It's a small world after all

Quinlan came home the other day with a note from her teacher, happily proclaiming she was no longer the smallest student in her class.

"Quinlan isn't the smallest one any more!" it said, in a way that seemed to be attempting to release me from the pain that I must have been holding onto due to my teeny dwarf child.

Actually, it never even crossed my mind until the teacher brought it up earlier in the year, in front of all the kids no less. It sounded something like:

"Oh small little Quinlan. She's the smallest one. She's so small. Smallity small small small."

Okay, so that's an exaggeration, but still, it wouldn't be anything I'd choose to emphasize, particularly in front of my kid.

Hello, instant complex and four solid years of therapy fodder. She'll have enough of that, teacher. Please don't add insult to injury.

Truth be told, Quinlan is pretty small, or thin really. She's actually on the taller side for her age (75% percentile or something like that), but she's barely 32 lbs, making her definitely on the slight side.

And half of her class is already 5 turning 6, which means they're more than a year older than her. And therefore, should be bigger.

However, I've never been much for the developmental milestones, or at least ones that involve weight and height because they don't take genes into consideration. If you saw my husband, who is 140lbs fully clothed and sopping wet, then you'd understand.

Based on my own experience with being the small one (yes, I was actually the small one), I should probably be more concerned. Except I was a teeny 8 year old in a classroom of giganic 5th graders and got my ass kicked royally by a group of bitchy 6th graders.

Teha Smart, here's hoping you Google your name you wiry Australian wench.

But my daughter is way more well-adjusted than I was. And she's 4. And in a Pre-K class of six children. And hasn't skipped two grades. So, I'm doubtful she'll be getting locked in bathrooms anytime soon.

Thankfully, she's made no mention to us about being or feeling small. And I've noticed that she works it to her advantage at school, with many of the older kids fawning over her like she's some sort of mini-celebrity.

So I certainly don't need to be coddled - you know, that poor mom of a teeny tiny child. And my daughter and the other kids in her classroom don't need it, or any other physical feature, overly emphasized either.

I pity the poor mom who got the "Hooray! Your kid isn't the one with the biggest schnozz in the class anymore!" note.

Oh wait, you mean they don't send those out? Hrumph.

Comments

[Romaine]

Nice site - pity you have to go to such lengths to moderate it.
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Thank you very much :D. Romaine.

[TB]

Every single time people ask how old Myles is, it's followed by "He's so tiny". I think I'm immune to it now, in fact I'll often cut them off at the pass by saying "he's 21 months but he's small for his age".

[Bethany]

My 2-year-old is 22 pounds (7th percentile for weight, 6th for height). All I've heard for the last two years is "oh, she's so petite, was she a premie?" Wrong thing to say to a first-time mom No. She wasn't premature, no I'm not starving her, no I'm not a bad mom. I just have a small child. I'm only 5'4", hardly an amazon myself!

[Realrellim]

Ugh! I think we'll be in for the same thing with my daughter. She's too small both to register on either the height or weight charts. At the moment, my 4-year-old is about 2" taller than her 2-year-old cousin (in the 75th percentile for height). It should help some that she's a December babe and thus will be one of the older kids when she starts school, but I think she'll be the smallest, much like I was (I'm 4'11").

I'm thinking we'll have her take karate when she's in school so she can take up the motto "small but powerful."

[Christina]

That is an odd thing to point out to a parent. Like you had all your hopes and dreams pinned on her being the smallest ever for her age?

Of course, I'm the one growing Amazon daughters, so I guess I can understand the worries of future therapy. I only hope Cordy never realizes how big she is, or she could do a lot of harm to other kids who piss her off.

[Mom101]

The teachers call Thalia and another girl in class the Thumbelina Twins.

So -

I hear ya.

[FishyGirl]

All my kids are teeny tiny, but I'm only 4'10" so go figure. That's such a weird note for the teacher to send. As someone who was teased her whole life for her size, I'd be all over her. Srsly.

[Red Cup Mom]

Wow. That's crazy stuff right there. My 8 month old is gonna be small. She's barely hitting 13 lbs right now and is still wearing 3 month old clothes. My four year old is the tall one and ten lbs at birth. Why do people remark about stuff like this?

[Stay At Home Mom]

The teacher should have not made that comment. Growth and development for children vary, and your daughter should never be told over and over again that she's small. I am feeling your pain. Wish you all the best.

[tanyetta]

What kind of note was that? I would have to let the teacher know that was NOT COOL!

My son is 4 and he's 40 inches and 35 pounds. I lost count on the 'he's so tiny' 'he's so small' my kid is so much bigger/taller comments.

