Mother's Day Gifts - They Ain't What They Used to Be

With mother's day only a few weeks away, the PR pitches have turned my email inbox into a veritable smorgasbord of bizarre gift ideas.

I pray that no poor unsuspecting husband happens to fall upon my email box because all of you beautiful lovely moms would beat them silly if they actually decided to give you what these PR pros are trying to peddle as the greatest Mother's Day Gift (shameless link, tyvm).

But since it's mother's day, and we moms are desperate for something wrapped up in a bow, we don't actually care what it is. It's the thought that counts, apparently.

So exactly what thought does Soft Soap send, other than "I think I will never have sex with you again"? 

Probably the same thought that a monster-shaped jump drive might inspire.

Don't get me wrong. I do not need a diamond heart shaped necklace from Kay Jewelers or even a day at the spa (although, those two things pitched to me in an email would make sense). I'd personally just love a complete day or even half a day or fuck, even TWO WHOLE HOURS to spend doing nothing but cuddling up in bed with a good book or let's be honest, the entire season of Rock of Love Bus and a bottle of champagne, and basking in the silence (interspersed with the sounds of drunken hos in thongs slamming shots in the back of a pink bus of course).

But Spanx. SPANX? (Which I totally love, pee hole and all).

What not just get a card that says "I honor you and your lumpy ass today"?

Comments

[Kimberley27gk]

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[Rhonda]

That is hilarious - Crotchless panties, I totally get. Spanx with a peehole? That's just wrong... LOL

[Baby Backpack]

Spanx and a pee hole?

Hmm i didnt know that! interesting!!

:)
Kim

[Betty@ JustAnotherSAHM]

Spanx for Mother's Day...oh my, that would require MUCH evilness when Father's Day rolled around. Hmm, maybe a Bro? Or a can of spray on hair? Perhaps a man girdle?

[Elaine at Lipstickdaily]

Wow . . . didn't know Spanx had a pee hole . . . might have to check it out!

[Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com]

Hey, I know you're a big breast-feeding advocate, so I just thought I'd poke in and deliver the link to an article I just read on CNN.com. I thought it was interesting because it focused on mom instead of baby.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/22/healthmag.breast.feeding.heart/index.html

[jaelithe]

I've had an interesting Mother's Day gift history. I got 12 hours of labor and a baby for my first Mother's Day. Another year, I got food poisoning as a present. Another year, I got a day of emergency-fixing a broken gutter and rotted fascia board before another thunderstorm could come in. I've never gotten something ORDINARY, like jewelry.

So, I've set my standards for this year cautiously low. Really, I'd be all right with a quiet day by myself at the library or the mall.

But if my husband bought me Spanx for Mother's Day, I would buy him a hotel room. To sleep in. Alone.

[RHW]

Yup - I too got nothing for my first Mother's Day - not even a card. Spanx would have been yet another hit on my self esteem (though it would have been something) and soaps would have pissed me off immensely as I'm allergic to most of them and hubby knows this.

I wouldn't mind me a jump drive though - probably because I watch too much Battlestar Galactica :p

[Alison]

As a 3mth postpartum lumpy Mummy I agree that some time off is the only thing you really want for Mothers Day (how chuffing ironic) but that for the sake of the world I should really take the Spanx.

[Mama Bub]

I would like to take this opportunity to say, for the record, that I DO NOT UNDERSTAND the Spanx pee hole. Does this assume I'm not wearing underwear? Because that just seems to leave a certain area awfully exposed. And is my aim that good that I would actually USE the pee hole?

And my husband? Put Softsoap in my Christmas stocking. I shit you not.

[Don Mills Diva]

I once knew a girl who was so furious because her boyfriend gave her a big set of soaps for her birthday.

I didn't have the heart to tell her that she really DID have a major BO problem.

(this is just a random story and is not intended as a comment on anyone who may receive SPANX or soft soap for Mother's Day)

[Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com]

I didn't know Spanx was a Mother's Day gift. I thought that day was set aside for things like chocolate, wine, flowers, purses, jewelry, and ALONE TIME.

[CaroLyn]

Yup, I think anyone getting me Spanx for Mothers Day, or as a gift to honour any special day, would be seeing less of me. Not just a less bumpy version of me, but just less me. Now, I love me my Spanx too, but I'd rather not have someone else tell me I need them. Diamond earrings, not sure why, but I feel like those would be ok anytime.

[Shawna]

I'd rather get spanx than a gym membership. I start next month.

"To the love of my life, I could have just taken the easy way out and bought you new spanx but I know how you love a challenge!"

[Mocha Dad]

So what do moms really want for Mother's Day? Inquiring dads want to know.

[Angela in Ohio]

don't forget to send that Spanx card to your MIL. I hear cards are important to her! ;-)

[MommyNamedApril]

spanx is clearly more of a valentine's type gift. duh.

[Fairly Odd Mother]

So, once Spanx are on, they are so hard to roll down that they require pee holes? That kind of freaks me out. Oh, maybe they come in a full body suit thingy--wow, yeah, that would be a Mother's Day gift insuring my husband would never see my naked, un-spanxed body again.

[SD's Husband]

According to my COSTCO email, I can celebrate Mothers Day with a bigass version of anything you don't need!

Damn that sounds good.

Maybe they have SPANX on discount?

[Backpacking Dad]

Spanx and Soft Soap it is!

"You're fat and smelly, dear, so from the kids and me to you on this special day, please take a bath and try to not look quite so enormous."

[Nico Blue]

Most definitley didn't know Spanx had pee holes. Do they sell them in Canada? Spanx...not pee holes, er, well, I mean Spanx with pee holes or even just Spanx in general.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Oh BonnieBelle, I shouldn't complain about my "nothing" for my first mother's day. I'm thinking a pedometer is worse.

[BonnieBelle]

I'm afraid to google Spanx. I got a pedometer for my first mother's day...hint much?

[Mom101]

Oh God I love Spanx. Loooove them. But if Nate gave me a pair for Mother's Day I think I'd cry straight until Father's Day.

At which point I'd give him a balled up sock.

[Asianmommy]

Not the best choice--at all!

[AshAllman]

Aside from my job as mom, I'm also a part time PR person. I've admittedly sent some lame pitches in my day, but come on, people. Spanx and soap for Mother's Day gift ideas? That's desperate PR at its worst.

[humpsNbump]

Yikes. Spanx as a Mother's Day gift really is up there with the worst of the worst gifts of all occassions. If they are really pitching that to you it's a total miss. LOL

[MFLEIJ]

Bill, I hear ya! I didn't know that either....how do you not accidentally get the opening wet?! I'd rather not think about it....

[Bill]

Spanx have pee holes? I learn the most interesting things here...

(send them to your MIL)

[Veep Veep]

"i honor you and your lumpy ass i wish looked a little more like jessica albas. so wear this and i will think of jessica"