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March 16, 2009


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Rita's husband mentioned church and that reminds me of my father.
He would let off a real pew rattler and turn to look at the people in the pew behind us.
Talk about trying not to laugh in church...


Only 15 times a day? There must be a few people out there corked up and ready to explode, to even out the rest of us.

Cause I can promise you that if I had a day where I stopped at 15, I'd have to seriously consider calling a doctor.

Now that I'm older and wiser, not all of them are funny, just maybe 92% of them. By the time I'm in the old folks' home, I might be down to 75%.

This kid has a world of wonder just waiting to unfold itself. Each day is a gift, provided you or someone else farts in bold new ways every day. Otherwise it's just a day.

It's probably best for your daughter's future social life that she doesn't learn to "own them", or at least not with such resplendent pride.

I just somehow found your page completely by accident. You're so funny, that I read ALL of your recent blogs & will probably go back & read the Archives. I could so relate! And I say could because I am 41 & my son, a Senior in high school, just turned 18 on March 15th. Trust me on this: try hard to enjoy every "pain in the ass, funny, messy, silly, frustrating, nursing baby, stained clothes, kid sleeping in your bed, am I doing this right, "I Love You, Mommy" moment!!! I know this is almost impossible to believe, but, it goes fast, so, so fast. All of a sudden they're leaving for college this year & you would give anything to have to deal with a stupid car seat or stroller cause you So miss them. Good Luck & once a day or so, pause to enjoy.
Sorry for rambling!
P.S. You look wonderful in the Shay/Shaw dress! Did you see 27 Dresses?! It could be much worse! LOL

Just wait til he figures out arm pit farts, and that he can make farting noises from many different places on his body (all at the same time!), not just his ass.

My 7 year old's favorite line "Too bad they don't smell as good as they feel".

When he learns the pull my finger trick, you're in for it. I've got two brothers and they could fart on command by three years old. They still find it the funniest thing in the world.

Kristen, you have an award waiting for you on my site. Thank you so much for your refreshing and much needed take on modern parenting!

Farts are like children, you hate other peoples but strangely relish your own.

My 4 year old daughter and almost 3 year old son both think it's the funniest thing. Daughter has been farting more lately and defines them "That was big one" or "That was a smaller one"!

My 37 year old friend is a belcher and she's proud of it, even has taught her children to let out big ones as well.

We were visiting our next door neighbors a few years back. Their 2 yo was standing on a bench next to my wife when he let one go in her face.

I won't ever forget it and I sure hope never to relive it with our own 2 yo. So far we're in the clear, only time will tell what he picks up from his friends in school.

My 9-year-old daughter farts more than any kid I've even seen! And she thinks it's hilarious. She'll say, "Wait! I think something bad's about to happen!" That's when we all run for cover.

said the french knights mocking the english in Monty Python and the Holy Grail - I fart in your general direction! Funny during the Crusades, still funny today.

My husband is 30 and still giggles sometimes after he farts. He also likes to scare the cats when they are laying near him in the morning. It never ends...

Me: What happens if you pull Daddy's finger?

2 yr old son: Toot.

We only have girls, but let me tell you--there are plenty of toots and giggles here.

Ohhh I'm laughing so hard . . . love the barking spiders! Nothing like a fart discussion.

My daughter is 4 years old and no matter where she is, she must announce when she farts!! (which is never ending)

You have to make

life is a farting karaoke stage

into a t-shirt.

The comment in here about the damn barking spiders really cracked me up.

As for us, I'm the big farter in the duo (sad but true) and the other day, I heard an audible fart from my husband for the first time. EVER.

The man clearly didn't learn the virtues of good fartin'. But I'm breaking him in.

Farting, along with pooping and burping, is a constant source of conversation and amusement in this house. I think it's pretty much standard in any house that has a kid over the age of one. Isn't THAT great!

Love the title of this post!

Wait until he's 16...

My boys would purposely ingest items from the spice cupboard to increase the fartage...I can't tell you how many times I fell for the "Wait, Mom" only to find that I had been waiting for a fart.
My husband still gets very embarrassed when he farts- "damn barking spiders"....

As the mom of 3 boys (now 15, 16, and 18) I can tell you it doesn't get much better. My youngest used to say, when questioned about whether he "dealt it" - "Wasn't me - I didn't feel my butt vibrate!"

I've got a little farter, too. 3 years old and he's proud as can be. "Look, Mommy," he says, "I farting. Just like daddy." Pause. Devilish grin. "Stinky."

My husband taught my oldest to blame the dog, which he thinks is hilarious!!

I have the girls who make me think I am crazy and I must be smelling things... I only wish they would just say "Excuse Me" and move on but instead we have to go through the whole was that you and the denial that follows.

Ironically, I'm dealing with farting issues right now too. Only mine is only a week away from being 6 months old. And his farts are my fault. I go through phases of snack foods and currently it's Trail Mix. You know, the kind with Cashews, Almonds, Raisins and REAL M&M's? Not just a handful here and there either... NO, I go to the Ginormous COSTsaving COmpany's Warehouse and buy the big bag. And snack on it. Two or three times a day. And then I nurse my son... I have never, in my entire life, been so offended by an infant. OH MY GOD! If you've ever suffered gastrointestinal distress from eating nuts, you know how it goes... but WOW I had no idea it would affect him like that. Two nights ago, he was crawling around on the floor, Husband and I were both standing and, suddenly, like the phoenix rising, the most horrendous stench imaginable wafted upward toward us. We had to leave the room... it was awful. Of course, it doesn't stop me from eating the Trail Mix... it just increases the time he spends with Daddy throughout the day.

My youngest (age 5) will say "bwace your self, I'm going to fawt..." And then does so proudly.

I have a very unusual man in my life, then. SubHub, after 10 years of marriage, has farted in front of me approximately three times. He goes to a different room, and is HIGHLY uncomfortable when I happen on the aftermath.

Here's hoping and praying that Boy Child follows suit. Although, I'm not holding out much hope....when he farts he says "R. (name) toot! Yeah."

Farting in church is still in the Top 5 of the funniest things ever. The good ones are always worth claiming. All others - you blame on someone else.

Sadly, I think the fascination only increases with age. I actually had to tell my husband that it wasn't funny to do that around me on purpose. Wow, that's kind of sad.

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