How to "Vacation" With Three Kids Under 4 and Still Maintain Some Sanity and Most of Your Hair

When my husband's employer kindly handed him a week's worth of days off in a sort of "here are 7 random days in a row where we won't call you" way, we figured we should really try to go somewhere. You know, like other than to the damn pediatrician's office so they can tell me "it's just another virus, sorry Mrs. Chase."

So we decided to head South (or more South because damnit I forget I sort of am in the South) to where the weather was warm, the drinks were tasty, and the babysitters were a-plenty.

That's Azul Beach Hotel. Or Heaven.

I'm no traveling genius, mind you, although I've done my fair share of air travel alone and pregnant with both kids, which should make me eligible for some type of meaningful award, like "Mom Who Flew Alone With Two Kids While Hugely Pregnant of the Year" Award.

Here's your gallon of juice and some hemorrhoid cream. Congrats!

But I do have a few tricks up my nursing bra strap that I'm happy to share with you. Because I know you're about to go to Mexico with three kids under four and you're dying for advice.

Right? RIGHT.

So here you go:

1. If you have to choose organic lollipops or jelly beans for the taxi/take-off/landing (read: all times where toddler must be buckled into a seat), go with jelly beans. He'll make short work of the lollipop and you won't even been out of the gate.

2. Don't worry so much about the lollipops and jelly beans on the plane ride, but rather the after math of the sugar high as you chase your toddler through Customs. I think I said "Stop licking that dirty pole" about 14 times. It wasn't as funny as it sounds now.

3. Pack lightly. Except when it comes to diapers and wipes. If you don't pack enough, make sure you're staying next to a huge family of Canadians who will give you offer you a few diapers in case of a "Poo-nami" (and I quote).

The way too expensive cab ride to get money so mommy can wipe my ass with something more than a wet Mexican wash cloth. [*dress by Ooh La La Mama, nursing top by Momzelle]

4. Be clear that your room does not have two sinks, with a special one for little children.

The true sign of a fancy hotel. A means to wash your ass!

5. Prepare yourselves for early risers.

Yeah, nice try buddy.

6. Okay, so there's really no way to prepare yourself for early risers. But that's why they make movies on iPhones.

Cribs are fun when they're not ours and we don't have to sleep in them.

7. Babysitting. Need I say more?

She actually does have a head. But probably would have still been brilliant without it.

8. If they don't have a babysitter, then pawn your kids off to the families who have just one kid. Your kids will keep their kid occupied and since parents with one kid are like hawks (okay, love you guys, but you know), it all evens out.

9. Make it known that you're celebrating something A real birthday always helps, but you could always fake it. Today is "Mom needs to beat the shit out of Pinata cuz she hasn't slept since November" Day in America! They'll never know the difference.

Those Canadians are so gentle. It's all that health care and maternity leave. Come live down here with us and you'll break that bad boy in two seconds flat.

10. If you do break aforementioned pinata, make sure to prepare your toddler who will scream like a castrated sheep when he sees it explode before his eyes. Then remind him there's candy all over the ground so to avoid extra time in therapy later in life.

Mexican candy has no calories. At least that's what they told me. [Breastfeeding tankini by Glamourmom, Water/UV sling by Mamma's Milk,]

11. Your children are generally way cuter on vacation, so take pictures of it so you can remind them, like the instant they walk back into your house and start fighting again.

12. Having your laundry done before you come home is a brilliant plan. Just make sure you leave out a bathing suit for your kid so she doesn't have to wear her little sister's swim top and a pair of Monkey Bar Buddies on her last day.

Being "small" has its advantages. [Infant swim top - matches a water diaper - by Imse Vimse]

13. Enjoy yourselves. Babies included.

[Cute baby by Motherhood Uncensored and The Huz]

*I was not asked to link or endorse any of these products. They just made life a lot easier (and cuter) so I thought I'd share. I was sent on this trip as "press."

Comments

[Lauren]

Brave? Heroic more like it! I'll be keeping some of these suggestions in mind when I travel next month with 3 under 3 for the first time. Insanity but you'd never change a thing, right?! :)

[Jen]

Wow. That last photo is a keeper - what a cutie! (nice top, too!).

[Multi-Tasking Mommy]

GREAT advice ;)

Wow, you are so brave!

[Gretta]

Hooray for vacationing and beautiful pictures!

