There's always that seasoned assvicey mom who's within earshot of the poor, tired new mom and doesn't hesitate to tell her that she'll miss those sleepless nights, drool-ridden days, and all those confusing and frustrating moments in between.
"Give me a fucking break already," said my clenched-tooth smile and nod.
Didn't we all know at one level or another without some know-it-all mom politely informing us that we'd miss holding our tiny babies in our arms, or listening to their coos and giggles while they are happily strapped into a completely stationary baby bouncer?
It's fairly obvious that the baby months are fleeting, sometimes a complete and utter blur - for good reason - and the only valuable appreciation that we can really ever have is in hindsight. Sorry, but only a total nutcase sits lovingly with her colicky baby and says "God, I'll miss this."
It's not so much that I'd want to turn back to the time when she'd cry uncontrollably for no apparent reason or wake up every few hours to make sure I was indeed still sleeping in the rocking chair in her room.
Thankfully, those moments are part of our past together. I've passed the test and earned my stripes. And there's no way in hell I'll be calling for a "redo" anytime soon. Well, at least when it comes to Quinlan's baby years.
But that doesn't mean that I don't have these urges to freeze time. Because the only thing that moves faster than my daughter's mouth is how fast she grows.
Four years is high school, my entire undergraduate education, my marriage.
Now four years is an entire life that never existed four years ago. A life that is changing so rapidly that I find myself unable to keep up.
And I life that I love just as it is at this very moment. Uncomplicated. Creative. Innocent. Genuine. Intuitive. Patient. Caring.
But my daughter has come to show me that very little of what I worry about losing as she grows up has anything to do with her youth.
The beauty of her personhood has always been there, even when it could only be seen in her glances, wiggles, and cries.
And with age, I know that it will only continue to ripen, grow, and flourish. It's my job as her parent to make sure the beauty gets that chance.
Happy Birthday, Quinlan.
To me, nine years ago seems like yesterday, a blink of an eye. Then I look at my daughter, the one with her nose in a book, or asking if she can make coffee (!), or singing a Hannah Montana song. I don't long for diaper days and sleepless nights; I just long to cherish the moments as they pass. Happy b-day to your little one.
Posted by: Ruth Dynamite | July 10, 2008 at 08:04 AM
I think the coolest stage is.... whatever they are in the moment! I always say this is the best at each stage! But I love to watch her turn into a more fully her person every day. One of the blessings of having a 'developmentally delayed' child is that you can actually SEE them grow!
Posted by: akakarma | July 09, 2008 at 06:43 PM
I do indeed miss my tiny infant baby but I do NOT miss the crying, the 3 am feedings or getting puked on. I only miss the snuggling and the smell after a bath. I think God only gives us those great moments so we will keep the little monsters around. If it was all bad kids wouldn't live past 3 months! Plus, my walking talking baby boy is a whole lot more fun! Happy Birthday Quinlan!
Posted by: Mandy (AKA Bobby) | July 09, 2008 at 06:02 PM
aww, nice post:)
(I am more likely to tell my pre-child friends to sleep now while they still can! uit all that marathon running and sleep in for petessake!)
Posted by: Jamie E | July 09, 2008 at 01:40 AM
you rock, Kristen! Thanks for helping me remember the good stuff!
Posted by: wwbst | July 08, 2008 at 05:19 PM
Shoot. Sorry for the double post...I'm tech challenged.
Posted by: Rock and Roll Mama | July 08, 2008 at 01:46 PM
Nice post. My daughter's 4 also, and while I enjoyed some moments of the baby years, I'm truly cherishing these times, when she's old enough to walk up and say "Smell my Finger." (Word of Advice: If 4 year old ever says smell my finger, just...don't.)
Posted by: Rock and Roll Mama | July 08, 2008 at 01:43 PM
Nice post. My daughter's 4 also, and while I enjoyed some moments of the baby years, I'm truly cherishing these times, when she's old enough to walk up and say "Smell my Finger." (Word of Advice: If 4 year old ever says smell my finger, just...don't.)
Posted by: Rock and Roll Mama | July 08, 2008 at 01:43 PM
What a beautiful post. My daughter is four, too, and I know exactly what you mean.
In some ways, I feel like the anti-mom, because instead of pining for the baby days, I can't wait until she's old enough to show Steel Magnolias.
Posted by: dorothy | July 08, 2008 at 01:03 PM
I really truly think there's a BIG diff between loving infanthood and babydom and not loving the colic, baby who won't never ever or sleep ever ever phase.
