Alone.

I had it in my mind to call my husband and just record Margot screaming at the top of her lungs for the entire bed and bathtime routine yesterday on his voice mail, just so he could hear what I go through when I'm alone with all of them.

This is why when he's home I just want to collapse on the ground in a big ball.

I am cognitively aware that it's not his fault that I'm here, struggling to make it to 9am without crying. He hates leaving and he hates hearing my wobbly voice on the other side of the phone.

But emotionally? I get pissed.

He doesn't have to pilot a plane with a baby attached to his boob or hip. And he doesn't have to make dinner while breaking up fights while a baby screams at the top of her lungs.

It's no wonder women are still often playing catch up to men in the work place. We've got three kids and household chores and fights and bedtime nipping at our heels. I'm pretty sure it's way easier to climb a corporate ladder (or any other kind, for that matter) without those things hanging on your back.

And if we do keep up, damned if we're not completely exhausted and nearly brain dead. I mean, it's amazing I can hold my head up and keep my balance on some days.

I can't help but wonder what I could actually achieve on a full night's rest, let alone with a chef, housekeeper, and everything else that we moms do.

We'd have surely taken over the world by now.

Comments

[ML]

AMEN!!! Breathe deep, chocolate...start again.

[Stan]

I'm a guy and I don't know what I Googled to get here but I just laughed my @$$ off reading your blog. I know am not your audience but my significant other is begging me for kids and I hope she reads this. Not that I am against kids, but she has a career right now and I think she just thinks they are cute and does not fully appreciate the impact they have on your life. I make jokes and she gets bent out of shape. I wish she had some of your sense of humor.

[Fay]

This is why we still need feminism, people. This work should not all fall to mothers. If there is one working parent and one who stays home, gender should not be a factor. If both parents work, both parents should do child-and-house stuff. What I hate more than anything else, is the ASSUMPTION that the man will bring home the bacon, and the woman will fry it up in the pan, AND change all the diapers AND make all the meals AND AND AND. Grrr. Women would rule the world if they just wouldn't put up with this shit anymore!

Don't try to tell me sexism is dead. This post proves it isn't.

[LN]

I really appreciated Dieg's comment. You ARE doing an amazing job. Honestly, when I first discovered your blog, it freaked the shit out of me. As a working woman in a long term partnership who eventually wants children, the absence of your husband and the craziness of caring for your children was a wake-up call for me. Jesus Christ, I thought to myself. Is this what it's REALLY like?

Now, I feel grateful that you're providing your readers with this unvarnished account of what it's like. You share the ups and the downs with such honesty. It is so educational and so human. I really appreciate it. I wish you lots of strength and some peace. I agree with other commenters who say that there's certainly no shame in getting help if you feel that you need it. All the best.

[Sharon]

once again, thank you for putting into words how I, and I'm sure MANY MANY MANY other moms feel!

Take good care of yourself!

[lynda]

No husbands don't understand. He's the one that lets them make messes when you are gone because it makes them happy. Of course you get to clean it up when you come home. You feel like screaming. It's hard when you are in the thick of it. I don't think moms network enough- take turns giving each other a break. Thank-you to YOU and your husband for service to our country!

[LiteralDan]

You should definitely record the screaming, though not on his voice mail. But you may need to hear it someday as much as he does.

I myself have got a nice couple of volumes saved up for a rainy day.

[Gretta]

I wish I lived closer to you. Love you.

[Christy]

I have three kids, and my husband travels for work a lot. I'm not sure the husbands (well, mine anyway) truly comprehend the aloneness of it all. The everyday, all day and night of being surrounded by small children but feeling alone. Hang in there. I have found great relief in the beginning of school. One less child to manage for a few hours - woohoo! On the flip side, I feel sort of lucky I'm not the one having to be away from the kids for a week or more at a time. I just couldn't do it. Well, maybe an overnight trip. Yes, that sounds a bit like heaven right now. And, sometimes it just feels good to complain a bit.

[katie]

I'm at work. I got zero sleep last night. Two year old wakes up twice a night sobbing for Mama, four month old woke up for some reason every half hour.

