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July 16, 2008

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Guy's lucky he got a tip at all. I'm just sayin'.

I hear you, honey. People keep asking me with wide, surprised eyes if I must be having twins? Um, no, not according to the ultrasound, thanks.

I just thought I would chime in. Never having been preggers, I fear the day I get the first "you're huge" comment. Because I might get sent to prison.

I want to echo the "you're gorgeous" comments - though, for me, that always sounds fake. So I'll be more specific. You have a very honest, caring face. Your smile is bright and genuine, and you have very healthy-looking, shiny hair. Your figure has always looked fantastically proportionate, not to mention quite sexy (even when pregnant). I realize that we see ourselves through a completely different lens, but I also know how much better specific praise sounds. To me, your best feature is your smile. Or maybe your arms - they look very long and graceful.

And that's from seeing you in pictures. I bet you are even more radiant in person.

Three appointments in a row my hairdresser made unkind (but he thought witty) comments about the DIY job I was doing on my hair colour. The third time was the charm. When he asked me as I was paying 'do you want to book for next time?' I told him no, and I told him why. I'd been going there for about five years and apparently he thought we now had the kind of relationship where he could make a bit of fun (his description). I said if you were my friend you wouldn't say unkind things about my hair, and you'd have been giving me these haircuts for free. God it felt good to leave. I now have a new hairdresser who understands that women go to the salon as much for a haircut as for an ego-boost. He's a terrifically camp, young gay man who spends an awful lot of time checking himself out in the mirrors. I love him.

The last pic I saw of you, you look downright glamorous. I envy you because I looked terrible during my pregnancy. You look like a rockstar!! Next time someone says something about your size just ask them when they were planning on losing that extra weight they're toting around...lol.

I think you are beautiful! I wish you could see yourself through your reader's eyes for just one day.

I will never ever understand why everyone in the free world knows that it's NOT ok to comment on a regular person's size, so why in the f do they think it's ok to tell a hormonally imbalanced pregnant woman this? I am big now, I was big when I was pregnant and I don't need some dumbass telling me that. It's SOOOO RUDE!!!!

I never understood why people make comments like that. I mean, I assume it's because they're morons, but maybe it's some kind of a side effect of some medication they're taking?

I never got told that I was huge, instead thing went the other way.

"But you're so LITTLE, are you sure you are really pregnant?"

Or

"Are you sure about your dates? Surely you aren't due yet!"

I just want to know why people feel the need to comment! Tell me I look gorgeous, or happy. Don't argue my due date with me! Sheesh.

[and I was only small because I was very very sick the whole 9 months]

You know it always got my goat when people would say, "You're huge!!" while I was pregnant. Do they think I haven't noticed?? And am I really supposed to be smaller?? Because last time I check 25-40 lbs. is a healthy weight gain for pregnant women. I gained exactly 39 lbs and I'm only 5'3". I did look like I had swallowed a basketball.

But that's how I'm supposed to look. Because Angelina Jolie? did not take care of herself during her pregnancies. It was very obvious, especially with Shiloh. She was skin and bones with a 5 month old hump at the end of her pregnancy.

You should've tossed your hot tea at him and gave him a nice little bit of sarcastic bitch on your way out.

pregnant women were NOT meant to look like those ladies who have an endless supply of help raising their kids and making them look good. if i had someone else helping ME raise mine, dress me up and do my hair and makeup, I'd look like angelina jolie, too!

ACK! like that's normal!? . . .

Ha! I figured you were a shorty! I'm 6'1" and preggers. I'm an absolute beast when it gets to the third trimester! People are afraid to make comments that I can hear because they are afraid I might eat them or accidently step on on them. HAR HAR.

You are stunning. Your hairdresser is an idiot.

utter idiocy.
what the f does a man know about it anyway!

Mine gets an ingrown hair and moans about it. Imagine giving birth. Total extinction of the species would occur if men had to give birth.

Said it a million times before, and I'll say it again: What is WRONG with people?!

You should change your blog name to "Fat and Fluid." Just so you can print it out and shove it up his ass.

yeah just reading all the rude comments others got...flashbacks...people! I've said it over and over the only thing you need to say to a VERY pregnant woman is "Wow, you look great, are you excited?"
I want a shirt that says "Yes, I'm pregnant and also fat, thanks for staring"
6 weeks left and I am at my absolute bitchiest. Why do people think that if you preface a statement with "if you don't mind me saying so...." blah blah blah
For the record you look great.

What an asshole.

