Duty Calls

My husband informed me that he'll be deploying to Afghanistan in October 2009. I suppose I should consider myself lucky that it's only 45 days and not 300 like some of my fellow military wives.

But I'm not at that point yet.

It's not a huge surprise, since my husband is a National Guardsman and knew that at some point, some time, some day, he'd have to deploy to the desert. But that was back in 2006 before Drew was even born. 2009 seemed really far away then.

There was a hope that the war would be over. That a victory sign hung on a ship would not just be a stupid mistake.

But our troops are still gone. And in case you might have forgotten, they're still dying.

We'll celebrate our five year wedding anniversary and our newest daughter's first birthday upon his return, like many families in this country are forced to do. Completely apart, lucky to have email contact, even luckier to get a phone call or video message for the sake of this country.

It's a call to duty most people will never have to see.

But in case you were wondering, it sucks.

Comments

[ShafferTAMMY21]

If you are in the corner and have got no money to go out from that point, you would need to receive the mortgage loans. Because it should help you emphatically. I get sba loan every time I need and feel myself OK because of this.

[Aubrey Anne]

I feel for you so strongly right now. I almost cried reading your post, because I know the fear and the desperation knowing your husband is going to deploy and you will be truly alone with those children, worry that your husband might not come back.

Thank you for your sacrifice.

And thank God (again) we are finally out of the damn military!

[Eric Jones]

Sorry that your husband has to go. On the brighter side, depending on where he goes you can actually get decent enough internet for video Skype to work. All of the bigger bases have internet fast enough. It costs about $100 a month, but it really helps to be able to see them.

[MaryBeth @ FourSillySisters]

Yep, it truly sucks to be the lone parent during deployments!! We're making it through our first since kids right now. Hang in there!

I found you through Baby Bunching... great post. My DH is an airline pilot for his "real life" job too, so maybe we'll try out the hotel you suggested.

[Crista]

I feel ya, we went through 2. Not sure when he'll go again (we are army)

[Allison Nazarian]

Thank you for sharing that and putting a whole lot into perspective.
Allison Nazarian
www.WorkingMomLifeline.com

[Rita Arens]

I'm sorry, Kristen. Come and see me. And bring all your kids. Seriously. We are hawk people here, with our one. And we have lots of toys.

[Red Cup Mom]

That will be so tough. Do the best you can. I know you can be strong to get through it, but it will be so hard. Just wanted to say I will be thinking of you when he does get deployed in the fall.

[Jerri Ann]

Holy Crap, I just cried reading that. I don't know why, I take enough anti-depressants that I didn't cry the last time someone I know died, but that...that hurts me so deep.

My husband is a Desert Storm Vet....may your husband be safe, may he be honored and tell him I said thank you for all he does.....even when you are mad at him......

You are one rock solid woman to be able to handle all of this...I just...I'll shut up before you think I am a freak but really, big thanks to your husband and big thanks to you for being able to hold down the home for him.

[Stimey]

I'm so sorry he has to go. I'll be wishing him, and the rest of our military, a safe return.

[radioactive tori]

I really appreciate that he will go and do something I couldn't do.

If there is anything I can do to help you, please let me know. Also, my kids and I send packages to soldiers, just little things, but if there is anything he needs when he is there, or anyone he is with, please let me know. We would be happy to send a package to someone we do know for once (not that we know him, but you know what I mean, right?) OR we could send YOU a care package to thank you for taking on such a burden while your husband is away. Let me know!

[Vicky]

Ugh. I hate hearing this. It was so hard to go through without kids I can't imagine it with kids. I'm grateful we don't have to do it again. Just when I seem to forget I hear about someone else going. last week it was our friend- the day before his wife was due to have their second baby.
Hang in there girl. It will go so fast. It's the leaving that is the hardest.

[muskrat]

Hope the time goes by quickly for both of y'all. As you said, it could certainly be a lot worse.

[marty]

Well, dammit.

A highschool FB friend just had a baby girl last month. Her husband got a week pass to come home for the birth because he was still stateside. He left last Friday for what they think will be a year in Afghanistan.

