Oh Those Ingenious Southerners!

Even though I've lived in the South for almost five years on and off, it still holds many mysteries that I have yet to solve. For one, who decided it was okay to deep fry a pickle? Also, what exactly does "might could" mean? And what is with this obsession with bows?

Yes. Hair bows.

Now I know that it's not just the South that has a penchant for larger than the child's actual head hair bows. Sort of like Midwestern hair, there is certainly a large conglomerate of bow lovers out where the sun don't shine for but a few months out of the year. Maybe that's why they are wearing bows -- to celebrate not having to wear a skull cap and boots.

But in my own personal experience, having lived in both the Midwest and the South, the Southern folks don't fuck around when it comes to bows (yes, that's a compliment South. Take it while you can) because Dag-nabbit, the instant that baby comes out, they slap a bow right on her head.

Or technially, glue. 

Or some weird adhesive that is "long lasting" but then comes right off. Or, better, Karo Syrup. No wait. Toothpaste.

And KY Jelly. (I swear I'm not just making that one up, JULIE).

Why I ask? Why the baldy bow?

Is it not clear from the miles of taffetta and chiffon on the one month old baby that she is not a girl? Do her triple lacy socks not indicate to anyone with eyeballs that she is indeed of the female persuasion? Isn't the customary one-day old ear piercing enough? (Thanks TNG). Have you no better use for your KY Jelly people of the South? I beseech you!

But alas, as the good Yankee who is trying to embrace my new surroundings (hellooo, new blog duds people), I will embrace this "tradition" whole heartedly. 

My baldie *ahem* needed a little sprucing up anyway. 

Comments

[Rebecca]

As a native Southerner (my home's in Alabama) and resident of Atlanta for the past 17 years, I have to say, "might could" is an excellent expression. As is "fixin to" and "all y'all." I did my time in Northern New England, and learned to appreciate "wicked" used in a positive way as well as "you guys" and "yous." I love regional expressions.

However, bows on a baby girl are stupid. My neighbor gave me a bunch of bows her bald baby was wearing when she "outgrew" them so that my baby girl could wear them. Ugly, stupid, and kind of white trashy I think. People should be able to tell my baby is a girl because her clothes are either pink, purple, have butterflies or flowers on them.

Never heard of Southern fried pickles.

[Mom101]

Frankly, I always looked to Anna Nicole for my fashion cues. I'm not sure what your big problem is with bows on babies.

[Reiza]

When my kids were in the NICU, the nurses there glued bows on their head with KY. Um...I appreciate the attention, but that wasn't high on my list of priorities.

The photographer at Volde-Mart later suggested we use KY to hold bows on our bald girls. Why was I not surprised?

FTR, we're in the South. We're originally from the Northeast and the bow thing scares the hell out of me. I'd never seen anything like it until the military dropped us here.

[Suburban Oblivion]

Around here I call them Gapmoms, and they are a scary thing indeed.

http://tinyurl.com/29zrbm

[creative-type dad]

They deep fry pickles now?!

Next thing you know, they'll be deep-frying butter...

[gidge]

I believe, being a fairly recent addition to the south as well, that the bows help increase the height of the hair.
And as well ALL KNOW - the higher the hair - the closer to GAWD.

[Amy]

"Might could" has always driven me over the edge. I've had very intelligent, well educated Southern people ARGUE with me about why it's grammatically correct to say that. I might could have a stroke right now just thinking about it.

[bitsy parker]

LOVE your new look. Cute

[canape]

Fried pickles are a yes with me. Not spears, only chips. Yum.

And as long as you and Jennifer promise not to hate me, I have to admit that I totally intend on taking Bird to church in a jon jon. Love them. But not for everyday - just for dressing up.

I will now retreat into my "closet southerner" corner.

[Her Bad Mother]

Oh, you WENT THERE with baldy bow!!! So. Needed. That. Laugh.

[bitsy parker]

A bow wasn't enough for my Southern mother. She wanted to use a curling iron on her 1 year old granddaughter. A hot one!

[Queen of Shake Shake]

And what's up with people ending a sentence "You want to come with?" Huh?

I might could say I've used *might could*. It means possibly, but I have to question if I like you enough to do it.

Other than *might could*, I'm finding that I'm a very odd Southerner.

