Motherhood Uncensored

Blog the Recession

*Thanks to all who participated. I'll be posting the winners this week!*

If you haven't noticed, July has been a pretty shitastic month around the blogosphere. Fortunately, I've not fallen prey to what has got to be the result of Bush pissing off Mercury to keep it in retrograde for the whole fucking summer. Unless you count the fact that my husband's libido is currently on strike.

Plus, he's a pilot, and planes need gas, and gas is expensive.

You do the math.

But I seriously find myself twittering a communal "God I'm So Sorry" on a daily basis.

Maybe it's hard to compare frankenvulvas, cut-short vacations, and bush-peeing bladder infections to job loss, sick parents, and the adoption roller coaster.

And then there's cancer (or as she just found out, NOT CANCER!) and loss.

So instead of typing "God I'm so sorry" yet again, I've created Blog the Recession Month.

The premise is simple. If you read blogs, then for the month of August, make the "pledge" to click through from your feed reader. No obligation to leave a hilarious comment or send a long stalkerish email (although both, within reason, are always lovely). Just click through to the blog (not on ads unless you are so led) and if you're feeling generous, click around to their older posts.

Just those extra page views can make a big difference for bloggers who could really use the help, or in my case, where page views don't matter so much, a big fat ego boost.

(Might as well inflate the ego since everything else about me is inflated these days)

(Oh, and I do link up some cool shit in my sidebar so that's worth checking, especially today)

If you feel like hopping on the bandwagon (c'mon, it's fun and I'm a really great driver), then all you need to do is grab a button -- see below, slap it on your blog, and [beg, plead] ask your readers to click through on their feed readers or blogrolls and do the same within a post.

Send me the link to your post and I'll link you up here and enter you to win some *fantastic prizes.

*Nautilus 3-in-1 Car Seat, courtesy of Graco (woo!)

*A new blog header ($90 value - certain platform restrictions apply), courtesy of Ruby & Roja Design

*A lovely handmade blanket "in cool colors," courtesy of Amelia Sprout

*Kid's Backpack - winner's choice, courtesy of Land's End

*Peace Love Mom Tee - winner's choice [use code Motherhood for 10% off orders over $20]

*Zivio Blue Tooth Headset by Joby, courtesy of Motherhood Uncensored

*A handmade set of wooden blocks and a wooden teether, courtesy of Little Alouette (Amy's Etsy Shop)

*$50 Amazon Gift Card

*TEN Paknaks (one to each of 10 winners), courtesy of Pak Nak

*TEN cases of Water (one to each of 10 winners), courtesy of Primo Water

*Basket of mom and baby essentials, courtesy of Johnson & Johnson

*The Rookie Moms Handbook, courtesy of The Rookie Moms (duh)

*Winner's choice of necklace/bracelet/earring set or a watch and earring or bracelet set, courtesy of Cheeky Sweetie.

*$50 Gift Card to Wine.com (you know, for WINE GLASSES PEOPLE - ahem), courtesy of Savvy Mommy

*Fantastic gift basket of homemade goodness, courtesy of Fluid Pudding

*A Wow Wow Wubzy Gift Pack

*Two DVD's: Johnny and the Sprites:Meet the Sprites and My Friends Tigger & Pooh: Friendly Tales compliments of Soy is the New Black and The Full Mommy.

*$50 Gift Certificate to Itty Bitty Lady Bug

*500 free digital camera prints (plus 200 free), courtesy of Snapfish (and HP)

And let's hope August is better for everyone.

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Blog the Recession Month Participants (make sure you write a post, dudes, and email me!):

