Doin' the Hump

I never thought twice when I went in to get Drew out of his crib after nap time and found him crouched on his stomach with his favorite blanket balled up between his legs.

But then he started humping it.

And humping it. And humping it.

I finally asked him if he wanted to stay in bed and continue humping or if he wanted to come down for a snack (how's that for offering choices, huh?).

He chose food, but not before he fit in a few more mini humps.

I've yet to encounter the little boy erection, and the most Quinlan ever did was stick her hands down her pants while watching television.

Apparently Diego has that effect on her. Latino men do the same to me. It must be hereditary.

I'm not anti-humping or crotch grabbing (hello Mominatrix), not only because it's human and completely natural, but because growing up, the discussion of anything sex related was practically punishable by death, or really, that's what the embarrassment felt like when I was so rudely informed by my peers that oral sex was not when you talked about it. And that making a baby involved actual contact between a penis and a vagina.

It's not surprising that when I did find and figure it out (at the ripe young age of 16), I just wanted to do it over and over again.

Funny how that works.

So, we've taken a pro-humping stance in our household, so long as it's saved for bedrooms only. That caveat was added when we mistakenly allowed him to take his humping security blanket out of his crib and he decided to go at it in the middle of our family room.

"Why is he doing that?" my husband asked.

"Um, because I think it feels good, dear" I replied (and you wonder why I worry about my husband's sex drive).

But hell, if it keeps him in his crib longer in the morning and puts a smile on his face all day long, then you won't see me complaining.

C'mon, y'all. Do the Humpty Hump. If nothing else it'll make you feel ooooold as shit to listen to this.

Comments

[Tia]

My 9yr old still is doing it, started during potty training. She will do it in front of us and I've tried telling her it's something everyone does in private. Now the 15 month old started humping his blankie. My husband and I just look at each other and give that look of here we go again! Did I eat something when I was pregnant that I should'nt have?

[Rosie]

We call it diddle-time in our home and with three girls... well, there's been a lot of diddle time. I think you handled it well. I had to explain the concept of "a time and a place" to them, but otherwise we ignored it and I'm happy to say that not one of them are deviants ;).

[Vicky]

I'm knocking on wood and not saying a word.

I'll only say this- this Humpty Dance video is just asking for me to post a video of Dash Two "singing" this.

[Dionne]

No humping from kiddo, butI think my son was 2 when he described his morning wood as "silly" and that his penis was "huge, like a mountain". Between 3-5, he would come home from day school, take his pants off and spend the rest of the evening with his junk hanging out for all to see. Now that he's 9, he pretty much does the "Al Bundy", you know hand down the pants as we watch cartoons. And pleads on a daily basis, to go to school commando.

[Heidi]

I think my son started around 18 months. He won't do it in bed though, much prefers the carpet in front of his bed, or my parents living room. (As my dad jokes, they have REALLY nice carpet.) I thought he might outgrow it, but he's still going strong at 5.75 years. We have a bedroom only policy, but if he gets over tired he'll just drop in any room. Lovely with guests over!

[Motherhood Uncensored]

LMAO @My Kid's Mom... Love it.

[Heather]

If I had a dollar for every time I've had to say "get your hands out of your pants" in the last week!

[Trista]

Forget the post! I want to know how you become a sexologist....(Comment by Lauren). That sounds like LOADS of fun. lol!

Just kidding...Or maybe not!

Great Post, btw!

[Christina]

Cordy has been doing it since she was two and a half, with stuffed animals or blankets. We've taught her to only do it in her room, but I still catch her mindlessly doing it while watching TV sometimes. The car seat sometimes is a hot spot, too.

Mira, so far, isn't interested in humping, but she does love to explore everything during diaper changes.

[My Kids Mom]

One of my son's early sentences was "Sometimes my penis is like a worm and sometimes it's like a rocket ship!" Both boys have been playing with them and getting "rocket ships" since day one. I used to have to pin their hands down so they wouldn't get them in the poop. I actually told one of them once to wait their turn (until after I'd used the wet wipe!) and it was always a challenge to fasten a diaper without a hand in it.

[Bitchy Mom]

Yeah, my 18 month old daughter needs to wear onesies all the time or she has her hands down her pants constantly. Then when I change her diaper, I have to fight with her to get a diaper back on because she wants to play with herself.

This is something they totally don't warn you about in parenting books!! It's like so "taboo"!!

[Christy]

Just keep him out of the Burger King Bathrooms.....

My daughter "enjoys" her carseat. My dad asked me once what she was doing...I copped out and said, "I think her legs are bothering her." She calls it "exercising". My little self-gratifier.

[Rae Ann]

My daughter had a bried humping stage when she was an infant. But she graduated to using her hands and never looked back. I tell her that is to do in private, but have to remind her pretty frequently.

My son isn't a humper (yet), but he has definitely discovered his joy stick. He messes with it so much that I have had to put onesies under all of his clothes because he was pulling his penis out of his diaper and peeing on his pants!

As for baby erections, he gets afternoon wood. It seems to freak him out and he tries to push it back in.

On a related note, does anyone else get skeeved out when their boy giggles when you are cleaning his penis? It makes me feel like a pervert every time.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

@Scifi -- I've seen that one, but I didn't think that really counted. :)

[SciFi Dad]

In all your times changing Drew, you've never once seen the "piss hard-on"? Never? Really?

