Where Everyone Knows Your Name. Well, Except Your Own Mother.

I would expect the Duggars to mix up at least a few of their 470 kid's names. Of course, they could just yell "J" and at least one would answer. Same goes for Jon and Kate and their television cast of characters. Although a woman with 8 kids who still mops the floor three times a day probably doesn't forget anything.

But me, the mother of three kids, calls each child by the wrong name (or better, no name) at least once a day.

It wouldn't bother me so much had I not been known for my memory. Yes, some folks are known for their smashing good looks or being incredibly easy, but I was known for my knack for remembering things - say everything from the books of the Bible (won me a Bible and $5 back in Junior High Sunday School. Woo!) to bizarre facts about Johann Sebastian Bach that afforded me the highest score in my undergraduate music history class. A very worthwhile achievement that is paying off dividends as we speak. (Okay, not so much).

I can almost annoyingly provide you with the name of some random character actor who most people have never heard of and then tell you all the other movies he's been in over the last few years. And much to my husband's chagrin, I can rattle off all his prior offenses in date order with specific quotes when necessary.

And yet, I've called Drew that "Oh what's your name again?" about 5 times already this week.

As if the mothering gig couldn't make you feel less human, you know when you're pissing yourself every time you cough and sneeze and walking around with a gigantic maxi pad in your monstrous underpants with a baby attached to your boob, it's sort of nice to say "Well, at least I have my memory."

Alas, apparently I don't.

It's sort of odd how even though I've got kids of different genders with totally different names (no Sam and Pam, or Jadyn and Cadyn here), I still flub them up. My mind goes completely blank and I just yell out whatever I can think of first. I bet you can actually see the wheels of my poor crotchety brain turning as I stand there rattling off names like I'm calling roll in an elementary classroom. With my luck, my son will grow up thinking his name is QuinlanMargotDrew.

Now I get the whole pet name thing. It's not because they're being cute or sweet, but more so because they can't remember their kids' damn names.

Comments

[Larissa]

I could have written this post, except for the post-partum details. Cause I'm not post-partum. I do, however, often care for 6 children on my own for a day or even more, and so I can relate. I get names mixed up so often, and I too was/am(?) known for my memory. Random facts and such.

[Courtney]

Oh goodness, that's so going to be me when I have more than one kid. Hell, half the time I call my cat by my kid's name. In baby talk, even.

[kzoomoo]

I so feel you. I too have the elephant memory and mix up the kids' names. You are prolly just suffering from new baby brain, though. Expect a full recovery in a year or so. Or maybe not.

[Dana]

I swear you're talking about my father. When my 3 siblings and I were growing up, Dad would rattle through all our names until he got the right one. It was annoying then, now I look back and find it hilarious. :) Hang in there! I think all parents with more than one child do this. However, I've called Dawson by the dog's name (accidentally) a few times, and felt horribly guilty for it later.

[Robin@PartyofFive]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who does that. I thought I was in the early stages of dementia.

[psumommy]

My kids are all 'honey' for a reason...ha. And yes, it's totally because I can NEVER get their names right. I'm awful. But it's either that or 'hey WHATSYOURFACE' and that didn't go over well with the grandparents.

[Mom101]

I still do this and I don't have postpartum brain to blame for it.

I just go, "Sage..Thalia...whatever your name is...come here."

Sometimes I just call them Emily, the dog. That works too.

[Asianmommy]

I think this is what they call Mommy brain. My friends & I do this, too!

[Verla]

I've called my daughter by MY name! That gets you a really strange look from your kid.

[K]

I am a professor and have three boys - each of whom nursed. So, I have breastfed children for over six years combined.

I am secretly convinced that breastmilk must contain gray matter. I lost more gray matter while nursing my little monsters than I can think of - no, really!

[Valerie]

I really thought I was the only one who did this! Knowing all these other Moms do it too makes me feel MUCH better. Kristen, congrats on your new little bundle!

[Jacquie]

I mix the girls up all the time.

"Welcome to the Club"

[Hyphen Mama]

Everybody in my house goes by Boris. That's my border collie's name. If you don't answer to Boris, you don't get fed. End of story.

[Sara]

I've called my son "Thea" (our dog) or puppy several times. hmmm...maybe i can just claim that "puppy" is a little pet name for him!

[The Other Sister-in-Law]

We've had this problem because most of the names in our family begin with the same letter. Sometimes you have to go through a whole list of names until you get to the correct one!