3 Garnets & 2 Sapphires

3 Giraffes

3 P's in a Pod

5 Minutes for Mom

A Box of Chocolates

A Daily Dose of Toni

A Girl and Her Life

A Mommy Story

Adventures in Babywearing

Adventures in Juggling

All Because Two People Fell in Love

Amanda: A Stay at Home Mom's Point of View

Amelia Sprout

Assertagirl

Auguries of Innocence

Baby Making 501

Barren Albion

Barren Mare

Bird Brain

Bird on a Wire

Blogaversary

Boogers & Burps

Bunny Money

Breaking Waves

Cara Mama

Carma Sez

Chaos Theory

Cheaper Than Therapy

Cheeky Sweetie

Cheese Party

Cherish This

Chic Shopper Chick

Charming & Delightful

Compost Happens

Cool Zebras

Cynical Dad

Diary of a Mad Liberal Mommy

Dirt & Noise

Domestic Extraordinaire

Don't Gel Too Soon

Doobleh-Vay

Dutch Blitz

eRamblings

Esmon

Fabulous Running Mommy

Following in My Shoes

Freak Parade

From Dates to Diapers

From Here to There and Everywhere

From the Planet of Janet

Glossy Veneer

Growing a Baby in Seattle

Gwendomama

Havoc & Mayhem

Herb of Grace

HouseholdSix Scrappin' & Bloggin'

I Should Be Folding Laundry

I Still Hate Pickles

If I Could Escape

Illahee's Blog

I'm Beautiful Like Me

Issa's Crazy World

It's All For the Best

Just Another SAHM

Just Beth

Just Enjoying Life

K is for Kindergarten

Karen Sugarpants

Karma Rack Up

Knitting Without Needles

Life: The Ongoing Education

Life Candy

Life in the Lapadula House

Life is Like Champagne

Life Decanted

Life Goes On

Life With Ollie

Liza Was Here

Loralee's Looney Tunes

Mad Mad Mama

Major Bedhead

Mamasita Jr

Mama K NJ

Maternal Mirth

Mental Rush Hour

Middle Georgia Mommy

Mom Dot

Mom, Ink

Mom 101

Mom of 2 Dancers

Mom to the Screaming Masses

Mommy & the Marine

Momma Crafter

Mommy Cracked

Mommy Daddy Blog

Mommy Musings

Mommy Needs Therapy

Mommy Wizdom

Mommy's Got Green

Morningside Mom

Mothergoosemouse

Motherhood Gone Mad

Mrs. Mogul

My Good Earth

My Life as a Hot Fessional

My Life for the World to See

My Sweet Babboo

My Quest for Sanity

Natural Moms Talk Radio

Not a DIY Life

Not Just a Working Mom

Not Your Typical Mommy

Notes from the Cookie Jar

Notes from the Sleep Deprived

Now I Know What Love Is

Occasional Rambling

One in 36 Million

One Mom Five Kids

One Ping Only

One Plus Two

Overflowing Brain

PARENTise

Party of Five

Peculiar Momma

Putting the Fun in Dysfunctional

Ramblings of a Texas Housewife

Rebecca is Fabulous

Red Cup Mom

Reflection

Rhi in Pink

Ride the Waves of Life

Rimarama

Run DMT

Sacred & the Profane

Sarah & The Goon Squad

Savvy Mommy

Scarlett Threads

Scientific Nature of the Whammy

Seeking Sanity

Simpson's Paradox

Slackermama

Smock Lady

Sometimes I Wonder...

Soy is the New Black

Sparklie Sunshine

Sparks & Butterflies

Spookiez Spot

Star Knits

Stay At Aum Mom

Stop Screaming I'm Driving!

Superdumb Supervillain

Tales from the Dad Side

Taste Like Crazy

Tara's View of the World

Temporarily Me

The Angel Forever

The Dana Files

The Duck Pond

The Edge of Insanity

The Frugal Momma

The Land of Ren

The Life of a Bosom Buddy

The Life of a Home Mom

The Light's On, But No One's Home

The Poopie Patrol

The Tales of AJU5

This Full House

Those Corwins

Thotlady

ThreeSeven

Thrifty Wench

Tiny Mantras

Unexpected Bliss

Unwellness

VHM Princess

Wandering the Academy

Welcome to Twinseltown

What Was I Thinking?

What's That Smell?

Wheeler's Writings

Whirlwind

Wisconsin Mommy

*If you happen to have fantastic prizes (jobs and money are greatly appreciated), feel free to drop me an email and we'll talk.

**Pssst. PBN is giving away 8 Gift Cards with our Blog Blast with Couponers this weekend. Mark your calendar! And it's open to Canadians!

