I admit that after spending damn near close to what I think a new vagina might cost me on a variety of tampons and other personal purse accessories last week, I was almost looking forward to trying the Diva Cup.
Maybe it was because I too wanted to be a member of this secret society of divas, where together we could proclaim in solidarity "I've got a cup up my whacker. Word to your menstruatin' mamas" and engage in our secret society handshake.
Or really a fold and shove, vigorous handwashing, and then handshake.
I wanted to sing the tampon freedom song of Divas Across the World (thanks to Clare from Alaska on their website for this anthem):
Because of this Diva I don,
I am no longer a slave to the 'pon
It fills me with glee,
To know that I'm free,
And saving this world we live on.
I go through my day with ease,
There is no string there to tease,
It catches it all,
Before it does fall,
I now live without boundaries.
So now when I go to the John,
There's nothing for me to check on!
And it is so great,
To know that my fate,
Is not in a Kotex nap'kon.
Diva must have come from the gods,
I think they have the best odds,
To have made something great,
That seems so innate,
And all who know share applause!
And I want to wear my fucking Diva pin like all the other divas out there.
But then I saw the actual cup that I would have to stick up my vah-hoo-hoo, along with the directions that involved me folding it strategically and then "not putting it up too far because it might get stuck but it probably won't but if it does don't panic just push down on your stomach muscles [huh?] and then call our toll-free 1800 number [because you know you want to talk to some random operator about a cup stuck up your vagina]," I didn't have the balls to actually try it.
Or is it vulvas? or labia majoras?
See. I don't even know my own body parts. I cannot be trusted to shove a silicone cup correctly into my vagina.
So, I did what any real
sorority sister drunk diva out there would do (so not to totally lose my diva pin privileges), and I gave the diva cup the real test.
So for alcohol, the Diva Cup gets a thumbs up.
Plus, if you can follow the lengthy directions and actually insert the Diva Cup in it's rightful place, it's sort of like a personal flask (at least the other 23 days out of the month).
(There are an enormous outpouring of positive reviews of The Diva Cup and if you're one with your vagina in an "insert a silicone cup that catches your blood" sort of way, then this might be the invention for you).