[Heather]

I've been known to mix up our one kid's and the dog's name. At least their both girls. But I don't think my daughter likes being called "Corona".

[Anu]

This is funny! My MIL constantly does this with her three kids, to the point that sometimes even I do it. And now, add grandchildren into the mix, and she is thoroughly tongue tied!

[Stephanie GoMom]

Your memory is great, it's just that they haven't actually moved into your past as something to be stored. They are too NOW NOW NOW. I also like to think that the naming thing happens because the children are really a blur and can't truly be pegged down in one place to actually identify them correctly. See, it's their fault, not mine.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Phew. You guys are making me feel waay better.

I have yet to be called Daddy, but I do call all my house guests hon. Even my own mother.

Oy.

[Naomi]

By some unfortunate accident I have a family of "C's"... my husband Corey, children Cole and Cheyenne, and dog Cash... and sadly I'm not joking when I say it was an accident (I didn't notice what I'd done till after the last one was born). So whenever I go to yell for someone there's no telling what name will come out! The worst is when I just stand there sputtering "C-C-C..." waiting for my brain to kick in and fill in the blank....

[Erin]

I have actually called my kids by the dog's name before. I swear, whoever you yelled at last is what you call the next person you yell at. "Godiva!, Dammit, I mean Meghan!!!" :)

[Paula H]

Yep, we've all been there. But, I take solace on the occasions when my 4 year old son calls me by his day care provider's name. Too funny. He's a good natured child and gets the cutest grin on his face when he realizes that I'm mom and not Miss Faye.

[delamare]

Meet my three kids...

Dec-Char-WILL
Will-Dec-CHARLOTTE and of course
Char-Will-DECLAN

[Cinthia]

My mother forever called me Rebe-Cinthia and my sister Cinthia-Rebeca.

Ironically, my stepdad NEVER got our names wrong.

[Red Cup Mom]

Postpartum brain is the worst sometimes. All the confusion is directly related to the hormones. Sucks, dude! Hang in there. At least you don't have to yell at Margot for a few months. She's safely going no where and staying outta trouble for a short while.

[Kim]

I am so glad I am not the only one who calls my DS by a pet's name! I have 1 boy & 2 dogs. I get all 3 names mixed up. I used to get so mad at my mom for calling me my sister's name. I always thought it was because we all had C/K names. Now I know better - kiddos suck out your brains!

[mothergoosemouse]

I take comfort in the fact that both daughters occasionally call me Daddy. Or by their teachers' names.

[abbyjess]

You know, I used to roll my eyes at my MIL when she did this with her boys, but now I find myself unable to recall the name of my ONE son calling both my brothers names and husband's name before landing upon his name. Sadly, sometimes I'll even call him by one of our cat's names.

[Amber S]

I have 3 boys with totally different names. No Rhyming or matching letters. Nope. But if I mean to call Derrick I'll call out "Ian!...No...James...No!...DERRICK!"

It's totally a mom thing. My own mom still calls me Crystal and calls my sister Amber.

[april]

If it helps, I only have one and I mix his name up with the dog's name (female) and my husband's name and sometimes my brother's name. No one gets my sister's name, I don't know why, but everyone else is interchangeable. My mom does this with all three kids, three dogs, and random other animals. It's a mom thing -- we all do it, and it doesn't have to be with siblings.

[Jamie E]

I call them "hey, youwhateveryournameis" quite often, the hubs and I laugh about it A LOT! Then we decided just to call them by their birth #, it's easier.

[Procrastamom]

My three kids are named:

YOU!

YOU, OVER THERE!

WHATEVER THE HELL YOUR NAME IS!

[Barbara]

I'm one of 8. My mom only flubbed our names if she wanted us to do something or if we were in trouble. If we were just having a conversation she never did. I'm sure my brothers are fine with having been called girls' names when they were asked to do things around the house. It was an easy out when they didn't do them!

[FishyGirl]

I do this all the time, with all 4 kids' names, but I also add in my husband's name, our old dog's name (he died when I only had 2 kids), my sister's name, and they all answer to their blog names, so those get in the equation, too. It actually affects other stuff, too - I'll say the wrong word for things all the time, even though I'm thinking of the right one, and then yell at the kids for not listening or doing what they were told. I'm a joy to be around, I tell ya.

[Joanne]

How about when you don't even realize you've called them by the wrong name until 5 minutes later? But usually I catch myself-- thus my dog's name is Ru-Bailey, and my daughter's name is Bay-Ruby.