But guess who's home with kiddos? DADDY. MUHAHAHAHAAA.

[dieg]

I can not even begin to imagine how insane it is to be you right now. I think youre doing a great service to women- not hiding behind the Suzie Sunshine crap our mothers had to. In most countries and cultures, there is a huge infrastructure of care givers for children. We go it alone and that will wear any sane person down. Its not about sucking it up and proving what youre capable of- its about caring for your family (which does also include you) as best as possible and giving your children the best possible life you can muster for them...and when people are busy trying to prove how tough they are- I suspect that the kids are getting nothing of what they need besides the basic feeding and watering they need. Youre doing an amazing job. Youre a working mom (redundant phase isnt it?) with no childcare, no family support and a husband who is physically absent. Do not let any snarky comment belittle the intense circumstances your working under. Your children are loved and thriving, you are holding it together better than you realize and in the mean time youre providing a public service by letting people know that mothering is a full contact sport! Keep it up Kristin!

[Heidi]

My husband and I used to have this argument and it usually ended with what do you? His answer, I pay the bills - uhm, so do I. So in essence I gave up bc it always reaffirmed that his job was about 1/3 of my own when you include the housework, kid, food, etc. Just frustrated the hell out of me. I had to stop thinking about it.

[Kelly]

Fuck, yeah. (Sorry for the swearing, but after a weekend of taking care of a little one with the stomach flu, and myself with a burgeoning migraine, and an aimless 5-year old needing attention in the background, and a husband in the basement working, that's what I come up with.)

I hear you.

[SD's Husband]

More ink. Get more ink.

Don't dump it all on yourself. Enlist the cavalry if you have to, but don't forget to make YOU a priority just as much as the kids. Life is not about a shitty boss, wiping your kids asses or dealing with the in-laws.

I know now why my mother made a pot of Malt-o-Meal in the morning and left the house...

[wookie]

You are so awesome. I don't know any woman with children under 6 right now that can't relate to this :-)

[mommysaidwhat?]

Great post.

[Angela]

HUGS. We should get together for dinner one night. My kids will sleep anywhere. And we've got extra cribs here. Several bottles of wine, or a couple of batches of margaritas. Those screams just won't seem as loud after that. :)

[Char]

... and then you woke up. hahahahah! JK. I have 4 kids (and 1 stepson whom visits). One day, you'll just let go a little bit and not be so worried about the house. Cause a messy house sure adds to my stress. You'll HAVE to in order to maintain your sanity...

[Mel]

I can completely related to this post!

[MommyNamedApril]

so true.

[Susan]

Melissa, just wait until #3 arrives. Somehow, having more kids than hands adds a whole new level to the stress. I had 3 and 5 year olds when my last baby arrived. She wouldn't take a bottle or a pacifier, wanted to nurse every 30 to 45 minutes and didn't sleep through the night for about 10 months. Shortly after she was born, my husband changed jobs and ended up working 12-14 hour days for the next year and a half. I have never felt such resentment or frustration before or since. It was a really bad time for me (and not so great for my marriage either). Having somone else tell me that they knew how I felt and hey, could I take your kids out for lunch was so helpful. Having someone say that I should be happy my husband had a job or why didn't I just wean the ever-nursing, no bottle in the universe that she will drink baby, not so much. I think Melissa's comment ranks right there with the "just wean the baby" comments I got.

My baby is now 4, and we all survived and still love each other! I don't remember much about my older daughter's third year though. That makes me sad.

If any of you are Kristen's friends in real life, maybe you could bring dinner over just one night and help with the bath or hold the screaming baby for her. I wish I could. I know it would give her a little boost to make it through a few more days without snapping completely because I've been there!

