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March 11, 2009


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Hah!! This cracks me up. When I first married my husband we had the very serious, "FYI, I will NEVER drive a mini-van after we have children" talk. True to form, he got me a Rover, which I LOVE. I will never, ever be a mini van mom. Yuck.

Ah...minivans...how I hate thee. It was a sad, sad day for me when I traded in my Jeep for a minivan, but alas, 3 full sized carseats didn't fit in the back of the jeep. :( I wanted a suburban, my husband wanted a minivan. I lost that argument. Epically. So on the way to the car lot, I decided to give my jeep days one last farewell and as a result got pulled over by the county sheriff...a bunch of bs later (hey my dad was a state trooper - he coached me well in the art of wiedeling my way out of traffic tickets), I got off with a verbal warning for driving 75 in a 55.
So I bid farewell to my beloved jeep and drove home a Chrysler Town and Country, much to my intense chagrin (conspicuously shielding my face with my hand so that no one would notice that I, a 24 year old mom of 3, was driving a minivan. No matter how hard you try, it is absolutely impossible to preserve any bit of youthful dignity while driving a minivan that screams "35 year old lame soccer mom". After one winter and infinite hours spent stuck in the snow and ice on flat, even surfaces (and I lived on a hill so add about 5 more hours to that), I put my foot down, said enough is enough, went out "shopping" on black friday and came home driving a Mercury Mountaineer. I love it. With third row fold down seating, it seats all the kids comfortably and the windows are tinted darkly enough that I can drive and the one remaining carseat (my oldest two girls are out of carseats now, and only my youngest is in a carseat), can't be seen through the glass...hehehehehhehehehehe. And the stereo system....aaahhh....I feel the age I'm supposed to feel (which is only 26)...I LOVVVVVVE it!!! I will never, ever, ever buy a minivan again and I will vehemently warn those who consider buying one to look into an alternative vehicle instead! lol!!!

LMAO, Loved this! I too, am completely COMPLETELY against a mini van. Ew. The whole thing makes me feel like I should just go ahead and slit my wrists. Driving a Toyota Camry bothers me enough that I actually find joy in the fact that it's blue and not "God I am so boring Pewter". I cannot fathom the saddness I would feel driving a mini van... no. god. please.

Listening to all these arguments, I found myself smiling and nodding. I could relate to each of the moms I chatted with, and found myself fearing the reaction I might have driving up to a professional event in the ultimate family car.

Please...give me a MiniCooper which screams--Drive your own damn kids. I had one kid for a reason.

As I put a down payment on a Toyota Sienna, I tell myself, "This is just a phase. This car does not define me."

Damn you sliding doors and extra mirror for checking children in the backseat!!!!

The loan suppose to be important for guys, which would like to ground their career. By the way, that is not really hard to get a term loan.

I realize I am late in commenting here but I just have to answer one comment above: I drive a Toyota Sienna, a momivan through and through. I don't mind it being a mommymobile cuz that's what I am and I use it to drive kids. I also get incredibly great gas mileage (better than 35 mph highway at last check). It was also made here in the US unlike some US owned car companies. I also have 5 star crash tests and excellent handling. Take that to your car pool lane - don't hate the van.

I am a minivan dad who drives a honda odyssey. while it is an ego crusher, adn I sorely want to get a Subaru Legacy GT Wagon, I know I will miss the space. I will be the one parent with a minivan who refuses to take responsibility of lugging other people's kids around to events. fuck that. my two are enough to deal with.
my Odyssey absolutely kicks ass. heated seats, sat. radio, back up camera, sunroof. it is the most practical vehicle I have ever owned.

This is hilarious! I just found this post today while snooping around on your site, but a post I wrote a few months back could have been a rebuttal! Check it out,(http://clarity-chaos.blogspot.com/2009/05/minivan-convert.html) when you have a sec. Maybe we could face off sometime. ;) ha!

funny stuff. love your blog.

Yes! Down with the mini van revolution! I live in Utah, land of everyone having 8-10 kids... and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM is white with those sticker families on the back. Two parents, 18 kids, 2 dogs and a cat. I will NEVER be THAT mom.

Minivans, SUV's it's all the same. They ARE both obvious mommy-mobiles and labelled that way. It's blatant when you see either vehicle coming at you what you're going to see driving.....A MOM or maybe the random shamed Dad. The only real differences are that SUV's are bigger height wise and are well known for their horrific roll-over accidents.

