Pledge Week

Just when I thought I would have to voluntarily commit myself for having to clean up yet another poop off the kitchen floor (don't ask) and listen to my daughter sing that contagious "Taxi Taxi" song from Noggin for the 600th time at the top of her lungs, I realized that they're not training us to be secret agents. I mean who really wants to be a secret agent these days?

But sorority pledge? I'm all about that shit.

Seriously though, there's really no other way to explain the first few years of parenthood other than a combination of purgatory, CIA training, and pledge week. 

Now I was never a sorority girl in college, mainly because we had no sororities, just geeky clubs and a bunch of snotty jocks. But I've seen a pledge week or seven in my day, and I admit to being one of the weirdos wearing a beret and knee socks who would stare at the girls running around in their bright pink track suits and pig tails trying to find the appeal of it all.

And now, here I am, running around in my gaucho pants and ponytail like a rest of the moms on this planet with no "cool girl" status or toga parties at the end of the tunnel, still trying to find the appeal of it all and wondering if this is just part of some demented sorority pledging ritual.

I mean, there are way too many husbands out there that think life is a fraternity, so maybe this is not that far off.

Sure, we're not being forced to listen to some snooty girls named "Morgan" and "Britt" scream obsenities at us. Try enduring a three-year-old temper tantrum courtesy of "QuinLAN" (as she says it) in the middle of a Target checkout aisle or a teething, hungry, gassy baby at 3am for a days on end.

I actually think that's considered hazing.

And while there are no wooden paddles to threaten us, there are brooms, swiffers, and spatulas that when wielded by an extremely quick-handed 18-month-old will make you beg for that paddle.

And fine. I know scrubbing a toilet with a toothbrush reallllly sucks, even if there is a banded sisterhood awaiting at the end of a very long week. But shit. I've cleaned up vomit, piss, and poop with my own bare hands, let alone a toothbrush, and there's no one waving a cool pin or necklace or whatever the hell they get in front of my face.

So when your toddler refuses to speak in anything but "uhs" for a solid two months and your preschooler insists on screaming at the top of her lungs when the wind decides to blow in a different direction (seriously wind, what the fuck is your problem?), just think.

Maybe this is your pledge week.

And while the parties may not be as fun or as frequent, the sisterhood is just a click away. 

Comments

[red bottom shoes]

I like ANMJ on FB & just subscribed to the email feed! :)

[ugg store]

I can live for two months on a good compliment.

[Emily Marshall]

I have four children and four stepchildren--Let me tell ya, every week is hell week at my house. Of course my only experience with greeks is Phi Beta Kappa, so I say this as an observer only.

[MommasTantrum]

I was in a sorority, but we did not get hazed, although other houses did...and you are right motherhood is 10000000 times worse than that. And we are on year 4 of one hell of a pledge process...thank god I could only have one!

[Christina W.]

Ha. Ha, ha, ho, ho, hee, hee, hee. *sigh* It's so exactly like that.

[Christina]

I was in a sorority, but there was no hazing. I almost wish there had been, to prepare me for this.

But I agree with others that I like my Mu Omicron Mu bloggy sisterhood way more than my college sorority one!

[Vicky]

Hm... Pledging lasts weeks or months and Hell Week or "Inspiration" Week as they called it at my house was only 7 days...this thing called parenthood is like going on forever.

"I want to go to the splash park! No splash park! Why aren't we at the splash park Mommy!?!" Plus the cleaning and indecipherable terminology makes this post a great analogy. Though parenting is way more expensive than pledging and there's no housekeeper to clean up after me.

[Lotta]

I thought there would be more paint pen frames.

[Fairly Odd Mother]

Great analogy. My 7 year old can act like a snotty sorority sister any day of the week, so maybe I am just a pledge.

[Queenie]

Hazing for sure. Pledge week? A bit longer than that!

I think it finally ends when the grandchildren come along and you can see your little darlings experience the hazing for themselves. :)

[Tamara in Montreal]

I smiled as I read your post this morning. I had just finished wiping up poop with my hands and my little stinker was yelling at my side...

... but then again I'd rather do this than many other things. Sort of like sorority, no?

[submommy]

I went to a no-greek system, stuck up jocks & stuff school, too.

I did have a friend say to me once "once you become a Mom, it's like you're in a club." She was REALLY wanting a baby at the time and had no prospects. I had just found out I was pregnant.

Didn't share the news with her right away after hearing her bitterly tell me that.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Marilyn -- What exactly were you thinking??!!!

LOL.

Yeah yeah, TNG, the PLEDGE MASTER herself...

