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November 26, 2008

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Great blog you have here but I was curious if you knew of any discussion boards that cover the same topics discussed here? I'd really love to be a part of community where I can get advice from other experienced individuals that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Thanks!

this is my house...hah!

Oh god, you're raising my kids!

My 4 year old made me cry today when she told me I 'do nothing for her'. Normally it would just go right on over my head, but not today.

Sigh. Only a few more weeks until I get into my post partum period and can have at least one glass of wine.

Hi there,
I feel your pain. The fighting sucks but it DOES get better. Mine are 23 months apart and when my youngest turned 2 the tables turned. Finally the CONSTANT fighting stopped and turned to playing. TOGETHER. For real, without me. They still fight But instead of 75% fighting, it's now 75% playing and it is the most beautiful, sweetest thing, ever. Hang in there mama. No advice on the extra baby....

Oddly reassuring that I'm not alone in this sentiment.

The fighting is kicking my ass lately.

Okay. I realize I am going to sound like some insane neo-con freak job when I admit to some of our parenting tactics. We have three boys and they are (well, at least the older 2) huge fighters. When they get going we make them drop and do pushups. This has a few benefits - (1) it's hard as crap! (2) it's very hard to bicker when you are trying to do a pushup, (3) it wears them out (4) maybe it will help them in the future when they have to do those exercise tests at school.

Okay, I know that sounds boot camp, but seriously, give it a whirl. Whooping their asses isn't a good idea, but there is some truth to the saying that the body remembers.

This made me feel so much better. And I only have 1.3333 kids at this point.

Thank you for expressing it so honestly.

Your last line? That is TOTALLY why I stopped after 2-I wanted a third baby, but I didn't want to raise a third.
I feel for you!

couldn't he be more like me and at least have 2 of 3 kids in the bathroom while he shits? I mean who shits in private when they have 3 kids under 6?

We have screaming matches in our house. They crazy thing is that they're 4 + years apart. They still fight. And scream at each other.

There was one day that I was in the laundry room and the kids were SCREAMING at each other in the living room. All I could do was stand there rubbing my forehead.

I didn't do a thing. I finally just thought "Well, this will work itself out with or without me right now."

They aren't real physical with each other though. The occasional smack from Boy, and he gets in T-R-O-U-B-L-E for that.

I feel your pain, sistah.

This post went a totally different direction than I thought it would. I figured your husband would be having a hard time of it, as it were, and causing some commotion in the meeting.

So I guess you have that small favor to be thankful for, right?

And you comment below about your husband playing guitar whilst shitting is just fantastic. If this is true, I just may have a new hero for my Wall of Heroes!

What's with their anatomy that causes them to poop so slowly? I can take care of business pretty quickly but sometimes I choose to take my time to get a break.

What's with their anatomy that causes them to poop so slowly? I can take care of business pretty quickly but sometimes I choose to take my time to get a break.

I'm sorry but the first sentence in this post is the funniest thing I read online today!

Mind-reader.

What the? Why do I have a blank comment??

I just wanted to say that I only have one kid & feel like I should apologize. Although, I did spend the 20 minutes after I said I was ready to go to grandma's, waiting for huz to take a shit (mine ALWAYS has to go when it's time to go!!!) packing the one bag up that we were taking & then going back to repack bag #2 because DD had to rifle through it to make sure her stuff was all in there & then go back to bag #1 because what she was looking for in bag #2 was actually in bag #1. ARGH!!

I have one thing to say about the ridiculously long shits. God doesn't like them either. Want proof? If you sit on the toilet too long you get hemorrhoids. Yep. If that's not proof that you actually are a pain in the ass, I don't know what will get through that skull o' steel.

Wait, you mean we have to raise them too?

We're totally fucked, aren't we.

Hope things have calmed down enough to enjoy the day relatively tear-free. Yours, I mean.

Can someone PLEASE tell me why it takes a man 45 minutes to take a shit? I honestly get PISSED when husband says "I gotta go to the bathroom" because I know I have no chance of getting any help with the kids for nearly an hour. Seriously. What The Ef?!?!? Me, I'm in and out. He actually sits there so long that his legs fall asleep. You think I'm kidding? I swear I'm not. He's been doing this since we started dating. I will NEVER understand it.

You are SO not alone. Look (the accounts of extreme sibling violence in the comments cheered me up obscurely...):

http://belgianwaffling.blogspot.com/2008/11/think-of-me-like-switzerland-but-less.html#comments

I have gone into my closet (so not kidding) with the door shut, faced toward the corner of the closet, so I can have 10 mins of quiet. I have also locked myself in my car, in my own driveway.
Because fighting kids (and at my house barking Pugs) just scream professional modern woman right? I had a call last week and dogs started barking like Ted Bundy had just walked into my foyer so it sounded like I probably had my car on my porch or something to the people on the other end of the line. Good times.
I am so with you, you are not alone. Until you take over the world and make new rules for us, the closet is a good option as are bags for the DH to wear so he won't have to do bathroom breaks during the conf. calls.
Missed me? I have missed talking to you and hope we can catch up. You rule!

