On call

Trying to explain my husband's work schedule is pretty complicated. Neighbors see him taking the kids to the pool and heading off to play golf and think we live the cushy life.

And yes, being on call all month long does have its benefits. When they don't call you.

Aside from around seven days where the company absolutely cannot call him, he's at their whim, which makes for one hell of a time trying to schedule anything, RSVP to any parties, or plan any major outings.

He can try to bid off for certain days, like BlogHer weekend, which by some miracle, he actually got off. He's low on the totem pole, like many of the flight attendants on his trips like to point out (hazing much?), and so getting what you ask for is like an act of God.

So we spend many of our days living by the seat of our pants. You'd think that by now we'd be used to it, and in many ways I've adjusted. I end up missing out a lot of things and I'm always the "maybe" RSVPer - if that's even an option.

But every time they call him from a "short call" - basically when he gets two hours to get his ass to the airport - it's like a tornado hits the house.

He's at least learned to put his passport back in his flight bag, and he stores his work ID in a special place so he doesn't forget that. It only took driving away a good four times over the last year without either of them for him to figure that out.

But he almost never leaves a bag packed. He often doesn't have either a pressed shirt or pants. And the trail of clothes, towels, and other crap he leaves so he can rush out the door drives me a little insane. It's like a tornado passes through our house, with the kids secured in the basement, and me left to deal with the aftermath.

Which this time meant I could not find my keys. Because he was the last one to use them to let us all in the house (so I know they're in here) and lord knows where he put them.

I looked in all the obvious man places, like his pants, the laundry room, and the bathroom.

I even looked in all the smart contraptions like the leather box by the phone or the fancy hook by the door that he always uses and then chides me for not. I looked in toy boxes and the kids' rooms, but I'm pretty sure they never even got a chance to get their grubby hands on them.

Maybe they're whooping it up with the rolling pin.

But alas, he's in Brazil. And I'm stuck with no keys and three rammy kids with nowhere to go.

Care to wager a guess as to where they are?

Comments

[the key fairy]

don't ask me...

[Carolyn]

I hate that tornado crap. My husband does that anytime he has to get ready for a drill weekend. It's not like it's a surprise that it's coming, so why the hell does he wait until 8pm the night before to get ready? And then he leaves all the random army stuff that he didn't end of bringing all over the house. I hate it.

[Amy]

I'm guessing that he still has your keys. When does he get back from Brazil?

[Sarah]

My keys are usually in the laundry hamper if I can't find them. Sometimes on top of the microwave.

[Amy]

You may be able to call your local car dealership and have a new key made if you can give them the VIN.

I know you have 10,000 things to do, with three small kids, but maybe your life would be easier if you made "Keep Hubby's bag packed," one of your own chores. If you look at it one way, it's maternal and annoying and could be something you resent... On the other hand, though, if it saves you from being trapped at home while he's in Brazil... maybe it's worth it?

[TheFeministBreeder]

My husband once lost our fancy Volkswagen car key on the train one night coming home. Do you know how much those stupid freaking keys are to replace? Yeah, about $250. Dill-hole.

[Kelly]

Under the sheets in the bed because every man has to open their suitcase on the bed to pack it.

Oh and did you ever find the rolling pin?

[RookieMom Whitney]

I'd guess they're in Brazil.

[Asianmommy]

Sigh...one of the drawbacks of not living alone.

[BJC]

My guess is they are in the last place you look... :^)

BJC

[MommyNamedApril]

oh no. my dad did the same thing before leaving on a trip (although, fortunately, my grandparents had a spare set to give my mom)... that was fifteen years ago and the keys still haven't turned up.

good luck!!!

[Mom101]

It must be with our $200 phillips universal remote. Sigh.

[Jess]

I am going with Brazil but only because I can hide behind this computer and there is no chance you can kick my ass.

[Amy Jo]

Jesus H. Christ that sucks. I feel you on the on-call thing, though. Good luck searching.

[Kate]

Ugh! I hate looking for my keys. I would look in the areas where he needed to go to pack - the bathroom drawers, the closet, etc.

Good luck!

[Rebecca]

*They're

[Rebecca]

There always the first place you look... but just slightly off. :)

[Lisa Kay]

I'm guessing Brazil.

[Wendy]

After compleatly trashing my house in a frantic search, I once found my keys in the cabinet of my kids play kitchen.

[amanda]

Ummm, in the hole?

[The Other Sister-in-Law]

Let's see...places to look if you're sure it's in the house: (Could he have accidentally taken them with him?)

