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I've shared my innermost secrets here, without shame or embarrassment.
stupid open like that.
So, why would my tampon sliding right out of my "personal purse" be any different?
Um, because I've never heard one person, no not one never ever ever, talk about their big old post-partum vagina. But apparently, that's exactly what I'm sporting these days. Except in this case, big is clearly not better.
Amidst my costume sewing fest that then became a stinky and terror-plotting glue situation, I got my period back -- which in itself is incredibly annoying since I have not one feminine product in my house.
Okay, that's a lie. I found two tampons in my teeeeeny tiny "I'm so cute and young and only need to carry lipstick and a credit card and apparently tampons" purse from a bazillion years ago. Like that's not depressing enough as it is. But other than those too sexy and single tampons, I'm walking around with toilet paper in my underpants until I can get to a Target.
And so, I bought my regular old Tampax, now with an extra handy applicator gripper by the way (amazing the developments that happen in a couple of years!), and went about my business.
That was until I went to the bathroom later that day because I felt something very odd and noticed my not totally used up yet tampon was not where it should be.
And that would be sliding halfway out of me.
Without me pushing it out or pulling the string, of course.
And then I thought the dreaded, terrible, and worst thought ever.
I'm all stretched out.
Ugh. Ack. Ptthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dfhdofjdalfjaldkjflkdfje9ijflsdfdkjfdk. (That would be the sound of me barfing 1000 barfs)
Yep. There's just no other explanation. Just me and my old stretched out vagina, shooting out tampons at any random moment of the day.
Dare I ask if there is any solution to this problem, you know, like a new tampon brand or a vagina lift?