Moms Against Minivans

I hate minivans.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not ashamed to admit that I covet that big wide open space between unruly passengers. And the remote control side doors are practically orgasmic.

You mean they close like all by themselves? *Drool*

But minivans just scream "mom" or "really whipped dad" (heh) to me and I already ooze enough of that, thank you very much, with my half undone nursing bra, yoga pants, and shirt with so many spit up stains they sort of make a cool design.

Can I tell you how many people told me they liked my hair cut this week? It was because they saw me after my bi-weekly-if-I'm-lucky hair washing.

I realize that with this admission I will probably incite most of my gorgeous, intelligent, and extremely buxom (or well endowed, er, ahem) readers, but I stand firm in support of my fellow tens of moms who adamantly refuse to give in to the tempting back seat tables and drop down DVD players with head sets and remote controls and automatically closing trunks and enough room in between children that you don't have to constantly scream at them and cup holders for everyone.

That's right extra cup holders. I SPIT UPON YOU.

I demand trunk space damnit! And hinged doors that close with raw human force! And all my children in a row so they can pass french fries and chocolate milkshakes and smack each other in the head on long trips!

Yeah. I love my SUV.

That's right.

I love that big expensive gas tank. Yes I do.

And that one long back seat with three car seats squished together.

Mmmmhmmmm.

Well.

Um.

...

At least I'll never be accused of driving a Mommy-Mobile.

Take that.

Comments

[Alecia]

Love this post! You made me feel a sense of pride just now! Four little ones and no minivan for me. I love my SUV too!!!

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Nice try, newfiehun.

And for the record, I drive a Chevy Trailblazer, non-extended version.

No big ass suburban here. :)

[Kelly]

You see I've been drooling for a mini-van since we had our first child. We always rent them on trips and I love how you can throw the kids in when it's raining crawl in yourself and buckle them in in where it's dry and then crawl up to your seat yet again staying dry. Not to mention the fact that nursing a child on the side of the road is easier to do in a minivan because once again you don't have to literally get out of the car and worry somone will hit you or blow you into the traffic when they speed by. Oh and the back door lifts up to to protect you from the rain when you put groceries in but wait my parent's trailblazer does that too. I just love that the kids don't have the opportunity to slam the door shut EVERY STINKIN TIME THEY GET IN OR OUT!!!

[Parentopia Devra]

One of the moms at my son's preschool drove a mini-van with the license plate "I Caved".

We have one, but only because my husband swore up and down if I agreed to it, I could have MY vehicle of choice after what we refer to as "the minivan years."

The other problem with the SUV's for me is their height because technically speaking, I dont' think I am actually legal to drive if you measure me by inches and not years.

[Heather]

Ha ha! My husband is the one that wanted a minivan when we had one. We've since gotten an SUV because we needed a bigger engine to pull our fishing boat.

I drive a PT Cruiser and have all 3 kids in a row in the back seat. It's cozy, but it works.

[Nancy]

I'm the proud driver of one station wagon and one hybrid car. No big-ass vehicles for me.

(Thankfully we don't have a third car seat to cram in the back, otherwise we'd be in big trouble.)

[newfiehun]

Don't you know, SUV's are the new mommymobile???

[LadyCiani]

I used to work for a rental car company, so I have driven everything under the sun.

Today's minivans are on a car's suspension, so the ride is extremely smooth. Nothing like the minivans of my childhood. I would willingly drive one (and I have no kids, dogs, or plans for kids).

If you're holding out, try one of the "crossover" vehicles. The one I drove was the Chrysler Pacifica. Two rows of seats in the back. The front row (next to the door) is captains chairs that fold down for rear access. The rear row is also two seats, separated by a cup holder area, so everybody's butts stay on their side of the car. The rear row has a 60/40 split for extra storage space when you need to move stuff around. Leather interior makes spills easy to clean. Headroom is fantastic, and because it has that higher body style it would be easy for getting the baby in and out of the car seat. The doors are sedan-style doors, so it doesn't look like a minivan. Plus, it gets better gas mileage than your SUV.

