Etiquette, Bitch - Road rage with the kids in the car

Now I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I haven't cursed in front of my kids, because, that's just a load of bullshit.

See. Love to curse.

And I have been known to use the Lord's name in vain. My husband tells the kids I'm praying again. Too bad I can't use that when he screams "You Assholes" at the tv on football Sundays.

But I really do try to make sure my responses to other people, you know, as opposed to things on television, gigantic glasses of spilled milk, and poop on my hand, are fairly appropriate.

Now when it comes to driving in the car, my husband is way worse than I am. I swear he thinks a car is like a plane, and because he's got super fast reflexes, anyone who hesitates for more than a few seconds incurs his wrath. I have to admit that there are some big fat idiots on the road here in Atlanta, most often it's someone cluelessly driving slow in the left lane on their cell phone. Yesterday a cop had his flashers on right behind her and was waving a person over and she didn't even move, obviously too engrossed in her very important conversation to focus on driving a moving vehicle and all.

But, alas, I still let a "Son of a Bitch" fly out of my mouth, shake my mean maraca, and go on my merry way.

However, that was not the case for the woman sitting in the complete wrong lane coming out of Kroger a few days ago. I was attempting to make a left turn into the drive, and she thought that my lane was a left turning lane (apparently double yellow lines mean nothing) and was sitting there waiting for the light to turn green, oblivious to the fact that I was about to turn in.

She could have easily backed up and just whipped into the correct turning lane because no one was behind her, but even as I started to make the turn and beep my horn in a "hey, lady, move the heck out of the way because YOU'RE IN THE WRONG LANE" sort of way (as opposed to "get the fuck over you dumbass"), she just sat there. Staring. Maybe pretending that I was just the nuts one and she was, in fact, correct.

Well, I finally HAD to turn because traffic was coming so she sort of pulled forward enough for me to get by, glaring at me the whole time. I was talking to her through my window, which I'm sure she could see. Nothing terrible, mind you, but just a combination of "hello, you're in the wrong lane, move the hell over, I'm about to get hit in traffic, I have kids in my car."

And before I know it, she rolls down her window all the way and starts screaming at me, in front of a dude in the front seat, and better, in front of her kids in the back seat.

"SHUT UP, BITCH. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Now, in my world, if you are wrong, you generally don't yell at the person who is right. I tend to do the little "I'm embarrassed sorry that I'm an idiot" wave and smile and hope that the person WHO IS RIGHT doesn't get all crazed.

And if they do, oh well, such is life. I'm not perfect. So fuck you.

(ha!)

But it was obvious that perhaps in her embarrassment she just lost it. And how I would have LOVED to give her a piece of my mind right about then.

But I thought about the kids in the backseat, and the piss poor example it would have set for them - rolling down my window to scream at a complete stranger, and I just drove on, trying to ignore my urge to just back into her car.

Accidentally, of course.

So, when it comes to situations like that, or road rage in general, how do you respond, particularly when your kids are in the car?

[For more adventures of the Etiquette Bitch, read about The Baby on the Bar, The Poopy Diaper at the Kid's Gym Room, and the Unbuckled Kids in the Car; idea originated by the brilliant Mom-101]

Comments

[MicheleSTEIN]

According to my analysis, thousands of people in the world receive the loans from well known banks. Thence, there is a good chance to get a car loan in all countries.

[ML]

Evidently, I use the word Dude a lot in traffic. So too, with the "It's GREEN!" coming from the backseats...Dude, it's GREEN. I also have been known to teach the other driver: THAT lane is for you, SLOW DUDE; breaks are not for highways; try your accelerator...so much so that my 7 yr. old could probably pass a driver's test. Very constructive for everyone ;)

[catherine]

My sister had to curb her issues with her potty mouth...She taught her two year old daughter to say EFFING MORON..yeah..great example there mom :)

Luckily she's not that bad anymore..and the baby is now almost three and has pretty much given up on saying those words....