:)

[caramama]

Yeah, but I found a sorority that didn't haze in college because I was against it on principle. And yet I put up with it from my little girl. I guess it's because she's cuter than the girls in my sorority. hehe.

I like the person who said it's like a gang initiation!

[the new girl]

You pledge for MUCH longer than a week, dude. The last week of pledging is HELL week.

Plus? There's a freaking SECRET HANDSHAKE. Let us not forget that.

This ends the educational portion of the show.

[Marilyn]

I have no idea, you totally lost me at the Taxi song...

"Taxi, taxi, ridin' in the backseat... roll the window up! roll the window down. Pass the money through the slot, see you later, thanks a lot! Sure beats walking 'cross town!"

Gah, now I'm gonna have that in my head ALL DAY.

[Amy]

Kristen,

Like you, I am also pregnant with my third child. I have a 3yo boy and a 2yo girl. Every single day seems like pledge week. Gah!

[Asianmommy]

That's true. We pay our dues. Where is the end in sight? It's funny how it's the most wonderful and least wonderful things all at the same time. :)

[fidget]

i just felt compelled to tell you that i feel like punching myself in the head repeatedly when that damn taxi song gets stuck in there

[BOSSY]

Bossy was never into sororities either. Or anything with members. Except Netflix.

[Bethany]

Seriously... this is more true than you know. But it last a hell of a lot longer than what we called "Hell Week."

See that... it was a WEEK in length. And in the end, there was one helluva party. Nothing formal, just fun, dancing, more fun. And well all that stuff you aren't supposed to do.

Can we get that after this parenthood thing? Cause I could use it.

[carolyn]

At least pledge week ends with a big fat party. Our week ends with a bunch of demanding children who will NOT go to school on Saturday even if we beg them.

[NeeMom]

Couldn't agree more. I agree with jennielynn--the snobs are the better-than-you moms at school...lol.

Thanks for the laugh--I seriously needed it today.

[pamela]

That is a great post. Good to know that I am finally part of a sorority.

[Lori]

Very good analogy of parenthood and what we go through to raise these children of ours. Being a mom of two little ones once again, I can relate to being in the middle of pledge week. As the mother of 4 young adults and a son that will graduate from high school in two days, I say "Amen" to the farmers wife comment...it really is preparation for what is yet to come with teenagers and those early young adult years. When your in the midst of pledge week you just want it to be over...to reach the end...but, when all is said and done, all the hard work your putting in right now will pay off. It's just that when you reach this point you start liking each other again and then you have to let them go! The hard work...the persistance really is worth it!

[Formerly Fun]

Thanks for making what we do kind of sound like it's own exclusive club. Oh, and the sorority comes with it's own special language

http://formerlyfun.blogspot.com/2008/05/vocabulary-of-parenthood.html

[amanda]

i needed this.

thanks.

i puffy heart you.

[Don Mills Diva]

Apparently I had to say that twice just to make sure everyone was listening.

Okay, backing away from the computer now.

[Don Mills Diva]

Long live the sisterhood!

[Sara]

What a great analogy! Now I don't feel *quite* as bad for being so frustrated at the very inopportune tantrums/whining, eating my food, etc...I get it now; it's supposed to be sucky sometimes!

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Amanda -- Sadly, I'm enduring dry pledge week thanks to the pregnancy.

:)

[LiteralDan]

You should win an award for this analogy. Maybe an award from whatever university is hosting this sorority/fraternity.

[jennielynn]

Brilliant analogy. I've never thought of it that way, but it is. And the snotty sisters come in preschool, when you have to mingle with the too-cool-to-talk-to-lame-ass-you mommies.

[Mom101]

BRILLIANT.

Also explains why I'm having such a hard time with the early parenting years - I was GDI in college.

[mothergoosemouse]

How much do I love this post?

And how much more do I love my bloggy sisterhood than my long-gone sorority?

[Katie]

My 17 month old slammed his head into my face last night. Thus, today I am sporting a fabulous black eye. Therefore, I do not think I am joining a sorority. Rather, I think I am being jumped into a gang.

[Maternal Mirth]

I am thinking I should be the effing Prez-E-dent of this sorority by now.

But, nope.

The hazing does not end AND *there* in lies the difference...

[laura]

welcome sister!!!!
the hazing prepares you for the crazy-assed parties when those little darlins are, duh-dun-duh...obnoxious, eye-rolling, heavy-sighing (because my mom is so stupid) teenagers. seriously, the week i have had with a certain 14 y/o (darling daughter #3) i am harking back to the days when i had 2 in diapers and one potty train ing...fun times that pledge week was.
hang in there.

