I was prepared for the hemorrhoids, even though no one warned me. And then the temper tantrums, mostly because everyone told me about those.
But I can honestly say I was not ready to have to answer the same question 40 times in one hour and not completely lose my shit.
And if it's not that, it's repeating something over and over until I acknowledge. Except "yes" doesn't cut it and "uh-huh" just seems to make him say it more.
Quinlan never did much of this when she was younger. She created her own rituals of mastery, but they never really involved driving me completely insane.
But Drew has all the fairly typical toddler behaviors, like requesting the same fucking song over and over again, particularly at bedtime, and asking the same question (which always has the same answer) until I threaten to put him in his crib if he asks me again.
That's almost as bad as being asked a question to which he already knows the answer because I've told him every single night in a row.
"What's he do?" he says, pointing at the garbage truck. "Same thing as last night [and every night for the last oh 48 days and counting]," I reply. "He empties the trash."
And God Almighty do not watch a movie with him, say "Kung-fu Panda," because he will ask you where that damn Kung-fu Panda is the second he leaves the screen to use the potty or take a nap.
I know he's not doing that but it's the only thing that seems to ease his mind.
At some level, my daughter didn't have to do much repeating because she was the only one I was tending to at the time. Now I've got a couple of other mouths to feed and answer, so it takes me a few more seconds to get the milk down his gullet and reply to his questions about tow trucks and big rigs.
But regardless of how fast I move, I'm just never fast enough, and like a little jack hammer, pounding the concrete until it breaks apart, he reminds me that he needs more grapes and juice and "snacks mama, more snacks mama."
Thankfully, I discovered the switch that usually works to turn him off.
"I don't know, kid. Go ask your father."
If I'm gonna go nuts thanks to this parenting gig, you better bet I'm taking him down with me.
[I'm giving away a MilkBank breastmilk storage and bottle system - even if you don't breastfeed, it's worth checking out]