[Vicky]

A to the MEN on that one Kristen! H and I made a pact when we were dating that if we ever got hitched and had wee tots we would NEVER own a minivan no matter what.

Just last week someone told me, "You don't lose who you are when you drive a minivan." Uh, yeah you do. If driving a truck is your thing then drive that truck or SUV. I Lurve me some truck. Driving a minivan makes me feel like I've gone soft.

[Backpacking Dad]

Incite? I suppose. If by "incite" you mean "make me want to keep you in my dungeon of total hotness". Because minivans are the devil's vehicle, and my SUV, the one I finally bought recently, is awesome. If you are a mom driving a minivan you might be hot; if you are a mom driving an SUV you are DEFINITELY hot. If you are a mom driving a Dodge Viper then...excuse me for a few minutes.

[nikoline]

Although having never met you - through your writing, I simply ADORE you! Really clever post.

[Lee of MWOB]

Oh I felt the way you did not so long ago. I was cramming my three carseat kids in the back of my Subaru Outback until this past November when my back started telling me to stop trying to put my 17 month old in the middle carseat between his two sisters. We bought a used Honda Odyssey a day after my aunt passed away and we threw everyone in it including the two dogs and made the trek to Arizona for the funeral. After that trip, I was sold. I'm a mini-van convert and proud of it.

:-)

[TheFeministBreeder]

I get a compliment about my "new hair cut" from somebody at work every time I wash and blowdry my hair in the AM (which is not that often because seriously, who has that kind of time on their hands?) Yeah.... it makes me feel awesome (insert eye rolling here.)

[radmama]

We upgraded from ancient Civic to a Pontiac Vibe this summer. We manage a huge car seat and two adult size preteens/teens in the back. With hatch space for the dog and a barely-thirstier-than-the-Civic gas tank.

Mrow.

[Amy H]

I have 2 kids and drive a Honda Civic. Sure, I like the auto-doors and the space (my God the space) of a mini van but I just CAN'T DO IT. I made a promise to my husband before we were married that we would never get a mini van and I plan on sticking to that.

[Kerrie]

I have to agree with Manic Mommy..."SUVs are minivans in denial".
I even remember and ad from a few years back they showed a Chevy Surbuban and the voiceover guy said "A Highlife man knows a mini-van when he sees one".
I'm so anti-mini van that I'm actually schleping the kid around in a Civic Coupe...yea, with the infant carrier it's a little rough, but once she's facing forward it will be fine. Plus, I gave up enough sports car coolness by agreeing to the Civic.

[ClumberKim]

I can't believe I'm saying this publicly but I wanted a minivan before I had kids. It's the dog show vehicle of choice and the dogs were IT. I made my Subaru wagon work though. Now I've been driving a minivan for over a year and, painful as it is to say, I love my minivan. I still would like a second, smaller car to drive when I don't need all the space but I appreciate all the features that make life with kids (and dogs) easier.

[Jill]

I was dragged kicking and screaming to the minivan, but now I love it. But what I love more is driving my husband's Honda. A plain old car. That's low to the ground. And isn't covered in Goldfish crackers. Sad how much joy I get from that, isn't it?

[PunditMom]

Yup. No minivans here. Just. Won't. Do. It. As for the SUV, my cute "little" Honda CRV isn't really an SUV, right? ;)

[Poppy Too Buxom]

I have a smokin' hot Toyota Sienna AWD with leather seats, automatic doors, captains chairs for the sprogs, and cupholders up the wazoo.

But I only drive it on vacations, or when I'm going to a rummage sale and need room for bargains.

The rest of the time, I'm tooling around in a Passat station wagon.

That's right--we have TWO mom cars. Whip it good!

But I never need to worry about blending into a sea of minivans. Around here, minivans are rare. The real mommy car is an SUV.

And carpools? Envy me; my kids walk to school.

[Karen (Submommy)]

Another Mother Against Mini-Vans here.

I have the audacity to drive a *gasp* SEDAN. I actually have to *gasp* duck my head to get my little guy into the car seat.

