And This Would Be Why I'm Not a Food Blogger

Is it me or does the whole entire blogosphere cook with pretty beautiful foods that turn into entire meals that are edible? Yeah. Well not me. I'm proud to say that I will never ever ever have a food blog (and after you see this post, why I will never have a photography blog).

But since we're sharing vegetarian recipes as part of NoMeatPo week (put down the bacon, my friends, and win prizes), I offer you my 100% vegan meal (ala Pioneer Woman style), perfect for breakfast, lunch, hell, even dinner.

The Cast of Characters: Organic Peanut Butter, Bread, All-Fruit Natural Jam (just don't call it jelly, please), and Applesauce (starring as a sidedish, or dipping sauce if you're a freak).

Bread placement is key. If you go too quickly, you can use the wrong side of the bread, creating leakage of ingredients from the actual sandwich. This is not a desirable result. Therefore, carefully place the bread on the plate.

Evenly spread peanut butter on the bread. You'll know when you have the desired thickness when you can write a word, in this case I chose "Yo"* (it was the first thing that came to me, but any word will do) and as you can see, I didn't cut through the peanut butter.

Then you spread the jam. Remember, don't call it jelly. Fruit spreads tend to be difficult to spread, which seems sort of odd, since it's called "spread" and not "lumpy pieces of fruit chunks in a jar."

Put the sandwich together and cut it in half.** I've seen some folks attempt the triangle cut, but since you're using a butter knife for spreading purposes, I suggest a vertical cut for better precision.

Open your halves so there is a room for the applesauce and place it on the plate.

Take off the foil applesauce top and find a spoon. And there you have Peanut Butter & Jam with a side of Applesauce.

*I don't generally write words in my peanut butter, but I figured this was going to be one hell of a boring post so I figured I'd add a little something fun in there to make it interesting.

**I know I skipped a step, like putting the actual bread together to form the sandwich, but it was taking too long to make the damn sandwich and I was hungry.

Comments

[jody]

Glob on the peanut butter!! Yum!

[angie]

Dig, I could tell way before this post that this wasn't a photo blog! But food blog, I think you have something there. That's gotta be the most entertaining food blog entry I've ever seen.

[bombaygirl]

so funny! I do that wierd bread-placement-thing too!

[Queen of Shake Shake]

Excuse me, I don't have a cooking blog either.

And that Jennifer, she TALKS about how she makes these awesome eggplant parmesan something or another I can't spell. But when it comes down to you BEGGING her to cook it for you, she moves away.

[Jo]

I love this post! That's about what it would look like if I tried to start a food blog. You DID post my youngest son's fave recipe though so that gets you extra points. ;)

I hate to cook so unless someone wants me to post a sandwich blog...it ain't happenin'! LOL

[Michelle]

I hope you didn't find that Smuckers peanut butter to be as awful as I did. Grainy, salty, and generally nasty. I freakin HATE that stuff. I use one from Arrowhead mills that is organic, has no salt, sugar, and is smooth as nothing I've ever seen.

Some of the organic ones are full of palm oil and other shit, so I'm thinking, "What's the friggin purpose?" Why not just use the Jiff crap that's full of cancer and everything else? Of course, I hate Jiff and Skippy and any other varieties, except for my precious jar or gold.

The shit that costs almost 6 bucks a jar. It's just peanuts for fuck's sake!

[Thumper6423]

Your vegan meal is about as vegan as I get. You forgot the potato chips though.

[submommy]

I have to say one more thing - OT - THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for posting the Shutter Sisters link. L-O-V-E.

[Lady M]

That looks strikingly similar to our dinner, except that I didn't even manage organic today.

[Manic Mommy]

I'm a triangle cutter myself - but I wash off the butter knife before slicing.

Also, when serving the applesauce and desire it NOT to end up all over well, everything, I stick a straw right through the aluminum foil top. The kids think it's fun and I think it doesn't make a mess.

- Not just Manic; Anal Rententive AND Manic

[Christina]

Hey, we have that kind of meal on a nearly daily basis! I guess I am some kind of a chef or something.

(No, that's not true. Don't let me anywhere near a kitchen. I can burn water.)

[Jessa]

My kind of cooking!

[Angela]

I myself am a double sided PB and one side fruit spread kind of PBJ artiste, but this is still about my style of cookery.

But honey, it sounds like it's going to be a long week if you're going all-out for NoMeatPoWeek. ;)

We'd starve to death if I tried it!

[Stimey]

Honestly, I was a vegetarian for ten years and this is about as culinary as I got. It'll keep you alive.

[Mrs. Chicken]

Wow. Can I come for dinner? :)

[caramama]

This happens to be one of my favorite meals! Thank you, Kristen, for showcasing it! Although, I tend to use jelly... Hmmmm, I'll be fruit spread would be good... I'll have to try it!

[Paige]

You know, I make peanut butter sandwiches quite frequently. That's the real truth. And I sit there agonizing as my little one gingerly takes the sandwich apart and eats it, not by biting down, but by scooping bits of peanut butter with her index finger and licking it off, little by mind-numbing little.

[submommy]

Or, for our vegan peanut allergy sufferers, there's always this: http://www.sunbutter.com/products.asp#5

[Phoenix]

I think I might be able to make that. I love looking at food blogs, but I can't make any of it.

I am great at take-out though.

[Mom101]

For the first time, I think veganism is not entirely ridiculous.

(Sorry for offending the greater nomeatpo mo population. I just like pb sandwiches.)

[Sarah]

Just being nit-picky, but I would bet there are eggs in that there bread (and possibly milk, milk powder or whey) which would make it not vegan regardless of honey...

Kristen Says: None of the above, Sarah.

[The Other Sister-in-Law]

Ah...my kind of cooking!

[mothergoosemouse]

That is only about 1/3 of the jam required for a good sandwich. Pile it on!

And diagonal cuts are for toast and grilled cheese. All other sandwiches are cut vertically as shown.

[jaelithe]

Ha! This is what my lunch looks like a lot of the time. Down to the same brands of applesauce and peanut butter.

It must be a diet that promotes beauty and brilliance among excellent bloggers ;)

[FishyGirl]

That, in one simple post, is probably 90% of why my oldest daughter is alive today. That consists of 90% of her total diet, with milk and an occasional slice of cheese pizza and a bowl of cheerios thrown in for good measure. And maybe some baby carrots, if I really twist her arm. She is a horrible eater.

I like your post, though TNG is right, vertical cuts ARE for sissies. Diagonal all the way, baby. Preferably twice.

[mamatulip]

For Oliver, everything is considered dipping sauce. EVERYTHING.

And sandwiches are much funner to eat when they're triangles. I'm just sayin'.

[ktjrdn]

My daughter is a freak.

Applesauce is a dipping sauce in our house. I have no idea why.

[Kristen]

Yeah. I was a vegan for 7 years.
Damn bees. :)

[Bill]

Watch out for honey in that bread - it won't be vegan! :)

[motherbumper]

Now these are the kind of survival instructions I need! Which explains why I am not a food blogger either ;)

[the new girl]

Verticle cuts are for sissies.