For the person who asked what nice things to say to a pregnant woman.....How about "Here you can have my seat." Not sit there and stare at me while I'm 8 months pregnant waiting for a table in standing room only for 30 minutes. Or tell your kids to get up so the pregnant lady can sit. Or there's always "Let me get that for you." in reference to a door, groceries, a little kids you may have running rampant already, etc. Unfortunately the rude comments never seem to stop. It seems once you conceive a child you've left yourself open to public scrutiny.

Ugh! People can be so rude! Glad you undertipped.

I'm so not sure that I could have held back like you did.

Something about being preggo makes everyone think that your body is public property to be poked and commented on. Fortunately, I haven't had any stupid comments yet, though as I get bigger in my final 3 weeks, i guess anything can happen!

I had a man tell me that there was no way I wasn't carrying triplets in there (it was just one baby). And then after I gave birth, I had someone say that I looked 6 months pregnant from the day I conceived!

And no, somehow I managed to pull myself together, and not smack either of these jerks.

I totally agree with The New Girl on the tip. What an arse!! I got comments like that when I was preggers with Chicken. My fave (NOT!) was when I was about a week overdue and miserable and someone came up to me at the mall and exclaimed "Oh my God!! How many of them do you have in there?!!"

I think you look great and people suck. I don't get why it is ok to comment on pregnant women's weight. I was asked if I was having twins when pregnant with my daughter. When I replied no she asked if I was sure. Bitch. Some people have no clue.

Stupid people shouldn't breathe.

My second pregnancy, I lost a twin really early and we had to go through infertility stuff to conceive. I went to get my hair cut and some woman went on and on about her daughter's miscarriage of twins at the exact same point in her pregnancy that I was at during that time.

Why???? I dunno....stupidity.

Ack! What is wrong with people? Open mouth, insert foot then swallow. It goes for all events - pregnancies, illnesses, disabilities, etc. Like they don't realize how incredibly insensitive (and stupid) they sound.

One of my coworkers told me I was "almost unrecognizable" and wouldn't I be happy to be "rid of your puffy face and nose". I wish I had said something, I just went to the bathroom to cry.

Oh don't you just love all the "big" comments? I'm about 21 weeks with my first and started showing a few weeks ago... I was all excited about it until the lady in the office next door said, "hey chunky! how are you and the little girl doing?"

I have a loooong 2nd half ahead of me if I'm already getting the comments.

I'm 5'11"

I'd say steer clear of looks comments. I mean, we don't generally go around complimenting people about how small their ass looks, so why do it when they're pregnant.

I'd say more along the lines of "How do you feel?"

I loved this post because my norm is to gain 50+ pounds too (15 of that in the first trimester!) and my doctor thinks I'm totally fine and healthy and I always lose it all between pregnancies. I get the same rude bullshit and twins comments and now I'm pregnant again and I'm like ohhhhhh here we go.

I like Allis's comment about adding a few months to your due date. I am so doing that this time.

How tall are you?

As for Angelina, Nicole, et al. It's their job to look too good. They spend more time in the gym, and less time enjoying their food than they will ever allow to be publicized. If we spent our working hours working at looking good, we'd look that good too!

(that said, i'm sure both ate appropriately for their pregnancy, I mean when not pregnant they diet more than any of us would ever find worthwhile.)

how the hell does HE (and the jerks who made such comments to the rest of us) know what is, or isn't, large for a particular point in the process? Do they teach that at the hairdressing academy? they certainly don't teach 'cultivating a positive relationship with your customer'!

I can't believe the rude comments that come out of people's mouths. I am NOT pregnant and have had people constantly ask me when I WILL be (including the UPS guy. Seriously).
ARgh.
:) Becky
http://www.stinkylemsky.typepad.com/

people. need. filters.

the end.

Ok I posted a little earlier but have a story to tell...a co-worker (whom i can't stand) just told me in the elevator that I look like I'm having twins, I looked at her and said (and not nicely) "now that is just not a nice thing to say to someone." She tried to cover her tracks but it was out there that I am tired of her comments and she better back off! The nice thing is another co-worker was there too and said "I think you look fantastic", ohh double burn!

What the hell is it about being pregnant that makes people think otherwise totally rude comments are acceptable? We become free targets just because we got knocked up???
I am a very short woman, so a little pregnant looked very big on me. A woman at work said to me "Geez... you're getting huge fast!" to which I replied brightly "Funny, I was just about to say the same to you!" She got all huffy and upset. I was like "what??? that's only ok for YOU to say?" She got my point.
He's lucky you left any tip at all.

I can never imagine saying something like that to someone. Even someone I was close with, let alone a client!

In any case, I have a question that I'm hoping you (and anyone reading) can answer!