[Vicki]

Hahahaha. I have called my boys everyone in the house's name on top of some people who don't even live with us...it gets bad some days when you get yourself so confused that you just say SHIT, GET OVER HERE...

[LiteralDan]

I haven't had that much trouble with my kids' names yet, but I've been having increasing trouble remembering everything else.

And I promise you, I used to have an even better memory than you remember yourself having.

But let's not make it a competition, instead of a funeral for our better days.

[Mel]

My brain used to be like a sponge -- I was a great test-taker in school. Now being a preschool teacher, I call my husband by my sister's name, my cats by my son's name, and my son by my students' names. I feel ya.

[Traci in GA]

I have 2 kids, 1 dog, 1 cat, 1 step-kid (who hasn't visited in 3 yrs)and a dog we gave away last year. You could get called by any one of those names around here. KatyAlexLucyTannerZoeyKyle, you! -Pick that up/stop that/come here...
Stick with Sweetie or Honey, works for everyone!

[Jupiter]

I occasionally have thrown the cat's name out there when calling one of the kids. I'm not even that fond of the cat!

[Trenches of Mommyhood]

I sooo hear ya sister. I've given up. I call all 3 of my boyz "B". As in - Boy.

[SuZ]

Ha ha ha.... You're not alone, trust me. You're not alone!

[Christina]

Aaron's dad often called him his brother's name (Adam) and vice versa. He got Aaron's name wrong at our wedding.

But the worst is when he called one of them the dog's name.

I still occasionally call Mira Cordy, but that's because I'm used to Cordy being the one in trouble.

[Kelly]

My oldest has learned from me how to call people "You" because he's heard me so many times, forgetful, say "YOU don't ___" or "YOU will sit down!" or something of the like.

Lately I've been mixing up their names and not realizing it until I'm several words past the name part and see the confused look on their face. Mine don't have similar names at all, either. Victor and Ethan sound so alike? No.

[susieshomemade]

When I get stumped, I call them Number 1 and Number 2.

[Jim]

As long as they answer, it should be fine. You could always skip the name entirely and just pelt them with a bean bag when you want their attention.

[Miss Grace]

For some reason no one in my family can keep my brothers straight. There are large age differences and physical differences, but I'll still find myself trying to get my 16-y-o brother's attention with the good old "DuncanJamesDanielJames!" See it's best if you actually cycle through the correct name once without realizing it.

[Erika]

Count me in too and throw the dog's name in as well. When I am annoyed with my husband, I often call him by my oldest son't name.

[Jennifer Suarez]

In our family from my grandparents, my parents, and with my own kids, we are often heard saying something like;

Kayl-, er Rudy, I mean J-, Um, whatever your name is, come over here.

[Issa]

They will learn to answer to "you kid" if you say it with enough meaning. This I know from experience. I have a great memory and I do it too. Heck, I did it before the third kid. He'll be lucky if I don't call him, you boy, for his entire life. Maybe you could do that with Drew, since he's the only boy?

I think it's normal though. My mom calls me my aunts name and my brother, my uncles name all the time. Better than calling us the dogs names, which is what my dad used to do.

My kids are funny; I have a slew of silly nicknames that I use, like say Chipmunk...which can be used for any of them, at any time. Occasionally one of them will correct me, like mom, I'm not chipmunk, sissy is. I just tell them, well today that is you. Really I did it for when I honestly can't remember their names.

[Maggie]

Ha, when we were growing up, my younger sister and I got quite used to being called "Ma-Suzanne" and "Su-Maggie"...I think my mom actually still does it sometimes to this day...

[Jill in Atlanta]

I taught in an elementary school where, conveniently, every child was named "Sweetie".

[Jasi]

It's okay. My mom spells my name wrong on birthday cards. Not that it hasn't made me absolutely nuts all of my life that she picked a crazy spelling (every teacher, friend, boyfriend has gotten it wrong), but now she can't remember either.

I call both kids "Sweet Pea" anyway. Can't be bothered messing them up on such a small thing. Saving my brownie points for forgetting their favorite ice cream or birthday or something.

[Vicky (Secret Mom Thoughts)]

I totally do this too. I call the boy by the girl's name and vice versa. I often call them by the dog's name when they are up to trouble.

[allie]

it only gets worse. Wait until you cannot remmember the name for spoon. "Bring me the paper/bowl/SPOON!"

[Krystal]

Oh honey, I screw up their names all of the time and now that Tiny Dancer was born (on Sunday!!!) I am going to screw up the girls' names too!!

