It's one thing to have to retire your favorite pair of jeans, albeit maternity jeans, because you're hitting the "holy sweatpants and gauchos" trimester. And it's a whole other issue when the only brand new thing you can buy is a necklace (and just barely) because it's the only normal item at a normal store that fits you.
But when you have to put away the cutest skirt ever because you've peed on it twice, then clearly there is something very wrong going on.
I'd love to blame the skirt's extremely fashion forward asymmetrical hemline, but really it has nothing to do with the skirt's construction and rather much more to do with my terribly poor toilet technique. Generally, I'm able to grab the skirt and hold all the uneven ends high enough so there is no chance in hell it would ever hit the toilet water. But since being pregnant, I've actually taken to tucking it into my shirt before taking a seat upon the throne.
[I cannot even believe I'm admitting that I tuck my skirt in my shirt to take a piss but I suppose the first step is acknowledging that I have a problem].
The only problem is the "tuck" only works for the front of the skirt, and leaves the long back section floating dangerously close to the toilet.
Except that for the last two times I have worn it, the skirt has surpassed the close calls and actually fallen into the toilet where I have proceeded to pee upon it only to realize it as my calves got swatted with a lovely combination of piss and toilet water as I stood up to wipe.
Thankfully, I've only been in the presence of my two children when the "pee and swat" has occurred and considering that they've done their own share of peeing on themselves (and me, for that matter), they are probably the most empathic audience.
That was clearly evidenced by my daughter's "Ew, Mommy."
Yeah. I'm pretty sure the toilet-pee water on my ankles felt better.