Minivans, SUV's it's all the same. They ARE both obvious mommy-mobiles and labelled that way. It's blatant when you see either vehicle coming at you what you're going to see driving.....A MOM or maybe the random shamed Dad. The only real differences are that SUV's are bigger height wise and are well known for their horrific roll-over accidents.

Mini vans, SUVs, and Honda CRVs/Pilots are bad, but made worse by the people who drive them. Not only do they lack any semblance of style, they have lackluster acceleration and horrendous handling.
I like my Mini with the John Cooper works package. It's quick, cool, easy on gas, not made by evil little "let's take over the world" Orientals...and my nine year old loves it. (Because it's his in seven years). I guess if I was bent on over-populating the world, being a slug on wheels, and quite frankly a geek, than I would own one of the aforementioned vehicles.

Amen. I swear I'll never own a minivan if for no other reason than I've made fun of my sister-in-law for buying one too many times. If I were to buy one, I'd have to eat crow, and I'm not good at that. And I like making fun of her for her Town & Country (gorgeous minivan, but still a minivan).

For years, I swore no minivan. YEARS. We smushed the the two kids we had into my 92 jeep Cherokee. Then I got pregnant, and my husband went on a business trip. Not at the same time. But he rode in a minivan on that trip, and came home raving about the damned thing. So since I have an open mind where my husband is concerned, I drove one. It was great, and all the car seats fit safely! So I'm now on my second, an '08 Sienna, complete with DVD player and sound system so I don't have to listen to the movie while the 4 of them watch. I'm a total convert now. My momobile rocks.

"really whipped dad" sucks. What does that even mean? Men should drive sports cars to be men? Or women should singly shoulder the brood? You're a mess.

Editor: It's called "Take a Joke"

I have a minivan, and wouldnt have it any other way. I hate SUV's and I hate Fords. I dont care if someone thinks I am a mommy because...I am. I just had my second daughter 5 weeks ago and I am NOT going to be inconvenienced taking them both somewhere to suit someone else's view of me. It sounds like that's what you are worrying about. I dont care: I drive my car for me. NOT what others think. My husband drives my car and loves the space in the back so he can take packages to FedEx so we can make some money after he got laid-off. His car would not do this. So, off the point, lots of your readers have Minivans and love them. I personally think SUV's are wasteful, pretentious and stupid...but that's just me also.

I have a Ford Explorer with a sunroof and love it. If I ever drive a minivan then I'll know I've truly gone off the deep end.

I have the macDaddy one that makes you cringe with envy. You forgot to mention the theatre lighting and seat warmers. Sadly, it was the best vehicle financially - I so wanted the Armada!!

So what if I have a plastic hump where I should have a penis?


LOL, I feel the same way never ever will I own a mini van or a grocerie getter no thanks.

Just glad they don't turn to muskmelon. That'd be weird...My wife is coming. I will shut down now.

I love my SUV. Even my hubs' truck is better than a mom mobile. And a man in a mom mobile? blech.

Minivans...you are dead to me.

HAHA I meant Land ROVER in my earlier posting! sheesh.

Repeat after me, people: "I am not what I drive."

I cling to this thought for the benefit of my self-image, because I drive a slightly whiffy rolling garbage can.

At 16 years old I had to learn to drive in an '88 Dodge Caravan (and it was 1994). The kid in the parking space next to me at high school drove a convertable. From that moment on I swore I would NEVER own a minivan. Having a child hasn't changed that sentiment one bit. I love my Honda CR-V.

I love my Pilot, new age mom-mobile or not :P

It's good to know I'm not the only one walking aroung with one side of my nursing bra undone, yoga pants and spit up all over my shirt. That's me daily!

oh! I love Land Cruisers... come to mama! I took a picture of this really awesome one (which ones aren't awesome?) here in Alaska because we hardly ever get to see them here. It was like I was seeing a wild African safari animal for the first time in my life! Too bad I can't post the pic here. Perhaps on my blog.

Yes! I hate minivans... although the Hond Odessy is looking quite sexy these days... nevertheless, back off minivans! {I love my Suburban, TYVM}

Here's one good use for a minivan:

Years ago, visiting a friend who lives in a small seaside town in Mexico, we'd go out to dinner every night and park her Windstar by the window of the restaurant. The pack'n'play fit perfectly in the back, so we could put our (then) 18-month-old baby to sleep and keep a close eye on her while we sipped margaritas and enjoyed a civilized dinner. It was a much needed vacation - in every respect - and couldn't have happened quite like that if my friend didn't have that damn minivan.

