Sex After Childbirth - Hot or Not?

I realize there are a bunch of moms whose husbands have circled that six-week date on the family calendar like it's some sort of holiday. Except it's not one that she wants to celebrate.

But there's also a bunch of women who are really looking forward to hopping back into the sack, thanks to a really long sex-less pregnancy, or even just the desire to feel human again after those grueling first post partum weeks.

And while iit wasn't necessarily "HOT" (or hey, maybe it is), it was way better than you thought it would be.

Today from 10:30am EST to 10:45 (that's 15 lousy minutes people!) on "Morning Sex with Mominatrix," I'll be discussing a Mominatrix dad reader who asked how to prepare for sex after childbirth, and make it a positive experience for his spouse. Apparently, she's a little worried about how it's going to feel.

And unfortunately, until that baby actually comes out, it's a bit hard to say. But perhaps you can offer your expertise in that area as well. Or in the least, cast your vote in our "hot or not" poll later this morning.

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Comments

[mel]

i as a single mother with my first but with my 2nd and 3rd pregnacies my husband i could not get enough of each other we had sex right up.with my second child i didn't want to for about 8 weeks cause i had stitches but it was alot better then i thought it was going to be.neveraffected our sex lives and with the 3rd we did at 5 weeks and haven't stopped. Your husband or boyfriends realise your bodies have changed you have had a baby let go a little more it is more important to u then them. if it makes feel better plan the 1st time and have a led up i was excited and was happy to have my husband found me sexy and want me after a baby nothing had changed between us. relax and it will be hot

[alana:)]

i just had my baby two weeks ago. id have to say i didnt wait for six weeks. i waited about a week to have sex id say it painful whhen he frist put it in but after about a min it felt amazing id have to say sex is way!!!! bettet after the baby when we had sex id have to say iv never been more horny ps us lub it reallly helps the pain. i hope this helps some of you girls out there

[Israel Hines]

My wife gave birth to our baby boy 26 days ago. We had sex pretty much every day all the way up to the night she went into labor and I tell ya, we're missing those long nights sweating in each other's arms. Today was amazing though. I decided to taste the sweet spots on my wife that I have been missing and boy was it not only delicious but she absolutely loved it, and so did I. No matter what it said on this delicate topic of sex after childbirth, all it takes is for the man, husband, boyfriend, or whatever he may be to seduce and endulge in the outter sweetness of his lady and i promise it will be well appreciated. I have always loved licking my wife and making her &*# time after time before we make love and i still enjoy pleasing her, however possible. the only hard part is waiting to have sex again.

[missy81]

My husband and I had trouble with getting back into it after we had our daughter. It was really more me than him, he still wanted to but I was not into it. I think there were several reasons, all the usual ones, I was tired, irritable, felt unattractive, low libido. I figured it was a lost cause, I mean how do you resolve a problem with 4 different causes! But, I love my husband and our family and didn't want us to be driven apart.
We were able to get our love life back on track, thankfully! One of my friends recommended a great program... Http://tiny.cc/sexafterpregnancy This program can help to show you how to overcome all obstacles to romance with your significant other after pregnancy, most of which are in your head, lol! If you are a new parent and your love life is on the back burner, you should definitely check it out. Best of luck :)

[Adrianne]

Id like to know how to get him back in the mood? Our sex life before the baby was hot and sexy, all of the time like we couldnt keep possibly get enough of each other.... Once he felt our son kick, it was over for me. Our lil guy is now 5 months and our sex life is horrible, Im constantly begging (yes I am that desperate). When we do have sex it's quick and routine.

Im not sure what changed, because Im thinner then I was before I got pregnant and have tried everything from classy lingerie to down right trashy. He says its just stress of the new baby.... Any one have any ideas or anyone else in my boat???

[Emily]

Just had a baby 10 days ago, and I am so horny. I cannot wait until I am allowed to have sex again. I am worried about the lack of lubrication that I have been reading about. But, that can be fixed. I've given my wonderful husband a couple of blow-jobs, so I hope that will hold him over for a while. But, I'm ready to make love now! I think it will be hot, but I'll let you know....

[concerned father]

What if the husband has tried all of these ideas? Our son is seven months old now and we still have not had sex. I have tried everything
From baths, cleaning, taking care of everything. Every night in February I gave her a hour long, completely nude full body massage and all I she would do is say thanks and go to sleep.
I don't want to just have sex either. I want to make long passionate love to her.
At first I thought I was being selfish, but there are two people in this.
Everything else in our relationship is amazing but this.
Before WE got pregnant and had our son we had sex all the time.
One or twice a day. Please help me understand.

[Brandon Szymanski]

My wife and i had our son 9 months ago C-sect and our sex life has been since in the crapper once every 2 weeks at most i just cant get her in the mood and its very painful for her still she wont let me anywhere down there to help along its just lube and "do" goodnight. I need help!!! i want my hot sexy wife back i, know this is a mothers only site but where else can i turn?

