrie]

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting this on the internet.

[Lori]

The instructions are priceless. I especially like the part about shaving first.

That must be some super adhesive to stay on while you are running around every day.

[Angela]

It's an interesting idea. And if I hadn't already had the surgery done I might even consider it.

Oh, and on those suppositories. Keep them in the fridge. I know it's weird, but there will be times you will totally look forward to using them cold.

Oh, and if you're curious, the pain after surgery was worse than unmedicated back labor. But after a few months I was really glad I'd done it. But seriously, I was hoping someone would shoot me for the first week afterwards.

[Bill]

There's not a "hole" (heh heh, I'm 12) lot I can say about anuleaf, but damn I wish I had the stones to use the word "asshole" in a post title.

Nice butt, btw.

[muskrat]

I don't think you should get full credit, as @Mom101 implied, for putting your ass on the internet.

Partial credit only. This from someone who put the whole thing up, of course.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

@Womanwithkids - I think it's shaving your legs. Possibly your asshole.

@mom101 - That's my ass double.

[Hellcat13]

I think you might be my favourite internet-person-I've-never-met, ever. This is as funny as the Diva Cup incident.

[kg]

What is wrong with the old fashioned prep-H anal suppository and wipes? while not entirely pleasant having to pop one of those little bullet things up in there - it sure brings relief. The wipes also help to cool the burn...

[Pia]

Seriously? Yeah, I'm not seeing an IPO in this company's future . ..

[Mom101]

You just put your ass on the internets.

[Woman with Kids]

So, a full bikini wax is required before using their hemorrhoid treatment? Isn't that more torture for an already tortured bum??