What do six month olds and defunct rap stars have in common?

While I nurse Margot to sleep every night, I get my fill of craptastic television. And my guilty pleasure, after I can no longer take the bright white smile and robotic voice of Mary Hart, is The Daily 10 on E! Aside from feeling sympathy hunger pains for Catt and Deb, I actually like getting a daily dose of entertainment news.

It's like a shot of Botox. It makes me feel young again.

Except for when they do their style segments, like last night's "Hot Summer Styles." Nothing makes you feel like a big giant old fart than watching some style "guru" attempt to convince the average American woman that they could get away with wearing a jumpsuit.

And she wasn't even April Foolin'.

Now look.

I admit to have worn a jumpsuit (also known as a "romper" in some cases) at one point in my life. I think I was about 7 months old and it looked adorable.

(Excuse the bad eyeliner. I was only a baby).

But yes, apparently they are back, and I cannot, for the life of me, understand the appeal.

Maybe it's because I do not want to be wearing the same thing as my 6 month old or that you have to completely undress in order to go to the bathroom, which might be fine for a 16 year old, but when you're carraling three kids in a public bathroom stall, you don't exactly have the time or the energy to strip down just to pee. Plus, then you've got to hold it up off the floor or worse, out of the toilet, both of which require arms that I am generally using to stop my kids from putting their hands in the pretty silver boxes. 

[Side note: Why can't they make those fucking boxes ugly and gross, or like in the shape of a big green vegetable so kids would never ever go near them ever?]

I suppose they could add leg snaps, but I can barely do those on my kid let alone on me. I'd be walking around with uneven snaps and half my ass hanging out. Sort of like my 6 month old on most days.

But along with the not so simple logistics of the jumpsuit, I kind of think they tend to look like pajamas, which is great when you're going for that extremely sexy "I just rolled out of bed look" but c'mon. I can do that without even trying. I'm not sure why I would spend extra money on something that I can do for free.

 

(I always wear platforms to bed yo)

But by far, my favorite look for summer that "every woman will find flattering" (seriously, she said that) is the jumpsuit with harem pants.

HAREM PANTS.

Yes, because a huge baggy mid-section with the crotch of your pants hanging down at your ankles with a tapered leg will really scream "sexy."

Try "Can't Touch This."

 

Jump Suit Harem Pants 2009: 2 Legit 2 Quit

[Photos via]

Comments

[Marie]

I confess to being a pregnancy jumpsuit and I look great in it.
The online photo I could find online was this - no the model is unfortunately not me:

http://www.3suisses.be/jumpsuit-voor-zwangere-vrouwen-mamalicious-a15f9312-nl.html

[Mere]

I know that you posted a blog this week about husbands cleaning or whatever, but I can't find it, so I thought I'd post a link here:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090402/od_uk_nm/oukoe_uk_germany_divorce;_ylt=Aqf1laFG4if2dwDwxc7YCRLtiBIF

This woman divorced her husband because he was cleaning too much.

[southern mama]

i would pimp that shit easily. i think there cute.lol.

hamma, hamma, hamma. can i get a witness? ....dont you remember that song,i remember my hammer pants. hahaha.

[katelin]

i definitely do not see the appeal in those outfits at all. ugh.

[just beth]

I am in NO WAY to be considered any kind of fashion guru... i mean, most of the time I am clothed in my husbands dirty, stained clothes because, really, I have two kids under three and a thirteen year old, I AM ALWAYS FILTHY... however. Those are UGLY.

Plus, re: the silver boxes? As another tall woman to you.. do they REALLY have to put them in our ARMPITS? Or right where our KNEES knock into them? Gross AND uncomfortable. Thanks.

xo

b.

[Allison]

I always feel hungry for those E! girls. Don't they look so waify? So stick skinny, they must be starving!!!

[Sheri]

Not even going there...i don't need to look any fatter than I already am. But I do long for 80's hair. Cuz I can totally rat like a crazy woman!!!

[hoppytoddle@me.com]

I actually wore a floral print short romper under my gown when I graduated from HS in 1991. It seems like the style cycle is getting tighter & tighter, meaning the next thing we know a particular fashion will go in, out, then come back much quicker. It also seems like they just make these things up so that just as soon as everyone realized how stupid a fashion 'do' made them look & trashed all of them, they bring them back. Maybe that's why the pitch it timeframe is now down to 6 months?

[Amy H]

I was just in Vegas for the weekend and I saw a woman wearing a pants jumpsuit. I figured she was from another country and had a weird sense of fashion. I guess not.

I also feel really bad for the girls on The Daily 10. I remember when both of them looked like people (like when Deb was on the View) rather than like sticks with heads. It makes me feel really sorry for them that they don't get to actually taste food.

[AshAllman]

Personally, I much prefer the harem pants that actually wrap around your hips. Remember those!?

[TNG]

That's like a jump-offacliff-suit.

WTF?

I love the baby pic of you. You look JUST LIKE The Littlest New Girl in that shot....