[DefendUSA]

I am new here and late to the party...I guess I was lucky to have sex through four pregnancies and after #2, we couldn't wait. And as I have aged, I swear sex has only gotten better and bolder, even.

My husband said he found the nursing to be sexy and being close to me was one way he could connect with it all. And those hormones certainly piqued the orgasms.

I did suffer post-partum depression after #4, but it was very short and not severe. No orgasms, but the intimacy still rocked. And his "making me see God" skills with his mouth were the key to my religion!

For those of you who don't feel normal yet, consider writing down how you feel and talking with your doctor. I never would have guessed I had depression until someone else pointed it out.
Sorry to run on, but I did Maternal child health consulting for a long time... Cheers!

[mandy]

My advice on sex after childbirth?

Lubricate & innebriate.

Works everytime.

[kel]

"Would be nice if he made it romantic and not like a vulture circling someone who's not quite dead. You know? Make dinner, or do some cleaning around the house, then have him be the one to put the kids to bed, run her a hot bubble bath or something. Massages are always a plus.
Work up to it, make it pleasant. Make it special."\

OMG Chelle, you put it so nicely and respectfully...While I am not asking men to what is considered to "be like women" (i.e. be into the candles, the romance everytime, etc), men could benefit from slowing down. Maybe it is an American thing--although I did have an awful Dutch lover who was like some of these impatient American men also--but the art of lovemaking is missing in this country.

Are most men just raised to not have to do this stuff? Yep. (I mean romance and do other things that get us hot...). This, to me, is such a no-brainer, yet so many men refuse to lift a finger, or even try new things to get women hot--apart from trying to shove their hands down your pants for 30 seconds and thinking you are ready to go. I wonder how many parents raising sons clue them in on romance and intimacy--not many, I'm sure, after all, mom's probably not even sleeping with dad anymore by the time the kids are teens...And dad's got his porn stash and/or mistress anyhow, so he's not interested in wining and dining mom, probably didn't in the first place (*maybe while they dated...but that was only to get in her pants.)

Yikes. Sorry, just annoyed. I understand some men have the same argument, citing that women don't do enough of what turns them on...But hey, WE KNOW what turns them on, we may not do it enough--but we get what it takes to get the job done, whereas, some men just seem (OR ACT) clueless about how much they directly benefit from doing their part around the house--not connecting taking care of THEIR OWN children, cleaning, picking up their filthy underwear, pushing buttons on the washing machine (*which is quite easy; the machines really do all the hard work). Oh, and don't get me started on men's excuses about the female anatomy being "complicated"--this from men who know players on their favorite teams going years back, their coaches, their yards rushes in xyz year, etc. Clearly men are capable of doing better, they just proffer the old "those women and their bad/complicated/weird genitalia". It's not rocket science guys, just labia, vulva(e?), clitorises, etc. Practice and stop making excuses!!!

But, unless women demand it, men will keep getting away with being lousy in the foreplay dept--a VITAL DEPARTMENT.. For the ones that get it--bravo--now tell your brethren.

[Forgetfulone]

Hot? Not! Not for a looooong time!

[Melissa]

I had such a hard time after I had my son that it was way more than 6 weeks after childbirth that my doctor cleared me for sex and even more than that before I found that I was even interested and not exhausted enough to do it!

[southern mama]

this is gonna sound bad, but i had c-sections with both my children. after my son, it was 7 days after he was born. daughter, 2 weeks. yes, I know, I know, I know! It wasnt the most health wise thing to do. But we couldnt wait and the sex life is MUCH better after kids, even with boobs spraying him in the face! lol

[Della]

Yeah. During my first pregnancy, painful cramps in the first trimester, not in the mood in the second, and hello? HUGE BABY IN THE WAY third trimester. It didn't happen much.

A few days after I came home, I was jonesin' SO BAD I couldn't believe it, but had stitches, so we waited for safety reasons. When it came time to actually do the deed, I had terrible pain and my body did not cooperate (didn't lube itself up) for several months.

No cramps this pregnancy (still in 1st tri) and it seems that I am finally getting that 1st-trimester sex glow the baby books mention. Hope it sticks.

[Nadine]

SIX weeks? Seriously? Don't tell my husband.

[LiteralDan]

I can only agree with Kristen on this one-- I must have lost the "sorry we can't do it, how about a blow job?" lottery, even if I won most of the rest of them.

Small comfort, sometimes, I tell you.