Between/under the couch cushions, under/behind the couch, in the door lock, in the fridge, in the bed, in the dresser(s)/night stand(s), under coffee table/end tables, in the bathroom medicine cabinet, in your purse (I've actually lost mine in my purse...it's big, lol), on a book shelf, in the toy chest, in a dog bed, in the coat closet, in the laundry room...

Don't know, but I hope you find them!

[Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com]

My keys turned up in the freezer the other day, so that's my guess. But then again, your husband isn't pregnant, and this freezer thing only seems to have become a problem since I got knocked up and rediscovered ice cream, sooooo.

I don't know...

Maybe it's time to start keeping a packed bag and an extra set of keys somewhere?

[cindy w]

I just saw your tweet that the keys have been found, so this doesn't matter, but my husband once lost his car keys for an entire month (our only set, naturally, so we suddenly became a one-car family. Fun!). We finally found them... behind the washing machine. No kidding. Apparently he put them on top of the washer when he was emptying his pockets before a washload, then they vibrated off during the spin cycle. Good times.

[mothergoosemouse]

I told you they're with the rolling pin.

[sueinithaca]

bottom of the hamper where he threw the pants he ad been wearing. HA! That assumes he put them in the hamper.

Make that kicked under whatever's closest to wear he took off his "civilian" clothes.

[marty]

In his ass.

Oh wait, that's where they will be once he gets home . . .

[Issa]

Since I'm guessing they aren't in the ignition of the car, I'm gonna say they are probably in Brazil. Hopefully they make their way back from Brazil.

[Jamie]

The keys are hanging from the door outside still in the lock.

[jen]

Hah! The one time my keys seemed to be truly lost, I lost my mind. I had a boyfriend at the time and he looked high and low with me. We tore the apartment apart. I didn't want to leave and the a-hole apt lady wouldn't give me a spare temporarily. The keys were eventually found... In my boyfriend's pants pocket. He is lucky to still be alive.

[allie]

check under the seat cushions on the sofa

[Amelia Sprout]

Are they in Brazil? Pants pocket? in a shoe? Did the kids find them? (I lost a credit card and remote access token to the two yearold)

[Lisa]

Are they in the door?

[Reesie]

They are under the bed. He kicked them there after they fell out of his pants pocket when he took his pants off and left them in a crumpled heap on the floor. If you're like me and don't even bother to make your bed, check the sheets.

Other option, offer Quinlan and Drew a reward for finding them and turn loose.

[The Zen Mommy]

I'm assuming you checked the door? My husband is famous for losing EVERYTHING. Keys are a big one. He always insists the children took them when 99% of the time they never touched them. I have been in your shoes. I once had both kids - shoes on, snacks in hand, buckled in - both dogs, loaded up in the back, ready to go to the groomer (and they are very big dogs) only to find that my dear hubby, had taken MY keys with him.

Cheers to all the moms who do it alone while their husbands travel!! clink clink!

[sipalittletea]

I once found my checkbook in the freezer. Go figure.

[Luann]

are they still in the door?

[Mark]

The logical place in our house? The pantry, the cupboards or the fridge. Luckily my wife leaves her airline ID in her purse along with her passport so she doesn't have to return too often for something essential that she's forgotten. I do the laundry so she always has her bags packed and she can grab a fresh shirt or uniform dress and just unpack from the last trip and pack up for the next.

[tng]

Wait.

You NEVER FOUND that freaking rolling pin?

We need to get him a shirt that says Frantic Mess.

And then we'll have it cleaned and folded and in a bag that's always packed.

PS. Did you look through the garbage bags in the garage??

[Trista]

They are in your bedroom closet.

[Deb on the Rocks]

In the bag next to his passport?

[the tutugirl]

I'm thinking either the fridge, or he put them in his pocket. Oh, god I hope you keep a spare set around the house.

[Daisy]

My Dad is an airline pilot and I know exactly what you speak of.... his first trip ever as an airline pilot (as opposed to military) he left that nifty hat they have to wear at home. Oops.

He eventually bought about 4 extra uniforms & when he comes home and unpacks, he puts in a new, clean one from the closet right away, along with the necessary under-garments, work shoes & socks. He also just bit the bullet & bought extras of his toiletries and just has a DOP kit that stays permanently in his flight bag. That and he gave up on having his uniform shirts laundered, bought a bunch of Brooks Brothers no wrinkle white shirts (machine wash!) and then bought an extra that he had a tailor cut up & make into his epaulets on the shoulders. He always looks perfectly pressed & my Mom has one less part of his uniform to get to & from the cleaners.

As for the missing keys, I have no thoughts. Growing up it was more of "They are not where they are supposed to be therefore I can't find them." without a lot of actual looking....

[Leigh]

In the laundry basket where he went searching for his clothes