I wasn't ready for it.
I called for her to come back and apologize. She just kept walking -- pretending that she couldn't hear me calling her name.
I chased after her. Shocked.
She sat in the corner for awhile and then I came to comfort her. Letting her cry has never done anything but make things worse. It's been like that since she was a little baby. She escalates into a huge fit of rage and cannot regulate herself.
She was tired. So was I.
I held her like I always do and asked her why she was upset. She never knows, but she usually apologizes for making a bad choice, my tight grasp reassuring her and calming her down almost instantly.
But not that night. She adamantly refused.
She asked for daddy. She asked to be left alone. She asked for "a breath."
But she would not apologize.
I've spent over three years being everything to this little someone. Her comforter, her protector, and the one she always turns to.
My mind flashed through all those times where I wanted a break from those roles. Where I wanted my husband to take her so I didn't have to hold, rock, pat, and nurse her.
It was so hard. I was so tired.
But I was wanted. I was needed.
I wasn't ready for her rejection. And I'm not ready for her to grow up just yet. I only wish I had realized this a little sooner. Maybe then this wouldn't have stung so badly.