After 89 of the funniest comments I've read in a really long time, I couldn't just let this one pass by without giving a shout out to my fellow vaginally challenged sisters.
That is what it's called, right? Or maybe "The League of Big Vaginas?," "Big Vaginas United?," or "We the Looser Women?"
Who knew that tampons expanded in various different ways --sort of like my ass after having two children (ha), that people actually stick a cup up in their vah-hoo-hoo and then verrrrrrry carefully pull it out (and then the part that I'm still a bit dljkjkdfhjdhfduifd pth pth pth about -- they wash it out and put it back in again), and that well, I'm not the only one shooting tampons out of me like spit balls from some bratty 8 year old's straw.
So, if you're "throwing hot-dogs down a long hallway" or you've been "dropping tampons for months," then here are some depressing interesting suggestions from my readers.
[Please note that none of these techniques, products, or lunatic notions are endorsed by Motherhood Uncesored]
Cloth Pads? They're better than I expected, although avoid the bamboo terry ones -- soft, but too unstructured. They end up a wad of fluff trying to creep up inside. -Liza
[Cloth pads almost make me barf as much as the thought of my stretched vagina holding a cup full of, um, you know]
IUD? ...then i had an IUD inserted - HELL-O!? can you say FREEDOM? no periods, no products - just a little finger insertion to make sure it's all in place. -Angie in Texas
[Yeah, go talk to MGM -- the very pregnant MGM -- about her IUD]
Surgery? Yeah, I'm not sure it's worth the $4500-9000, but I appreciate the thought, Fidget.
I got the endometrium ablasion procedure done and I have not gotten a period since. You many want to look into it. -Lily
[If I can't say it, chances are I won't let anyone do it to my vagina]
The Dixie Diva Cup? The diva cup takes some getting used to, but so worth it. Sure, it might be one of the grossest things you'll ever take part in, but still worth it. -Cheryl
[Yeah. Everyone LOOOOOVES the Diva Cup. I'm still extremely skeptical. Call me crazy, or just not so much about walking around with a cup up in my whacker]
Exercises? You could put a cheerio in the toilet and practice trying to hit it with the tampon. -witchypoo
Start Kegeling like crazy. -Fairly Odd Mother
[Is this part of those Mommy Boot Camp things?]
New Tampon Brand? I gotta say: OB tampons all the way. The fact that it opens like a flower makes a huge diff. The application...uh...takes some getting used to, but it really works with my, um, "internal changes." -Citymama
I would suggest the playtex though, I used to have the same problem with tampax because they grow longer rather than wider. -Impostormom
[I will happily offer my money to any tampon that does not remind me about my not-so-taut vagina]
New Tampon Insertion Technique? I just shove mine sideways now. Lovely. -Michelle
[heh]
Ben Wa Balls? Ben Wa balls are good because you can tighten your vag muscles and use them as a sex toy because they vibrate. I love my ben wa balls! Yeah! -Krista
[Scary and yet very interesting]
Anything to add?
Recent Comments