[mothergoosemouse]

I had one. As an adult.

I can't believe I just admitted that to the Internet.

[Colleen - Mommy Always Wins]

Oh holy hell.

Just consider me a fashion misfit, then! Momma AIN'T goin' there!

[Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com]

I had a denim jumpsuit. Luckily, I haven't seen a picture of that monstrosity in YEARS. Years and years and years.

Maybe the photographic evidence has been lost forever? THAT WOULD BE SO COOL.

Also, those pretty silver boxes? Just wait until they get their arm stuck up one. Then they'll never go near it again. Go ahead. Ask how many spare packages of hygiene products I keep in my purse and car so that I won't have to touch one of those silver boxes ever.again.

Last time it tried to eat my arm.

[psumommy]

I had a rockin' neon blue jumpsuit when I was 11; it had all kinds of swirls and stripes of other neon colors on it, too. (Yup- the wonderful neon phase in 1988, fun times, fun times.) But despite the utter radness of that outfit- I only wore it twice. Because the 2nd time, I had to pee in a public bathroom while wearing it. I figured that out at the age of ELEVEN.

As for those harem pants...bwahha! Right. I need my hips to look BIGGER.

I personally am waiting patiently for the ripped jeans/baggy t-shirt/huge flannel shirt fad to come back.

[momranoutscreaming]

those don't look good on anybody! I don't care how long it's been since you've eaten, it's just wrong. so, once again, I'll be out of fashion. Maybe being out of fashion will become a fashion. We should try it. Also, jumsuits + potty + kids = cruel torture. I don't even put them on the kids once they're potty trained.As for harem pants, there are no words.

[Jill]

Who are these people making these style recommendations and don't they ever read Go Fug Yourself? Jumpsuits and harem pants are ree-frickin-diculous on anybody, I don't care how famous you are or want to be.

Also, I think you can gauge how many children a woman has by the number of snaps undone on her baby's rompers. All perfectly done and aligned -- only one kid. Some done, but maybe not all aligned - two kids. More out of alignment than in alignment -- three or more kids. I actually tossed perfectly good pajamas my older son wore if they were too time consuming for me to put on the baby. Not high on my list of priorities, you know!

[The Other Sister-in-Law]

I can't pull off a jumpsuit. And I'm child-sized to begin with.

[TheFeministBreeder]

Wait, how is Margot 6 months old already? Jeezus, time flies.

Actually, I think Mary Kate Ashley Whoever Olsen looks pretty cute. I like seeing the stars wear things I'll never wear. They're eye candy for me. It never occurs to me to mimic the look because they're simply fictional characters to me -- the same way I'd never put on Princess Leah's metal bikini and go out to a club.

[Amy Jo]

I agree 100%. Even the stick thin starlets who show up in these crazy things look dumpy. I swore I would never wear gauchos, and now I have a a few pairs, but this is one trend I will never buy into!

[Jessi]

Bahaha. I just got one from Urban Outfitters. Spaghetti Strap. Satin, and silver. It looked adorable online. On my butt, not so much.

[Christine]

Seriously, is that one of the Olsen twins? If a romper can make one of them look like they've got some weight to them, imagine what it would do to a regular size woman!

I don't see any designers pushing Joey Buttafuco work out pants on men again.

Totally agree with silver box, on that note, my kids will touch just about anything in a restroom-yuck.

[Amanda]

Great, another summer of not being able to find normal clothes. As soon as I read "harem pants" I immediately thought "Hammertime."

[Vicky]

I know! I saw this in the March issue of Elle and just got super pissed off. This month? Pleated, high waisted jeans that were tight-rolled. Seriously. You can buy them at your local H&M.

Hello eighth grade! Quick! Where's my electric blue eyeliner!

[Kerrie]

"Fashion is made to become unfashionable." ~Coco Chanel

Of course, I'd never wear a jumper either. Oh how I remember the torture of a full bladder and one of those damn things when I was a kid.

[Jennifer]

I am SO glad I don't give a shit what is fashionable. Um - April Fool? Oh yeah - it's that I can't fit into anything fashionable. Oh well, either way.

[Manic Mommy]

Stop! Hammer Time.

[Laura]

Aaaargh, not MC Hammer, will be singing that song all day. I can remember being 9 and desperately wanting a pair of baggy bottom trousers ... luckily my parents had the good sense to ignore my wants in this department and I was saved!

[Angela]

Oh good god.

I think I'll stick with my nice cotton A-line black skirt that I wear practically every day. So much easier to pee with kids. Doesn't really go with platform heels, but I've never been much of a heel girl. I'll take my dressy flip flops any day.

Ugh, and that pretty silver box. Drives me nuts as well. Definitely not designed by a mother.

[Michelle]

I'm with you on the jumpsuit. Way too hard/ugly.

But I guess if you're a young/single/famous/no kids/personal trainer/personal stylist kind of person, maybe you could pull it off.

Then again, nah.