The Sleep Game

My daughter did not sleep through the night until she was two.

TWO YEARS OLD.

I hear rumors and urban myths about babies sleeping through the night. I've also heard tales of the Lochness Monster.

You get my drift.

I don't expect my son to sleep through the night. I have way bigger fish to cry, er, fry, but I would love to at least get him comfortable in his own room.

I'm fortunate in that I am able to put him his bed awake for naps and bedtime and if he's fed and tired, he will fall asleep on his own. That's one step in the right direction since my daughter would just scream for hours on end.

So, I've moved his playpen into his own room. I've set up a cd player with quiet lullabies on repeat.

But I still ended up having to get him after three hours, because I'd nurse him, put him down, and he'd wake up. And after awhile, I needed to get some sleep.

Even if I could just get a few hours in a row with him in his OWN bed and not in mine, that would be fabulous. Okay, it would be practically orgasmic.

Of course, he must be teething since his naps were incredibly short. And he just started crawling. So his brain is on rapid fire growing mode. This is just never good for sleep. I'd even consider giving him a bottle with cereal at night but that means I have to pump and do it every night. That's one thing when the huz is home and able to help me out. But I'm alone, pumping a bottle with a screaming child, well make that TWO children (and does that cereal bottle really work? seriously, I want the scoop!).

So here's what happened last night:

Down for bed at 7pm. Gave him some teething tablets. Slept until 11pm

Nursed him and put him down. Wakes up and cries. Picked him up and rocked him. Put him down. Wakes up and cries.

Reluctantly put him in my bed and then wake up every two hours not really to nurse but because he's rolling around and I can't sleep.

Awake at 6:30am.

I mean. He's not even really sleeping in my bed. And either am I. So I need to move him. I just need to have a sense of how often he needs to nurse. And how long to you let them "moan/whine" before you go in.

So how often does he need to nurse (he's 8 months but does not nurse well during the day; he eats rice cereal about 2-3 times a day since we're figuring out food issues? And I imagine that after he woke up at 11pm, I should have just nursed him, put him back in there, and then let him cry to fall asleep.

Comments

[Danielle]

I also let both of my daughers cry it out. The first night is torchure-probably more so for you, but it really only takes a night or two for them to get it. With my first, I literally was on the phone with my best friend crying I felt so bad. But it was worth it. Get your sleep now because soon they'll be getting up again to pee or because of monsters or whatever they need to tell you at 2am. And when they are in a bed it's harder to keep them there!

[Betty D]

Kristen-did not mean to offend you. I understand-I am tired and lonely at home-my husband is a law/mba student. I hope things work out for you.

[B]

I HATE writing about this, but I will tell you my story and you can take it for whatever you want.

My sister (a l&d and pediatric nurse) told me that when a baby hits 10lbs they should sleep for around 8 straight hours. Or rather, that they CAN. She also said a baby will get his calories and it is up to you (me) when they are offered. AKA: DON'T FEED A BABY AT NIGHT

Now, when our kids start solids my HUSBAND goes in and comforts them at night. My excuse is that they can smell my milk and want me. And it is about the time my girls have started accepting that my husband is their parent. (Before they seemed confused by his presence.) And I turn on the air filter so I can't hear them cry.

So far 3 kids have learned to be good sleepers as babies. The toddler getting up to pee is my current sleep problem.

[Erin]

When my son was three months old my husband left for a one year deployment to Iraq. Knowing that it was just me and my little guy I was determined to try to get him to sleep through the night, after my doctor told us it was fine and he was ready and able to. I used two book Twelve hours Sleep by twelve weeks by Suzi Giordano and Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi Mindell. It was great and was a modified cry-it out. It took less than a week and he was sleeping from 7pm to 7am. He loves his bed, wakes up talking and smiling and we are all so much better for it.

I know it is hard to struggle with sleep (or lack thereof), especially when you are going it alone but helping Drew and YOU get into better sleeping habits is better for both of you, because as you said neither of you are getting a good night's sleep now.