Heck, the most important thing is that we atleast remember to feed them right?

[Jen E]

My grandmother does that all the time and has an otherwise spotless memory. I consider it a compliment when she calls me Susan, Danielle, Sarah, Marie... lol She'd blame it on her age, except I'm pretty sure she's always done it.

[Stacey]

My husband is the youngest of 4. His name was usually some combination of "BriMegTraBra" or "You know who I mean!".

I get the boys mixed up all the time but I did that to myself by giving 2 boys, 15 months apart in age very similar sounding names. I just run them together and say "You know who I mean" and DH looks up from the computer and asks "What did I do?"

[Luann]

if you just yell "HEY", "NO!" or "stop it!!" everyone will look and then you can point at the offender.

if you need them to come to you just yell "COME SEE WHAT I HAVE" and they all come.

there are simply no names required once you have 3.

[Stella]

I'm pretty sure my son thinks his name is 'DAMMIT'

[Tatiana]

"Kay-Jared-OH WHATEVER THE FUCK YOUR NAME IS, GET OVER HERE!"

Commonly heard in my home while growing up... my poor mom!

[Anita Doberman]

At times, I give up trying to remember their names all together Sometimes I resort to you, whoever you are, come here now (with some authority) and whoever appears must attend to business (usually cleaning) :)

[Cameron]

I mix up the kids and the pets names sometimes...is that weird?

[lisa]

I'm not kidding, this deserves a scientific study, but I swear, after I had my two daughters, my formerly phenomenal memory went to shit! Mixing up names is just the tip of the iceberg, it's everything!

[Awesome Mom]

Sometimes I mix my boys' names up and end up calling them one of my sister's names. Don't feel too bad!

[Mocha Dad]

My kids are so used to saying "mommy" all day that they call me "mommy." My wife and I have to ask, which mommy do you want?

[Fairly Odd Mother]

Oh, and could the Duggars please go away. They perpetuate every homeschooling stereotype to the nth degree. I don't even own a denim jumper.

[Fairly Odd Mother]

My two oldest are known as Jillibell, a name that makes them sound like they live in the Old South. At least they answer to it.

[Joy]

This is soooo normal. My kids are 6 and 12 and I still do it! Their names are Katie and Ryan and I most often call them either Ry-Kate or Kate-Ry, because I almost NEVER get their names right the first try! They do it too though, I am often called either their friends names or teachers names before Mom comes out.

[The Mrs.]

I am always mixing up my kids names and I have only had 2 kids for 6 months. I also add my husband's name in there. 3 guys in the house and I just can't call them by the right name!
My mom, on the other hand, always calls my by her sister's name.

[Courtney]

Oh the joys of mommy brain rot lol. Dont feel to bad i only have 2 kids and i confus their names at least twice a day! It is the effect of overactive pregnancy hormones on your unsuspecting intelligent brain!

[HeatherY]

My Mom always made a habit of calling me by my sister's name and vice versa. Oh and she even called me by my Dad's name a time or two (or ten). I know I look like him but geesh!

Hey, it happens!

[Pia]

I feel for you! Like someone else said, I also sometimes throw a dog's name in there too! It's just too much for us to remember - shoe sizes, birthdates, homework - who has times for names?

Mostly, I just call both of my boys Stinky B (for Stinky Billy and Stinky Bum) - they both answer!!

[The Domestic Goddess]

Hey, everyone does this, I swear it to be true. My parents even called us by the dog's name a few times (there were seven of us) and rarely got the name right.

[illahee]

oh man, it used to drive me nuts when my mom did this. and now i do it. *sigh* i hope my ability to remember my kids' names some day....

[Teri]

My girl (13 and 10) have called me out on this and claim their real names are Julindsay (Lindsay) and LinJewel (Julia).

[Eryn]

At least you don't confuse them with the dogs...

[Mike]

I guess the good news is that different parts of your brain access names and semi-useless trivia. The part with names is probably just more sleep deprived than the other which has probably gotten lots of rest lately.

[Aliceson]

It does get worse. just wait until you add the pets' names into the mix. That's really pathetic.

My Grandmother would do that. Run through all the names even the dog before she'd give up and say "Hey You!"

[Lynna]

You discovered my secret! All males are Bud or Buddy and all females are darlin' or sweet thing. Makes my used-to-be high-functioning brain very happy. Without sounding like one of those cackling old ladies, just wait...it gets oh-so-much worse...