Motherhood Uncensored

In the Middle of the Night

Sometimes I scream back at him. It's all I can do with the every three hour wakings thanks to more teeth and who knows what else where I only end up getting bitten and feeling frustrated.

I worry about waking up his sister. But most of the times, I don't.

And I just scream. It feels good to just let it out.

I tell him to lay down. I tell him to go to sleep.

"It's SLEEPY TIME!" I say, laying him down in his bed. Like that will induce sleep.

I only wish.

He just screams louder. And harder.

I pick him up and hold him tightly. "STOP SCREAMING" I scream. I try to put him in my bed but he wants to play. I try to put him in the playpen in my room and he wants to scream.

And by then we're both wide awake, standing in the dark, feeling terrible.

More Proof That I Am Indeed Chopped Liver

"I'm thankful for my GREAAAAAAAAAT Daddy!"

[Oh. And we had our first steps today. I'm really in deep shit now].

Living on a Prayer

I cannot tell you how many people (no, not you heathen blog readers) have told me to pray about the decision to move to Little Rock.

Maybe it's a Southern thing? Who knows. But it's one thing to tell someone who's strongly religious to pray, but a fairly cynical critic of organized religion? Probably not the best move.

I know they have good intentions, but honestly, I'm wondering exactly what praying about it would do. I mean, in many cases, "to pray" about something could be translated (for us secular leaning folks) as "to think" or "to mull." And then I have to ask, do you not think I have thought or mulled over the decision enough that I must pray?

And for what would I be praying for -- a sign? writing on the wall? a tex message on my phone?

To be honest, I'm someone who totally believes in signs and open/closing doors. I also believe in consulting a neutral party and trusting your gut.

Perhaps a religious person might see all those things as God speaking to them. And I can respect that. But it's terribly annoying when people try to put that on you. That in your hour of confusion, it would be helpful to do what you've already done, just directed at some "being."

And if that's not enough, they've been offering their "prayers" for me as well. I guess it's about the same as someone saying "I'm thinking about you" or "My thoughts are with you," neither of which I have yet to fully understand. I'm not quite sure what you thinking of me will actually do. And I can guarantee that I've already got more than enough thoughts to go around.

But the prayer suggestions and offerings are way less annoying to me than when people use praying as an excuse for indecision. It's one thing to pray about which college you should go to, but when people tell me they have to pray about which purse to buy, I get a little suspicious.

I mean, just think about it and pick. Or don't buy it. But are you really going to take the time to pray about a purse? And doesn't God have more important things, you know, like world peace and starving children, to worry about than which stupid purse you should carry?

I wonder then with all this praying if people end up not being able to decide for themselves. That instead of seeking out answers to their questions, they wait for signs and signals that could be interpreted 14,000 different ways.

Of course, there are waaaay more terrible and awful things people could be doing or offering me than prayers. 

So, lest I come across as totally ungrateful, I am thankful for your prayers. But if I may, I'd much prefer some cookies, a card, or hell, a Coach bag than your thoughts or your prayers. Or at least pray for me to get a Coach bag. Seems like these prayers are just the cheap way out of what is really a great opportunity for a damn good present.   

10 Months

At least he has good taste in purses. [Outfit courtesy of big sister].

Boobies Aren't Meant to Be Shared

"Mommy, remember when I was a little baby and I wore my ballet outfit everyday and THOSE BOOBIES WERE ALLLLLLLLL MINE?"