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May 18, 2009


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Awesome post. I am having the same problem with my kids though they are younger.

Not easy to do, but so true.

If we can give them even a sliver of the emotional wisdom we acquire through egregious error, they'll be golden.

Freaking brilliant. Seriously.

You did such a beautiful job of handling the situation. If you don't mind, I'm going to copy you and explain it the same way to my children. It was also a good lesson for me - thank you!

This was incredibly insightful! Thanks for sharing these thoughts. I think a lot of people need to hear this, not just kids. I know way too many passive agressive people, and it drives me crazy!

Have you read Between Parent and Child? He talks about the importance of children being able to express their feelings without being punished or taught to hold it in. But even if we do that as parents, the children still need to have an appropriate way to express those feelings at home and outside the home.

I want to write that on my walls. What an astute observation.

Your daughter sounds a lot like mine. They both have younger brothers too. I wonder if they are meeting secretly and plotting together. I really can relate to this article!

So, true...and yet, so hard to do (when you're older anyway.) Hopefully trying to help our kids get it when they're little will carry through into their adult hood.

Wow! I never thought of it that way before. You win the Brilliant Mom award of the day!!

Those are some profound words, woman. You hit the nail right on the head. Thank you :-)

That's a great lesson to teach your kids. Mine seem to express their feelings a little too easily...and loudly, over everything. EVERYTHING I tell you. Sigh.

WOW! You have just made my job easier! Seriously, I can use this with a bitch (and I even use that term nicely) that I work with!

Amazing - how what we try to teach our children, really isn't what we MEAN to teach them! Thank you!

Nicely written.

I think this is one of my favorite posts yet. Emotional expression is something that seems not only difficult to teach and learn, but also so vitally important in the standard social skills set. Thanks for writing about it; I'm sure I'll be searching desperately in the archives for this in a few years!

Mimi got it for me: if only I could learn what I'm teaching my kids.

Thanks for this post. My boys almost 4 and almost 1, so we're going to be into this stage soon. Such a good point about how we tend to squelch the expression of emotions by a 2 year old, because they're so extreme, and then turn around and tell them to express them a couple of years later!

Isn't it funny what we learn from trying to teach our kids the right thing? "Tell your brother why you're mad... And by the way, I have to go talk to Daddy."

A great post Kristen.

I wish I'd had your epiphany YEARS ago.

You've just provided Q with a wonderful life lesson that she'll benefit from forever.

Well crap, with my oldest 14 I could have used this info a few yrs ago!! LOL! You're an awesome Mom!

What an important lesson! For any age of life.

With all siblings some days are better than others but at 4 and 6 we are going thru a good stretch.

At one point it was my daughter's ability to drive my son over the edge without technically violating any of the house rules that prompted some of the ugliest episodes. My son would lash out physically after being toyed with mentality, while my daughter would feign complete and utter innocence as to what had caused his rampage. The day he learned to tell us "mom sissy is messing with my feelings again" was the day she scaled her nonsense back considerably.

Ob look at who's all smart and stuff. I'm going to have to steal this one for my own kids. Because the running commentary had me laughing out loud - glad it's not just them.

So true, so true.

I have a cartoon on my fridge which reads "That guy makes me so mad!", "Let it go, Jack. Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." Such a big reminder to me to let things go, and make it right.

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