[mannequin]

Oh my gosh..Look at her cute cheeks. My fingers are in pinchin mode, not unlike ladies at WalMart.

[Debbie]

Brave soul, indeed.

[linda]

I don't know about the cuter on vacation. dh wasn't even cute on vacation- the 3 children but the grown one- dh you know about drove to crazy in the motel room. I think it needs to be a contract all moms get to go to 2 weeks (alone) to mom's camp. I don't miss the- he's on my side. etc. etc.

[Fiona (Wallstory)]

You just make me laugh and laugh, and for that I want to pass on this award to you (which really is a bit too cute for your style, but what the heck) You make me snort with laughter and that's a good reason for a 'lovely blog' award.
http://wallstory.wordpress.com/2009/01/27/thank-you-so-much/

[Jill Jacobs]

Looks like you had a wonderful vacation!

*jealous*

And your kids are ADORABLE!!!

[Sheri]

Your kids are just too damned cute!!!!

[Karen (Submommy)]

1) I'm SO adding Poo-nami to my personal lexicon.

2. They ARE cuter on vacation, huh?

3. Looks like you had fun. :)

[amanda]

I so appreciate the brands etc, and I am wicked jealous of the vacay.

[Luann]

totally jealous. the hotel looks amazing!

[Paula]

We will be trying to "vacation" in Mexico in March with our two children (aged 4 and 2). I am already trying to plan, so this was fun to read. Thanks for sharing your tips.

[LiteralDan]

I bet your husband just loves riding in a plane instead of flying it.

And I bet "Stop licking that dirty pole" was just as funny then to those around you as it is to us now.

Moreso, in fact, since they got to see your serious, oblivious face when you were shouting it.

[Elaine at Lipstickdaily]

Wow, fab pictures! Your family is ADORABLE! And great tips on traveling. Thanks!

[Jennifer Kelley]

Loved seeing the photos of you guys on vacation! Looks like it was fun. Your kids are so cute and I love the one of them in the crib.

[father muskrat]

Congrats on your bravery. There's no way we're all going to fly somewhere together, especially another country. Driving is bad enough.

[Stefania]

damn. that beach looks amazing.

[Don Mills Diva]

Hooray for the Canadians!

Sounsd like a great trip and a well-deserved vacay!

[J from Ireland]

Your kids are just beautiful. Glad you enjoyed yourselves.

[Christina]

You have further reminded me that I need a vacation. It looks so lovely and warm there. Maybe my kids would even behave better in a tropical climate?

And you are looking fabulous post-baby!

[TODAYISFUN]

LOL #11 is so true!

"11. Your children are generally way cuter on vacation, so take pictures of it so you can remind them, like the instant they walk back into your house and start fighting again."

http://www.todayisfun.com/blog

[Issa]

I'm going to assume that candy in Hawaii has no calories as well, right? We're thinking of going soon. Although, one of mine is over five, so it should be easier.

I love that last photo of Margot. She's beautiful.

[Larissa]

oh my, Margot is a-freaking-dorable.

[RookieMom Whitney]

You are a brave soul. Margot is totally cute.

We took Julian to Mexico three times before he was 2 years old and Scarlett has never been. Time to get my little one a passport, methinks.

[heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire]

What a wonderful trip! Thanks for sharing the photos!

[Heather]

The beach looks lovely. I'm freezing up here.

[Emily]

Sounds like an amazing trip! Glad we Canadians lived up to our reputation ;)

Hope you at least felt a wee bit rested!

[mothergoosemouse]

Dude, JetSetBabies would have been ideal. Do it for Houston next month!

[Jill]

Cuteness! You are a brave soul. I get the heeby jeebies thinking of traveling with just two kids in March.

[The Mother]

It doesn't get easier as they get older. I have a twenty-year old who was so busy staring at the nice Customs lady's bustline that he failed to understand the basic question, "Do you have any weapons?"

Of course, he's an engineer, so he's thinking, "Anything can be a weapon, right?"

We got a twenty minute lecture on the penalties for bringing weapons into Canada. We were very lucky we weren't strip-searched.

Moral: duct-tape your kids' mouths shut while going through customs. No matter how old they are.

[Carrie]

Sounds like a great trip!

[Tabitha (From Single to Married)]

So cute!! Glad you had fun and some time away!