Meet my nemesis

It's a hand me down "gag" gift from my hil-arrrrious friend, made out of way too much hot pink grosgrain ribbon and it drives me completely and utterly insane, mostly because no matter where I hide it, the damn thing always ends up back on my daughter's head.

I've taken to sending her pictures of Quinlan every single time she wears it - which is now almost every day.

"You remember that damn bow you gave me? Yeah. Well. LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE."

I generally get a reply that goes something like this:

"BWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!"

Now before you call me a bow hating Yankee, let me just explain to you that Quinlan never really had any hair, so I never bought clips or headbands or any sort of hair apparatus.

But apparently hair grows, you see, and since we live in the South, we're surrounded by bows.

They are everywhere.

And oh how she admires them. Especially the big ones. With porkers or korkers or whatever they're called. You know, the ones where it looks like a bunch of bows exploded on the little girl's head in the shape of a cheerleading pom pom.

Yes those.

They sort of make me want to take a big fat crap in my adult diaper.

"Oh mommy look at the pretty bows, they're so pretty, wouldn't they look nice in my hair mommy?"

Sigh.

We'll send her upstairs to get dressed, and without fail, she'll come down with that damn headband on.

My husband tries valiantly to talk her down from the bow ledge.

"But look at this pretty headband. It actually matches better. So why don't you come here and take the bow off. It'll be okay. Really."

"No Daddy. I like it. The hot pink ham-band matches my hot pink leggins."

Girl does have a point.

So while we can't bring ourselves to buy any more ridiculously large hair bows, we just can't bring ourselves to toss it out either.

Besides, I've got to hold onto it so I can strategically regift it back. Along with the other 400 fine Southern bows I'm collecting.

Oh they're coming for you TNG. Just you wait and see.

Comments

[Jess]

I am from the south and very girly so I have never known anyone to not like bows. I just had my 1st girl (after two boys) and she already owns a bow in every color - and about 10diff color headbands to put them on. I always had a big bow in my hair as a child and I loved it! I will be heartbroken if my daughter does not like them. I have to say Q looks very cute in the headband - I love it!!

[Melissa Stockton]

as the mother of a 3 year old little girl....I LOVE BOWS! and so does she....she picks out which one "matches" best....Really. We live in Montgomery, Al and it is a very southern thing i agree. Smocked dresses and hair bows.....gotta love it!

[linda]

I love that face- looks like she has little pink horns. The phase will pass. I congratulate you for not stooping to the woman's level.

[Sheri]

As a mom to 3 boys, I hopefully will never experience the bow thing....but yeah, I would have loved to have a girl. Cuz I'm a priss and would have loved to dress her up in all pink and get bows to match every friggin dress she owned. (Our neighbors prayed for me to have boys because, they claim, the glow in the dark pink radiating from our house would have kept them up at night). Don't get me wrong, I loved dressing up my boys and I loves me some baseball hats and the like, but sigh.....maybe you could send her up here (near Chicago) for a week, she could live out her bow fantasy and come back down south never wanting to touch one again.

[Jen L.]

I apparently live very close to some sort of scary southern baby depot whose radio ad boasts that they have "Over 1000 hairbows" in stock. Let me know if you need me to send you some for your retaliation effort. ;)

[Cavguyswife98]

Yeah.... I feel ya. And I am from the south but am NOT girly at all. But I have a girly girl who has a good bit of hair and currently refuses to let me do anything with it other than put in her headband (which looks amazing like the one in the picture). And the bow MUST be on the right side of her head. Sometimes she has it in before she even comes to wake me in the morning and tell me, 'Mommy - I hungry.' Which means she is more concerned with her hair than food. Sigh... where did this girl come from???

[stephanie]

I have yet to experience the bows of the south, but I can relate. I hated the girly girly outfits my newborn daughter got as gifts. I would try to find the more casual outfits to dress her in. I mean do babies realy like that much lace around their face? Now as an almost 3 year old the girlier the better. Drives me crazy. I am always trying to redirect her to different outfits. But she likes the frilly crap. Oh well.

[Asianmommy]

Haha! I love the bows on the baby, who does NOT look happy. :)

[Amy @ The Bitchin' Wives Club]

That picture with the christmas bows is hilarious! As a mom to only boys, I have no grosgrain ribbon bow Worries.... But my eldest is hording a slew a of those christmas bows upstairs in his room for reasons unknown. Hmmmm.

[Kerrie]

I just wish Tess had hair to which I could attach a bow.
Then again, part of me loves rubbing her bald little head. Oooh I'm so torn!
However, I can completely understand loathing that pink taffeta mess that has leeched onto your daughters head.

[Christy]

Don't shoot me....but when I was back in Little Rock last month, I totally hit up my favorite "bow store". We needed a bigger size, to accommodate my daughter's growing hair! I love big loopy bows, or even big springy korkers! Too bad she has to wear a hat all winter long up here in Michigan!

[Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com]

Ha! I remember loving those bows when I was a kid =P After reading this, I should probably go apologize to my mother...