Posted by: Motherhood Uncensored | July 08, 2008 at 10:57 AM
Happy birthday my darling niece!
Posted by: The Other Sister-in-Law | July 08, 2008 at 05:01 AM
Happy birthday Quinlan!!
Great blog entry Kristen!
Posted by: Larissa | July 08, 2008 at 03:11 AM
some people just really, genuinely love the newborn phase, I do, I love it so very much. because I think we're done making babies, I've schemed up a plan to take in pregnant teenage foster kids one day so that I can hold their colicky babies for them, because I really can sit with a crying baby and enjoy it, there's something I get out of just giving comfort to an infant without recieving anything of any kind back. I might be a nutcase at times for other reasons, but I think love for the wee infant thing is just a personal preference thing and not a symptom of anything wrong with that person, I'm having a hell of a time with the preschool age though, but some people love 3-4's the best, which I think is kinda nutty. Anyhoo, happy b-day to your little girl :)
Posted by: :::::::::::: wife mom maniac :::::::::::: | July 08, 2008 at 02:10 AM
Awesome post!
Posted by: Jonathan Zaria | July 08, 2008 at 01:00 AM
What I miss from when my kids were small was the portability of them. They were willing to go anywhere with me. Now if the place doesn't have toys, forget it.
Happy B-day Quinlan!
Posted by: Jennifer A. | July 07, 2008 at 10:19 PM
A big Happy Birthday to your sweet little girl!
My oldest turns 12 tomorrow, and my younger guy is 7 in two weeks. Oh, how the years go by so quickly now. I totally feel you on wanting to freeze time now & then!
Posted by: Lisa | July 07, 2008 at 10:05 PM
Well, honestly, I am "that mom." I loved my babies' infanthood. (is that a word? hmmm...) Without a doubt, I'd go back. In a heartbeat. I ADORE the ages they're at, right now, don't get me wrong. But I can distinctly remember rocking each child and crying... just knowing how brief this period was. Granted, I never had collicky children. And my third child slept through the night at 5 days (ducking the keyboards being thrown at me) but my second was a right old bear that never slept alone and never for more than 2 hours at a time. He was freaking happy when awake, but he was AWAKE at all hours.
I will continue to be wistful of the early years for all new moms, whether they appreciate it or not. For it IS brief. And they WILL miss it, someday...
Posted by: tracey | July 07, 2008 at 09:49 PM
Happy Birthday, Quinlan! Hope you had a great day!
Posted by: Chag | July 07, 2008 at 09:01 PM
Oh, what an awesome post.
xo
Posted by: the new girl | July 07, 2008 at 08:46 PM
Happy Birthday, Quinlan. What a great post.
Posted by: Amy | July 07, 2008 at 08:40 PM
What I hate is when they tell you that you'll long for these days when you see what they're like at xx stage. Yeah, whatever.
Four is fun though. Happy Birthday Quinlan. Mommy and Daddy got you a baby sister for your birthday. She'll be delivered in a few months.
Posted by: Manic Mommy | July 07, 2008 at 08:39 PM
How True!!! Putting into perspective like that makes me keep focused on what is important - these little people that WE created!!! =)
Happy Birthday Q!
Posted by: Jenny | July 07, 2008 at 08:29 PM
Yup. What you said.
Happy Birthday, Q.
Posted by: FishyGirl | July 07, 2008 at 06:15 PM
I absolutely loved my girls at four. Enjoy! But, honestly, I wouldn't go back to those younger years. I'm really enjoying "middle age" parenting of my kids--9, 12, and 14. And, you know what? That's okay. :)
Posted by: LSM | July 07, 2008 at 06:07 PM
I agree--I love my kids to bits, but would never want to relive those incredibly difficult & exhausting early days of new motherhood. No thanks!
Posted by: Asianmommy | July 07, 2008 at 05:13 PM
OMG I so totally agree with that whole post. I love my twins to pieces but I would not redo those sleepless nights with one boy balanced on my chest and the other tucked in my armpit for nobody's money. I'm so glad they're almost out of that stage...
I can say almost because they're 15 months old and one boys is cutting molars while the other boy is cutting eye teeth...can we say delirously tired anyone???
Posted by: Vicki | July 07, 2008 at 03:01 PM
Happy Birthday Quinlan!
Great post, too. I simply do not miss those early weeks and months of constantly holding my fussy baby. She is much more fun now, and I can't wait until 4! I hope you have a fun year with Quinlan!