[Manic Mom]

Greast read today. My son Only watches Jack's Big Music show. And I'm not sure how much longer I can last.

[Undomestic Diva]

[insert secret hand shake here]

[khubb]

Thanks - I needed to hear that today.

[Amanda]

Good analogy, but you forgot the most important part - the alcohol. Where's the alochol? It's amazing more of us parents don't drink on more than a social level.

[alison]

I don't know the taxi song. I guess I need to watch more Noggin. Personally, I prefer All Aboard The Choo Choo Train (all aboard, all aboard, woo, woo). :)

[In the Trenches of Mommyhood]

Great analogy. And yet another reminder that THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

[Shannon]

Never thought of it as a sorority before, but it's a good analogy. And I second and third the damning of NOGGIN for that stupid taxi song. The kids I babysit sing it all day long, then go home and sing it for their parents. I need to find something else to watch I guess.

[Dani]

Now that mine are 7, 8, & 13, and I've had time to block out the hazing process of days past, I'm in a whole new pledging process. It's called: The Last 6 Weeks of School.

During this pledging ritual one must endure; spring fever accompanied by daylight that lasts until bedtime, chorus concerts, school plays, communions, confirmations, end of year parties, honor society ceremonies, curriculum cramming (by the teachers who are behind), studying for finals, purchasing teacher gifts, writing letters requesting that your child NOT get the Evil Teacher next year, never-ending playdates, and baseball games 3 nights a week when there's homework to be done.

All of this is expected of you, not while wearing the same pajamas for three days hiding out in your house like the last haze, but while you're showered, nicely dressed, smiling, and doing your damnedest not to run around screaming, "Is it June 26th yet??!!" while pulling large chunks of hair from your head.

So, the hazing continues. The same characters play along every year. Just with a different setting and a different wardrobe.

You're absolutely right. Our solace in this process is the blogosphere. Knowing that others are enduring a similar ritual, makes it easier to see this as a sisterhood and not a lonely vacuum.

[Sara]

the TAXI song is a killer taxi taxi riddin in the back seat roll the window up roll the window down UGHHHHHH my kids are trying to drive me insane with it.

[All Adither]

The Superwhy song has been whirling around my brain for days.

[Christy]

Wow. That pretty much sums it up. While I never was a joiner in college, I saw my fair share of red-eyed, beat-down kids. Little did I know that I would look like that someday.

And the people at Noggin should burn in hell for agreeing to put that damn Taxi song on the air. After riding in a "taxi" at the airport two days ago, my 2.5 yr old won't shut up about "riding in the back seat."

[Amy in NY]

I hate those songs! What I hate even more is when I get them stuck in my head. The latest is from "Journey to Joke A Lot', the one where they're going "Bloop Bloop". I think Motherhood is the secret sorority. I only have two, but God Bless you for doing again! My nerves are shot now....

[Mrs. Chicken]

I agree. And thanks for reminding me that this, too, shall pass.

[Kristen (a different one)]

Your blogs always make me feel better. It's been a lousy couple of weeks, but now I can laugh with you about it. Thanks!

[HeatherK]

Okay, so I guess I'm having a rip-roaring pledge YEAR over here. Love it! I had to laugh about the wind thing; I'm to blame for sunny days where the sun actually shines too bright. Go figure!

[Heather]

No experience with sororities here either, but I do feel like I'm being hazed sometimes. What is it about Target that makes kids lose it?

[the Farmer's Wife]

Yes, it's preparation for what's to come - - TEENAGERS! At every point in raising children you wish you were somewhere else in the process. When they're babies, you wish they were able to get themselves around. When they're toddlers you wish they were in school during the day. When they're preteens you wish they were anywhere but in your face. When they're teenagers you wish they were anybody else's problem but yours.

I'm sorry I can't be more encouraging. It's work, for sure. The formal spring dance at the end is when they walk across the stage in cap and gown, clutching that college diploma and standing at the edge of that nest.......

and then you wish they were newborns again.

- Suzanne, the Farmer's Wife

[Alison]

I was never into sororities, it could've been because my college roommate's sorority trashed our room one night as part of initiation and then I had to clean it. But whatever!
I totally agree with your analogy. I actually wrote a post a few weeks ago about how living in my house was remarkably like living in the worst frat house ever!

[Angie in Texas]

i never got the whole sorority thing either, but you do make an interesting point. (is there a formal spring dance at the end? or is the wedding reception considered the "dance"?)

[SciFi Dad]

An interesting analogy. I've never actually heard that comparison before.