[Thanks to motherbumper and Trista for the buttons!]

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There Are Heroes Among Us

Regardless of how many times I try to tell myself not to worry about the whole soft marker situation, I'm still going to do it. I imagine it has much to do with being human, and probably just as much to do with being me.

I find myself seeing signs in everything. If I add up all the times I've seen a child with down syndrome and factor in all the hours I have spent working as a therapist with children with special needs, the result is one heaping load of anxiety that will most likely translate into nothing.

But the possibility that it could be something is enough to plague me.

Truthfully, I don't want to be a hero. I realize that in being mothers, we're all heroes in one way or another. We nurture. We sacrifice. We pick ourselves up from by our stretched out underpants and go on. We ask for no credit, no praise, no special awards for doing any of it. Duty called when that test showed up positive or that baby was matched with us, and we didn't think about it. 

On most days, I'm just getting by. My children and my marriage often survive by the skin of my teeth. I sometimes feel as though I'm not necessarily living, but rather, just surviving with the hope that we'll all be alive to face the next day. And maybe it will be better than the last.

Maybe.

So when the prospect of having to raise a child that might just push me to the end and call up any small shred of heroism that I've stored for extra special occasions, I am afraid. I'm scared and worried and upset and angry and totally selfish because damnit I never wanted to be a hero. There are so many heroes that did it and are doing it (again, by choice) and I'M NOT ONE OF THEM.

*****

When I spoke to my mom the other day, she reluctantly told me about a viewing she had attended the week prior. As it turns out, it was for her work colleague's granddaughter who was stillborn. Cords and meconium and I got lost in the shock of not really knowing this mother but then thinking to myself YOU STUPID SELFISH BITCH WHAT SHE WOULDN'T GIVE TO HAVE HER BABY ALIVE REGARDLESS OF WHAT CHROMSOMES SHE WAS MISSING.

What my mom wouldn't give to have my sister back. What the bloggers I know, just met, and love wouldn't give to have that baby back in their arms.

SHUT THE FUCK UP. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU WIMP. YOU FUCKING WIMP.

***** 

I'm not sure what lesson I'm supposed to be learning. I know that I'm infinitely blessed that each one of my children are here and with me on this earth. I realize that my petty complaints about my kids being too whatever they are to annoy me that day are just that. Petty and minor and superbly miniscule in comparison to the challenges that are faced by mothers every day. 

And I know that regardless of whatever marker is there or is not there anymore, I just don't know when I'm going to be called to duty.

But if there's anything I've learned thus far is that just when we think we're drowning, there's something within us that lifts us up just high enough that we can take a breath. It might not be a big one. And we may struggle to take a few more, but we're still breathing. Alive.

Heroes.

If a Preggo Pees on Herself and No One is Around to See It, Is It Still Embarrassing?

It's one thing to have to retire your favorite pair of jeans, albeit maternity jeans, because you're hitting the "holy sweatpants and gauchos" trimester. And it's a whole other issue when the only brand new thing you can buy is a necklace (and just barely) because it's the only normal item at a normal store that fits you.

But when you have to put away the cutest skirt ever because you've peed on it twice, then clearly there is something very wrong going on.

I'd love to blame the skirt's extremely fashion forward asymmetrical hemline, but really it has nothing to do with the skirt's construction and rather much more to do with my terribly poor toilet technique. Generally, I'm able to grab the skirt and hold all the uneven ends high enough so there is no chance in hell it would ever hit the toilet water. But since being pregnant, I've actually taken to tucking it into my shirt before taking a seat upon the throne.

[I cannot even believe I'm admitting that I tuck my skirt in my shirt to take a piss but I suppose the first step is acknowledging that I have a problem].

The only problem is the "tuck" only works for the front of the skirt, and leaves the long back section floating dangerously close to the toilet.

Except that for the last two times I have worn it, the skirt has surpassed the close calls and actually fallen into the toilet where I have proceeded to pee upon it only to realize it as my calves got swatted with a lovely combination of piss and toilet water as I stood up to wipe.

