Old Spice Hair and Body Wash: Like Dudes Needed Something Else to Make Them, er, Dudes

No no, this is not a product review. This is what happens when you discover a product that overtly supports men washing their balls and their hair with the same freaking suds.

Not that they didn't do that already. But who was the genius that said "Sweet! Now we can wash are asses and our heads without having to use a different product!"? Because, holy shit, people! Having to bend over and pick up a different bottle of shampoo is so taxing and complicated.

Yeah, you dudes can spend half an hour in the shower cleaning everything else out (read: yo pipes), but when it comes to actually washing something so that it is clean and not empty, it takes too much energy and strength to grab actual hair shampoo.

Here's a thought: Stop whacking off in the shower and save your energy for washing your hair with something that doesn't smell like some old guy's armpits.

Sorry guys, but when your feet, balls, and hair smell exactly the same, that doesn't exactly scream "Fuck me now." Granted, there are some women out there that love the smell of "Lazy Sunuvabitch," but overall, I'm thinking it's not the greatest move towards getting laid by a real live person.

Now I don't disagree with David, a reviewer at drugstore.com, who honestly took the time (time he could have used washing his hair with actual shampoo) to share this: "...it is handy to have a shampoo and body wash-in-one."

Sure, all-in-one body and hair shampoo is handy. For little babies. But for men who clearly do not need a product to make their showers quicker and more efficient. Um, not so much.

How about making something for moms who actually do have to take short showers, many times with a screaming baby in a bouncy seat. Why not make something for us? Like a hot guy who comes to our house and bathes us. Or a shampoo with some miraculous herbal scent that makes our children fall asleep long enough so we can actually wash our hair AND our asses (with different products, of course).

But no. Apparently we moms don't need our lives to be easier or more convenient. Truth be told, if "easier" and "convenient" means an all-in-one body wash, I'm okay with having a hairy knee and one slightly grizzly arm pit.

Now, there are some brilliant minds out there, like Josh in Elbert, CO, who liked the idea of not having to spend an extra $3 on hair shampoo and decided to try using plain old shower gel on his hair; he probably does need this product.

"I tried just using bodywash in my hair, but it became coarse and I had a lot of dandruff. Then Old Spice came to the rescue, if you have short hair and don't want to buy shampoo, this is about the same price as their normal bodywash."

So I suppose Old Spice Hair and Body Wash is preventing dandruff in a few idiots across this country. And it's filling the landfills with one less bottle per every gullible household. But I have to argue that the overwhelming and near toxic scent of Old Spice has got to be way worse for the ozone than dumping plastic into the trash.

My advice, dear male readers. Don't bother discovering what it takes to be an Old Spice man. Because from what I can tell, it basically resembles the priesthood.

***

My thanks to Bobita, Mandie, and Stefani for nominating my post "This is My Mommy Blog" for a Perfect Post Award. To have something so dear to my heart be recognized by these three lovely ladies is extremely flattering. Thank you, thank you! 

Comments

[coach outlet]

I wish you great blessings and love.*

[air yeezy]

I sometimes wonder whether the greater rule of all is --- to know how to please.

[Colt]

While i doubt comments are still read I want to apologize for the sexist comments from apparently men to you.

I normally use soap and shampoo and a conditioner at home, but I'm going to be traveling and this all-in-one bottle will make it easier to travel with. I'm hoping I won't regret the decision, but I should be able to purchase real stuff if I have to.

[john denver]

And maybe if you did your job and fucked your husband/boyfriend he wouldn't have to wack off in the shower. I hope I get to meet you one day so I can wack off with my old spice and blow a load in your face

[johm denver]

What's wrong with whacking off in the shower?

[William]

I'm amazed at this sexist bullshit this woman post. I have respect for women -- I never make the "cooking," or
"washing," jokes some of my friends make. Now, get the fuck off the internet.

[OddCincy]

There is a soap like this for women: Dr. Bronner's Magic Soap, in bar and liquid. It comes in scents like rose and lavender, so it's definitely feminine.

It's body wash, shampoo, house-cleaner, laundry-detergent, toothpaste, etc etc -- IN ONE.( http://www.greendaily.com/2008/04/09/what-can-you-use-dr-bronners-soap-for/ )

Old Spice WISHES it could be this!

[Wife]

omg, I laughed my ass off reading this!!!

[children]

Look, Old Spice is probably the collest thing ever created. You need to know your role and get back in the kitchen so you can fix my dinner.

[military guy]

wow, someone really hates old spice. tell you what, in basic training or officer school you have about 30 seconds to take a shower, usually with 60 or so other guys. so guess what, not having that extra bottle of shampoo, conditioner, hair-smell-nice bull***t really does come in handy. works for me. btw - when i actually do have the time, i use shampoo AND a conditioner, as do quite a few more men then you would want to admit or hear about.

[Alex]

I have gotten so many comments on how AWESOME this product smells. And as far as washing different parts of your body with the same foam; you first do your hair, then take whats left and do your thing ;)

This is such an agressive article...over a shampoo/bodywash...only a woman would get so butt hurt.

