Oh My Gawd Becky, Look at Her Butt. It is SOOO Big!

If there's anything that random strangers like to comment on after running you through the gauntlet of pregnancy questions, I generally get the infamous "Oh, you have to make it through a whole summer pregnant."

Yes. Brilliant observation. Now just rub my belly or ask me the gender and go away. Seriously, what about an "Oh, you look so great" or even "Three?! Do you know what you're getting into?"

Truthfully, this is the first pregnancy that will take me through a complete summer. But if you count my daughter's pregnancy, with her arriving on July 7 after a Mississippi summer that usually starts around mid-February, than this one should be a walk in the park. Or I suppose a trudge through a very deep sweaty sticky swamp with no Gold Bond between my thighs.

[Side note: Thanks for the suggestions, by the way. Who knew there were so many kissing thighs, so many products to remedy such a predicament, and such a great reason to purchase my first ever Monistat product - may it be the last. Amen]

But really, the worst part of it all is the maternity swim suit issue. The dreaded gigunda bathing suit that does nothing but over emphasize the fact that you're pregnant. There are no slightly high cut leg holes, or low dipping necklines. It's basically spandex constructed in a way to scream "PREGNANT WOMAN HERE" -- usually in large, extremely subtle patterns.

With Quinlan I just wore a regular bikini, proudly displaying a stomach that I had always been self-conscious about. But this time around, I'm not so much concerned about the large belly as I am about the ominous back-side that would send a regular bikini running quickly back to the racks. As my daughter asked me yesterday, "Mommy, why is your butt so big?"

And your clever response, por favor?

"Because Daddy likes big butts and he cannot lie."

"Mommy always promised you the moon, honey."

"Better to sit on your brother with."

"Well, to distract from my thighs, of course!"

[Okay Susie. You're on sistah!].

Comments

[megan]

im glad to here all this since im going on my third and have never in my life been this big before i hate looking in the moirror at my huge butt. im always thinking about it. i cant wait to get this baby weight off. i still have a little over four weeks to go and im worried about how much bigger it is going to get. help

[VDog]

HA!

My butt laughs in your butt's general direction.

[Jamie E]

first of all you look mahvalous, so stop....if I told you what I weigh, you would be very thankful. My kids being 6,4, 3 and 18 mos, all I hear from the first three is how big I am getting and the occasional "you knocked me down with your butt" followed by happy giggles induced by the partial concussion they received from my preggo/hugely fat bod. Anyway, secondly-

"Three?! Do you know what you're getting into?"

Yeah annoying as HELL! they stop asking at pregnancy #5 btw if you ever end up my route-that is the upside:)(not that you asked), um yup summer pregnancies, gotta love 'em. Have a good one!

[Gertie]

Bah bah bah. I just read furniture post where some nimrod is using the name Katie.

So just to be clear, I wrote the post about kumqwat nipples, not Miss Pudding for Brains.

[Katie]

Hey! I have that tankini! I was so proud of it and its fabulous print!

Then I decided to go lap swimming in it. Lap swimming while preggers is, in of itself, a funny sight to see. However, it was only accentuated by the fact that said tankini promptly floated up to somwhere around my shoulders.

Thus, the lifeguards got the choice view of the hugest preggo butt covered in a giagantic swath of brown fabric and the bottom of my boobs hanging out of the tankini, dangerously close to exposing a kumqwat-sized pregger nipple.

[Briana]

Never knew your first was born on July 7th. That's my son's birthday (back in 2005).
And I'm due with #2 in 3 weeks... So my butt is pretty big here too.
And with 107 degree heat here in southern california, I busted out the ol pregnancy swimsuit this weekend and did my best!

[Carrie]

Get over it. YOU look great. :)

[The Call Me Bobby]

Ok, here's a big ol' can of "Shut the hell up" from a Mamma who ISN'T pregnant and looks WORSE in a bathing suit than you! Girl, you look great! Seriously. I have no reason to lie so just take the compliment and walk proudly to the beach. Cute bathing suit by the way!

[CarolinaMama]

Well, you've got your blog people and we'll only see what you want us to see. Cute suit!