Funnily enough, she's never had kids and never will. And yet she defiantly drives her (inherited) Windstar.

I live in a city where cars are not necessary and groceries get delivered. But I'm with you. If ever forced to be suburbanite, I don't think I could go minivan.

Sorry SUV lovers... an SUV is just as much a Mommy Mobile as a mini van.

I'm with Larrisa up there....ZOOM ZOOM! I love my Mazda3!!! The carseat fits just fine, and when the time comes, I'll cram carseat #2 in!

You know what? This shit ain't cool.

Our minivan rocks.

I may drive a wagon, but damn it, it's a LUXURY wagon. Fuck a mini van.

I'm a SUV girl myself! Husband wouldn't think of dipping out in a minivan. Gasp!

Winks & Smiles,

HAHA!! This made me laugh out loud---laugh loudly. Whenever my husband and I have a disagreement, he always threatens to buy me a minivan. I then, threaten to cut off his dick. I say, an eye for an eye.

I rock a 2008 Odyssey and yes I swore I never would and yes I absolutely LOVE it! It took three of driving it before I was a complete convert. Babies are one thing people - wait until your kids play sports and you always an extra kid or two with you - not to mention bat bags, ice chests, a wagon to pull the younger kids around in, and an occasional large breed dog! Also, I am barely 5 feet tall, the lower to the ground vehicle along with the sliding doors made my decision a lot easier.

lol. We're buying a minivan next week and I have NEVER been so excited. We went from a family of three to four in a VW Jetta.. and with a carseat and a booster seat in the back, my boobs are pretty much ON the steering wheel when I drive, and I fear for my life when I'm in the passenger side because, man, if that airbag deploys ALL of my ribs are broken.

So, maybe I'm just sick enough to death of tiny sedans.. maybe that made my decision for me.

I felt the same as you and I was definately an SUV mama, then I got pg the 3rd time around and ended up with twins!!! Yes, I now drive a mini-van. *hangs head in shame* All I can say is I have room now! As soon as car seats are gone, I'm back to my SUV. For when I need to feel cool though, we take my SOs Mustang. lol

I really fought getting the minivan...but my #3 baby ended up being a #3 and #4 (twins).

I tried to keep my Subaru...I asked the dealer if Thule made a roof rack holder for twins, but for some reason they said that might be unsafe.
So, we had to buy a van instead. Bummer.

We have two teenagers, a dog and now a minivan. I resisted for years, but at the end of the day, our cars are all about getting the best deal. The minivan was the best deal we found. Our last car was a 91 Beretta two door. I once went camping with both kids, the dog (in a crate), tent, cooler, everything we needed, in that Beretta. Trust me, there are worse things than a minivan!

Amen, sister! No minivan for this mom. If this is cry to the car makers to get them to lend you a cool cross-over for the next several weeks to test drive, I want in on the deal!

I must be different... Unlike this mother, I want a car that screams, "I AM SOMEBODY'S MOMMY!" Because quite frankly, I'm d@mn proud of it. So give me a minivan... The moment I can sell my BMW 740iL for something with sliding doors so my children can happily skip while singing into the back of my easily accomodating vehicle, is the day I'll be a happier MOM! Yeah... I want a minivan... I want to be labeled a Mom... because I LOVE IT! But that's just me... :)

I used to think we were just not minivan people.

Then our kids got, well, grownup-sized. They don't all physically fit in the back seat of a sedan *or* SUV. And since we have three kids and two adults, we were left driving two vehicles anywhere we wanted to end up together as a family.

That sucked.

Now we've got one SUV and one minivan that doesn't look so much like a van (Chevy Outlander). I love it. Room for the kids to sit without touching each other. Room to ferry them and their friends around. Plus the three big dogs we schlep around with us.

Minivan, SUV, sedan...whatever. I get awfully tired of being judged by family's decision to get a vehicle in which we can all fit (I've been sneered at, told "well, it's obvious you're a MOM now"--like the three kids aren't a clue?, and told outright that I'm ruining the image of parents by driving a van).

What minivans "scream" to me is: parents who got tired of adjudicating space-related arguments on trips, having to drive two cars, turning down playdates with kids' friends, not be able to help out driving to field trips or have room to fit a bunch of girlfriends for a mom's night out.

We didn't sell out. My husband is not "whipped" (and his manhood is totally unthreatened by driving a minivan). We made a decision that was right for our family.

I know a LOT of families who now own vans because their smaller cars became unworkable as their kids got older and bigger and into more things.

Never say never.

