Bad is the new good

I don't wake up in the morning and think about what kind of mother I'm going to be. On most days, like most mothers, I turn on auto pilot and just go about the business of raising my children the best that I know how.

Sometimes, more often than I admit, it's wrapped up tightly in a bow, so sweet that you can taste its goodness in a chubby cheek, a crooked grin, or your face buried in a mop of hair that smells like nothing words can really describe.

On others, it's a bloody massacre that requires all of what you have left to pick up the pieces and fashion them back together into something other than a heaping pile of stinky shit.

Parenting is a dance of give and take, wins and losses, ups and downs, belly flops and beautiful pirouettes.

And no matter how lovely your spins are, on most days, I'd much rather hear the sound of your post partum belly slapping against the water producing a big huge gigantic splash that nearly drowns half the kids at the pool.

So while you might not agree that bad is the new good, it sure as hell makes me laugh, and it reminds me that I'm not the only idiot out there that still doesn't know how to dive.

Comments

[Elisa]

Oh no, you are not the only one, for sure.

I think it's BS that bad is the new good, it's not a fashion phenomenon!! I think it's refreshing that moms now feel comfortable enough - at least on the blogosphere - to own up to their mistakes find irony in them. 'cause that's how we grow. Haughtiness is definitely not the road to self-improvement, nor is it attractive. Self-irony is much more appealing.

[Heather]

I think the belly flop is more like a floppy booby for me, but yeah, I get this.

[nic @mybottlesup]

each. word. is. perfect.

(and by perfect i really mean horrible)

well done.

(and by well done i mean this is shit)

[Kylie]

My belly is still um, partum, and I feel certain that as soon as this little boy comes out he is going to be starting things on fire and climbing onto buildings and jumping off of them, and I know I'm just going to wish he was back inside of me.

[Miss Behavin]

Yeah, I've mastered the ability to piss people off lately. I'm maneuvering motherhood by Miss Behavin.

[Carrie]

I also believe that it is reading about the belly flops that helps me not feel so alone.

Thanks for sharing the bad mother manifesto. Lots to think about.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

I'm not sure that's bad or good - but more like crazy.

[Mom101]

Did Backpacking Dad just say he wants to make out with you?

[Karen (Submommy)]

What kind of bad are we talking, here? Like, 4th popsicle of the day, bad, or "If I can't have them I won't let you have them so I'm going to push them off a bridge at 1:00am into a dark, cold, dirty river."

That happened recently in Portland. (Oregon). A woman going through a custody dispute took her kids to the top of a bridge in the middle of the night and pushed them. One died.

So, how high is the bar? Define "bad."

Sorry to be a downer.

[Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com]

Well put. I haven't been sure what to make of all the bad and good and bad and good on the blogosphere this week, but it's nice to have a short, sweet, simple post that sums up how many of them seem to be going =)

[Redneck Mommy]

Damn you for saying what I wanted to in less than half the freaking words.

And honey, your postpartum belly is welcome to flop in my pool any damn day.

Between you and me, think of the waves we could make.

*Waggles eyebrows*

[TheFeministBreeder]

Back when I was a rocker, I had a lot of things said about me. People thought I screwed people to get the good gigs I got, so one day I decided that I was going to embrace the label, and I had a shirt made that said, in big bold letters, "Dirty Whore." I wore this shirt proudly on stage in front of a thousand people.

Here's photographic evidence: http://b7.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/00013/77/06/13706077_l.jpg

I thought it was really funny and clever at the time. "oh, lookit me, turning the naysayers on their ear.. I'm so witty and clever."

But now, I wonder why I stooped to their level. I've had years to rethink that decision, and I wouldn't make it again. Same reason I refuse to buy into this "Bad is the new Good" hype. It's nothing more than assimilation - and I don't want my kids calling me a "Bad Mom" just cause I say it's okay anymore than I want other people calling me a "Dirty Whore."

[Backpacking Dad]

Blah blah I'm bad blah blah I'm good blah blah you go to hell blah blah no you go to hell blah blah.

Let's focus for a second shall we? Let's focus on the huge banner ad on the left side of the page for "Up Mamas", and the glaring typo in the top line.

Because nit-picky blog readers are the real heroes.

Where were we? Oh yeah...blah blah blah you suck blah blah blah I'm not even talking about that blah blah blah Didn't you hear me when I said you suck? blah blah blah your mom sucks blah blah blah You leave my mom out of this. We're talking about parents blah blah blah You don't even see the irony in what you're saying anymore blah blah blah you are doing a disservice to women and people blah blah blah And you're not smart enough to be in this conversation blah blah blah Let's make out blah blah blah Wow, that came out of nowhere, but yeah, that's totally what we should do.

Fin.

[Her Bad Mother]

That there are so many of us flopping around in the deep end, laughing as we belly flop, goes a long way toward making this all worthwhile. In addition to the bows and chubby cheeks ;)

[Jennie]

Here, here! This is why I read your blog and so many others. It's nice to know I am not alone in my "badness"! Thank you :)

[kristi williamson]

Hilarious! are you in my head? or my house? funny!

[Julie @ the calm before the stork]

Oh thank goodness. Well said! This whole bad-mom backlash has been driving me nuts.

[Julie @ The Mom Slant]

Your first paragraph said it all for me. Brilliantly put.

[amy]

oh yeah baby oh yeah.

[Mom101]

I love this metaphor. Although the big fat belly flop image hits a little close to hope.

I said somewhere else that the opposite of good isn't bad, I think it's apathy. People aware enough to know they do things that go against the so-called models of parenting perfection really aren't bad at all. There's irony in it.

In the end, our kids will be the final judge of how bad we were as parents - not the internet.

[Angela]

Nicely put. We need a button for Bad is the New Good.