[Angie in Texas]

i live in texas - my daughter wore headbands w/ and w/o bows as an infant and toddler.

fried pickles with ranch (real ranch dressing) = yummy!

fried twinkies = heaven

[House frau]

When my daughter was born they glued a bow to her head with K-Y in the hospital. It was almost impossible to get off her little head, it was stuck to her soft spot. We weren't in the South though.

[motherbumper]

Oh yes - I have seen that around here - those crazy bows for the follicly challenged tots. And I can't even describe my confused reaction when many of the moms I encountered asked when I was getting B's ears pierced? Almost all were shocked that it hadn't really crossed my mind.

[Kristen]

God Jon-jons? Is that what they're called.

Smocked dresses aren't bad on little girls. Seriously.

[Chag]

Loving the Waffle House look!

[mamatulip]

I have never understood the bows. NEVER.

Love the new banner.

[ali]

they do the bald-head-glued-on-hairbow up in canada too. barf.

[Jennifer]

I've written extensively about my disdain for children's fashion here in the south. Bows, Smocked dresses (okay, I'm kinda starting to like them...ssssh don't tell anyone), and jon-jons. I fucking hate jon-jons. What is the souths fascination with even dressing their boys like girls???

[mayberry]

Design: love.

Hairbows, especially of the stretchy garter-looking variety: hate.

[Phoenix]

I still want to know what "Aint Y'all" means. When I figure that out, I'll work on "Might Could" for you.

Love the new header.

[Julie Pippert]

This is too funny.

I noticed a trend in college cheerleaders: big bad bows. Like it's the 80s. And junior high.

It struck me because, seriously, I don't see bows on a daily basis. But maybe this is not the south. ;)

Julie
Using My Words
Julie
http://theartfulflower.blogspot.com

[Christina]

I've never lived in the South, but I must hang my head in shame and confess to hair bows:

http://tinyurl.com/2grzce

http://tinyurl.com/23bjf7

Both were Cordy. But at least I never glued a bow to her head. That counts for something, right?

[Mrs. Chicky]

Up here in the south of the north there are some people who love their hair bows. I received a few of them for my baby shower. I put them on my dogs. Pissed them off but I got a chuckle.

[the new girl]

Dude.
I cannot BELIEVE that you din't link your ear-piercing post in here.

You're slipping.

Now pass me the Karo cause baybay ain't got no hayah.

xo

[Christy]

I'm diggin' the new look. It makes me yearn for greasy hash browns and big ole waffles with sticky syrup.

My husband would not let me put a bow in my daughter's hair for months after she was born. She was as bald as they come and he didn't want me to stick anything to her precious little head. I finally talked him into letting me put headbands with bows on her. She wore them for awhile. Now she is 2 and won't put a bow in her hair for anything!

"Might Could" is another way of saying "Perhaps" or "Possibly". I have no idea why we southerners have adopted that as opposed to the one word versions, but I say it all the time without knowing it. "Fixin' to" is my other bad one. I say that constantly.

As for the fried pickles, they are totally tasty if they are done right. There is a place in Little Rock (actually it's Maumelle, AR) that makes the best fried pickles I have ever had. My sister went there to eat last time I was home and she brought me back an order. They are even good cold!

[melissa]

I live in North Carolina. Sometimes my friend puts her five month old boy in a pick onies. People have actually screamed at her when they find out the baby is a boy. It is viewed as child abuse to violate these conventions. My husband insist that my son dress like a frat/rapist and often changes his clothes right after I dress him.

[Lisse]

Ugh, I can't stand those bows on bald babies. From there it's a slippery slope to the Jr. Miss Georgia pageants, I'm telling ya!

[PunditMom]

Nice new design! :)

[Mldubose]

I do have to ask any of you who have lived outside of the South. Are there tanning bed "Salons" in strip malls every freakin where like there are here? You can't find a good gourmet food store, but if you want to get all leathered up like a handbag, the South has many places to do it.

And you let your ruffled, bow-headed baby crawl around on the floor while you scorch. Then you go next door to the fake nail-tip salon for your appointment (baby's bow stays glued in place the entire time). Later that evening you have "supper" with your hubby at an all-you-can-eat catfish/pickles/coon/possum "restaurant". Your meal comes with that atrocious "sweet tea" and a side of cooked-til-they're-brown veggies.