[BenDoverman]

It needs to be said again
Wow, you're really angry about this. Maybe instead of calling the folks who buy this stuff "gullible," as though they've fallen for some marketing ploy, you should realize how YOU have been completely brainwashed by the beauty product industry. Um, guess what body wash is? SOAP. Guess what shampoo is? SOAP. You've obviously been suckered by the multi-billion $$ industry to believe that you need one soap for your face, one for your body, another for your cooch, one for your hair. . . and then repeat all of that for moisturizers, scents, etc.

I get stopped on the street (literally) by people telling me that I have amazing skin, asking me what I use. Guess what? Since I was 10 years old (I'm now 30) I've used a regular old bar of body soap on everything--including my face. And I've used a regular old grocery-store brand lotion on everything--including my face. So if you really think that all those $$$ products are going to miraculously give you the beautiful skin you've always wanted, think again. Sorry, folks, it's called genetics and sun protection.

Who's the gullible one?

By the way. If you are feeling neglected by the billionaires, there actually are products out there devoted to making things easier for us poor, overworked mommies--I know Bath and Body Works does a shower gel/bubble bath/shampoo combo. So don't feel left out. Oops, I know, you'd think it gross to wash your hair and your *gasp* butt with the same SOAP. So never mind.

[tim]

this time saves men valuable minutes in the shower that we can now use to rub your back maybe, maybe do some dishes. i dont see the problem

[Jenn]

Sorry about the dual posting. This is the last one, cross my heart.

[Jenn]

::dabs at eyes with tissue:: Sweet iced tea is so smooth going down the throat, but it burns like hell coming up through the nose.

I took over the grocery shopping a long time ago. No more Old Spice. Ever.

[Jenn]

::dabs at eyes with tissue:: Sweet iced tea is so smooth going down the throat, but it burns like hell coming up through the nose.

I took over the grocery shopping a long time ago. No more Old Spice. Ever.

[Miranda]

The guys are damn proud of this invention, but I'm with you. If anyone deserves a time saving beauty product it's mommy's....not that I would wash my hair and ass with the same product...it's just the principle of it.

[rachel]

ok that was funny review....especially cause i bought some yesterday....

[Mark]

LOL, and I was thinking I'd do the environment some good or get it as a space saver for my sanity.

Because in our house with three of the female persuasion, there has to be 16 bottles of shampoo and conditioners in the shower and another 45 or so stored up waiting to replace the ones that go before them.

I swear they multiply.

I've seen a shampoo and a conditioner together in the shower and like bunnies, I come back to some weird bottle combinations that were not there before. I'm afraid to pull back the curtains as I'll interupt bottle-coitus.

[Mandy]

I'm catching up on posts, but just had to comment on a previous post - your "halfway there" picture is completely adorable - you look great! I feel like my belly is that big today, a year after having my second daughter!!! :)

[Redsy]

LOVE THIS!! "mansoap" it's what's for dinner.

[Laura]

Remember Pert? Another twofer that seemed to appeal predominently to "time-saving" men.

[Mom101]

Kara, Bath and Body Works is run by communists. You should just know that.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Dear Kara:

Joke much? Must be all that soap you use.

Try shampoo. It helps with the sense of humor!

Motherhood Uncensored

[Lisa]

Hilarious post! Thank you for the laugh..I was really needing it

[Kara]

Wow, you're really angry about this. Maybe instead of calling the folks who buy this stuff "gullible," as though they've fallen for some marketing ploy, you should realize how YOU have been completely brainwashed by the beauty product industry. Um, guess what body wash is? SOAP. Guess what shampoo is? SOAP. You've obviously been suckered by the multi-billion $$ industry to believe that you need one soap for your face, one for your body, another for your cooch, one for your hair. . . and then repeat all of that for moisturizers, scents, etc.

I get stopped on the street (literally) by people telling me that I have amazing skin, asking me what I use. Guess what? Since I was 10 years old (I'm now 30) I've used a regular old bar of body soap on everything--including my face. And I've used a regular old grocery-store brand lotion on everything--including my face. So if you really think that all those $$$ products are going to miraculously give you the beautiful skin you've always wanted, think again. Sorry, folks, it's called genetics and sun protection.

Who's the gullible one?

By the way. If you are feeling neglected by the billionaires, there actually are products out there devoted to making things easier for us poor, overworked mommies--I know Bath and Body Works does a shower gel/bubble bath/shampoo combo. So don't feel left out. Oops, I know, you'd think it gross to wash your hair and your *gasp* butt with the same SOAP. So never mind.

[Jaci]

I just stumbled across you blog and...wow...I laughed so hard I hope I didn't wake my daughter up or my afternoon is going to blow. Thanks so much for sharing that and making my day! I'm linking you onto my blog so I don't lose your page. :)

[Shannon]

I just found your blog and was laughing so hard I was crying and hoping (God, NO!) I wouldn't wake the kids from their naps. I'm a pilot's wife, too (AF Res/UAL) and appreciate the "special" challenges you face. Can't wait to read your next post!

[Lela]

Omfg I hate Old Spice, that has got to be the stinkiest shit next to shit itself! And WTF if every man in the south doesn't wear it? It's not indigenous to the area people and there are BETTER options!