Posted by: caramama | July 07, 2008 at 01:29 PM
What a great post. Four years, wow! It seems like such a small amount of time when you look at it in the scheme of college or high school.
Becky
http://www.stinkylemsky.typepad.com/
Posted by: Becky | July 07, 2008 at 01:16 PM
Sometimes I think it's a cruel joke that the first few months of having a baby were so soul-crushingly difficult. I found it flat-out impossible to enjoy practically anything about that time (PPD anyone?) and when I look back on those times, I almost feel robbed of something. When I hear other mothers say that they were actually able to enjoy it I have to decide if they're lying or their memory has simply been kind to them.
Posted by: attiton | July 07, 2008 at 12:31 PM
love this post.
and you are exactly right.
happy bday q :)
Posted by: amanda | July 07, 2008 at 12:02 PM
So beautiful. Happy birthday to your big girl - and congratulations to you, mama.
Posted by: mothergoosemouse | July 07, 2008 at 11:15 AM
Happy Birthday Quinlan!
Posted by: Diane | July 07, 2008 at 10:44 AM
My least favorite question is "how is your baby sleeping?" Asked of me the first time (and dozens of times since) when my daughter was no more than a few weeks old. Because not only is the answer obvious by my disheveled appearance and the dark circles under my eyes but it invariably leads to the comment you described which makes me want to kick their teeth in.
Posted by: Cara | July 07, 2008 at 10:22 AM
I generally bitch about my lack of sleep then preemptively say "oh well, it's a short period of time in the grand scheme of things, right?" That generally shuts up any criticism.
Happy Birthday Q!
Posted by: Heather | July 07, 2008 at 09:38 AM
I generally bitch about my lack of sleep then preemptively say "oh well, it's a short time in the grand scheme of things, right?" That shuts up any criticism of my whining.
Happy Birthday Q!
Posted by: Heather | July 07, 2008 at 09:37 AM
Lynna -
It's not so much the sentiment that's taking badly when you talk about missing holding your baby.
But when people say how you'll miss waking up every 2 hours or trying to comfort a colicky baby, I'm pretty sure it's the worst thing that someone can say to you when you're just struggling to make it through to the next day.
We can all look back in wonderment at how we survived, but in the midst of it, it's always hard to hear.
Posted by: Motherhood Uncensored | July 07, 2008 at 09:37 AM
I understand your side, but on my side, the aging mother of a 25yo and a 28yo, standing in line with a new mom holding a teeny one, my heart warms with memories and I always just feel the need to share the knowledge of how fleeting each stage will be. Sorry it is taken badly.
Posted by: Lynna | July 07, 2008 at 09:01 AM
What beautiful thoughts! And so wise. I've always learned more from my kids than they ever learned from me. That's part of the gift and privilege of it all, I think. Happy birthday to a wonderful little girl!
Posted by: Cynthia Samuels | July 07, 2008 at 08:41 AM
Love it. Happy Birthday Q. Just knowing you through blogging makes me sure you'd make a great friend for my four-year-old daughter.
Posted by: b | July 07, 2008 at 08:10 AM
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday dear Quinlan,
Happy Birthday to you!
That was a lovely post and so true. I hope your daughter has a terrific birthday!
Posted by: Elizabeth | July 07, 2008 at 08:04 AM
Both of my kids were very difficult babies. Every once in awhile I will start feeling all nostalgic and think maybe I would like one more...then one of my kids will freak the hell out and I come to my senses. :)
That was a really beautiful birthday tribute for your daughter. Happy Birthday, Quinlan!
Posted by: mel from freak parade | July 07, 2008 at 07:16 AM
Thank you! My 2nd and last child was colicky, still at 20 months has reflux, has never slept well, and is just a general pain in the ass. Do I love him? Absolutely! With everything a mother has. Do I want to redo these baby years? Not for all the money in the world.
Posted by: Amanda | July 07, 2008 at 06:59 AM
I hate people who tell me to "enjoy her" anytime I start to complain about my daughter. You're so right--only a nut case wants to cherish colic, temper tantrums, or whining.
Posted by: Jaci | July 07, 2008 at 06:46 AM
Very sweet and truly 100% uncensored.. loved it :D
(U have be addicted to ur blog already!)
Posted by: Om Lujain | July 07, 2008 at 06:36 AM
Lovely, just lovely.
Posted by: Michelle | July 07, 2008 at 06:03 AM