[LiteralDan]

Whether you're fishing for compliments or not, here's one-- you look fantastic, and one day you'll look at this and see how crazy you are, like everyone else does now.

[HappaMom]

Yeah... I've had that conversation with BOTH of my children - at different times. Tell me again why we teach them to talk???
That still wasn't as bad as when my tattoo artist had to announce to the entire shop how incredibly large my butt was...

You do NOT have a big butt. You may not change your name to Becky!

[HappaMom]

Yeah... I've had that conversation with BOTH of my children - at different times. Tell me again why we teach them to talk???
That still wasn't as bad as when my tattoo artist had to announce to the entire shop how incredibly large my butt was...

You do NOT have a big butt. You may not change your name to Becky!

[Mom101]

I'd be like I CAN'T HEAR YOU. THIS COOKIE I'M EATING IS JUST TOO CRUNCHY.

[Chelle]

Heh, it's time for real moms to make maternity clothing and bathing suits!

[formerlyfun]

That is not a big butt, somebody's crizazy!

[Hyphen Mama]

Are you kidding me? I look like THAT and the baby is almost 2. You're
HOT.

[HMFT]

Man, I have a pic somewhere of my delusional pregnant self in a bikini. It's a SCREAM.

You know what I've always worn over my suit? A large white or black wifebeater. I actually found some with a high neckline instead of a scoopneck. They are long, so they hide my butt and upper thighs.

Scary things, my butt and upper thighs...

[Amy]

I broke down and bought my first maternity bathing suit the other day. I'm on baby #3, but this is the first "fat suit" I've ever bought. Yeesh. Thanks for the post on this topic. I thought I was the only one who thinks maternity bathing suits just plain suck.

[Angel]

You reminded me of a funny story....

My son was about 4, and when I was at the beach with him and my best friend, who was thin as a rail, he asked my why my belly was so big. (Incidentally, it wasn't even big at the time. I just looked like a whale next to the pinfish I was lying beside.)

I said, "Well, because you were in there and stretched it out and it hasn't gone back yet."

He pauses.

"Well, I wasn't in your butt," he finally said.

[swirl girl]

Don't make me come over there and shake you! You look wonderful. Better than most non-pregnant woman I see (including myself)..

Isn't the only really okay time to show you 'fullness' without guilt is when you are pregnant?

[Amanda]

I forgot to add that when I was pregnant in the summer it was the only time I wasn't selfconscious about my body in a bathing suit because you're allowed to be fat when you're growing another human being. And no one blinks twice when you order cheese fries because you have a "craving."

[Amanda]

OK, shrink your pregnant belly to it's 3 1/2 month state and that's me in a bathing suit. So not fair! My son asked me when I was going to go to the gym again. I asked him when is he going to start listening to me? Subject dropped.

And for the record, when I see a pregnant woman that I end up in a conversation with and it's her 3rd, I do say "Do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into?" Because honestly, I have my hands full with 2, and I can't even fathom more.

[mothergoosemouse]

Damn you tall girls who look long and lean even when pregnant.

[Summer]

Whadaya talking about lady? You look fantastic! You certainly don't look like you're on your third pregnancy.

[Zip n Tizzy]

My four year old told me that the bathing suit I was trying on made me look like a jelly bean.

[jaelithe]

(Also? My butt=MUCH bigger than yours, and I am not pregnant, and have only had one child. So I think Quinlan must be comparing it to her own butt. Cuz she can't be comparing it to the average butt.)

[jaelithe]

Hmm, well, whenever my son asks why my belly is jiggly, I say because he stretched it out living inside it.

So, you could always just tell her she made your butt big ;)

[Asianmommy]

Honestly, you look really cute! I also didn't mind wearing a swimsuit when pregnant because, you know, you're supposed to have that big belly, aren't you?

[Erika Jurney]

You look fantastic!

[Becky]

Lol, I was always ticked that it was my name in that song! I guess I just didn't want my name associated with big butts.
:) Becky
http://www.stinkylemsky.typepad.com/

[Karen (Submommy)]

See, the one time I actually found shopping for a swimsuit easy was when I was pregnant.