[nic]

lady love, i hear ya. i shared this post with my navy pilot husband and he looked at me and said, "i'm sorry." it sucks, completely. it sucks for all involved.

my mom and i once had a conversation similar to this post though... about how women would rule the world if we could just get a goddamn good night's rest and really fabulous sex. the sleep would nurture our bodies, the sex would boost our serotonin, and we would function at a capacity like no other... and thus, rule the world.

which is why women are the stronger sex.

i heart you by the way. :)

[amy]

lady! I love you. You should read my blog yesterday. I was in place- sorta like this xoxo

[Amanda]

A-men! My husband is home more than he used to be thanks to a job change, but do you know what I did the other day? I sat on the toilet trying to take a crap talking to the cable company, and my toddler brought me a container of applesauce and a spoon because he wanted to eat it NOW. So I fed a toddler, took a crap, and talked to the cable company, all at the same time. A day in the life of a mom. I love my husband , and he's great with the boys, but I'd like to see him pull that one off.

[Issa]

I watch my mom, who at 55 has this amazing career and I wonder how she did it with three kids. Then I remind myself that she didn't. She didn't do any of it until we were all in school, because just managing three kids made her completely exhausted.

My husband is working 80 hour weeks right now. When he's home, he's still working. It's exhausting, I'm exhausted all the time. I worry that I don't have a career any more, that I'll have to make up something later on. I guess I will and then I'm hoping I look back on this time at home as worth it. Until then, thats why I love wine as much as I do. :)

[Ame I.]

Oh, sweetie. I know you are so tired. I remember feeling how you feel right now.
Has your husband been a pilot during your entire marriage? If so, didn't you know things would get harder with every child you added to your family? Please stop being so mean to your children's mother and expecting her to be able to do everything by herself.

It is not admitting defeat to admit that you need help. Google Merry Maids or check your local Sunday paper and find someone to come in and deep-clean your home. You can NOT care for 3 children and expect yourself to be able to handle everything else. I know you feel you should be able to, but please drop that kind of thinking right now.
I lost my first husband from cancer when my daughters were 3 and 5. I know how hard it is to care for 3 people without having time to care for myself.
Even if it comes down to cancelling cable and internet service, you need to bring in outside help. Your physical and mental health is important. Don't feel guilty for doing what you have to do to take care of yourself. You can't take care of your kids if you don't give yourself permission to take care of you.
Take care of your children's mother and your husband's wife. She deserves it.

[momranoutscreaming]

Oh boy, you're preaching to the choir here. My husband works insane hours that leave me w/all the night and morning duties. I almost went crazy when I had 3 kids under 5yrs. It will get better. The sleep will come. You will start to feel like a new person. You will be able to keep your house and yourself presentable again. Until then, do what you have to do to make it through the day and remember that time with the kids is more important than a clean house. You will get to go to the bathroom alone again. it will be FANTASTIC. Hang in there

[marty]

It is so cliche, but I honestly had no idea how one tiny child could possibly take up my entire day. I really did think I would still get lots of things done, you know, being a stay at home mom and all.

And yet I still want more.

[Mom101]

Just let me know if you need a housecleaner for your birthday...

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Oh Samantha. You definitely deserve it. Seriously. Rock star.

[MF]