I don' need no stinkin' flip-down DVD player. I'm drivin' it Old School.

[LaShawn]

Proud SUV owner with FOUR KIDS! My suburban has captain chairs in the second row of seats so it is no issue for two of the kids to walk to the back of the SUV and buckle up and the babies are still within arms reach (to replace pacis etc.). My husband HATES vans so we will never own one and really I have never seen the necessity of it.

I <3 my SUV!

[Ally]

Don't tell my husband that he looks whipped! He will be devastated ! HA! The best thing about my van - ooh so hard to choose - but I really think is the fact that we were given it to replace our last one that died!

I, too, was a crossover resistance girl until we were given a van.. an ooh the space, the "I can fit a seven foot piece of furniture and two kids in this thing" of it all - I am in love!

Sad, that may be, but true nonetheless.

[Tony]

Hi, my name is Tony and I'm a mini-van owner. ("Hi Tony")

And no, I'm not a whipped dad. I was the one who suggested it, and my wife and I bought our mini-van BEFORE we had children. Two years before in fact.

I'm not a big fan of SUV's. For all the space, convenience, and features we get from our mini-van, we'd have to pay $10,000 more to get an SUV with the same conveniences, and all this with 10 MPG less in fuel efficiency.

And don't tell me about 4 wheel drive. Unless you are consistently parking your car in mud, 4 wheel drive is not that much better than a mini-van with front wheel drive. It is much better to have 4 wheel drive than 2 wheel drive on an SUV or truck, I'll give you that. And, if you live in a very hilly area, 4 wheel drive will help when driving slowly in icy conditions.

For many people, 4 wheel drive is actually a bad thing. It provides a false sense of security. Too many people think 4 wheel drive means you can drive 70 on the highway in a driving snow storm. Next winter, take a count of every type of car that is in an accident off the side of the road. I'll guarantee you that by the end of the winter, the vast majority of them will be SUV's and trucks.

Speaking of automatic sliding doors (we have them, and yes I did ruin a pair of underwear the first time I saw them), why can't they put them on SUV's?

[patois]

We did the minivan route. I hated it. My poor (obviously whipped) husband had to drive it all the time while I took over the Jeep Cherokee as mine. 4WD for the Tahoe snow and tows the pop-up camper. (Yeah, we're trash.) No wussy minivan can do that.

[Emma]

I have the exact same problem. Refused to get a minivan. Have a Volvo SUV. Like the way it looks but lots of things wrong with it. Now wondering as the kids get older if I will eventually end up with the dreaded mommy van... ugh...

[Lisa]

Six Words:
Water Proof Seats And Plastic Floors...
I drive a Honda Element. You tell me this vehicle wasn't made for Mommies. Yes, the limit is two children, but when the spill proof-ness of that sippy cup is tested (and fails) or those Cheerios are ground up with teeny tiny shoes or that long car ride to Florida brings out a never-before-seen side of motion sickness from the wee ones... you better believe I will be FAR happier at the simplistic clean up than I would have been about being able to open the rear door with a button. M.A.M.!

[Heather]

The problem with driving a silver odyssey? Everyone drives one and I've resorted to tacky magnets on the back so I can find the damn thing in the parking lot.

[Lisa]

I'm definitely an SUV holdout. In fact, it's an advantage in the pickup lines at school. You see, most parents in their look-alike Honda Odysseys actually have to exit their vehicles and retrieve their child because they all look alike. My astute third-grader has absolutely no problem seeing my big "truck" (as I lovingly call it)in the sea of mom-mobiles and walks to ME.

Also, I have plenty of room with the third-row seat and the lovely drop down DVD in with headphones in the back as well.

All the benefits, and my big black "truck" keeps me from feeling like one of the pack.

Oh, and being able to handle the snow thing is very, very handy as well.

I will never be old enough to drive a minivan!

[Kara]

I love my minivan. I've driven one since I was seventeen, long before I even thought about having children. A minivan took me on Grateful Dead tour and to many many Rainbow Gatherings. I consider it to be the VW microbus of our generation. I'm just mad that VW didn't follow through on their new microbus concept car they developed. I would love a minivan with rubber easy clean flooring.