[Kara]

Man I love giant bow. It was one of the few southern things my Yankee transplant parents took to. There are very few pictures of me as a kid without some big giant bow on my head.

[TheFeministBreeder]

I one day dream of having a little girl who will dress herself in ribbons and bows and dresses. Boys clothes are no friggin fun.

[Issa]

Just think of all the lovely pictures you can show her when she is 13 and thinks she is the coolest think in the world.

I have this idea that one day, (which will come faster than 13 with Maya) my kid will come home and all of the embarrassing pictures of her at 3 and 4 will be blown up and posted all over her room.

Yes, I am that nice. :)

[Naomi]

I grew up in Hawaii but finished high school in Texas so I was pretty frightened by the Bowhead Cult since I had never seen such a thing. (In the late 1980s, they all wore puffy silver heart jewelry, too.) But I must admit to loving a sickeningly huge bow fastened to Roo's curly locks… it's hypocritical and wrong and totally goes against my feminist instincts, I know, but I think it's super cute in pigtails. Thankfully, she's rebelled against it. Unfortunately, now she wants to wear a blonde wig a la Hannah Montana. Ugh.

[Lindsay Lebresco (Graco)]

As a Yank, I don't have to deal with the bow pressure (that must be intense!) and frankly I can't keep hair accessories in my daughter's hair but she does like hot pink, pale pink, salmon, coral, fuchsia, etc.

The adorable blue and yellow [expensive] outfit from Gymboree brings on screams like I was trying to murder her with said outfit! To top it all off (not with a bow but still), she changes her outfit 5-8 times a day. Considering she's only 2 1/2 and her 4 year old brother still can't dress himself, I should be quite proud maybe but it's a pain in the as@!
You owe your friend bigtime.

[Bow Hating Yankee]

OH. MY.

BWWWAAAAA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA!

THAT, my friend, was a completely earnest BABY SHOWER GIFT (btw, from the only northerner I know whose daughter participated in pageants. COINCIDENCE?) Q was looking SO LONGINGLY at it, how is an Auntie supposed to say NO??

That is a crafty little piece of photo-shopping there, sister. Too bad my kid doesn't look as happy to be in bows as yours does.

AND as far as regifting goes, it can't be worse than the purple JLO thongs that we had going back and forth, for like a DECADE.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Thanks Paperfairies -- she does look cute, I admit.

And the dress, submommy? We have that. A purple striped number from Lands End from a consignment sale.

My husband calls it "the cult dress."

[My Kids Mom]

As another Yankee in the south, I'll tell you my bow-initiation story. I have two boys, so I listened intently and took notes, but fortunately don't have to use them. A mom with a newborn was explaining to a group of other moms, all with newborns or toddlers, about Bow Training. Apparently you must start Very Very Young with the bows, barrettes and pigtails so they will get used to them and stop pulling them out all the time.

There was no concept of "I pull this damn thing off my newborn head because it feels awful" or "I'm yanking this crap off my baby head because I look like a Christmas tree", but only how to teach little girls to be uncomfortable from a Very Young Age.

[paperfairies]

Dude, she looks adorable. I'm 100% with you in the minivans suck department, but girls and bows? Those go hand in hand.

[Christina]

I think bows look over-the-top in everyday wear. But my girls have been known to wear bow headbands for Christmas or Easter. It was only when they were babies and had no hair at all, making them look like boys in dresses without something to hide the lack of hair.

Now Cordy won't wear a headband. She occasionally wants little bows in her hair (the little 2-clip sets from Gymboree), but most of the time she has a ponytail or barrette.

Mira prefers hats.

[Karen (Submommy)]

My nemesis is a yellow "polygamist compound escapee" garage sale beauty yellow dress.

[Amelia Sprout]

As someone who's mother tried to make me gender neutral (more like a boy) I have totally bought in to the cute hair thing. That is a little over the top however. I also didn't know they all had names.

My daughter however, is having none of it. At least she likes having her hair in pigtails.

[Mother Goose]

It wasn't until college that I was aware of the southern bow craze. I saw grown women with grosgrain or even yarn around their ponytails and was *so* confused.

Come on, join the dark Yankee side! We're crabby and we walk fast because a storm's always coming and we're repressed Puritans. It's great!

[Kia]

I'm a northern transplant living in Dixie and will admit to actually using a propeller bow every now and again. Southern humidity gives my daughter huge hair so it's matter of balance and symmetry : )

But bald headed babies with scotch tape and toothpaste to hold those suckers in place, that's another story!

[becky]

Im from the south, I love big hair!...and on my baby girl, I love bows, everyday! Small, attractive bows. Now, she has worn one bow that was about the same size as her head and I was worried it might weigh it down. Oh, and the monogrammed thing on every single dress... not so much. Im gaudy, but not tacky. lol

[Hip Mom's Guide]

Ah, yes. I spent a lot of childhood years in the southern bow-head club. I'd forgotten about that! Thanks for the laugh.