I know EXACTLY how you feel. My husband leaves around 9am and gets home 7p sometimes 8 or 9 or 10 or he'll get stuck and won't make it until 2 or 3am! This is 7 days a week. He's working, granted, and working hard, but I envy him. I would love to just get one hours of peace while driving to my job site and one hour of peace while driving home. He basically works alone so he doesn't even really have noise or distractions to deal with. Sometimes when he gets home and the house is messy because my 3 (4, 22months, 3months) have all had a miserable day and they demand my full attention. This only happens about 1-2 times/week. But when he walks in and I'm still in my pajamas and I smell to high heaven and there is no dinner even as a thought in my mind and to hear him say 'What did you do all day?' it makes me wanna just kick him in the nuts! Hello, I can't pee alone, shower alone, or even make a phone call without a kid or 2 or 3 with their head wedged up my ass! He'll call and ask me to look something up on the internet for him and get mad when I get huffy. Dude, I just got the baby to stop screaming and now I'm TRYING to scrub the kitchen floor. I'm sweaty, smelly, hungry, thirsty, covered in lysol cleaner, and I need to finish this now so that I can finally get the kids some lunch and maybe eat myself. Geesh, I wonder why your 'Can u Google this company, I don't know how to spell it, and see where they're located?' really pisses me off!! I'm lucky that most nights I'm not cooking dinner, it's a rarity in this house to see me cook dinner and when I do I get those braggin rights. He's home late so most nights it's me and the kids eating for dinner what some would eat for lunch whether it's grilled cheese sandwishes, Gerber entrees, or frozen pizza. They have 9pm bedtime and as soon as the cable box says 9:00 they go off to bed and then I TRY to get the baby in a sleepy mood. He usually sleeping by 10-10:30. This is around when DH gets home and starts cooking in my very clean kitchen making a total mess that I will have to clean when he's done at midnight! So from around 10:30 until 1 when the baby wakes up I consider this MY TIME. I take my shower (FINALLY!!!) maybe poop because I actually have time to and nobody is banging on the door or kids aren't trying to kill each other over a Dora shoe, then I get on the internet and check in on my BabyFit team, then here (religiously everyday!), then mail. Then I try to find good deals on diapers and such and do whatever research (yes he has me look up stuff for him and compare prices and specs) DH has thrown on my lap. Then I may actually grab something to eat. It never fails though, as soon as it's ME TIME my DH is yelling down the hall for me to come sit with him and talk with him while he cooks for himself or rub his head or whatever and I don't want to. I don't want to give anyone anymore attention. I want to sit in a quiet room and know that for the next 3 hours nobody needs me. Only he doesn't understand and he's stands over my shoulder while I'm trying to do my stuff here on the computer or read a book and questions the importance of it. It's not about how important it is for me to know that Kristin is losing her mind and throwing shoes, or slinkyispreggo hasn't checked in for a while, or Rihanna and Chris Brown are seen together, it's about my mind taking a break. Sometimes if he gets home at like 6, I sign off for the most part. I go and take my shower and I take my time with it too. Then I'll put away all my laundry that's been stacked in baskets. Then I'll clean my room. I leave him with the kids. Only thing is that he's clueless so if the baby cries it's 'go get mommy and tell her Malik is hungry' or if Amirah needs a diaper change I have to come and do it. So it's like he's monitoring them when they don't need me. Partially helpful...I guess. I love reading your blog because I feel like you get me and many other moms. I felt so relieved when you told me that you screamed and got upset at Q because she didn't know her alphabet (I think it was). That's my life, seriously. I am at wits end all of the time. It was so nice to hear that your DH didn't like that you yelled all the time. That's primarily what I do since nobody hears me around here and my DH hates it too. You are like a breath of fresh air for me. It's nice to know that someone shares in my woes of motherhood. I know I'll miss them when they're older but right now I'm looking forward to those teenage years when they can cook for themselves if needed, and can wipe their own asses, take their own shower, and put away their own damn clothes! I love ya Kristin.

[Samantha]

I love your blog. I love you. My husband will have been gone 18 out of the 22 months of our son's life when he gets back from deployment in August. That means bathtime, bedtime, cutting teeth, ear aches and all the other fun stuff that happens has been for me to deal with, alone, without him. I finally pulled the chair up to the webcam and told him to entertain the baby while I took a moment for myself. You validate what I feel and take me off the ledge with your humor. At least when my husband has a bad day, he can shoot a bad guy over there....I don't have the luxury. Besides shouting "NOT FAIR" at the top of my lungs, I can only dream about the perfect mother's day of being alone in a hotel room with nothing but me, new gossip mags, take out and silence. No hubby, no kids, just me.....you in? Here's to another day!

[Stacy]

Ditto Babe! I'd be ON FIRE with a full night's rest -- (hell, 5 hours uninterrupted!).

Somehow just having some other adult aware of what you are juggling makes it more manageable in the emotional ways.

[J from Ireland]

My husband works shifts and every second week he is gone 2- 10pm. After 10 years I still moan and whine about being on my own with kids, especially bedtime.
I can only imagine how difficult it is for you. I think you are doing bloody great and you still manage to write interesting posts. Slainte.

[amy @ bitchin' wives club]

It's okay to vent and let it out. You are mommy: hear you roar! And, I agree totally with your rant.

