When my husband's employer kindly handed him a week's worth of days off in a sort of "here are 7 random days in a row where we won't call you" way, we figured we should really try to go somewhere. You know, like other than to the damn pediatrician's office so they can tell me "it's just another virus, sorry Mrs. Chase."
So we decided to head South (or more South because damnit I forget I sort of am in the South) to where the weather was warm, the drinks were tasty, and the babysitters were a-plenty.
That's Azul Beach Hotel. Or Heaven.
I'm no traveling genius, mind you, although I've done my fair share of air travel alone and pregnant with both kids, which should make me eligible for some type of meaningful award, like "Mom Who Flew Alone With Two Kids While Hugely Pregnant of the Year" Award.
Here's your gallon of juice and some hemorrhoid cream. Congrats!
But I do have a few tricks up my nursing bra strap that I'm happy to share with you. Because I know you're about to go to Mexico with three kids under four and you're dying for advice.
So here you go:
1. If you have to choose organic lollipops or jelly beans for the taxi/take-off/landing (read: all times where toddler must be buckled into a seat), go with jelly beans. He'll make short work of the lollipop and you won't even been out of the gate.
2. Don't worry so much about the lollipops and jelly beans on the plane ride, but rather the after math of the sugar high as you chase your toddler through Customs. I think I said "Stop licking that dirty pole" about 14 times. It wasn't as funny as it sounds now.
3. Pack lightly. Except when it comes to diapers and wipes. If you don't pack enough, make sure you're staying next to a huge family of Canadians who will give you offer you a few diapers in case of a "Poo-nami" (and I quote).
4. Be clear that your room does not have two sinks, with a special one for little children.
The true sign of a fancy hotel. A means to wash your ass!
5. Prepare yourselves for early risers.
Yeah, nice try buddy.
6. Okay, so there's really no way to prepare yourself for early risers. But that's why they make movies on iPhones.
Cribs are fun when they're not ours and we don't have to sleep in them.
7. Babysitting. Need I say more?
She actually does have a head. But probably would have still been brilliant without it.
8. If they don't have a babysitter, then pawn your kids off to the families who have just one kid. Your kids will keep their kid occupied and since parents with one kid are like hawks (okay, love you guys, but you know), it all evens out.
9. Make it known that you're celebrating something A real birthday always helps, but you could always fake it. Today is "Mom needs to beat the shit out of Pinata cuz she hasn't slept since November" Day in America! They'll never know the difference.
Those Canadians are so gentle. It's all that health care and maternity leave. Come live down here with us and you'll break that bad boy in two seconds flat.
10. If you do break aforementioned pinata, make sure to prepare your toddler who will scream like a castrated sheep when he sees it explode before his eyes. Then remind him there's candy all over the ground so to avoid extra time in therapy later in life.
11. Your children are generally way cuter on vacation, so take pictures of it so you can remind them, like the instant they walk back into your house and start fighting again.
12. Having your laundry done before you come home is a brilliant plan. Just make sure you leave out a bathing suit for your kid so she doesn't have to wear her little sister's swim top and a pair of Monkey Bar Buddies on her last day.
13. Enjoy yourselves. Babies included.
[Cute baby by Motherhood Uncensored and The Huz]
*I was not asked to link or endorse any of these products. They just made life a lot easier (and cuter) so I thought I'd share. I was sent on this trip as "press."