[George]

I am a sandalwood soap man. It's more manly even than I am, which is as it should be. As for shampoo, I admit I was tempted by my wife's Garnier Fructis (pronounced, I assume, "Frook-teece") but that would have sort of negated the manliness I cultivate. So instead I just shout "Fructis!" whenever someone cuts me off in traffic, and leave it at that.

[dara]

OMG, you just brought me to tears. this post is hilarious!

[Mom101]

Heh. She said balls. Heh heh.

[Jozet at Halushki]

DAMN girl!

You is FEISTY, lol.

You had me laughing at "balls". That word isn't used enough in mommyblogs if you ask me.

[the dalai mama]

I am laughing so hard that I think I peed just a little. AWESOME and thanks.

[Cindi]

OMFG, I am laughing my ass off right now!

[Jamie E]

This is so funny! I actually love the smell of certain old spice "flavors" and even though my hubs has no hair(on his head, pleanty every where else) he insists on using my special Garnier Color Protecting shampoo on his scalp....it irritates me to no end, esp when I run out! SO, even though it doesn't come highly recommended I MAY have to buy this for him simply to keep him from bogarting my expensive shampoo. Thanks!

[the new girl]

Oh. This is a good one.

Holy effing shit, that's funny.

[Rachael]

Barf. I do NOT want my husbands hair to smell like his armpits or his sack. Seriously... gross.

[Cara]

This cracked me up. When my husband saw a commerical for this he told me he thought it was a great idea. He will use just a bar of soap for his body and hair on a regular basis.

[Haley-O]

Heh. You said "balls." A lot. ;) My hubby uses Head and Shoulders. Swears by that shit. And, erm, he washes his FACE with it. EW! (don't tell him I told you that, though...)

[Traceytreasure]

I like Axe. Do you like Axe?

[Assertagirl]

I just have to say that a hot guy coming over to bathe me wouldn't exactly speed up the process.

[Formerly Fun]

This might be a good product for my husband only from the standpoint that I have already taken up all available space in the shower for MY products and could maybe, if coaxed with a backrub, mave 1 thing so he could put his ball wash in the shower.

[the weirdgirl]

THANK YOU! What I don't understand is how can men be TRULY clean after taking a five minute shower?! I'm sure they have missed cleaning some things thoroughly (ahem *ASS* ahem). And those really are areas that could use some extra time... and a specialty soap.

[mothergoosemouse]

Schwetty ball wash...mmmmmm.

[Emily]

Hahahaha I think the reason they made the product is so men have more time to wank off in the shower... obviously they did a lot of (personal) market research into this!

[submommy]

But.....am I the only one old enough to remember Polo?

Polo.....Old Spice. Polo......Old Spice.

Tough call. Because Polo STINKS. Old Spice stinks, but Polo STINKS MORE.

Thankfully SubHub likes coconut smelling body wash instead. Much better.

[jennielynn]

You know, I don't mind the smell of Old Spice. It smells a hell of a lot better than oil and transmission fluid. Just barely, but still.

[Angel]

I gotta second Liz...I, too, have a 14yo, and the two-in-one worked well for him until he noticed he needed some dandruff control and now he actually uses two separate products.

However, my nearly 13-yo step-son is the smelliest human I have ever been within whiffing distance of and to complicate matters, the kid either doesn't know how to properly bathe himself, or doesn't care to take the time to do so, so anything we can do to increase the likelihood of hygienic products even coming near his body is a godsend to us. Old Spice Red Zone really does smell better than sweaty, smelly, chemically imbalanced boy who will not wear socks with his sneakers. And we don't want him to get laid, anyway, ha!

[Queen of Shake Shake]

Men are lazy asses, that's all there is to it.

[Mrs. Chicken]

I am dying laughing. DYING.

[Mindi]

Thanks for the laugh! My father wore Old Spice when I was a child (Mainly because we bought it for him for Father's Day) and I can't ever get turned on now by a guy who wears it...that just seems so wrong!

On the other hand, Philosophy makes some wonderful products for women that actually do work well as a shampoo and body wash!

[Undomestic Diva]

The only thing worse than the smell of Old Spice is the smell of a 20 year old boy BATHED in Axe. I dare you to go down the Axe aisle in any Target 'cause the smell will overwhelm you. Allegedly, Axe is the new Brut.

[Liz]

There is someone this product is perfect for. My 14 yo son. At this point in his life anytime spent in a shower is an interuption in his life. At least with the old spice i can so a quick sniff and tell if he actually used it.

[Jill (CDJ)]

Oh mah gah! I laughed out loud at this! You crack me up! My mother in law bought Old Spice body wash (the regular stuff) for Hubbz to use the last time we visited them and the smell was so pungent when he got out of the shower, I had to air out the bathroom before I could use it. A product that elicits the same response as a big ol' morning dump... now that's how I want my husband so smell!

[Amanda]

This is too true! I can smell a guy who used either Old Spice or Axe products 5 miles away. And honestly, it's not sexy for a college kid to smell like my grandpa's aftershave. During my formative years, Old Spice stuck to aftershave and the over 60 set and this is what I still associate their products and stench with.