But I also have to know: is it just in the South that this other strange thing also happens? Why does this mother with her pretty blonde hair go to all that trouble to dye her roots black?

[roxanne]

Yep, alabamians love BIG bows. Thank god i have boys or my mom would be hot gluing polka-dot bows together. What kills my is piercing a 6 month olds ears because "someone thought she was a boy". Who cares, people call my boys girls sometimes because they have curly hair. I don't go and shave their heads. Don't people realize that earrings are a choking hazard??

[Clink]

I was born and raised in the north-east and one of the strongest lessons I was ever taught as child (when faced with the new southern wife of a cousin and questioning my mother as to the large amount of fabric adorning her head) was- "Never put a bow on your head...you are not a present!"

[Kristen]

Oh Lily. Sweet mother of God. LMAO

And I'm not so sure it's a Southern thing. The big ass bows are definitely popular here and at music class in MS, I was instructed by SEVERAL women on the art of applying a bow to a bald head with karo syrup.

[The Other Sister-in-Law]

I was born in Dallas, TX, and as far as I'm told, when I was born, they stuck a bow on my head with molasses. It didn't help that I was bald, I'm sure. But I never realized this was a southern thing.

[Karen]

Holy crap.

But I admit to loving a good hair bow.

http://flickr.com/photos/woopsie/137987964/

*hangs head in shame*

[biodtl]

The last time we were in Dollywood, I was pregnant with my daughter and a couple of women tried to talk me into buying one of those insane ruffled nightmare dresses with matching bows. And then I threw up my funnel cake. Seriously (I had "morning" sickness the whole 9 months, and this was the only time it came in handy).

[angie]

I was wondering about that. When I took my hair challenged baby south in 2000, all my relatives produced am armload of bows. We have southern friends that wore bows everyday, even at 9 years old.

btw, people can't tell by the taffeta that it's a girl. It takes at least a bow or two, whether your girl has hair or not.

[Mldubose]

Don't you know that girls in the South are supposed to just be pretty all the time? I can't believe that baby momma hasn't bought her a wig yet. What in the world will the hot rollers go in?

We wear makeup to the supermarket, and some of us will go 50 years before our husbands see us without makeup. Hell, "some" of us have been known to have a best friend to sneak in to put on our makeup and pluck stray facial hairs before the ambulance arrives after we've had a stroke.

It ain't pretty, and it ain't nice. Now fetch me my smellin' salts honey. I'm feelin' a bit faint after revealin' too much, ya heah.

[Stacey]

Fried pickles have been appearing at the county & state fairs for a while now. Along with fried twinkies, fried Milky Ways, fried olives, and fried blocks of baked mac & cheese. Basically if it has a rectangular shape they will dip it in batter and deep fry it for you. I can't even watch.
I think the bows are the result of people simply not paying attention dozen or so gender clues the kid has on. If I just keep piling frilly pink stuff on the child, sooner or later someone will notice. I've seen babies decked out in ruffled, lacy, frilly pink flowered dresses with pink sparkly shoes, lacy socks,ruffled diaper covers and a big pink sparkly bow on a head band and someone comes up and says "How old is he?"

[Mldubose]

If it ain't the bows, it's the fucking headbands.

And you wouldn't believe the people, after seeing the child head to toe in pink, who will ask, "How old is HE?"

I guess cross-dressing is OK in these here parts. Start 'em young.

[Amy]

Fried dill pickles? Dipped in ranch?

Heaven.

Those big hair bows give me the heebie-jeebies. A friend of mine had a picture of her little girl made with one in - a big furry one. I told her 'the photographer could have at least killed that thing on her head before snapping the picture."

[Lily]

I moved from way up north (Canada)to live in the South (TN) and talk about culture shock! After seven years of being here, hubby and I still don't get the huge ass bow thing. But alas, the longer you live in the South, the more it wears off onto you. Ain't ya just fixin' to put a bow in Q's hair? Who doesn't want their daughter to look like this?
http://www.sweetbabybowtique.com/tutulogo2.jpg

By the way, we still haven't fallen into the trap of big bows and smocked "Little House of the Prairie" dresses. Ha!