Be Careful What You Wish For

*I interrupt this post to send you here. The Environmental Working Group just released a study that notes high levels of BPA in almost all formulas. Forget worrying about plastic bottles. This is the real issue at hand!*

I reluctantly stopped to get gas before jumping on the freeway yesterday. I've learned quickly thanks to one long afternoon with two small children and only one teething cracker and a juice box in the Atlanta traffic that you must gas up prior to going anywhere, even if it's two miles home.

Screw snow storms. I need a survival kit for my ride home from the grocery store.

My only option to gas up between home to the highway is the "questionable persons" gas station, conveniently situated by two "Hot Sexy Naked Girlz" strip joints, meaning that on each occasion that I've stopped (I'm not kidding), I've seen some shady dudes pull up to a screeching halt while a scarily skinny and scantily clad dressed woman hops out, and runs across the street (or really, 6 lane road). That's pretty damn hard in a pair of clear plastic fuck-me platforms.

Clarification: It LOOKS pretty damn hard. I mean, I never ran across the street in my clear plastic fuck-me platforms, thank you very much.

Anyway, so I'm pumping gas, tapping my foot because as you know, that generally makes the gas come out quicker, and up pulls a truck behind my car with two thirty-something dudes, one shouting to me as he hopped out of his car pointing at my Mississippi tags.

"Hey baby! Are you from Mississippi? I never meet anyone from Mississippi around here. Because I'm from Mississippi! God I miss it? Don't you miss it? Hey, you here alone? Cause you know..."

Thanks for making me feel relevant, Mississippi, if only for one brief and very skeevy moment.

--

Free shit alert.

Comments

[Miss(issippi) Manners]

I stumbled upon your blog hoping to find a common bond as a new mother. What I found were insults heaped upon insults which lead me to the conclusion that you very well may be one of the most close minded people I've ever encountered. People like you give the South a bad name. As a highly educated, open-minded, non-racist, liberal product of the great state of Mississippi I think I speak for the state collectively when I say "Good riddance." We may have an unfortunate past in some respects, but the past is the past and we have moved on so why don't you. Maybe some of the following names might ring a bell: Muddy Waters, Elvis Presley, BB King, Morgan Freeman, William Faulkner and a lovely lady named Eudora Welty. What do these shapers of American culture have in common you may be asking yourself…why don’t you Google it if it doesn’t come to you. My ignorant friend, you may not like our slow ways, our funny accents, or our lack of great cable service, but what we have is something you will never possess. We have tact, we have eloquence, we have history, we have respect and lastly we have manners. Enough cannot be said for good home training. If only you were fortunate enough to have that. I respect your right to blab on about what you must, but know that you should respect our right as Mississippians to live as we see fit. Good luck to you and god bless the next state that is unfortunate enough to house your pea sized brain.

That’s all Y’ALL!

P.S. “adieu” is actually Middle English (from Anglo-French) for farewell, goodbye in French is au revoir, but what do I know, I’m just a product of the Mississippi school system.

[Shane_in_Sd]

Been to Columbus and the surrounding areas too many times to tell you the whole state sucks. Im from South Dakota and about the only thing good that came outa there is my wife. Kinda like you and your hubby and the north/south thing. Im from the north and she is from the south.

[mldubose]

There are no safe places to walk. She could, in theory, walk with the kids along the freeway or some other road that has no sidewalks. Lots of cities aren't designed for pedestrian traffic. The fatality rate is alarming.

Touch a nerve did I, CharmingDriver?

[Mac]

If it is only two miles Y drive at all????

[Mom101]

So of course the end of the story is that you jumped in the truck with them and headed off towards Jackson, right?

[Marie]

I get a little misty-eyed every time I see a California plate, especially if there's also an In n' Out sticker. But I have yet to actually approach someone, that would be very un-Californian.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Aw Canape. You can use the MS card anytime.

Just so long as you're not trying to pick me up, okay?

heh.

