When exactly did we start taking our fashion cues from boat enthusiasts? I suppose if we all lived in Water World it would make sense. But then I would just live in a pair of flippers, because quite frankly I think they are actually more attractive than the new popular shoe of choice.
Have you seen this madness?
I noticed them on a few errant teenage girls, but just chalked it up to the South (like every other questionable fashion
blunder choice I encounter around here) and went on my way. But when I recently visited every 14-year-old's favorite shop "Journeys" (thanks to my three-year-old who couldn't take her eyes off the pink Vans) and saw the shelves stacked with them, my worst fear was confirmed.
They are "in." Or wait, is it "back in?"
Either way, it's pretty fucking scary.
Far be it from me to judge what has got to be extremely comfortable footwear. I mean, if almost every single 65 year old man in my family owns a pair and my heinously unfashionable dad lived in them, they've got to be light on the tootsies -- especially for quickly maneuvering from the bow to the stern of your yacht.
Exactly what young 16-somethings are looking for in a shoe.
But clearly if we're all looking to AARP instead of Bazaar for style hints, then why not go for shiny cordovan loafers with tassels? I mean those are at least barely attractive and somewhat flattering on old greasy men. But topsiders, docksiders or "boat shoes," as my dad called them, have absolutely no aesthetic appeal whatsoever.
But wait you say, what about pink? or better purple? Oh right, because a purple shapeless leather boat shoe with annoying leather laces that never stay tied is soooo much better. I might as well just go buy a pair of purple crocs. At least those were not popularized by the senior citizens of America.
An no offense to the great-grandparents of this world, but what's next? Reading glasses? Applique sweaters? Depends?
The next thing we know, these damn shoes will be back in style and our kids will be begging us to drag them out of the deep recesses of our closets.
Not that anyone I know *cough* owned a pair.