[Susan]

I feel for you, really. I remember this stage well and I only had 2 but when a friend had a third, I stayed with her while her husband was deployed. The third kid had to scream while the other 2(same ages as yours) had the bedtime routine that was so ingrained.
The year when my kids were 2 and 5 was like it lasted 4 years; I was begging for one of them to learn to pour a drink!! It ultimately made my decision to stop at 2.

[Melissa]

Any chance you could have a sitter/nanny come over for a few hours a day and help you with one or two of the kids? Or even a college student looking for part time work?
Or someone to help you pick up the house?
Anything would help you and you need some assistance it sounds like.

[iidly]

I just came back from vacation. During the entire time of vacation I had one hour of alone time, and that was figured in while I was in the bathroom pooping.

My husband on the other hand had time to himself -- not tons, but he had time.

Although I love my son fiercely and he's in school from 8-2, during the hours from 8-2 my time is not my own, I working in the house doing "stuff" that's my responsibility, and when I am not in the house doing stuff, I am up at my son's school volunteering.

From the hours of 3-7 are homework, preparing a meal, and getting my son ready for bed to face another day.

You know all this -- you are a mom. I totally get where you are coming from -- from 7 until bedtime I am expected to spend all my time with my partner most nights, when sometimes all I want to do is really grab a bottle of wine, a cigar, and got sit outside and think about nothing.

But it never happens that way.

Never.

[Miss Behavin]

Oh. My. Gawd!

Are you living my life?

My husband is on the road all week while I am home ALONE tending to dishes, diaper rashes, homework, teething, puke, and tantrums. It's impossible to satisfy each child!

When Corbin was born 16 months ago he had colic. Bad colic. Scream all night and keep the whole house awake colic. Still recovering only three days home from the hospital, with two girls who had to get up for school the next morning, I lost it!

I tried everything I knew to get Corbin to calm down and go back to sleep. Four hours of non-stop screaming, as if his limbs were being pulled from his tiny torso one by one...I couldn't take it anymore.

I was crying, he was crying, the girls woke up and they were crying. I called Jim at 3:00 in the morning... just so he could be apart of and listen to all the family bonding he was missing out on.

It made ME feel better. Corbin finally calmed down and went to sleep at 5:30 AM.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Yes Jeanne! Give me TWO hours a day with NO KIDS and no interruptions and I'd get so much done.

[Naomi]

My husband works from home and is available pretty much whenever I really need him but I still wrestle with the same emotions and resentment on occasion. I think it's normal. Men and women are different creatures, no matter how much my feminist upbringing wants to argue that we can do it all and have it all and make our mates equal partners, it doesn't make it so.

My husband can let the 5 year old's incessant whining and the 20 month old's squealing and hitting totally roll right off his back while he simultaneously reads a book, sits on the couch, drinks a beer, scans TV channels, and ignores the stink emanating from the baby's diaper. Whereas I would be trying to placate my daughter, lecture my son, change his diaper, etc. while doing whatever I was trying to accomplish in the first place and hoping my head isn't going to explode. And resenting the fact that my husband can just sit there and let all this go on around him, knowing I will swoop in and fix everything.

Melissa's probably right, even though I thought her comment was a bit smug– that resentment is what does us in. Once you resign yourself to figurative single-parenting, you can just let go of it. I'm lucky to have a husband who is a pretty hands-on dad but even so, I get a LOT more done when he is out of town. I think because I'm not waiting for the hand-off.

[jaelithe]

Please DO complain.

I would much rather you complain than go insane.

Different people cope with stress in different ways. Some people (like Melissa apparently) thrive on forced optimism and intense self-discipline; other people do better when they occasionally let out a scream. I'm a screamer myself, so I understand the need.

(Also, when you talk about the issues you manage with three children and an often-absent husband, it motivates me to try harder as the work-at-home parent of one child whose husband is usually home at night. And I imagine it helps a lot of other parents in your situation feel better about their own feelings of being overwhelmed.)

[Jeanne]

With only 2 kids, 10 mos and 3 years, a husband who works 100+ hours a week (surgeon) and travels about once per month, I hear you.

The solo bedtime routine gets old, fast. And oh the screaming...