[CharmingDriver]

I miss Mississippi...and midubose, I can assure you that I wouldn't waste ten seconds much less ten minutes to say good morning to you.

[mothergoosemouse]

"Yeah, I miss Mississippi. Kind of like I miss having gonorrhea."

[Suebob]

At my gas station, no one else speaks English and they assume I can't speak Spanish. So it is pretty tame.

[TB]

Finding a good, safe, clean gas station close to home is key in Atlanta and a lot harder than you might think. The funny thing I've noticed is that different chains have very different clientele. For example, QT? Always very rednecky. If you can find a convenient BP, that's the way to go. And their coffee isn't bad either.

[Fred]

If that should happen again, ask the person to spell MISSISSIPPI.
They might not have remembered that they just saw it on your rear plate.

[mandy]

You are relevant. We are relevant. One day we will be with our daughters when they have children of their own. Later they will tell us that they couldn't have done it without us. And so, a new generation born and loved because we are relevant.

[canape]

That wasn't far off from what my first blog comment was like here. However, I wasn't looking to talk about the good ole days back home.

Still though, I am guilty of pulling the Mississippi card.

I will now skulk off into a corner.

[justmylife]

You know if he was from MS that he was just being a overly friendly southerner! Being from Alabama I know how southerners are thought of. Of course he was fairly strange sounding. Love the post and the lovely visons dancing in my head now. HA!

[submom]

One bonus to living in Oregon - apparently the powers that be think us too dumb to pump our own gas. I don't have to get out of my car. The skeevy moments are brought to us by the gas station attendants.

[Lisse]

This is one good reason I could never live in the south - people feel like they can start conversations with random strangers. We don't really do that in New England. Outsiders consider it cold, but we call it reserved.

[caramama]

Oh, speaking of Southern speak... I realized over Thanksgiving that it's not the accents that bother me so much as the horrible grammar. Even from otherwise smart and decently educated people. Drives me NUTS!

[caramama]

But you do wear the clear plastic fuck-me platforms to pump gas, right? Just in case some skeevy guys happen by...

[mldubose]

Aw, common now. Didn't you want to sit down with them fellars over a glass of sweet tea, some corn nuts, a pack of Camel lights and reminiscence about the good ole days? You coulda put Junior in a baby walker and used a rope to tie it to a picnic table or a light pole to keep him from going too far (I've seen this done in MS by the way!).

Besides, former MS residents feel they must stick together. So when they think is another like-minded one, they run up and start the whole "who's yo mamma and daddy?" routine.

After all, it's a harsh world out there, what with subject-verb agreement and mastering the pronounciation of the short "e" vowel sound being so difficult. Besides the city folk don't understand that it takes 10 minutes to say good morning because of all the drawling and add-on syllables to the words. It's likely to make a former Mississippian want to stay inside with his free-unds and find more like minds on Jerry Springer and Walker Texas Ranger.

And the titty bar dancers aren't so bad. They're just working their way through community college. Or maybe beauty school. From what I heard, the business offices at those schools DO take tuition payments in ones and fives.

[the new girl]

For one skeevy moment.

And all the wrong reasons.

lmao.

[Mrs. Chicken]

Hey, ya gotta take what you get, eh? :)

[Midwest Mommy]

Oh that so so creepy!

[ImpostorMom]

Ewww, that is totally creepy.

And we are seriously fighting the pull to ATL because of the horrendous traffic. When I used to commute there two days a week I spent 3+ hours on the road everyday. Ugh.

[Devan]

ew! Skeevy!

[Mark]

"Back away from this car right now! I'm a woman, I have a Diva cup and I (think) know how to use it!!"

[Assertagirl]

ha! The word "skeevy" is seriously under-used.

[Fairly Odd Mother]

Something like that would make my day. And, love your clarification.

[motherbumper]

I'm so glad you cleared up that running in clear plastic platform thing not being based on experience because THAT would have been one doozy of an explanation.