I never

Punishing Quinlan used to be a no brainer. I'd point to the corner, flip the egg timer, and that was that. Then came the high knee stomping, 5-alarm screams, and door slamming.

But lately, she goes into these soap opera dramatic rants, all of which start with "I never." "I never get to play with toys. I never get to watch a show. I never get to eat 4000 bags of candy" she says in a whiny, angry little voice, through a frowning face and wrinkled nose.

The only thing missing is "like the other kids." I'm sure that's due in a few weeks.

At first, I took the intellectual approach, mostly because I enjoy attempting to rationalize with four-year-olds, or jersey cows. It's basically the same.

"Well, never means 'not ever' and the last time I checked you actually do watch shows, play with toys, and eat way too much candy. You are the weakest link. Goodbye!"

Heh.

But surprise! That didn't work.

So then I just started to get annoyed (again, intelligent mom tactic there), and so I would just say "You're right." "You live a terrible horrible life with no toys or television or candy. And I make you bring in water in large buckets that you carry on your head from the manual water pump that's two miles away."

Shit. I should just start in with the whole "starving kids in Africa" speech and get it over with already.

Finally, I figured out that she was angry (duh!) and was just spouting off her mouth in her own preschooler way (duh!), and so I did the trained therapist (hello!) thing to do and acknowledged her anger, and offered her a few other really boring and appropriate things that she might say instead, you know, like "I'm really angry right now."

And actually, it went over pretty well. Sure, she included her 4 year old expletives in there, like "OH MAN" or "THAT STINKS!" but at least we lost the whole "I never" thing.

That is until a few days ago when I heard "I never get to do anything."

From Drew.

*cue primal scream*

Comments

[Vicky]

I've actually asked my kid if her legs were broken when she wanted me to get something for her. How great is that in the parenting dept?

TD has started shaking her fists when she is mad- in perfect Furer style naturally. It is almost too cute. I'm waiting for the 'I never...' though.

[Christina]

I'm almost wishing for "I never" now. This past week, "I won't!" has become the new phrase to shout when being told to sit in time out or stop doing something Cordy shouldn't.

[mothergoosemouse]

Your solutions are better than mine. I channel Avenue Q and start singing, "It sucks to be you!" Pretty soon the whole fam joins in.

[psumommy]

They're smart little buggers, aren't they? Mine quickly learned the guilt technique. FUN.

[amy]

You're screwed! Just wait till Margot kicks in her 2 cents. :)

[Mistaken Identity in MI]

I'll never ever forget someting saying it takes and idiot to argue with an idiot. Now while your children are not idiots, nor are mine, the point is you can't win. . . . so why put yourself through all that undue stress. Just punish him and walk away. After a while its like a bully who gets no response, they give up and you get to keep your sanity.

[Nicki]

Oh, Little Bear is famous for that! She also likes to sob, "You're mean!" or, even worse, "You're being mean today!", causing me to think, "AM I just being mean?" (Maybe...)

[Issa]

Second kids do everything faster. Well the things you don't want them to at least. I'm a bit scared about what third kids are like.

[SoMo]

I will never forget the time my sisters were visiting. My youngest was 5 yrs old at the time and I had just spent a week dragging her and her older sister all over the place "having fun". Then a little voice from the backseat screamed "I never get anything or go anywhere." That is when I gave up and sent them both packing to our dad.

With my kids I just ignore them or tell them if they keep it up it might just come true.

[iidly]

My son who is eight begins conversations these days (especially when he wants something) -- "I'll probably never get this, however..." or "I know you are going to say know, but what the heck, I have nothing to lose..."

Cracks me up every time -- welcome to DRAMA101 - from a child's perspective:)

I countered the "I Never's" with my son by staging a very dramatic fit of my own with my own "I Nevers" -- and it worked really really well. The next time he began to do an "I Never" he paused and said - "Oh Dad, Mom says she never gets cut a break around here, I think we need to be nicer to her."

:):):)

[Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com]

Oh, I'm sorry but that made me laugh. I hope your therapist gig works on him too. Sometime before he's your daughter's age!

[Networkchic]

Wow I think I just had that same conversation with my five year old. My daughter is in the, "I hate everything," and "I don't like you." My reply, "good that will save me a lot of money since I don't buy things for people that don't like me."

[Jill]

Oh kids... Gotta love em! When you don't want to hang them upside down by their toenails, that is. My suddenly very sensitive 4yo broke out in tears over the fact that he didn't get to go the birthday party of the one of the teachers (not his), who we don't even know. I used to just say something to the effect of "Buck up, kid and quit yer whining." But I have learned that doesn't work very well with Mr. Sensitivity, so I had to offer to make our own party when we got home celebrting the fact it was actually feeling like Spring. WTH?

[Katherine]

My little precious jumps in the air, kicks out her feet landing on her tush screaming at the top of her lungs "I NOT!" or my personal favorite: "Mommy, you tell me dis erryDAY!". And shes two. Joy!

[Hattie]

My 4 year old son luvs to say, "I'm not your mom anymore!" when he doesn't get his way. I respond with, "well I'm not your son anymore!" That's when he realizes what he said doesn't make sense and storms off. And of course slams his door!!!!

[chivet]

Ha! Nice. My stepson likes to say, "My mommy..." You know, as in, "My mommy let's me eat candy," "My mommy will buy me that toy," "My mommy doesn't make me sit down." It's great. It's almost as fun as when he asks the same question 17 consecutive times.

[ptooie]

My 3yo does one better- "I never get to do my first ____". First airplane ride (said after boarding her 9th), first bath (while sitting in the bath)(still trying to figure out why she thought that was her first one)...

[Catherine]

My nephew (who is five) does an awkward reversal rant when he gets punished. If we put him in timeout, he'll say "You won't let me go to time out." Or if we tell him to apologize to his sister, it's "You won't let me apologize to my sister." All the while looking at us like we are the cruelest human beings on earth. Very difficult to argue with.

[Angela]

We are mired in the "I never" battle as well. You'd think my kid spent all day shackled in her room instead of playing on the playground with friends. And don't get me started on that damn Easter candy. I'm ready to throw it out.

[Amy]

My then 2 year old said "I'm going to live with my grandma!!!" and I replied, "I thought I didn't have to listen to that garbage for 10 more years!"

It wasn't a Great Moment in Parenting.