[anonmom]

My kids are teenagers now. But when they were toddlers, I spewed more than my fair share of expletives while driving.. the worst being something like, "Nice blink, dink!"

[DefendUSA]

When people who suck at driving are wrong and I am not, I politely tell my children that if the person honking or flipping out weren't in such a hurry he wouldn't be acting like such a jerk. Then I tell them to wave....

[Carrie]

Too funny - love the blowing kisses strategy, will definitely try it!

Here the metro Detroit area, people are freakin' nuts. When my now 20 year old was about middle school age, someone cut me off and I said "dumb bitch". A bit later when we passed the same car, he said "Mom, I do believe that was a dumb bastard". Call me a bad mama if you want, but I about died laughing.

[Kelly]

So I'm normally a fairly passive driver - I might get upset at stupid people (a lot in Atlanta) but I go my merry way with maybe a honk if it somehow was dangerous what they were doing. However, when pregnant, I find suddenly the urge to demonstrate how I feel. So someone decided they were in a hurry and drove up the left turn lane due to traffic in the straight lines (I mean it was only rush hour). I was behind them in the turn lane to *gasp* turn left. Well the left turn lane had a green light and they needed to cut back into the straight lane which didn't. So they blocked our lane. No one got through the light. When I did get the opportunity to pass them, I honked and flicked them off. I was irate. But then I forgot about it. Until after my left, the same car is suddenly driving up the turn lane again on this new road honking until they pass me and cut me off. Seriously? How freakin' crazy are you? You were in such a rush you had to pass all the other cars but now you have enough time to harass me. As this was within 2 miles of my house, it scared the crud out of me and I've been a lot more controlled ever since. I literally thought they might pull a gun or something at that point. I just didn't know. So yes, now that I have one kid and now a 2nd on the way, I am much more controlled about what I do/say in the car - not just for teaching them things but for safety too.

[Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com]

Heh. My husband tells this story about how his dad used to call the stupid/asshole drivers "dingleberry." He never flipped them off or swore or acted angry, so my husband as a kid always thought it was a cute name he had for fellow drivers.

Then someone explained to him what a dingleberry is. Lol.

I think you did the right thing, not allowing your anger to get the best of you in a moment like that. Most of all because people who lose their temper as quickly as the other woman did? Are probably alot more dangerous when you fight back.

[Trish]

Oh BOY could I tell you stories! My favorite are those people who tailgate you WHILE YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE LANE. Of a THREE LANE HIGHWAY. Sorry for the yelling - but really, people, that's why god made a passing lane!!! And I'm with Jennifer from A Bushel and a Peck - the finger is my favorite form of obscenity. Bunker Monkey can't see it, and there's nothing they can say to it. I just keep flashing it at them.

When I *do* have myself calm and collected, tho, I do like the "blow 'em a kiss until their head explodes" tactic. I mean, there's just nothing they can do, and it just makes 'em madder and madder, until...Boom! heh heh heh...

[JustAnotherSAHM]

Oh the things that have come out of my mouth while driving. I instituted the 'mommy words' rule a loooong time ago so my oldest pops out things like 'I KNOW you have a blinker', 'Green means GO' and 'Small pedal on the right stupid!' instead of the more colorful things that I've been known to say.

[Angela]

I usually use my horn instead of yelling. My kids will repeat ANYTHING I say, so I've learned to mutter really, really well. So far I haven't had to answer the "Mommy, what's an asshole?" question.

Can't believe the other driver's response. Her poor kids. They have no chance.

[shane]

a couple of years ago I had a guy tailgating me so closely that I could count the idiot's nasal hairs. The dude was completely crazed- arms waving, lights flashing and yes obscenities flying. Both of my kids, 4 and 6, were in the back seat. I think that's what pushed me over the top. The guy whips around me and pulls into a grocery store. "Hold on kids- we're making a quick stop for milk and eggs". I caught up to the asshole in the frozen food aisle- needless to say he was surprised to see me (and my two boys). Our conversation was pretty curt but I think I made my point and my kids thought I was a friggin super hero.