[Kris]

We never had the humping issue, but I've had to tell my 4 year old to touch it and play with it only in the bedroom, not in mommys lap, and please wash your hands afterwards. His dad was in shock, because he would have gone the do not touch it direction.

[Five Left Feet]

My 4 y/o twin boys don't play with theirs as much as they *used* to, but it's still a very fun portable toy for them. One of them would use any means necessary to get that li'l thing to stand up. He'd put it under the running water in the bathtub, take all his clothes off, stick it to the bathroom floor and slooooowly pull it off, whatever worked. Cracked me up every time. I did tell them that when they wanted to touch their penis, please go in their room. And please don't play with *each other's* penises. ;-)

[TNG]

Sometimes I feel a little BAD about that video monitor, which catches ALL the humperoo action.

From, like, the day she could roll ovah.

[Leslie]

Wow! I found out yesterday that the baby growing in my belly has a penis! A penis that apparently will be used for humping. I have so much to learn! Having a girl the first time was pretty easy, I wonder what else I need to know!

[Lori]

Oh yes. I remember the old itty bitty baby erections. It got even better when they started playing with it in the bathtub. I swear, I though my oldest would pull his scrotum all the way over his head. I don't think they start to feel pain there till about 5 or 6.

We love to share those stories with him now that he's in high school. Boy is it fun to embarrass your kids! LOL! Isn't that why we had them?

[Pamela]

We've actually broken a new record here, as my 7-month-old son now grabs his penis and wails when we take his hand away so that we can put on a new diaper. He's just an early developer, I guess.

[Laurie]

My son (16 months) has a toy truck in his crib and I have seen him humping it. His truck, his crib, his pleasure.

[Nina Delaney]

I'm reading blogs this morning and that's one of the best post of the day!!

[MommyNamedApril]

too funny. my 2yo hasnt started humping things, but he did greet me with some serious morning wood at his 5am diaper change.

good stuff.

[Misti]

I can't believe you've never seen the little boy erection! I see them all the time! My 3 sons wake up with them, watch TV with them...hell, sometimes they get them when its time to pee and then they get it all over the place (more so than usual). I don't say anything about it, but it still shocks me.

[Tracy]

Hilarious! I like the Latino men too!

[mannequin]

Oh my. :) This post would certainly make a grandma shiver and quiver. Which is not to be confused with humping and grinding.

For some strange reason, mine never did that. Now I'm worried.

[Colleen - Mommy Always Wins]

Yeah, thanks for that blast from the past - I'll be singin' that song all day long! (Dammit...)

My oldest is a humper (not the younger son - yet). We decided it wasn't a big deal, either, so long as he kept it private. That is, until I could hear him in his bed, grinding away long after he should have been sleeping. Then I was careful to make it an issue of not listening to Mommy (when I'd said go to sleep he didn't) rather than it being wrong to do what he was doing. Hubby laughs that soon we're going to have hundreds of teeny tiny little blankets running around our house, but whatever...

[Katie]

I'm with you! We don't make a big deal out of boners (or anything else of that nature) around here either. If my son wants to touch his penis, I let him... I mean sheesh it's HIS. I do try to encourage it to be done in private of course.

[Amanda]

Yeah, I've had to say "It's not a handle, and it won't fall off if you let go for a minute." more than once. We're also of the mind of in the bedroom only. I'd say bathroom too, but I don't want the boys hogging up the bathroom. They have their own bedrooms, they can use them.

[Jill]

My four year old informed me at dinner the other night that his penis was hard. Oh yes he did. I looked to my husband for an explanation (because he is in charge of all thing wanker-related around here) and he said that the day before Rocco had trouble peeing because he had an erection. I am at a complete loss when it comes to the workings of the penis, so I'm just going to assume that if Hubbz isn't alarmed by it then I won't be either. But ai yi yi! He's four years old!!

[divrchk]

My daughter is a humper. I tell her that I don't care as long as she goes to her room.

[Becky]

My daughter has taken to "riding" her car seat. Or her high chair. Or the restaurant's high chair. My husband was totally bewildered and thought she was in pain!

[Amelia Sprout]

Yeah, I love having had to say "please get your hands out of your vagina so I can put your diaper on". Time and a place...

[muskrat]

I'm glad our infant son doesn't do that yet.

Oh, and I had the same public reaction to my incorrect notion of what "oral sex" was in highschool.

[Kristen]

um...i just read some mominatrix posts....just when I thought you couldn't get funnier...there you go again. FYI-I don't get any work done anymore because I am too busy reading blogs by you and blogs you suggest. I spent six hours yesterday between Dooce and you.

[heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire]

As long as he doesn't start humping people as they walk in the door I think you are fine :O)

[Pando]

I am SO not playing that video. I know better.

[Laura]

Brilliant - though we haven't had any humping yet we've had lots of 'fiddling' as per ...

http://arewenearlythereyetmummy.blogspot.com/2008/12/free-willy.html

[Lauren]

As a sexologist, who sees daily the effects of parental punishment of child sexual exploration/expression, and this in adults, I'd just like to commend you for the approach you've taken on what is a natural and important human development.

[Heather]

Yeah. 2 year olds. My daughter went through her "I wanna touch myself all the time" phase at 2, and we said, "Hey, that's fine. But only when you're by yourself in your bedroom or in the bathroom. Anywhere else - not cool." Worked very nicely.

[aefwef]

haha:)