2035

"But can't you make it back for a few minutes before you head off again?" I begged. "It feels like ages since I've seen you. Is your hair still covering your eyes like a bad set of curtains?" I added, chuckling at the thought of him resembling an old English sheep dog.

I thought his hair looked nice when it was short, swept away from his face and parted to the right. I'd brush it over and he'd insist on shaking his head and messing it up on purpose, knowing how much it bothered me. I'd try again and he'd bat my hand away, a half-smile peeking out from his mouth.

"I just can't," he said. "Maybe next time, when there's less going on."

I could tell he wanted to get off the phone, but I didn't care. I tried to sound hopeful, not desperate.

"I remember when I wished for a break, for just a moment to breathe. Now I can't even imagine why I ever thought that. It was hard back then."

He cut me off. "It's okay. It's just how it goes."

So much for hopeful.

I didn't want to guilt him into coming. Part of me knew that if I pushed him too hard it wouldn't even be worth it. He'd just fly into the house and plop down on the couch, tapping his foot while he scanned his text messages and emails pretending to listen to me as I blathered on.

"Did you see the Jones' house is up for sale?" I'd ask him, hoping to make him look up from the bright shiny screen long enough so I could see his eyes.

"Yup," he'd say, sighing heavily as if I was paining him by breathing.

I'd scurry around, offering homemade muffins and lemonade, and he'd refuse, alternating stares between his watch and the door.

"I have to go now. I'm sorry. I'll be back in a couple of weeks. We'll catch up then. Don't worry."

He'd press on my hand as he stood up from the couch and I'd grab it with my other. I'd pull him for a hug and steal a look at his face, oddly unchanged after all these years. His deep brown eyes covered with soft blonde hair. His cheeks still round and rosy, now rough with a two-day-old stubble.

"I love you," I told him. "Come over when you can." I barely got that out before he ended the call, the beep saving him from my pathetic sobs.

A few minutes later my phone buzzed, nearly bouncing off the kitchen counter.

"i love u 2 mom" it said.

Comments

[mom, again]

I'm living through both sides of this story at the same time. My oldest just married, and spent her 25th birthday, today, with us. We went down to the neighborhood pool, where she got to spend the longest stretch of uninterrupted time with her baby brother (age 2) since we moved back to the states 2 months ago. Her new husband and her sister and a friend all played scrabble in the late afternoon. But then, they started making phone calls, to get together at her house with many people and many beers. and not us. She kept telling people on the phonem "I'm married and old and have spent my birthday playing scrabble at my mom's house. Being old is kinda like being 10." If only.

[Wife@yankeewife.com]

Treasure EVERY POSSIBLE MOMENT with your children. My oldest son, now 18, decided at 16 years old that he didn't want a relationship with me. I'd bet my life it was from brainwashing from his dad. You just never know when they'll decide to leave, whether it's physically or emotionally. It's the hardest thing to go through....

[Fairly Odd Mother]

Yeah, I hear Cats in the Cradle too. All these times I tell them to just go play b/c I'm on the computer. . .makes me want to throw my computer through the window and say, "hey, come back! Let's play!"

[muskrat]

Whatever. That shit's never going to happen in my house.

[norm]

Speaking as the father of a 19-year-old (and the son of a 73-year-old), I have to say YOU GET IT. YOU REALLY REALLY GET IT. Sorry in advance.

[Issa]

I refuse to believe that they will grow up. Dam it Kristen, you made me cry.

[Lori]

My son, Kaleb, is four & 1/2 and only recently did I start letting him play across the street without my immediate supervision. When I can't stand it any longer, I'll walk across the street just to check on him. The last few times I went over I was met with a "what are you doing over here mom? go home, i'm playin'." And that's that. He's growin' up.

[Becca]

Thanks a lot Kristen! I'm now crying at work. Seriously, why did you have to write that? Damn it, I don't want my little boy to grow up. I want him to stay my baby forever and always need his mommy.

I'm actually quite thankful that my 28 year old husband still calls his mom every single day. That gives me worlds of hope.

[Attilla the Mum]

Oh, oh, I just got all teary-eyed right here at work. My sweet little son is at his grandparents' house & he'll be so happy to see me & give me sloppy kisses when I get there. He's going to be a big boy one day & have his own life. Why didn't I think of that before today? You are a fantastic writer. Thanks for the tears.

[Lauren]

OMG, this made me CRY!!!!
My baby girl is upstairs napping and I was just sitting here praying for her to stay down for an extra 30 minutes or so. Too much to do, enjoying some hands-free time...
Thank you for making me look forward to when she wakes up!

[Mama Bub]

Holy crap. SOB.

I'm planning to be that mom in "Love You Forever."

[Hyphen Mama]

Just beautiful!

My baby turns 3 next week.

[Incognito Mom]

Beautiful ... my son is about to turn three. I have days where I just want to run away and be all alone. And then there are those days when I sense how fleeting are these moments and I cling to him hoping time will slow down and he will want to wrap his little boy arms around my neck and plant sticky kisses on my face forever.

[Meredith]

I'm definitely going to read this again the next time I feel like prying the teeny hands off of me and hiding in the bathroom for a little breathing room.