I guess they'll cry if I say...Yeah, well I am happy to not have an obese kid thank you very much!

Ok, I'm ranting. Nevermind :)

[Pencils]

That's a very weird thing for a teacher to do. Is there a crown and sash that Quinlan has to pass on now?

I was always the biggest kid. Not the fattest (although I wasn't skinny) I was the tallest. By far. In the 6th grade, which was still elementary school in our district at that time, I was the tallest kid in school. At 5'10", I was taller than most of the teachers, in fact. I couldn't play basketball in gym because the hoops were about shoulder height to me. I wasn't a popular kid because I was shy, but no one really teased me because I was so much bigger than everyone else. Not that I would have hurt anyone, my parents always drilled the unfortunate fact that the biggest person always gets in trouble, no matter who started the fight.

Anyway, my baby is only three months old, but she's already 90th percentile for height. I hope she likes being tall s much as I did.

[Nadine]

How weird you got a note saying that! I'm with you; don't care much for the growth milestones either.

[Asianmommy]

OK, that's a strange note. What is wrong with people?
My mom probably never got a note like that because I always remained the smallest one. :)

[The Other Sister-in-Law]

I was usually the smallest and youngest in my class (5th and 10th percentiles for height and weight), and don't remember getting picked on for it. While I'm still small today (5'1.5"), I embrace being petite. I rather like it...aside from clothes shopping. But that's another story.

[Barbara]

That teacher is weird. My middle girl is tall and skinny and my oldest is average and muscular. I hate when people comment on C's "model body" and K's "athletic body". At their ages (5 and 3), they do not need to be focused on that at all.

[Issa]

Weird, what a weird thing to bring up as a teacher. No, Quinlan did something spectacular, you just have too hear it?

Q has a July birthday right? I think her and Nat are a few weeks apart. Nat topped the scales at 34 pounds last week. She spends all day, pulling up her pants. She's not tall either. I used to worry, but she has the personality of a seven foot tall chick.

Maya is skinny (we stay around 9th percent with both of them) too, but she's about 95th in height.

[Katie]

From a girl that was ALWAYS the biggest in her class (and is now 6'1") I SAY YES YES YES PLEASE. STOP MAKING REMARKS ON THINGS CHILDREN CAN'T HELP.

[tammy b]

ack. what a dolt. one of my twins is giant (95% heigh & weight) and the other is teensy: at 5 she is 31# and 3'3"; her favorite thing to say to people when they comment on how small she is? "I may be small but i'm MIGHTY!" thats my girl :)

[mothergoosemouse]

Somebody hit MGM via a Google search for Teha Smart once. Did I ever remember to tell you that?

[Heather]

As the parent of a skinny girl, I understand. She is turning 3 today and weighs 27 lbs, fully clothed. Like Quinlan, she is tall (75% too). My thought is it's better to be skinny than fat. Plus, this way I really don't think I have to worry about her becoming overweight someday. Lucky girl.

[Lisa]

REALLY? 32 pounds?? My 21 month old is 31 pounds! 90th percentile. 90th percentile in height, too so he's proportionate... and I always knew he was big... but DANG!!!

I think as a girl, though, you'd probably rather be the smallest one than the biggest one, right?

[My Kids Mom]

I have a tall four year old who is expected to act six. Instead, his maturity is that of... a four year old (Ha- only on good days!) I want him to be shielded from our society's attitudes about height but it isn't possible. He's already learned that tall is desirable. When we tell our kids "you're a big boy" it can mean that he's tall or that he's done a good job and is acting grown up. Its no wonder people are judgmental about height. They learn it from the start.

[Miss Grace]

Do you think she sent out a note to the new smallest kid?

[LadyCiani]

Another example of teachers saying something and getting an unexpected result:

My poor sister, in 5th grade the class was learning new vocabulary words. The word was "dainty." The teacher defined the word, then used my sister as an example: "Suzy is dainty."

That became her nickname for the next two years, made millions of times worse because she threw a fit every time someone called her that.

She couldn't "just ignore them" as our parents said. It just bothered her so much. And the fact that the other kids could get a rise out of her provided them with entertainment.

[mannequin]

heh. My son is the largest in his class. He came home the other day and said that his teacher assigned them planets. "I'm declaring Emil to be Jupiter, the largest planet, since he's the largest sixth grader anyone has ever seen".

And they wonder why my child does not respect them or why I don't "force" him to.