Like most other commenters, been there...still there. One minute they're playing nice, next minute they're at each other's throats. It's been like that for years. And now with the baby, they fight over him too. Luckily I get a little 9-hour break...it's called work...lol. I would totally lose my mind if I worked from home...and to those who do--amazing. You're awesome.

how many times aday do i ask my brood "can´t we all just get along!!??". oh, sister, i feel your pain. my brain hurts at the end of the day from constant negotiations. my solution has become..."everyone stop complaining or you´re sleeping on the porch with the dog and you´d better hope the skunk doesn´t visit tonight, because i don´t have enough tomato sauce to bathe you in and then you´ll stink." worked like a charm, tonight...until they figure out i´m bluffing. keep going mama!

Been there. Totally.

Don't let them break you!! It's Thanksgiving!! Have a good one:-)

i'm just starting to get to that stage with mine... sometimes they play together so nicely but others... not so much. our house has too much crap already, but i too feel compelled to buy duplicates to *try* and avoid any unnecessary fighting.

Spot on Stephanie:

Husbands & Poo. Takes forever, always at a bad time. I never get the leisure of a 30 minute poo in pure silence.

My husband sits on the shitter AND PLAYS GUITAR.

I'm holding a baby in a sling. Although the same sorts of noises come from the guitar and the baby.

Go figure.

If it makes you feel any better, you made me smile and laugh right out loud on a day that totally sucked for me....make that a week that sucked. Thanks.

Do not even get me started on this. My kids are literally on top of each other all day....they have this love/hate relationship that is about to send me to pyscho ward for sure. They always get worse when I'm on a call....I was known to actually run from them and lock myself in the bathroom while on a work conference call once upon a time. Super fun!

I have gotten to the point of ignoring the fights, as long as no one is in danger. They seem to work it out. Noisy as heck, but I am tired of hearing myself scream. 3rd expected in May, plan on losing, mind, hearing, & hair.

Husbands & Poo. Takes forever, always at a bad time. I never get the leasure of a 30 minute poo in pure silence.

Silence because I am playing goalie for him.

it will get better... they grow up too fast

It's all the husbands' faults. They seriously take the most inconvenient and LONG shits. They have the leisure to do so. How come we can shit in under 30 seconds but it takes them 30 minutes when the kids are screaming and you have something important to do?

Oh this is about sibling rivalry? Welll, it's a fact of life. It doesn't bother them it just drives us crazy. I've been told we should never take sides. Easier said than done!

You know, it never really got better for my older kids. My son NEVER forgave my daughter for taking his toys. Or sharing the bathtub when they were 3 and 1. Or being born. Here's hoping your kids get along better... :)

I just got home from trying to pick up a prescription with 3 crazy children in tow. They got the lecture before we got out of the car along with a bribe to get ice cream afterwards if everyone had good behavior (no running in the store, no yelling and no climbing on fixtures). Silly me. We made it out of the store -right before being kicked out. On the way home, we had to pull over so that 2 of the kids could stand outside of the car to contemplate their behavior for 5 minutes. Sigh.

Today I am thankful for your post and knowing I'm not the only one out there. My kids should be thankful that military boarding schools don't take applicants until middle school.

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. And now with a new baby at home it is even harder. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you - Baby # 6 was born!!! YAY!!!

THANK YOU! It's nice to be know I am not the only one.

Last time i have 2 boys 13 months apart i think imma go cry now

Ok i need a typing lesson...I meant there are days when they are NOT a blessing geesh (as i was typing that the kids were talking to me and yelling and still are ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)

Oh honey i so feel ya on this! I have 3 boys 13 months apart and some days it is all i can do not to run screaming from my house and not look back. I had someone tell me just think of what a blessing they are and i wanted to ask...do you have kids because i do and there are days when they are blessings (J/K of course)!

Oh, oh, oh...sending hugs and confidence your way. You haven't failed!

"And if all we really ever do is the best we can / Well, you did it man / That's something to be proud off." - Montgomery Gentry (http://tinyurl.com/5ubv95)

It gets better I promise! I have 4, the first 3 are boys and they were almost the same age as yours. 5, 2 and then a newborn. To be quite honest I barely remember my middle son being a baby, but I survived enough to have another and got my girl. They're now 13, 10, 9 and 4 and can play Monopoly together for hours believe it or not. Hang in there and have a Happy Thanksgiving! You have a lot to be thankful for. Did I mention two of mine are also deaf :)

Hearing you loud and clear! We use the microwave timer for 5 minute "turns" for everything: the Magnadoodle, the smartcycle, the iPod, etc...

Yeah, my 4 year old can set the timer himself.

It seems to work though. Good luck.

Hug. Hug. Hug. That's about all I can give you on this, because ALL siblings do it. And they teach the younger ones the finer points. Sigh.