[Elaine at Lipstickdaily]

Dude . . . road rage . . . I could write an encyclopedia about the various levels of and creative expressions of road rage in my family! Luckly, in my small town we have very little traffic and fewer people and those who drive something other than a horse and buggy are generally polite. So there is not much occasion for hysteria. But in those moments where I am stressed out and lose it at some asshole and my kids are present, I have coached myself to just say "idiot"! So far haven't gone beyond that. Yay for small towns.

[hoppytoddle]

Yeah, I blow kisses & tell people Jesus Loves Them.

It's fun.

MiniMe is known to say, "Green means GO, Lady!"

But, no expletives.

I wonder what the guy in the front seat said to her.

[anita ovolina]

I go back to Italian when I am really mad .... nothing like some pure Italian road rage that no one else can really understand except for the hand and arm moving up and down
:)

[Bill]

When we're at a light that's green but nobody's going, my kids both yell "go...Go...GO!!!!" It's great, because I don't even have to yell it any more. Any other time I get mad, my daughter says "I think that guy's not a good driver. I don't think he's wearing his seat belt!"

And I'm totally making a mean maraca. My son is on spring break next week (when did 2 year olds start getting spring break?) and that'll be a great project!

[Red Cup Mom]

I wave and use my horn. The kids haven't really noticed the wave yet. As for the horn, they love the beep beep!

[Becca]

I wonder if we live in the same area?! I'm in Atlanta too, lol-- north as a matter of fact! Anywho, man oh man there sure are some stupid people around these parts! Good for you though for being the bigger person and not cussing her ass out in front of your kids (because I would have had a REALLY hard time not doing so...). I have to admit that driving in Atlanta traffic BLOWS and it is really hard to keep my cool..

[Christina]

I'm dreading the day my girls repeat something daddy yelled at another driver. Some of the worst foul language comes from his mouth when he's pissed at another driver.

I try to remember that we all have different ways of driving, and some are more right than others! As long as I get home safely, that's all that really matters.

[Stimey]

Good for you for taking the high road! Honestly, I think people like that mostly want to engage you. I think it upsets them even more if you don't take the bait. Sometimes a big ol'cheesy smile and a sarcastic thumbs up is the best solution.

[Anne]

you should ride with me sometime, I won't even repeat what flies from my mouth

[Jessica @ A Bushel and a Peck]

I prefer using my middle finger. The kids can't hear it, and if I position it correctly, they can't see it either. Win-Win. Also, occasionally I do this while silently mouthing "F--k You".

[Char]

@ MetroDad - haha, wish I knew how to speak Pig Latin!

[Char]

Haha @ VHMPrincess! That's a GREAT idea :-)

I usually don't get road rage. Lucky me, my hubby DOES. I usually say, "come on people" and sometimes I will go out on the limb and say, "move, you idiot."

And when the other person whom is obviously making a big mistake and puts my family at big risk, I will always HOLD DOWN THE HORN for about 15 seconds or so, just to let them know.

That is how I cuss @ 'em...

[Naomi]

My husband taught Roo to trash talk drivers when she was little and it's still one of her favorite pastimes: "Hey, Lady! My three year old daughter can drive better than you...and she can't even drive!!!" She cracks herself up and it usually makes me forget how totally pissed off I am.

[VHMPrincess]

when someone is being REALLY pissy, I blow them a kiss. You should SEE THEM EXPLODE them. They really just about lose their heads.

[Melissa]

I am so bad with road rage. Even with my kids in the car. I won't like chase down people or do anything dangerous like that but I have been known to let out a few choice curses sometimes not so much under my breath.

I do have to say that the pig lating thing is brilliant. Maybe if I start translating what I'm saying into pig latin, it'll give me a few seconds to calm down and really decide if I want to say what I was thinking - Yay for any sort of filter!