We weren't close in high school, but she makes it into our nightly prayers and into my daily thoughts. I just cannot imagine how she is coping.

All that to say - I'm so sorry. I believe that you will be able to handle it without a doubt. But you are right. It sucks.

[Christina]

I can't even imagine the stress. I hope you can find the help you need during that time and that he's back safe after 30 days.

[ScientistMother]

Many Canadians have been fighting to help the people of that country. Thank you for going to help them.

[Lotta]

Aw crap I'm sorry!

[Cookie]

HUgs to you and your family!

[crunchy]

Not a military wife either..but a Canadian and we have many many Canadians in Afghanistan..and we sure wish they could come home....

That country will never be 'at peace' there are too many factions there that don't want peace.

I really don't know what to say..
It sucks..

I wish him well and you too

[Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting]

For 2 or 200 days, it sucks when they're taken from us and put in harms way. *hugs*

[Katie]

It always sucks- no matter where they area or for how long. It's that much harder when they are overseas. We've been really lucky in that my hubs has been home most of the since our 3 year old was born. I only hope the 4 month old will be able to say the same when she's 3.

[mothergoosemouse]

Thank you to him. And to everyone else who goes.

I wish they could all return safely and swiftly, but while they're there, at least I hope they know how much we appreciate them.

[WhyMommy]

Oh, drat. Hang in there.

[Ginny]

As the daughter of an Air Force reservist, I can sympathize. HE hasn't been activated yet, but it's a possibility. But it's true, that his tour will be shorter than most, which is a great thing for your family. I'm sorry you'll be alone with all the babies for a while though, but it's a very special thing to serve your country, and takes a special kind of person and family to live with those realities.

I look forward to reading about your adventures.

[Jodie Durham]

My son is in the Army and has been deployed to Iraq twice. The last time he was there he found out that his daddy was killed and he got to come home to see the body of his father and go right back to war. I understand the feeling that it is not fair. At that same time his second son was born while he was in Iraq. It does Suck! I appreciate our boys and girls who are willing to do this for our freedom, and the husbands and wives who support them. Keep your chin up, you can do it!

[Click Here to Continue]

I can't say I understand how you feel. It's not something that our family has to go through. I do empathize though in the fact that if I had to leave my family I could imagine it would suck. I wish you a quick and safe return. God speed to him

[Lady M]

I'm sorry to hear he'll be gone over your anniversary and M's birthday. Like others have said before, thank you and your family. Best wishes for cooperative children! :)

[Melissa]

Sorry hon, that really does suck. Hang in there.

[Heather @ Domestic Extraordiaire]

As a former navy wife I totally understand. It really sucks. The last year hubby was in he was gone for 302 days. Tell your hubs thanks from us! And thanks to you too!

[Naomi]

Totally sucks. I can't even imagine and I wish we weren't still sending troops abroad. I hope for the day when all our soldiers are twiddling their thumbs stateside.

[Nina Delaney]

aww man...that does suck!! But tell your hubby thanks for protecting our country....we really do appreciate it. And we appreciate the sacrafice your family has to make. But it still sucks......

[Heather]

Oh man. I'm sorry for you and your family. We've been there and done that, and I'm sure in the next 12 years we'll do it again, and again. It IS tough - the first and last months are the hardest - but you'll make it. As much as I hated my husband was gone and I was alone with my daughter, I learned that I'm much stronger than I'd thought. So at least there was that.

[Amy Jo]

I wish I had something useful to say. How about thank you and also that sucks? Take care of yourself and those babes.

[Amy Jo]

I wish I knew something what to say. I'm sorry? Thank you? A little of both. Sucky for you, for sure, though.

[FishyGirl]

Thank you, both you and your husband, for serving our country.

[nic]

hi. commenting again because i keep thinking of you. told my husband of your news... his response, "that sucks."

[Beth]

Yes, its sucks, no other way to put it. I've been there too, luckily both deployments were before we were married so no kids yet. I can't imagine. I always said I wouldn't wish an Iraq of Afghanistan deployment on my worst enemy after being through it. I think of the families all the time.