We bit the bullet and bought one. We loathe it, but it gets it done. Rolling through the neighborhood with Flight of the Conchords "Its Business Time" blaring takes our mind off the heinousness of the car.

Let's see -- we have inadequacies if we drive sportscars, are whipped if we drive minivans, and boring if we drive sedans. WTF?

I'm with LiteralDan -- if it starts, drives, stops and holds all my stuff, it works for me. My Odyssey rocks -- except for those overpriced run flats with the crappy snow traction. Not cool.

I'm with you baby . . . LAND.CRUISER

I own a Taurus wagon. I'm kickin' it Old School up here. And I love it. I hate minivans too.

Well, I hate to break it to you, but SUVs, especially ones with 3 rows (Pilot, Sequoia, Tahoe, etc) are basically in the same category as mini-vans. I am a preschool director and the joke is that at drop-off time, the parking lot is filled with Pilots, Sequoias, Tahoes, Siennas and Odysseys. They are all Mom-mobiles.

The SUV is just the trendier Mom-mobile of our age. That being said, I still feel cooler in my Pilot than I ever did in my MPV.

Sing it, sister.

I flat out refused to buy a minivan. My husband begged and pleaded, "Think of all the roooom. You could put in the dogs and the kids and have room to spaaaare." I said thanks, but no thanks. And if he wanted a minivan so badly he could trade in his little german sedan and buy a minivan and I'll keep my SUV. He didn't like that idea. Pussy.

And if I had more than 2 kids I'd buy a Suburban. All the better to take my rage out with.

@GirlsGoneChild - I'd hump your passat wagon any day.

and @literaldan - such beautiful tapestries you weave. HAHAHA

How big of a pussy does it make me that I'm not totally against minivans?

I'm against a lot of people who drive them, sure, but the vehicles themselves are just damned practical, and I'm all about that.

Those most manly of men out there scoffing at the van must look into their hearts and heed the ancient call to function over form.

Is that working? Is it working?

I'm well-endowed with all sorts of things, including a bullshit loom, for beautiful tapestries such as that.

In our fleet at home we currently have an 07 Dodge Ram Quad cab (seats six) and a 08 Dodge Caliber (seats five and has a hatchback) which is great but my company vehicle is a 09 Dodge Grand Caravan...which vehicle do you think I end up taking every time we go somewhere as a family..it's the kids..it's more convenient...I don't have to listen to the kids yelling...SHE TOUCHED ME!!!...It's not my mini van...but...i'm falling in love with it...darn it :(

Ugh the Mini Van - at only 5 foot tall I have to go with a car that "fits me" so me I shove everyone into a Mazda3, 5 speed stick, ZOOM ZOOM this Momma loves her car! But with another due in July I may have to find something else... nah someone will just have to sit in the hatch back or stay home LOL

I too despise minivans...even if I had 12 kids...I'd pile 'em into my good old VW, with its massive trunkn space...death to the minivan

Doors that close with brute human force are so underrated, you're right. And power steering is overrated. I guess I just want a Flintstone mobile that I make go with my feet.

Totally hear you. Had this argument with my mom who STILL rocks her 1990 Previa like its the coolest thing EVER. I have two kids and two dogs so there is VERY little room when we travel by car as a family (every month or so) BUT I am willing to be squashed. It's worth it to me.

I realize people feel equally anti about station wagons but I LOVE STATION WAGONS OMG. I will hump your station wagon, my station wagon, everybody's station wagon... I dream of one day trading in my Passat Wagon for a 1948 Woody Wagon... my midlife crisis car no doubt.

I broke. I bought a minivan in December. Everyone asks me how I like it, and well, it's a minivan. Great for what it's intended for (families) but ego-crushing as all hell.

I am pretty sure it was in my wedding vows that we will never own a mini-van.

Yes, but do you have a built in DVD player?

With only one, I can get away with driving a compact nad we have no frills whatsoever. I would never even consider a minivan.

But, on a recent visit to friends who have a minivan, Myles was enamored of the built in DVD player, and I have to admit it was nice to not hear a peep out of him for an entire drive.

our minivan, which I reluctantly agreed to, is really convenient now that we camp a lot. It holds a lot and we don't have to climb up to the roof to store stuff. We retrofitted it with a Playstation which plays videos and games. So that works well now that our kids are tweens. And its a Honda, so its really dependable.

Nodding in agreement. SUV owner, raising my hand. When I have more kids, I will just buy a bigger one. No mini van here.

Minivans are the automobile equivalent of a vasectomy.

Jeep Commander.