I'm SUPPOSED to have a big belly. All other times - not. I tried on 2 suits, and bought the first one I tried on.

If it's any consolation, K. asked me "Mommy, why do you have big boobies?"

And thanks a lot for getting *that* song stuck in my head. :)

[VHMPrincess]

I went for a top like the one you have on in all black, with a bikini bottom (the top covered my belly and back all the way down over the bikini bottom) purchased at Nordstroms where you can buy just the bottoms. I couldn't have the big maternity-type-underwear swimsuit bottom that the top came with.

And you don't look big at all, please! I can send you a pic of me at SIX MONTHS at least twice as big as you if you send me your email address.

[Sara]

I don't mind the "Look at me, I'm HUGE" neon sign that the maternity swimsuit seems hang for the world to see...in my mind, it is one step closer to the weightlessness of water, which has been my salvation the past few months. So far, floating on a foam noodle in the pool is the only place that I am not uncomfortable.

[ster]

um.. hey jackass, you don't even look BIG AT ALL! do you see the size of your pregnant thighs? they are WAY smaller than my non pregnant thighs. your ass looks small. everything, but your belly, looks small.
i hate you.
so much it hurts me inside.

:)

[Cara]

You look great. I got so big that my maternity clothes stop fitting. I was just about to break down an get a tent when I went into labor, yeah.

[Binky]

I think you look great, but I know exactly how you feel. When I was pregnant in the summer with The Boss, I refused to wear a bathing suit or shorts the entire time, so leery was I of exposing my thighs to the world. This summer, I'm post-oartum, and I still won't let anyone see these thighs until they firm up.

[ali]

i refused to purchase a maternity swimsuit. there was no way in hell i was exposing that much lard.

[Katrina]

Big butt? pshhh.... you look better than I do, and I'm not even pregnant!

[Queenie]

First of all -- very cute picture!

Secondly, my daughter was born in October and my son was born in May. I much preferred being pregnant and hot all summer and letting all of my pregnancy fluff hang out than having to care for a newborn (and my 3 year old) during the summer heat. Enjoy your chance to be a big ol' fat lady on the beach.

[Shannon]

You look wonderful! The one maternity suit I bought and wore was dreadful! It was pink-and-white gingham and was a one-piece. God help me, I don't know what I was thinking! (On the other hand, it was the only one I could find that fit, thank goodness I only wore it that one summer so I could get in the pool and cool off).

[FishyGirl]

I felt great about my body when pregnant - now? Not so much. You won't see me posting any pictures of me in my bathing suit - it's bad enough people actually, you know, LOOK at me when I wear it to the pool.

As for the summer pregnancies, 3 of my 4 were of the pregnant all summer variety. Washington DC summers, complete with temps in the 80s to 90s and sometimes higher, which in and of itself isn't so bad, but damn you add in the 98% humidity and holy hell. I hid inside most of the summer. But that's why they have air conditioning, right? But like Jaci said, I'd much rather be stripping down and rocking the maternity bathing suit than the maternity turtlenecks and sweaters, with really just emphasized my fat face. Fat ass emphasis is much better.

[Dawn]

You are preaching to the choir sister. I am 7 months pregnant and going to the beach in a few weeks and desperately trying to find a swimsuit that won't make me want to weep. I am oscillating between the tankini or just letting it all hang out bikini and to make matters worse all the stores I go to either don't have suits or only have XS or XXL! I may have to just cross my fingers and order something on line with no change to try it on first. Yikes!

[amy]

yr so cute!

[robyn]

what I hated about those preggo suits with the crazy skirty tops was when you get in the water they float up and around everywhere... if i didn't have stretch marks i might be tempted to try to bare the belly next time and be more modest on the shorts/skirt bottom...

[Emily]

You look fab! (and better than me who's not pregnant). To hell with those nosy questioners - I think you should fuck with them and tell them you're just 3 months along or something!

[jennielynn]

I'm sorry, you no longer get to complain about being huge. You look ten times better than I do and I am NOT PREGNANT! I think I might have to hate you now.