[Manic Mommy]

I just down-sized from my Trailblazer to a 2009 CR-V. We can fit the four of us, plus one reasonable sized adult or one more booster in the back. It won't be overly comfortable but it's doable.

I hate to break it to you but SUVs are minivans in denial.

[Katie]

Oh you try to resist, but I can tell your defensiveness is because you feel the sweet, silky voice of the minivan tickling your little ears. You are attempting to fight against the inevitable hypnotic promises of travel utopia.

Yes, you may try to join up with others, forming a battle line of strong, terrain tested SUVS, but admit it Kristen. You know you want it.

Eventually, you will heed her siren call. Much as the ships crashed into the rocks, your stalwart, auto prejudice will find its death at the local dealership.

Be not afraid! For with the turn of that Odyssey or Caravan or Sienna key, you will be born anew!

Yes, your fate is sealed. Your resistance is futile. Sooner or later, you will be one of us.

[Amy]

I LOVE my Honda Odyssey. I can't imagine cramming my two into my old car with all their gear and the dog, much less three. Ugh.

[jp]

We always rent a mini van on vacation, even without kids. Holds golf clubs, beach chairs, coolers, and other guests comfortably.
Wait........are you telling me we don't look cool driving it?!?!?!

[Nicole]

And I so want a CRV instead of my Fit. Of course, with just one on the way, I don't see that happening any time soon. We can fit one carseat in either car.

[Nicole]

Hey, what about one of those "crossover" type vehicles? You know, halfway between an SUV and a minivan?

All the ads say they're a way to maintain your cool in the face of parenthood after all. And if its on tv or the internet, it must be true, right? :)

[Alicia]

I miss my car but I love the mini-van for one big reason. I can get up out of my seat and check on the children (when I'm not driving of course) with out having to stop the car to do so. When they were little and bottles were a necessity this was crucial on medium trips. And I'm sure it'll be crucial on the upcoming VERY LONG trip we will be taking.

[Amy Jo]

You say it so well. We currently drive a station wagon, but it's kind of a cool-ish one, if you can imagine such a thing. I honestly love it. But with baby #3 on the way, my husband has put his foot down. We're probably going to try and pick up a mini-van in May before our vacation. I'm terrified.

[Trista]

My husband solved this problem by buying me a HUGE ASS chevy Astro. IT's a VAN but it's ok because it's on a TRUCK wheelbase. So it's a MANLY van. W/E

It's a bitch. I'd rather have my kids squished in the back seat of a car. Better gas mileage, easier to park. (although I do have to admit that I like stretching out in the middle seat during the the 1000 mile trip to my parents house)

[Fairly Odd Mother]

I'm sorry, dear, with three kids, you've crossed over to "need a minivan" land. I resisted as long as I could. When I had to make the leap, I went for the Nissan Quest with skylights. And, no DVD's---good God, my children are zombies enough, they can stare out a window like I had to do.

And trunk space? Heck, I could fit a bunch of bodies in my trunk and still have room for the week's groceries AND a stroller. Not that I've tried that.

[Bill]

Hey - you're darned right you're going to incite this reader!

Minivans are too cool! In fact, nothing screams cool quite like me driving my Odyssey home from Music Together with the moonroof open and RATT (or whatever's playing on Hair Nation) blasting out. I'm "Way Cool, Junior!" (that's a RATT song, so you don't have to look it up)

[marybeth]

amen!! I refuse to acknowledge that I am old enough to drive a minivan...at least it gives us an excuse that we can't take my mother in law with us when we take the kids somewhere! :)

[Amanda]

You also forgot that without a minivan, you can get out of carpooling other people's heathens. Sorry, there's no room. I too love my SUV. And mine gets just as much gas mileage as a minivan, so the gas argument isn't even valid there. Plus I live where it's snowy. When the minivan people are stuck home because of *gasp* snow, I can go grocery shopping because they all ran out the day before and cleaned the store out of milk, bread, and eggs. There are many advantages to not having a minivan.