The kids make my head hurt. The constant fighting is really hard to take. Those timeouts are as much for me as it is for them. Hang in there. I hear it gets better.

OMG I so remember those days. My kids fought from dawn til dusk. It nearly drove me insane. I remember once stopping the car along side the road and having one of those gut wrenching cries while they all sat in the back seat staring at me. I actually told them that day.YOU ARE DRIVING ME INSANE!!!
Anyway..they are 17,18 and 21 now and I survived and so did they. It was a close call several times though.
Take care...and know you are not alone!

Ahahaha! I'm past all that. I have teenagers.

Oh wait.

That's not funny either.

I have this problem!!! Oooh, ooh, and advice! Well, it works wonders with my kids, anyway...ANY time there's a fight now, I don't give a crap who started it, who was doing what, WHATEVER. If I hear yelling and crying, all children who were in the room are sent to sit on seperate chairs. In the same room. Within a minute, they're making faces and playing together (still in separate chairs). I ask if they're ready to play nicely. Then they can get down.

If the fights start again, then they're sent to seperate rooms.

The third time? They go to bed. I leave them there for half an hour or so, until they calm down.

Ever since I started that routine, things have been MUCH calmer around here. It isn't perfect, by any means. But it's helping them learn how to deal with things on their own without huge knock-em-out fights, because otherwise, they get one cranky and breathing-fire mommy coming down on ALL of them. Mwahahaha!

hehe i used to make mine go lay on their bed and twiddle their thumbs.. they had to help clean a certain chore if they didnt listen and get up. Or they went and took a nap or had to go to bed early.. didnt stop all fighting but it made them think about what would happen. especially when one brother had to go to bed early and the other didnt.
hugs to you..

This is where separate rooms come in handy. My 7yo seems to think he's 2 lately. Drives me nucking futs. I just send him to his room. Yes, I know all his toys are there, I just need him away from me so I resist the urge to tie him to a chair and put a ball gag in his mouth. He can go act like a loon in his own space with the door closed. When he's calmed down, he may return to the living room. Wash, rinse, and repeat about 50x a day when he's off school.

This is why I refuse to be judge, jury and executioner. I simply close the playroom door and proclaim the one that walks out, pretty much alive the winner and gets dessert. I call it learning conflict resolution.

I'm sorry--I feel your pain. I think we've all been there.
I'm reading a book now called "Beyond Time Out: From Chaos to Calm". I'll let you know how it works out. I'm not holding my breath...

My aunt in Italy: three kids ages 2,3 and 4, in the back of her beat up car, (husband left her). She carried not one, but two wooden spoons in the car. At the first sign of fights, she would reach back with her spoons in one hand, didn't care who it was or how it started, and she got who she got, hopefully all three. Her kids, my cousins, are totally fine and laugh about it today -- I know here it's different here, but she tried her best, and her kids are very thankful for all she did, spoons and all.
It'll get better :) - hang in there, you do a lot, tough to juggle, and you make lots of moms feel better about what we do :)
Send you a wooden spoon? In the mail ?
Just kidding :)

I hear ya! I'm actually considering adding a 4th child just to even things up and stop the two-on-one action we've got going on here. My middle child is the real terror - she can annoy her older sister until she screams the rafters down and then turn right around and sit on her baby brother till he cries... the kid has talent!

I had my youngest home all week for Thanksgiving and I got nothing done. Some strange part of me thought that as soon as the older one was home too, they'd play happily together and I'd get lots


done. Excuses that pause. I was breaking up a fight. Really. Your post and the timing of that fight almost (but not quite) made me laugh as I pulled them apart.

As the oldest of three, I send you my sympathies. My sister (the Middle Child) and I didn't stop fighting over ridiculous things until . . . oh wait. Have we really stopped?

We lived, though. Became productive citizens with no criminal records, even. And we still speak to one another. And my parents weren't nearly as capable as you are when my sister and I were little (my mother was a teenager and my father was a pathological narcissist). So, you know, your kids will probably come out okay.

(In fact they might even like and appreciate each other at some point. But don't tell my sister I said that.)

Totally. I have three and I do A LOT of refereeing. I think it's important to learn the phrase, "You need to work that out for yourselves."

Although, in truth, it's really not that effective.

I am in the same place with my 5 and 2 year old. They fight over every damn thing and even when I try to make things exactly equal (two yellow plates instead of different coloured plates) they find some microscopic detail that they can argue over. More and more I'm just telling them to sort it out between themselves, even though I used to HATE it when my mom did that to me and my sisters. But I just refuse to keep refereeing every fight. Blood I will clean up, but I can't be judge and jury over every little hissy over efffing legos and dressup clothes.

My youngest isn't even one and I can already see many refereeing gigs in my future. In fact, number one on the list of things heard in our house is "SPIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKE! LEAVE ME ALOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNE!!"

Followed closely, of course, by "I tooted, hahaha!" because, well... I have two boys!

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