Thankfully, I've only been in the presence of my two children when the "pee and swat" has occurred and considering that they've done their own share of peeing on themselves (and me, for that matter), they are probably the most empathic audience.

That was clearly evidenced by my daughter's "Ew, Mommy."

Yeah. I'm pretty sure the toilet-pee water on my ankles felt better.

The Best of BlogHer 2008 Awards

Hottest Mommy Blogger: Guy Kawasaki, founder of AllTop.com

Best Swag Being Handed Off to Every Mommy Blogger's Kid as a Cool Thing They Bought For Them in San Francisco: The clown nose

Best Swag Trying to Pose as a Sex Toy: The clown nose

Cutest Couple Who Are Totally Not a Couple (right...): Redneck Mommy and Backpacking Dad

Blogger Who is Clearly the Opposite of His/Her Blog Name: Laid Off Dad. Don't be fooled. Doug totally has a job.

Most Unwelcome Session Not Included in the Conference Fee: The five-minute impromptu presentation on marketing by an audience member during the "Mommyblogging: The Commercial Momosphere" session Saturday morning.

Best Business Card Dispenser: Jenny Lauck's Boobages. 

Most Falsely Advertised Session: Naked Blogging.

Best Sponsor "Booth": The Alphamom Suite. Devoid of any and all product pitches, stocked 24-7 with food and drink, and host to the CheeseburgHER Party that was broken up by security after a mere 15 minutes.

Best Meal: Rocco DiSpirito and his nipples.

Best Celebrity Appearance: Whymommy

Blogger Most Likely to Not Get a Schnapps Endorsement: The Bloggess

Most Uncomfortable Moment: Trying to gorge on appetizers and drink champagne in the middle of half the Macy's handbag section filled with about 500 bloggers.

Most Blatant and Shameless Plea for Attention by a Blogger: Tie between Amalah nearly "fainting" at the Macy's party and Mayberry Mom bursting her daughter's appendix so she had to get surgery.

Most Effective PR Person: A tie between Grover and Abby Cadaby at the Sesame Street Room.

This One Goes Out to the One I Love

The afternoon before I left, I read my daughter a story. It was a story I had written about her on this blog that ended up in a book that I'm now walking around with in my bag.

I've never read Quinlan an actual story that I'd written about her before. Lately, she's been asking about her birth, so I've given her the highly edited, abridged, and "I'm Four Mommy Please Don't Traumatize Me For Life So Maybe I'll Want to Have Kids Someday" version, which basically includes her being in my belly, me pushing her out of my vagina, and then us being awed at her amazing beauty and the fact that she didn't scream.

I figured emphasizing her gorgeousness and "good baby behavior" would keep her from talking about my vagina to strangers.

Yeah, no such luck.

But aside from the "off the cuff" stories about when she broke her leg, or her collarbone, or how she used to never sleep, I've never been able to sit down and actually read her one of my posts, mainly because the power of books -- the ability to hold them in your hands and flip through them -- is something that a computer on the lap just doesn't have, at least for four-year-olds at bedtime. To see the words printed in something tangible makes it seem more real. More alive.

She listened intently as I read a slightly more G-rated story than had been published. Her eyes wide as I told her about the time I thought she had eaten multi-vitamins and turned into a complete lunatic trying to figure out if she actually had.

When I finished, she asked for more. "I want to read more stories about Quinlan and Mommy" she told me.

Maybe it's time to sit with her and read some of the things I've written. I'm hardpressed to believe she's actually ready to comprehend most of them. She doesn't need to know my loathe for crocs or how silly her father can be sometimes.

But I've got plenty of stories that I'd love to share. They're not in books (yet), but they're archived within my computer. Once to share with the small world that stops by Motherhood Uncensored on their way to porn or who knows what.

But also now to tell my child about her life.

I don't need a publisher to tell my these stories are important. There are plenty of ways to take these words and put them in my daughter's hands. And while I have a great love for children's literature, poetry, and nursery rhymes, there's just something so incredibly amazing about reading your child's own story to them as well.

Regardless of whether it finds itself in a wonderful anthology that you can buy at the bookstore, or something you make yourself, the power of our words is something to be shared. If only with the ones we love the most.