[Amanda]

I wish I could say I was proper and composed in the car, but I'm not. They don't call it Nascar 81 for nothing. Probably why my oldest said "fuckingshitdammit" as a favorite phrase at about 3. We're just waiting to see what the 2nd one comes up with.

I didn't have kids with me, but one lady followed me into Walmart to cuss me out for taking her parking spot. Bitch was going to BACK UP into it. You can't to that when you're 500 yards away from said space, even if you have a blinker on if there's someone behind you. I watched her drive by it, watch the people pull out, she was waiting to turn to go up another aisle, then decided to put her blinker on to back in. As she was cussin' me out she says "I was gonna back in!!!" All I said was "It doesn't work that way." and walked away.

[Jennifer]

My son yells out "STUPID HOOKER!" after I road rage. It'll be an interesting day when I have to explain what a hooker really is.

LOL @ Tea, I totally envision myself doing that to the morons, but never have as of yet.

[emsxiety]

My children learned to say fucknut at a very young age. But in the right context so we're good.

[pilogui]

It is a great virtue not to use uncouth words. noale.com pilo

[Tea]

I have a tin can of a car. While approaching the entrance to the grocery store, some jerkass in an obnoxious vehicle cut me off and pulled into the parking lot. So I followed him, made a lap around the parking lot, and parked right beside him after he was safely in the store. Now, because it was a tight squeeze, I had to open my door serveral times. And because it's an older car, the door is a bit stiff, so I had to open it fast. Only after hitting the other vehicle several times with said door, did I decide that perhaps the parking space was too small - and moved to the other side of the lot.

That's the only time I've ever done anything like that. Usually I swear. We try to make a game of is stringing out swear words. "dumb bitch," for example, becomes "rancid cock-waffling fuckweasel."

[mythoughtsonthat]

Years ago, no kids of my own, had my small niece in the car. Someone else did something stupid and I muttered (I THOUGHT quietly) "Stupid f**king people!" And my little niece said from the back seat, "Hey! Those aren't f**king people! Those are nice people!" Had to tell my sister (she laughed) Learned my lesson- hardly ever make the same mistake with my own boy. Hardly.

[amanda]

I'd love to say I have a methodology, but alas, I don't. Avery takes delight in saying Jesus in the exact same way i've heard spring from my mouth, not proud, but childishly entertained by it.

[Jenny]

I usually try to just say "What an idiot" or "Moron move out of the way", but I am in no way perfect and have been known to use a few choice words, with which my son will respond "Mommy calm down, it's not a big deal"... Then of course I know I am not getting Mother of the year because my child is acting more like the adult than me:}

[Krisha]

I have only once let out a road rage rant with my kids in the car.
I am usually very very good about just going on my way.
But...we were nearly killed because of this person's blatant disregard.
This particular woman had a bumper sticker on her car praying "Dear Lord just let me be the person that my DOG thinks I am."
In my mean, mad, meanieness I screamed out
"Your DOG thinks you're a BITCH!!"
Then remembered my kids were in the back seat..
the end

[Kris]

I lately have made the mistake of calling drivers stupid ass when they are being idiots, but no more. My son, the other day, crashed too of his cars together, and stated, Stupid Ass.

[Veep Veep]

even in new york, we cant get away from dealing with lovely drivers. we just have the added benefit of also having crazy cab drivers on the road as well.

did i ever tell you about the time i was in a cab and i was the cab drivers second passenger EVER?
i didn't use pig latin. i made it five blocks before i got out and warned the person who wanted to get in next.

[Kia]

I'm of the kill them with sarcastic, wholly insincere kindness variety. But it is hard to employ in road rage situations where yelling is usually the only form of communication.

But it's perfect at the mall and grocery store. My kids don't hear me curse but they have heard me sanctimoniously lecture people on their sad, unhappy lives. Which is far worse according to my husband!

[MetroDad]

Personally, I like to yell at idiots in Pig Latin.

Earnlay otay ivedray, umbday uckingfay itchbay!

(translation: Learn to drive, you dumb fucking bitch!)