[Gibberish Momma]

I used to work for our local school district. Teachers aren't always the brightest bulbs in the bunch. They really need to watch what they say, on the other hand, they are humans. My daughter is two and really tiny, like 21 lbs tiny. And short like me. When people mention how little she is, I tell her she is little just like mommy, and it is great to be little. I, however, have never waked up to a stranger and said, "Your kid is fat for his/her age."

[ali]

what? that's the most bizarre thing i've ever heard. my oldest is on the small side, height-wise, but i cannot even imagine getting a note home from the teacher telling us where she fits in the spectrum. i mean, sure, tell me about how she reads, or spells, or adds. but how she measures up size-wise? WEIRD.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

I should clarify, as if this matters, that I think she's referring to her height. While Q is slightly above average in height, she's still the shortest in her class.

So, I think that's what the teacher was referring too. But it was still odd.

[MommyNamedApril]

what a strange note to get... was she weighed at school???

[Sheri]

My dh and I are the fat parents. (yeah, I'm working on it--don't go there) But our kids, thin. our middle son is more average, but the other two--thin. We've gotten more of our fair share of looks. Like we don't allow them to eat or something. They eat more than we do.

I was the biggest (tallest) kid in my class. Then I stopped growing in like 5th grade. By 8th grade everyone passed me up. I was always "in front" after that.

I can see that note written in the not-so-PC 1970s, but today??? I thought we were supposed to teach our kids not to worry about looks.

[Lisa]

I have the opposite problem. Evan is 10, 5ft tall and weighs 135 lbs. He isn't fat, just solid. He's bigger...he looks about 13...so he should act 13, right? We've dealt with it since he was 4. Since he was bigger than everyone and looked older, he was expected to act older. WTF?

[Suebob]

That is absolutely bizarre for the teacher to do. Now who is the poor "small" kid?

[Janet]

I agree - weird note from the teacher!

My girl, at 7 (and 39 pounds) is the smallest in her class and it really bugs her some times. Especially when friends pick her up or we get asked at a restaurant if she needs a booster seat! Would definitely rather get a comment about a great day she had!

[Margaret]

Wow that's just an odd not to get. My oldest just turned 7 in December and weights 38 pounds. She's a peanut (especially compared to her 5 year old sister who is just as tall as she is and weighs 50 pounds). At first it bothered her but mostly in gym class. But really, it's never really come up to much. Plus, she loves getting hand-me-downs from her friends!

[Amanda]

The teacher had nothing better to do in those 3 minutes it took her to write that note? Good grief. People just don't think sometimes. They always comment on my kids' heights. Yes, my 2yo is only 11 inches shorter than my 7yo. We can't all get the recessive Jolly Green Giant genes.

[Jill]

That is bizarre. I was always the second smallest in my class. Lucky for me there was a girl who even as an adult barely breaks 5 feet. But when we lined up for Christmas programs and what not, we were always the last one. We also worked it to our advantage because when our class was out for recess we were guaranteed a teeter totter -- we'd just use the ones for the Kindergarteners (even when we were in 5th and 6th grade). I distinctly remember going into 7th grade and talking with some new friends about how much we weighed (why? I don't know) and watching their jaws drop to the floor when I told them I weighed 69 lbs. This is seered into my memory because everyone assumed I was anorexic. I didn't know what that meant, but it didn't sound good. So I'm pretty sure I started eating like crazy and by the time I graduated from high school I had put on a whopping 40 lbs (which still only got me to 110, so no biggie). Problem is, I've never stopped. I guess the moral of the story is that you never know what kind of an impact an off hand comment will have. But at Quinlan's age I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. In fact it sounds like she's got a good attitude. "Yeah, I'm small. Take it in people. Take it in!"

[muskrat]

Is her teacher overweight? Maybe you could have your child announce, "Hey, you're not the fattest person I know any more. We have a new neighbor!" or something similar (like "ugliest").

Might as well have her do it now, before she has report cards that matter.

[Nicole]

That teacher is stupid.

That's all I have at 5:30 in the morning.

[The Rich Mama]

Reply to size-enthusiast teacher: "oh, too bad. now i can't make her climb in mouseholes & find the stolen cheese."

[Amy Jo]

Isn't it funny how people think talking about our kids' size is no big deal? Everyone makes comments to me about how Lucy is so gigantic. She's on the tall side, and she comes from hearty German stock. So yes, she's kind of huge. But why do we need to talk about it all the time? She's only 1.5! Don't give my baby a complex!

[Sam]

Is her teacher a dumbass? Would she send a "your kid isn't the fattest anymore" note home? Hmph. How about a note home that says, "Quinlan had a great day today!"