I can only imagine what it must be like to really focus on work (or anything) and KNOW that the kids are taken care of. I've never experienced that.

[The New Girl]

Oh, Kid. The Man is going away for five (5) days starting next week and I'm ALREADY having panic attacks.

And I only have one (1) toddler who, generally speaking, sleeps through the night and wakes up pleasant as punch.

Don't feel bad or inadequate for feeling bad and inadequate. Calling and leaving him a vm with the baby screaming in the background is what I call Dark Humor.

Besides, how many times has that man called YOU with a baby screaming in the background??

[Kristina Brooke aka Mom on the Rise]

Kristen, listen, now that I work from home and am trying to balance it all with a 40lb appendage hanging from my leg asking me, "whatddya doing" 5 million times, I find myself being emotionally angry that my husband gets a break by going to work outside of the home. LOL. I know that I made a choice to be here all day- to give up teaching so that I could be here with my daughter and to do what I love, but it is overwhelming sometimes.

I can't imagine my hubby being away for days/weeks at a time. I can barely deal with the hours.

Vent away. Vent because if you don't you'll explode. And those who judge, do so silently because Mocha is right- we have to stop turning on each other. Men don't do this- tear each other down in order to justify their own life choices- at least not in this way. No wonder we have not taken over the world. Divided we fall.

[Erin]

Took the words right out of my mouth

[ClumberKim]

Hey, if you can't vent on your blog, where can you vent? It's a hell of a lot better than taking it out on the kids.

I'm on Day 11 of being a solo parent, counting the hours (5) until my husband is back. And facing two weeks of him being away, at the very least, in June. We do it frequently, but that doesn't mean I have to get used to it.

We have no family in the area, and babysitting is an expensive luxury I try to reserve for those times it is truly necessary.

I work full time outside the home and have kids that will be 4 and 2 in a couple of weeks. They are in separate daycares that are in opposite directions from our home. It works great when there are two parents and we each are responsible for one kid's transportation (though we only have one car...guess who gets to take the bus!). When I'm on my own, it sucks big donkey balls.

I know it's hard for him being away too, but I envy him the peace and quiet of a hotel sometimes.

[Daisy]

My Dad was an Air Force pilot & now an airline pilot. I don't know how my Mom did it, but you'd better believe my brother and I appreciate all she went through for us. She's reached martyr status in our household and as soon as I can afford it, I'm taking her on a looooong vacation, wherever she wants. I'll even spring for a massage and pedicure for her.

I guess what I'm saying is, your kids *do* notice how much you are doing and one day they will thank you for it.

[AllisonD]

totally hear ya. There is that resentment you know is not "real" but you ahve to fight it nonetheless. Don't worry, we all feel the same way. Love the kids, love the husband, just hate the frustration. I get Melissa's point, but it probably should have been worded differently!!!

[Stephanie]

I almost cried when i read this post. This is me EVERY DAY. My husband doesn't travel but is of the thinking that because I am home with the 5 yr old and 20 month old I have it easy. He gets to relax when he gets home and my days NEVER end. I get to the point where I can't breathe or think. You are not alone-and I feel what you write. Incidentally, its funny-its almost as though the kids know to behave a little better when daddy is home-almost makes me look like I am making up stories....

[carolyn]

Wow, Melissa...

[Chicky Chicky Baby]

Melissa, as a woman whose husband travels extensively I agree that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. There's a pride that comes with being able to say "Yes, I can be self sufficient. No, I don't always need help." But it doesn't make us weak to say, "YES, sometimes I do need help." There's no shame in saying we're tired and stressed. You've done a lot you should be proud of and so has Kristen. Instead of telling her to buck up, maybe it would be better to tell her you've been there and things get better. When you're at a low point, there is no such thing as a wasting your energy on complaining. Personally, I think it's better to get out those frustrations and move on. But maybe that's just me.

Kristen, I just found out I'm single parenting for most of April so I know of what you speak. I'll hold your hand if you hold mine, 'kay? xoxo

[Jenny]

It can be frustrating when your husband travels a lot. Hang in there:) I'm thankful mine did not start having to go out of town on business until my son was older, but I have several friends who are alone with their kids a lot of the time and it can wear you down.

