Tales from Mom 2.0 Summit Part 1 - Because I am too tired and lame to think of a better title

One of the many nice things about staying in a super swanky hotel in a ridiculously gihugic penthouse suite, other than all your friends running into celebrities (even ones with their hookers at least that's what Devra and Sarah said and Devra's a good Jew and would never lie) are the bathroom samples. I'm talking top notch high quality lotions, shampoos, and body washes that you'd otherwise pay more for than should be humanly allowed. Well at least when it comes to stuff you wash your hair with anyway.

And keeping this in mind, I didn't pack any products. It's the Four Seasons, right? I'm not going to be left with a bottle of Head and Shoulders and a teeeeeeeny bar of soap that could easily get stuck in my asscrack if I wasn't careful.

Low and behold, I was correct.

"There's BVLGARI hand lotion in the bathroom!!!!!!!!!!!" Julie screamed on the phone from the room.

There was also a walk-in closet the size of Quinlan's room, a dining room table, a chandelier, and a television monitor peephole.

Thank you, Kirtsy Girls, for treating the speakers with babies like celebrities.

The first two nights I showered with my personal favorite, L'Occitane, and tried not to drink it. But on the last night, I decided since I couldn't bring all the bottles back, I'd try the BVLGARI before Julie crammed them into the last few spaces in her suitcase.

And wouldn't you know I walk to the car after catching a 5:45am flight out of Houston to a wrinkle-nosed husband.

"Why do you smell like a men's cologne?" he asked. Yes, apparently he could smell me coming.

I rolled my eyes.

We had just made it through the front door when he asked me to take a shower.

"I think I'd rather smell my asscrack" he told me. "Why don't you just jump in a vat of Patchouli because that would be about 3000 times better?" he continued.

Like a mature adult, I shoved my head under his nose, waved my arm pits around rapidly, and told him to fuck off.

"Well, it was a Mom's conference, you know. It's not like we were having wild orgies every night," I reassured him.

Good thing he doesn't know the moms I'm dealing with.

[To be continued...]

Comments

[Linda]

I didn't know you knew Sarah and Devra too!

[Sheri]

Didn't George Lopez's wife give him a kidney???

If I was her, I'd be pissed.

[Maria]

Ha! Awesome. Can't wait to see more pictures.

[Dana]

Is that Catherine getting a tattoo? Holy cow, y'all are hard core partiers... Like rockstars and shit.

[ParentopiaDevra]

Usually I'm a good Jew. Sometimes I'm a bad Jew, but you are right, I am never a liar.

However upon further reflection, maybe Mr. Lopez was meeting with his accountant in his room. It is, afer all, tax season. Maybe they were just there for for a Quicken thing.

[MommyNamedApril]

how fun :-) wish i could join the club. LOL. so glad you were treated well. you deserve it!

[Rita Arens]

So that's where she put it.

[Shannon]

I can't wait to find out the story behind that picture!

[Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com]

Even if the conference had been a total bust, I'm sure the accommodations made up for it. WOW!

[Anita Ovolina]

Sounds like the conference was so much fun :) Wish I had gone! Maybe next year!

[mothergoosemouse]

Hey, I asked before I crammed. ;)

But yeah, I smell like men's cologne now too. So much for BVLGARI.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

Wait a second - I only had L'Occitane in my bathroom.

SHENANIGANS!

Then again, my daughter told me I smelled good when I came home so maybe I win.

[heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire]

Can't wait to see what you and Catherine decided to get put on your backsides!

[The New Girl]

AAAAH HAHAHAHAAAA!

A soap that could get stuck in your asscrack...OMG, you don't even have to write me a haiku today. That line was THAT GOOD.

[Angela]

Nice. I think Todd would just be thrilled that I didn't smell like baby for a change. Not so much a problem anymore though.

Can't wait to see the tattoos.