[The Other Sister-in-Law]

I'm sorry! That stinks. I wish we could do something for you...

[Nancy]

Ugh. Sorry to hear it, Kristen. I'll be thinking of you and the kiddos.

[becky]

I know this is off the subject, I am a army wife and I posted earlier, but I just got my dvd's in the mail from your contest! Thanks so much Kristen, Im excited! Im ready to get sore!

[Kathy]

I'm sorry that it sucks, but I would like to say thank you to your husband for stepping up and doing this for our country.

[brad]

my thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family

[Sarah]

I'm not a military wife, but my dad was in the army and I have a b-i-l in the marine corps and my oldest brother is in the army. I will be going into the Marine Corps after I graduate from college next year.

Deployments are tough, even from a siblings point of view, so I imagine its double tough from a mother and childs point of view. My sister got pregnant with her youngest about six months before her husband deployed to afghanistan. He missed the birth of their first child together, but he came home in December.

My brother was in Iraq for the first year of the Iraq War and he spent from November 2007 until December 2008 in Saudi Arabia with just a 2 week visit home in August (because SA wouldn't grant my s-i-l a visa).

Deployment is tough, but you just have to stay strong. If you ever need fellow military wives to talk to, not only do you have readers here that will listen, but I can always give you my sister and s-i-l's e-mails. They are very supportive and love to lend a helping hand, or ear.

[Elaine]

I'm just de-lurking to say I know how you feel. I'm active duty and my fiance is National Guard. He's overseas (Kosovo) until November (at least) and this summer I'm transferring cross-country. I get to handle the packing and moving all by myself. Again. I'm so grateful for internet (SKYPE!!!) and can't imagine how families coped without it. I'll be pulling for you guys come this fall.

[Kathy from NJ]

My nephew flies the C-5 in the ANG, he's currently serving 3 mos. He flies into the war zones but flies right back out, spends a lot of time in Germany & Spain. Also has made a trip to Africa. He said the good thing about going into a war zone is the tax-free pay - even if he only spends an hour on the ground his pay for the entire month is tax-free. (Just the Air Force pay, not the make-up pay from his regular job.)

[LadyCiani]

Be very glad indeed for the quickness of e-mail, instead of the slowness of snail mail to other countries. There is a family story to share.

My grandfather was a WWII vet. He was married, then drafted, and my first aunt was born while he was deployed (and actually he was in a hospital in Germany with yellow fever and almost died while she was being born).

Grandpa was home for a visit long enough for grandma to be pregnant with my second aunt. When she was born Grandma wrote to tell my Grandpa, but one of her letters never made it to him - the one with my Aunt's name in it. She wrote often, but he said the letters always said "The baby sat up today" or "the baby" something. So for 7 months he knew he had a second child, but didn't know her name.

[Elaine at Lipstickdaily]

I am not a military wife. But I thank you for serving our country as a military wife. We all owe you a great debt of gratitude.

[katie]

It sucks, but take it from someone who has been there. The 45 days will go by quickly. If I were you, I would take the opportunity to go visit family. Break up the time.

[Amanda too!]

Glad to see you have so many military wives that read your blog and can offer support. Deployments suck and they don't really get easier - no matter how many times you go through them. Just try to plan to ave some people visit you, for you to visit some people, and to make good use of your babysitter/preschool/daycare.

You'll make it through!

[Sheri]

That just plain old sucks.

I wish I had some sage words of wisdom, but my husband now has a local job and when he drove otr, he was gone 3 days tops.

We'll be praying for his safe return and your sanity.

[sarah g]

i havent commented before, and i'm not yet married; but am with the man I will marry. He is Air Force; officer, career. He will deploy and I pray everyday; that the day doesnt come.
So, I'm sorry.

[bessie.viola]

Thank you, thank you, thank you to your husband and your family for your service. We are so blessed to have soldiers and families to make this sacrifice.