[SusieJ]

Thanks Kristen. I'm not seeing that big butt either. And you know... I wouldn't have done this without your challenge. I had hoped to skip the whole thing...

[mx]

Not sure if anyone mentioned this but the Monistat chaffing gel powder stuff also works as a makeup primer comprable to the much pricier Smashbox.

[mx]

Not sure if anyone mentioned this yesterday but the Monistat Chaffing Gel Powder stuff makes an excellent makeup primer....feels just like the Smashbox stuff.

[Caroline]

If I look half as good as you when I'm as far along, I'll jump for joy! As much as one can jump when they're fat and pregnant, of course (that's me, the fat and pregnant one... not you!)

But I'm pretty sure you're not going to catch me in a bathing suit any time soon... maternity or otherwise.

[Christy]

Cute suit...I'm digging the pattern and the colors.

Sadly, the only time I have ever felt good in a swimsuit was when I was pregnant. I found an adorable Liz Lange (Target) suit that made me feel like a million bucks. Granted, it was long enough to cover my belly and my huge ass, but I still liked it!

I'm not looking forward to the day when my daughter starts commenting on the size of my body's parts. I could be in for it.

[MrsWaltz]

If that is your butt being "big" then I have to make up a whole new word for mine...
And I'm not even pregnant.
Damn you :)

[b]

It's okay. My four year old keeps asking me, "Is she pregnant too?" and then adding, "Because her (fill in with breasts, butt, belly) is SO big like YOURS."

One lady told her, "No honey, I'm just fat." So now I get, "Or is she just fat?" NO. TACT.

[greensunflowerRN]

You look pretty hot actually

[Lisa]

You do look wonderful, but I know you can't help the way you feel. I'm 27 weeks and my friends have been LAUGHING at the fact that I have to go the whole summer. Nice friends, eh?

There's so much you can do with preggo swimsuits now. They have those great sheer coverups that you could put over a normal suit and still bare belly without having any unwanted attention brought to your ass, there's always the option of a wrap, or you could wear regular bottoms for the thigh comfort with the tankini top. You are still hot enough to get away with showing your preggo belly, even if you only want to show a little, so why let your entire fashion sense dip just because of your ass? [ Which, btw, does look fantastic - I'm just trying to help :) ]

[Jaci]

You look good! I had my daughter in November, so I was prego through summer, too. It's not that bad. I'd rather wear a maternity tank top than maternity turtleneck sweater any day. Ugh.

[Christina]

Seriously, your pregnant butt is still smaller than my non-pregnant butt. You look great, baby bump and all!

[deb]

Girl, I'm not pregnant and my butt and thighs are bigger than yours (heh)

[sandi]

Heh. gotta love a kid who is so innocent:)
Don't worry 'bout the butt. You look wonderful!

[Mrs. Chicken]

I have the same suit. My secret fear is displacing all the water in the pool. :)

I won't say you look great because that makes me feel crazy in my face. But you look good. You look like a healthy, beautiful pregnant woman.

[Manic Mommy]

My baby is three and a photo of me would look like those bigfoot pictures; grainy and in motion.'

Fuck 'em. You look fabulous.

[Kayla]

HOLY HELL - you look great so stop it. What is to say for all the women that are having your same situations and ARE NOT with child:(

[Rebecca]

I always get just as pregnant in my butt as I do in my belly.I always wanted to be one of those cute little pregnant women who when you look at them from behind, they look perfectly normal but in front they have this adorable round beachball of a belly.C'est la vie. At least the end products are adorable :P

[Emily]

You look wonderful! I really don't see this 'big butt' you keep referring to... is that like 'Big Foot' or aliens? Only crazy people can see them?

[Fairly Odd Mother]

Well, I think you look fabulous (and I love the title although now I'm singing Sir Mix-a-lot at the breakfast table).

With my first, I had a TON of people ask me if I was having twins. That sucked.

[Multi-Tasking Mommy]

You look awesome!
I'm not looking forward to trying on my suit!

[divrchk]

You look great!