[momranoutscreaming]

I was hoping it would be better than it was after my first but I had pain for months. We had great sex in the third trimester during all three of my pregnancies so it wasn't so imperative. A blow job here and there kept him happy and with our second two it wasn't painful but definitely not hot for awhile, for me anyway
Kellie

[heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire]

Dude-totally not hot for me. I tried, I really tried as hubby REALLY wanted to (he claimed he needed it) but Giggles shredded my precious flower so badly that they had to "fix" things because of scar tissue and what not 3 years later when The Chicken was born. So I was very afraid when I had The Chicken. But it was much better.

[Heather]

We waited the 6 weeks after #1 was born, and 10 days after #2. I wasn't ready after the first, but was very ready after the second... I guess because I knew what to expect. We were also active all the way through both pregnancies, so it wasn't making up for lost time. It was just something we maintained.

And I wouldn't say it was ever HOT until I'd weaned my kids at 14 months each, but it was present in our marriage.

[pregnancy]

Sex during the pregnancy period increases your chances of having multiple orgasms, as during pregnancy, fluids increase around the sensitive areas of your genitals. In addition, It will make your baby feel the ecstasy of your sexual climax, with a flush of happy hormones that during the pregnancy, directly affect the hormones and moods of your baby. Sex during pregnancy is beneficial to the whole family, therefore, do not listen to prudish advice, but always consult a doctor if you are facing complications during pregnancy.

[Michelle]

I am one of the few, I guess, who was really looking forward to sex after childbirth. In fact, after our 3rd child was born, we didn't even make it to the 6-week checkup -- we did it at 5 weeks. Was it totally hot? Or the best sex ever? No. But I was craving being with my husband again and we couldn't wait. It was a nice way to reconnect since the pregnancy was very, very stressful!

[Stacy Quarty]

Hmmmmm. I'd have to say "maybe hot" if the lights are off and Robert Downey Jr. comes over. But honestly, there's nothing sexy about beef curtains. Ewww. Did I say that?!

[AllisonD]

there was no pun intended in my lat post! I meant "six" weeks. Oops

[AllisonD]

We did it sex weeks after but OMG was I pregnant at 8 weeks. So be careful those who think it is HOT. Or at least be smarter than me. I tried to explain to my hubbie that sex after baby is like playing football after an injury. You don't start in a game the day you get out of rehab!!

[Jenny]

HOT or not? NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT!!! But you still have to do it. WHO are these "bunch of women" you know who are really looking forward to getting back in the sack? I have never met a'one. Not to say that some of them, myself included, celebrate the obligatory after six week appt sex. But this is NOT a can't wait type of deal. It is a let's make this sleep deprived marriage work better type of deal. A get him to keep helpin' type of deal. A poor guy really needs to get laid, and that's my job, type of deal. After my first baby I was in pain each time for 9 months! The second baby was better, and it wasn't SO bad painwise, felt okay actually on that 6 week birthday (which also happened to be our 5 year anniversary). However, he wanted it again THE NEXT DAY. What does he think? We are on our honeymoon? Come on. That 6 week sex should have bought me a good week, if he's LUCKY! The next day. PLEASE. No thank you, sir, my leaky breasts and cramp-y flabby abdomen are NOT in the mood again tomorrow.

Um, were you looking for a simple "hot or not". Okay, my vote is not. I got a little carried away?

[Crystl]

I wanted to have sex in the hospital room lol. Physically that wasn't possible, but, mentally, I was soooo ready. We finally did about 8 weeks in (DH wanted to wait, weirdo) and it was weird. Weird, but hot. For some reason now (4.5 months after having DD) it is some of the best sex I've ever had.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

I think you made every dude who reads my blog's day.

May my husband never see your comment.

[Katie]

No. I still feel like my body is out of whack. I had a baby in December.

Instead, I am looking at this time as an opportunity to sharpen my blow job skills.

[amanda]

I have to give it to my husband (snort), after three he totally knew what to do. I dare say we broke the 6 week rule, then again, my third was almost two pound LIGHTER than my second.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

haha on the vulture. brilliant analogy!!!

[dieg]

I had some serious tearing in labor and we tried to celebrate the 6-week-FINALLY WE CAN HAVE SEX AGAIN and I was in so much pain we had to stop. I found that a bath, some massages and snuggling and everything except penetration worked much better. It was like High School when the boy really will do anything as long as you;ll just touch him THERE. I was still sore until about 4 or 5 months after I pushed out the baby.

[Kristen]

That's for sure, Chelle. If I came home to the laundry done, house clean, kid to bed...he'd be getting some for sure!!!!

[Manic Mommy]

Lots of 'is that okay's' and gallons of lubricant. It'll be just fine!

[Chelle]

Would be nice if he made it romantic and not like a vulture circling someone who's not quite dead. You know? Make dinner, or do some cleaning around the house, then have him be the one to put the kids to bed, run her a hot bubble bath or something. Massages are always a plus.
Work up to it, make it pleasant. Make it special.