And a minivan would be easier, but hubs won't do it. He says I'm too cool to be in a minivan. I've obviously got him fooled.

I think about how low to the ground a minivan is though, and how easy it would be to slide my keyboard in and out of it - right down the center aisle.

I have only wavered since VW came out with one. . .

I heart my mini van, I call it my spaceship. I love the room, convenience, the way it rides. Before kids, I always said that I would NEVER buy a minivan, that it, until I actually HAD kids. IT makes my life so much easier. Once the kids are older, I will get the cute convertible VW that I've always wanted.

I told my husband as much when I was pregnant with our first. "I will never drive a minivan." And I haven't. And won't.

I've had 2 minivans over the course of 16 years. Loved them both. they served their purpose, which was to hold all my crap, my kids' crap and assorted friends, relatives, etc. Now that my kids are both teens, I am facing the end of the minivan era, and contemplating a small SUV. I say, whatever makes sense for you. But there is something lovely about being able to WALK around in your vehicle. Sweet!!

I refuse to ever get a minivan!!! :) What kills me is the people with ONE child who think they need a minivan 6 weeks post partum, because hey, one infant takes up so much space, right? (Wrong.)

And so I repeat...I refuse to ever get a minivan! LOL

'99 Chevy Malibu. That's all I'm sayin...

The hubs and I were wistfully recalling our youth and the days of sliding around untethered in the back of someone's wood-paneled station wagon, probably breathing in leaded fuel and cigarette smoke. Ah, the good old days.

Have to confess we are renting one at the moment while on contract and the company is paying. Gotta love that whole press the button door open thing.

I, however, dream of zipping about in a Smart Car.

They can take my Xterra away when they pry the keys from my cold dead hands. I will make the older kids get out and walk if we should ever have more than can fit in the backseat, before I will get rid of my SUV.

I love my mini van for many reasons. One-as one of six kids we had a mini van when I learned to drive-so I have a mini van close to my heart. Two-with girl scouts and the dog I chose to get a mini van. We thought of getting a SUV and while I did love the chocolate brown Sportage-I love my mini van so much more. None of my doors are electric, but it does have plenty o' cupholders.

I say to each his own. I know I would survive without our minivan but I would be really sad if we had to.

At the moment I refuse to get a minivan, even though Aaron would kill for one. Our SUV is still just enough for us and two kids.

Now if we should ever have a third - I think I might have to cave to the minivan.

WORD. I won't do it either. I won't get a minivan. We have a pathfinder and we can fit all three carseats in the (squished) back row plus two strollers AND Costco groceries in the back. So there!

I traded in my Pilot after one year of schlepping around three kids in a row and got myself an Odessey. Love it. You, too, might see the light after a few months.

IMHO people who drive SUVs are in denial. Minivans have come a long way since the 80s - they are practical and comfortable and can be sleek, if I do say so myself. Why waste more gas and torture yourself with three in a row when there's a significantly better option? I am driving my dream car for this life stage. Wouldn't trade it for the world.

Next time we are peacefully driving our four kids from Boston to DC with the DVR on, I'll think of you SUV folks yelling at your kids.

FYI I have a lot more trunk space in the minivan.

We just gave our leased minivan back on Monday and...well...I miss it already. Our oldest is leaving home this fall and the other two are tweens, so we just didn't need it anymore. They may be uncool to some, but our minivans have served us well over the years. We always had two extra seats to cart extra people along to soccer, field trips, birthday parties, orgies, etc. (no, just kidding. I hardly ever drove for field trips) and with twelve cupholders for seven passengers, everyone was free to get extra drinks at Starbucks.

i've only got one kid (and it will stay that way) so a mini-van isn't a necessity for us - THANK BOB! becuase Boy Howdy do I find them heinous for all the reasons you listed above. I drive a Jeep. Wrangler. With my two-yearold's seat strapped in the back. I catch more flack for my "rolling death mobile" than anythign else. but you know what? I really don't care. I LLLUUURRRRVVVEEEE my Wrangler. sure, it totally lacks space, and we can't use it for family car trips and I can't take the top off or even put my cloth top on becuase my girl hates "that slapping noise" but hot damn, I love my car. i wouldn't trade it for all the self-closing doors, leg room and trunk space in the world.

If I had to, I would divorce Mr. C and marry my minivan.


I would be wearing my Crocs during our ceremony. Then we would ride off into the sunset, to a soccer game.

I love how you minivan drivers try to make yourselves feel better by saying that SUVs are the modern day mommy mobile or wagon.



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