My sister serves in the USAF, and I pray that she never has to make that trip. I know it's possible, but still we pray.

I'll be praying for your family, too.

[Lora]

A big thank you to your husband for continuing to serve. I know his deployment will be difficult. My sister's husband spent a year in Afghanistan. When he left they had 4 children. He had a 2 week leave about 2/3 of the way through his deployment. By the time he got back home for good they were about to have kid #5...we call Jack the war baby. BIL retired from the Army last year but we know that he could still be reactivated and called up. We just keep our fingers crossed that that won't happen.

[David Wescott]

Thanks so much to your husband for his service and to your whole family for your substantial sacrifice. My whole family will be thinking about you.

[Kimberly C]

My husband left for 3 days for business, and I thought that I was going to go crazy. I only have one 2 year old- and I thought that I was going to go crazy- I look up to the wives/mothers that go through this on a day to day basis, and I have loads of respect for moms who do it all with 2+ kids, especially when their loved ones are in a place that is dangerous. The whole idea makes the back of my throat close up and I want to panic- so I don't think about it. My thoughts are with you guys, and I hope the 45 days pass quickly.

(My best friend and cousin (same person, btw) is on month 11 of a 12 month tour. We all get strange phone calls at odd times (2am?) that actually make us happy. So scary- and he's had to miss 3 out of 4 birthdays for his daughter- including the actual day she was born. This #$%^ is tough.)

[becky]

I feel your pain. My husband has been deployed 6 times to Afghanistan and Iraq since 2001. Before kids it was much easier. Since the birth of our 3 yr old, he has yet to make a birthday. He was gone the majority of my 10 mth old's pregnancy. He will miss her 1st birthday, his 30th bday. He hasnt been home for Christmas, our anniversary, and Valentine's Day in 3 years straight. The list could gone on. Just as any other army wife's could. We just deal with it.

At least we dont have to cook and clean as much! Also, the extra money and the ability to spend it without explaining why is great! I do miss my husband though! We've got 2 more months to go!
Hang in there, the hardest part is the first few weeks. You'll get into a routine. But then the last few few weeks will suck too! My husband used to do 6 mth - 12 mth rotations, he now does 4 month. Plus, its kinda like a mini-honeymoon period when they get home!

[Jo]

I'm a military wife too, and well, I try to look at it in the most positive way I can. When he's gone it's less cooking,(I always lose weight)less cleaning & doing laundry, plus I make my own decisions as to what to do and where to go, no fights... it becomes a little breather in a way. The kids and I spend more time together, the house smells delicious, it's calmer, I save tons of money and things just get done easier. Having said this, it obviously blows to have your love taken away and put in harm's way, but connecting to my kids and enjoying the quieter sweeter buzz in the house is just how I deal. Oh, and the welcome home sex? MIND BLOWING.

[Catherine]

I'm an Army wife who's survived 2 year-long deployments, so I feel your pain. We didn't have kids the first one, and our son was 10 months old the second time, so he didn't exactly realize what was going on, but my neighbor with a 3 year old had an awesome idea. When it got close to redeployment (she couldn't do it at first, her hubby was gone 15 months), she made a paper chain with a link for each day until Daddy came home. Then each day her daughter got to tear a piece off to count down the days. It got her involved and showed her that Daddy would be home soon. Just a thought to help make it easier on your kids!

[nic]

gone is gone... regardless of the length of the gone. and it sucks. horribly. i feel for you. my husband is a navy pilot who has deployed once for 6 months and surged twice for 3 months each time. the second surge had him gone for the end of my pregnancy, with him returning right before i delivered our now 9 month old son. i'm sorry. i really am. i would be beside myself if i got the same news you did.

[geena]

I remember growing up with my father deployed for 6 mos and longer (my dad was in the Navy for over 20 yrs). Back then there was no email and phone calls were few and far between. We had to wait for actual mail to arrive, and I remember we had a big map of the world hung up on the wall, and everytime we got a new letter we'd stick a thumbtack into the spot the letter came from.