Aside from not acknowledging the fact that a pregnant woman is pregnant, is there anything someone could say (or has said) to you that would be NICE to hear? That would make you breathe a sigh of relief that at least ONE person isn't an asshole? It's disturbing to hear how many people are really insensitive and stupid, and I'd like to hear the flip-side. What sort of comment would make a very pregnant woman happy?

LD -- that's true. FUCK!

I was thinking of calling back and complaining but I think the magic is gone.

Damnit.

I always HATED the "big" comment. Go Fu(k yourself was the first thought that came to my mind each and every time I heard it. No woman wants her name and the word big used in the same sentence. Unless its in the context of "You just won some BIG money!"

Men were always the biggest offenders too. The only thing ANYONE should say about a pregnant woman's looks is "You look GREAT!!"

Dude, you are PREGNANT. It's your free pass to say whatever you feel like. Didn't anyone ever tell you that?! You should have totally gone for it.

Or is this just another one of those perks my wife made up?

When I was pregnant with #4 I gained 40 pounds by the end of the second trimester. I very quickly got tired of the cute-trying-to-be-funny comments "Are you sure it's not twins?" or the *concerned* comments: "Does your doctor think your weight gain is OK?" or the I'm-just-plain-stupid comments: "You're as big as a house! How are you going to make it to the end?!?"

I began informing every person around me that it is always rude and unacceptable to comment on a woman's weight ~ whether she is pregnant or not. That cut a lot of the comments.

I really wanted to just tell everyone to go blow themselves, but my husband's a pastor & I didn't think it would go over very well in the community.

Was thinking another good comment could be "Well, at least I'll lose the weight eventually. You unfortunately, won't lose the stupid."

I had fun with it. I was due in January and VERY big. When people would ask me when I was due I would say April. To say that some people's jaws almost fell right off their heads is a total understatement.

Next time someone asks when you are due tell them late January. Trust me, the reactions will keep you smirking for hours.

Ok I have to say as a first time pregnant woman (28 weeks) people are assholes! I have gained 17 pounds and am constantly hearing "Oh my god you are so freaking big for being due in October, I think you are going to deliver early." The last thing a hormonal, uncomfortable pregnant woman wants to hear is how big she is, get freaking clue people! I mean seriously yes I'm big but in what universe does that give you a right to talk to me let alone comment on my stature. I'm sorry about the rant but really this is getting old. Rock on your 60lbs and be proud!

Here I thought all this fluid was just sitting around waiting for me to sob it out...

My former cleaning lady once said to me, "Are you sure you're not having twins?"

Uh, "Are you sure you're not trying to get fired?"

Ouch. What idiot would say that to a pregnant woman? I think you're right, and the celebrity pregnancies have everyone convinced that all pregnancies should look like that. I saw a picture of Nicole a few days before birth and I thought she didn't look big enough! And Angelina Jolie was scary skinny before she got pregnant--her arms looked like grasshopper legs. Eww.

That STUPID STUPID man! At least you actually ARE pregnant...my friend got asked about her due date recently...only the last 'due date' she had was 6 years ago - yikes!

You look beautiful - I'm sure of it. Thank GOD it's only temporary and those women who 'love' being preggo can suck it.

When I pregnant with last summer I told our landlord that the A/C wasn't working right. He told me I just thought it was hot because I'm overweight and pregnant. It didn't matter a bit that the thermostat said 92.

Don't let that jerk get you down. But you should say the name of the salon so no one ever ever goes there.

http://notesfromthesleepdeprived.blogspot.com

Oh, I am so there with ya sister! AT 28 weeks, my thighs rubbing together, my hips poking out to the sides.....ahhhh the joys of being big and pregnant!

You just can't change stupid.

I've lurked, but never commented until now.

I think you look gorgeous.

People can be such d'bags when it comes to saying things to pregnant women. I had two construction workers stare me down while I was walking out of Dunkin Donuts (how fitting) at 36 weeks. One said, "Wow, you must have twins in there." I only had one womb-mate.

I told him to fuck off. I was tired, pissed off, and on my way to the OBGYN for the gillionth time that month. Not good timing.

That motherfucker.

SERIOUSLY.

For a tip, I'd leave him a note that said this:

'Here's your tip: Don't call people BIG, you asshole.'

You should've sat on him. I'm sure you could take him even while pregnant. (((HUGS))) from another mom who's been feeling defeated lately.

I'm due in October, too, and I am stealing your comeback. And you can bet your bootie I plan to use it!

Angelina Jolie and Nicole Kidman have teams of stylists running around to help them look glamorous . . . and I'm sure those stylists know they'll never work again if they call 'em big.

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