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March 09, 2009

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I don't have kids (yet - i'm hoping) but i'm doing a masters in psychodynamic counselling for kids. This all sounds so normal! I think it's how it's supposed to be.. and it sounds like you're all on the right track.. IMHO it's less what you do with the kids than how you deal with / accept yourself / grow closer to being the person YOU want to be.. get that right and the rest will follow naturally and you'll see the kids miraculously grow healthier the more you do..the old oxygen mask to yourself first thing.. :) good luck!

It terrifies me how much my oldest is a mini-me. We butt heads constantly, and I already know how much of her life is going to play out...I'm doing everything I can to combat it, but I already know that she's going to have to find her own way.

Luckily, neither of my sons are mini versions of me. We'll have to see how my newest one turns out!

Parenting is the most transparent form of therapy, isn't it?

Great side-by-side pics. You both are adorable.

I see that my rage issues come from my father- the only way to have power in my childhood home was to rage, yet, it hurts me to think that my two year old's raging comes from me. She is like looking into a mirror of self, and I hope that I am raising her to be her, and not just a better version of me.

Does that make sense?

I wonder what it means that my son tells us he has to go "pee-pee in the potty" any time he wants to get out of doing something? Of course, he never goes, but it's a totally fail-safe way out for him because it's not like we could possibly deny the child the trip to the potty... no sir... not when we're having such a difficult time getting him trained. I believe they call this "Crying Wolf" - still, we are the townspeople forced to believe just in case that one time he really does need to "go pee-pee in the potty." What to do, what to do? How do you teach a 2 yr old about lying?

Oh how i understand and sympathize. The "I'm Fine" sounds all so familiar especially followed by the unexpected unwanted blow up. How i wish it was all much simpler.

My two-year-old daughter reminds me so much of myself in her hardwired reactions and tendencies as well. While I also see it as an opportunity to do it better this generation, I am simultaneously trying to keep in mind that she is living her own experience which is separate from my own and from my past. But it's easy to project my feelings onto hers, especially at evocative or stressful moments, and worry that she will repeat my mistakes. I guess conscious and sensitive parenting in general requires walking that line between applying knowledge from your own lessons and allowing your child to find her own way.

@Jaelithe

I thought the same thing exactly today. Second chance.

I have also learned that a lot of the flaws I have that I used to blame on my crappy childhood must only have been enhanced by my crappy childhood, because from what I see in my own kid, they're damn sure genetic.

But of course, the fact that my kid is so much like me DOES give me an advantage in that I understand his thinking and can therefore usually be one step ahead.

Also, there's a part of me that feels it's a sort of redemption. It's almost like I'm giving little-kid-me a second chance, this time with a stable family. It feels like making up for some of my own mistakes, if I can help my child learn to avoid them.

Just saw your Tweet about folks having trouble leaving comments - I'm so sorry to hear that! If you've already got a help ticket opened up with our support team, would you forward it to me at [email protected]? Otherwise, just let me know ho I can help.

perhaps you shouldn't give her what she wants until she asks for it. No chocolate milk at dinner if she has a fuzzy throat, but she can have it if she just asks for it. When she asks for it a few times let her have it, but occasionally let her know that she needs to drink something else. If she reverts back to the fuzzy throat after that remind her that that's not how to get what she wants and let her know that sometimes hearing no is okay. Rinse and repeat w/ her other "dances"

It's hard to see ourselves in our children but all we can do is try and steer them on the right path. My girls always say their throats hurt or their tummy hurts when they want tea. I never said they couldn't have tea when they were well. Sometimes, I just don't know what those little stinkers are thinking

Me= bad temper
My son= bad temper

My mother thinks I am just getting my come uppance.

Oh, so true. I worry more for my daughter than my son because she seems to have my innate guilt complex and freaky shyness around other kids (at odds with her talkative bravado around adults)... I need to watch myself not to make the cutting remarks my mom used to make to me...

"....to speak her truth and accept her consequences"- those consequences would have been terrible for me as a child but they wouldn't be for my son, I've made sure of it. Yet, we are the same. We both need to work on speaking our truth....Thanks for the insight.

I know that dance well.

Thanks to our encouragement, I feel fortunate that our daughters will learn to stop dancing and start asking while they're still young.

And there you are....relentlessly reflected back on yourself in the form of a 4 year old.

This realization, for me, came through a nose. My daughter was born with the very same "turtle" nose that I have -- and have never liked. But because I would never want her to feel badly about her nose, I've had to embrace my own sniffer in all its imperfect glory.

My daughter also pretends to be animals. All.the.time. I did that for a long time when I was a kid and was often criticized by my mother. It was hurtful. So I keep my mouth shut when a puppy, horse or parakeet accompanies me to the grocery store. After all, it's really no skin off my nose.

cute pictures. she's just trying to help you be a better person :-) and it looks to be working.

Aw. I loved this post.

Plus? Could you be ANY CUTER with your little hand in your pocket?

She looks remarkably like you!! =)

I don't know what to say about the actual post, though, except to just hang in there. You've figured her out this far, I'm sure you'll jump through this hurdle too.

The accommodating my daughter does drives me batty, particularly because that's what I (used to? still?) do.

I know this feeling so well... not wanting to saddle them with our own emotional afflictions. I did a silly facebook meme where I interviewed my 3yo son the other day, and the fact that it was such a reflection of my behavior - how he sees and absorbs that - kind of startled me.

One thing my son's preschool teachers do that I love is listen to any strong feelings he has and they write them down for him. It validates those feelings and makes them safe. It has made him so much more confident about expressing his needs.

First, LOVE the side by side pics.

My son is too young for me to see some of the things you are seeing in your daughter, but already, I see that I will be parenting myself. Case in point - froma young age, when I get angry, I want to DESTROY something. When I was small this meant Barbie lost her head, as a teenager many a cordless phones were hurled into the wall, and as an adult I may have kicked a hold or two in cheap apartment walls. Maybe.

My son? Barely over a year old, and when he gets mad, he picks up his little people farm house and hurls it with all his might. The drum makes him mad? It's flying. And he seriously growls and screams while he does it.

This mirror thing is freaking me out . . .

My daughter is very similar, as am I. It's a frustrating line to walk.

I feel the same way our twins are jsut like us. My son is shy and sensitive just like his father, my daughter tries to be the best at everything and is stubborn just like me.

it is hard, btu I hope knowing what they want/need because these are our traits too will be easier to parent.
I don't think so but I can have hope!

Oh yeah . . . I try so hard not to repeat the mistakes of my parents . . . no doubt just to wind up making my own mistakes. But hey, they're mine. AND my kids (and I bet yours) know they're unconditionally loved . . . I'm hoping that alone is what it takes to get through the bumps.

What a wonderful post/observation. So true and poignant.

I feel this all the time, the strange sensation of parenting myself. At this point, Myles' temperament is beginning to emerge and it's so close to mine that I worry for him, that he'll wear his heart on his sleeve and be hurt, that he will struggle to find his external self and his voice.

She looks like a small carbon copy of you and I know that having learned from your circumstances in the ways that you have, you are doing a great job of mothering her.

It is strange to see yourself in these little ones though isn't it? I never expected it to be quite this way.

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