The 45 days without your hubby are going to suck, it doesn't matter that its only 45 and not 300...it still sucks. You are lucky though for the phone calls and emails. I have the greatest respect in the world for the men and women who serve our country and especially for their families standing behind them.

[toomuchstrong]

Yikes. We are not a military family, but my husband just changed jobs (right when our second was born, first one is two) and now he has to travel every month. He's been gone a week and I was with the two month old and the two year old with no family around. It doesn't even compare to a long deployment, but it makes me realize how incredibly difficult this will be for you. Like a pp said you will have your hands full with the kids so that should help. But still. It sucks the big one.

[mannequin]

Well we definitely haven't forgotten them. I suppose your support will come from those that have been there, done that.
I really am sorry you have to go through this, as I'm sorry for all the lives lost for what seems to be endless, senseless fighting.

[Carrie]

I'm sorry to hear that he has to go. I cannot imagine how rough that must be. You military wives have been on my minds a lot this week, my husband rarely travels out of town but is gone now for 3 whole days :) for a family funeral, and I'm exhausted! I just keep wondering how you do it. Thank you for what you do and for what your husband does. It is NOT forgotten.

[Jill]

That does suck. I'm sorry it's happened to you and hope that those 45 days go by quickly and without incident.

[Angela]

I've never been where you are, but I can imagine that it sucks the big one. I could say lots of things like you'll make it, and the celebrations will be that much sweeter when he gets home, but you know all that. I know we are no substitute for a warm husband in the bed, but we're here. And I have wine, lots and lots of wine. We'll just leave the kids with my husband. Well, maybe not, seeing as he's really never home either. We can bring the kids to a bar, right? ;)

[MommyNamedApril]

i'm so sorry.

[Lynette]

I already know. Mine had to deploy 3 times for 1 year a pop...You can do it. I'll keep him in my prayers, and just remember...the reunion will be awesome.

[Emily in Il]

Kristen - I can't find your email address to send this directly to you, so I'll leave it in the comments.

I've been exactly where you are twice. My husband has been a Navy Reservist since before I met him. We've been married 6 years this June and have only spent one anniversary together. He returns from Kuwait in July (we hope) and has been gone since September.

The first time he left was in 2004, we found out a few days before our 1st anniversary, we had 45 days notice. That sucked, but for SO many other reasons.

This last time we had about 300 days notice - just like you. That sucked even worse because it was a slow hurt, like ripping a bandaid off hair by hair.

When they just are taken, it's quick and you don't have time to think all the 'what if's' and the 'but you'll be missing's'.

I don't know if your huz has been deployed before, but from my own experience, the first time is the worst. Our relationship took a beating after the first deployment, but we made it through. The one good thing is that it FORCED us to get real about what we both wanted and needed from a relationship - we had to realize really fast that we were in it together but experiencing different sides of the same coin.

I know that you and your family will make it through the next 300 days and his deployment. You will never be the same, but you will survive.

If you ever want to discuss ANYTHING with someone who has been there and has done that, please let me know! Even though we don't have kids, I have some wonderfully amazing Navy wife friends who do and can be great resources for you.

[Grace]

No matter how you know it's there, the call for deployments always takes you by surprise. It sucks to have your husband away, I know.

[Beachmom]

We've never been there, but you have my heartfelt thoughts and gratitude. I can't even begin to imagine the emotions that you must be going through and you are absolutely justified in being 'pissed'! Again, thanks to your family and all the others who are personally suffering through this war.

[Fairly Odd Mother]

Wow, I'm sorry, that is so tough. I really feel for our military families who are separated for so long.

[VHMPrincess]

It is hard - I have 3 kids and my husband goes for 60 days at a time. There is no countdown quite like the one until Daddy comes home! BUT you will get through it - the kids provide a good distraction so you aren't worried about him every single second.

[Amanda]

It does suck, and it doesn't matter if it's 45 or 300 days. It all sucks donkey balls the same. We've been there and now with a career change have several more to go. What was a countdown to retirement is now futility. We're waiting for the next deployment. I'm guessing it's not a matter of "if," but "when."