[Avitable]

Don't ever feel sorry for feeling overwhelmed or upset. That's what a blog is for. And don't let someone else who's clearly overcompensating for something make you feel bad.

[Elizabeth]

You have my totally sympathy on this one. My husband just went on a business trip that lasted four DAYS and I just about lost my mind. And I'm not nursing a baby either!

When you don't get any kind of break, can't say "hey, can you handle baths tonight?" so you can go into your room and close the door and have five freaking minutes of peace and quiet, it tends to lead to stress. And some yelling. Hang in there and vent all you want!

[Mocha]

Kristen you are doing what women do ALL THE EFFING TIME. You are stressed and worried and tired and hopeful that there is a respite soon.

Melissa is doing what women do ALL THE EFFING TIME, too.

We gotta stop turning on each other and start offering support. Sometimes when I'm venting to friends I preface it with, "Look, I'm just looking for you to nod and tell me that it'll be ok." That way they don't tell me to stop complaining.

Because that gets old, too. ALL TH EFFING TIME.

[fidget]

I'm so thankful my hubs doesnt have to travel for work. I need him. Just that plain and simple.

Can you find a neighborhood teen that would come over from like 4pm-8pm or somewhere around there so you have extra hands during 'the witching hours' when Pilot Hubs is gone? I bet it would help immensly

[CheekySweetie]

I completely disagree with you, Melissa. Motherhood is a shitload of work and if you don't acknowledge that, you may be coping in the immediate but in the future you will fall on your face at some point. Being proud of her husband and "used to" shouldering the responsibility mostly alone has NOTHING to do with it. She just needs some validation that it is HARD and that she is not alone. And it IS hard, and she is NOT alone.

Since when is talking about your feelings wasting energy? That's what women do...we support each other in our moments of weakness and we help each other find our step again when we falter. At least that's what my friends do, though it sounds like you are more of a "suck it up" kind of friend. Sometimes that is necessary, but I don't think this is one of those times. Those times are when your friend is hurting themselves or someone else, or is about to make a HUGE mistake...this is a time to comfort and encourage.

K-my husband worked for a moving company when my oldest daughter was a baby. I was raising my son, his son, and our baby, alone. I was lonely; I was exhausted; and I was scared I wasn't strong enough to do it forever. And I was well within my rights to feel that way. There is a reason the family traditionally means two parents...it tends to work better that way. Sometimes circumstances make that impossible, and as mothers, we do what we must, and somehow we love motherhood in spite or maybe because of all the fears and mistakes and frustrations. But it is never easy. And you never have to apologize or defend those moments when you feel like nothing but a lone vessel, rather than the person you know you are meant to be.

It IS hard, and you are NOT alone.

[mothergoosemouse]

Wow Melissa. You've definitely been through a lot. But that doesn't negate Kristen's struggles, nor does it mean she shouldn't voice what's bothering her. Because I'm betting that lots of women - military wives and otherwise - identify with what she wrote.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

You are a better woman than I am, Melissa. No, I'm not used to it. And I'm not sure I'll ever be.

To be fair, it's not a drill weekend this time. It's a lot longer.

Technicalities aside, that doesn't mean I'm not proud of it, and that I don't wake up with a smile on my face, happy to see my kids.

It's hard. I get frustrated. That's all I'm saying.

[Melissa]

I'm a big fan of yours and always read you... but after all this time reading you and all the time your hubs has been going to his reserve weekends and now that he's a pilot full time, are you not used to it by now and proud of it? I"m a Navy wife, 8 yrs, out of the last 3 yrs I've seen my husband a third of the time; seriously, during 2008 we only saw him 3 months in the whole year. and you know what? the first thing I learned in this life is that I get nothing out of feeling sorry for myself and I can say that I'm mighty proud of being able to be a single-wife. I have two kids (5 and 2) and I'm pregnant with #3. in the past 6 months I've handled two international moves on my own with the kids and the cats. and you know what? feeling sorry for yourself only lets negative emotions into your day. really. you are way stronger than what you write. and I know you're venting, but believe me you really waste energy complaining.