[Heather]

I think about these days in my future too. My boy is starting Kindergarten tomorrow. The days, months, years are slipping through my fingers.

[S]

As a mom whose youngest is going off to college next month, this could have been written by me.
It is the hardest thing I have ever done. Letting my children go...even harder, way harder than when they were little and I thought I would be checked in to the nearest mental institution.

[@sweetbabboo]

Stop it. You're making me all teary. I hate being teary.

Why do they ever have to grow up?

-Abby

[Kevin]

What a kick in the nuts!
My little girl is 2 and my boy is 6mo. I haven't really thought about how they will fly the coop and be their own person and not NEED me.
Not gonna cry, but I am going to hold them as long as I can tonight.

[Pia]

I read that twice. I have two boys who are growing up so quickly. Had a yard sale last weekend and sold the crib set, bassinette and double stroller. Each time I watched someone leave with an item, it was like a little piece of my life was taken away.

My boys, my baby boys. I can only hope that I am helping them grow up and teaching them to respect the women in their lives, so that one day, when they are married and long gone, they can thank me - and tell me they love me. Of course, being 6 and 2 now, they thank me and tell me they love me every day - so I'll hang on to that for little bit longer!!

[Dana]

This made me cry. I dread the day my sons leave me.

Dawson turns five in September and I actually caught myself saying how much I wish he could stay little.

[Carrie]

You are so tricky :)

That was quite prophetic. Some days I'm afraid of that time arriving, others I just can't wait to get my daughter's stinky feet away from me.

but you know, then there are the moments when I hug her and I realize how much loving her nourishes me. I can FEEL the love entering my body, and I'm just so profoundly grateful.

wow, that was a rambling comment...

[Julie @ The Mom Slant]

Yep. That's why I lingered with Oliver in my arms this morning (after stranding you on that call).

[Chicky Chicky Baby]

And now I am sobbing. Thanks a lot.

Also, I have Cat's in the Cradle stuck in my head. Dammit.

[Lara]

You gave me chills. In a good way, really.

[julie]

My 19 month old is in the process of going from "mama" to "mommy." And she's the last one. Every time I think about it, I want to cry.

No one will ever call me mama again.

[Creepy Mommy]

Why, why, whhhhhyyyy??? Why did they have to grow up?

And it's always the boys, isn't it? I picture girls staying in touch, hanging out with their moms, going shopping, having lunch. But those boys, they're always just out of arms reach. I want a son desperately. I know he'll break my heart.

You write so beautifully, Kristin.

[TNG]

Oh, ACK.

AAAAACCCCKKKKK.

[Belle]

My youngest - my son - will be 20 in two weeks. He is away at a camp as a counselor in another state and has been gone since the first of June. This is the first time he's really been away to where I can't or he can't be there in 30 mins and it is tough (for me). He faced booked the other day "J is...missing his Mom"...almost made me cry...It's hard letting go, but I'm also proud to have two independent and responsible kids.

[Keyona]

Really? I can't believe I'm crying again! Aren't these blogs supposed to make me laugh. I don't want them to grow up....

[Asianmommy]

Aww..that is so sweet! I can't imagine what it will be like when my girls leave home.

[Jo]

I just went through a no more play yard, high chair and crib moment with my 2YO and man it hurts so bad.

I so wonder what my two boys will be like as adults, that why I loved this post so much. I just hope they always remember how awesome their childhood was and that they keep loving their mama like they do now.

[Lisa]

*sniff*
my oldest son just moved clear across the country to los angeles and I miss him terribly...this post was spot on..whether they are 3 or 23....

[Lee of MWOB]

What a beautiful post bringing tears to my eyes.....just the perspective I needed this morning....wish I would've met you at BlogHer...oh maybe next year.... :-)

[Amy]

My baby's going to be 4 in a couple weeks. In 6 months, 1/4 of her childhood will be over. It makes me cry just thinking about how fast it's gone.

[Karen (Submommy)]

I wrote about this very subject a few weeks ago.

It hurts. The strangest little pain in my heart.

[Crista from BellazizasFavorites.com]

I saw (and STILL see) my mom go through this with my younger brother. So sad. It's part of boys growing up though...

SO happy to have my two girls...

Not that they won't have their own little version of this in 2035. It will kill me. They are growing up so fast. Our baby is already on the verge of crawling having just turned 6 mos. She's our last baby and she's really growing up.

I'm going to go cry in my coffee with Amelia now.

[Sharon]

I am so crying. I hate you and love you for that.

[Amelia Sprout]

The longer and more gangly my daughter's arms and legs get, and the harder it is for her to curl up in my lap, the more I realize this time is so short. I think I'm going to go cry in my coffee now.

[Angela]

Cat's in the cradle, and the silver spoon....

Seriously though. It's hard to imagine that when I have zero personal space, no privacy when I pee, and at least one little girl hanging off of me at any given moment. Combine that with having a mother who NEVER calls, rarely returns my calls, and will only visit my house when she misses her connecting flight at the Atl Airport. It's just hard to imagine.

I know it will happen. Truly I do. One day my children won't need me. But it helps to know that I need my mother, even if she's not really there at all. Always have. Gives me a little hope.