Good luck :)

[Noelle]

A book that has really helped me is by an author named Kim West. I think it is called "Good Night, Sleep Tight." I have read lots of books on sleep, and I think that this one is the best. I have an 11 month-old who sleeps through the night, from about 6:30pm til 5:30am. It is hard getting up at 5:30, but at least I've gotten a block of sleep. I have used Kim's methods and followed her advice, and it's been very helpful.

[Bill]

We loved Ferber. It really is so much more than "cry it out". We liked having a plan of when you're going back in, etc. It's not just as simple as wait 15 minutes...it starts out with short intervals and gets longer each time you go in... It worked well for our daughter for ditching the nighttime waking at 18 months (yeah, no sleep for 18 months does suck), and the pacifier at 2 years.

But, if that doesn't work for either you or your kid's temperament, one of our friends used "The No Cry Sleep Solution" and said it was great.

BTW, our doctor said the cereal thing wasn't worth doing, because for the volume, cereal has less nutrition than milk.

[Darlene]

My baby is close to the same age as Drew and he does pretty well at sleeping thru the night. I feed him around 10pm and put him in his bed, usually asleep, and then if he wakes up in the night I will go into his room - now here is the hard part - I don't pick him up from his bed. I will rub his back or his head until he falls back to sleep. There are times that he is totally out-of-control crying and then I pick him up. And occasionally you can tell he is really hungry, not just wanting comfort, so I will feed him on those nights. I refuse to bring him into my bed - the main reason is there is really no room because my 2 yr old is already in there! I have 5 kids and I tried different things with each of the kids. The ones that sleep the best as older kids are the ones that didn't sleep with us as babies. I really feel your pain. I went about 5 years getting by on maybe 4 hrs asleep a night.

[Kristen]

It didn't go fast with Q. It was heinously long and frustrating to never get more than 3-4 hours of sleep in a row. But the only issue is that now I'm sleepless, chasing around after two kids alone.

So something has got to give. I don't necessarily think Ferber is the answer, but I do think that perhaps doing the 10-15 minute "see if he goes back to sleep" thing might work.

[Betty D]

I think the Ferber thing is pretty cruel- my 3 year old still sleeps with us. The 7 mo old still nurses about every 3 hours during the night-but also nurses quite often during the day (every 2-3 hours)- nursing is a comfort thing too- especially at night- not just a food source. You will do what works for you- but think how fast it went with Q- before long you will be wishing D still wanted to nurse- so sleepless for now- but so worth it in the end. Also- have never tried- but heard that cereal/bottle thing is a total myth.

[Kelly]

Ugh, I'm with you on the no sleep. Last night, especially, was murder. His teething's picked up I think, plus those little legs just want to gogogo so he's started fighting sleeping, in general (there's TOYS/MOMMY/SIBLING to play with!). We're starting to cut him back on the night bottles (he's 9mo, btw) now, since I know he doesn't need *that* much at night. He's a little porker during the day anyways. I hope, for your sake and mine, that our little boys learn to sleep better at night.

[ImpostorMom]

I've e-mailed you the book we used. Even if you don't want to try CIO the book has some good information about sleep in general. I used it when Boogie was about 4.5 months old cause I was totally desperate for some sleep.

From what I've read he should be nursing 4-5 times a day. I've been researching this myself because it is a freakin battle everyday to get Boogie to take his bottles at daycare. He's still nursing ok but I'll be damned if that kid wants to drink his milk during the day. He's eating a lot of food though.

I've been reading a lot of conflicting things about just how much they need each day so I've made an appointment with my ped to do a weight check and have him tell me that Boogie is fine and that I need to not stress about his milk intake at daycare. In addition that will help me not kill myself everyday trying to pump 12 oz.

I will generally let Boogie cry for 10-15 minutes before going to comfort him. The big thing though is breaking that nursing to sleep cycle. Until we did that it didn't matter how much he ate during the day he always needed me to go back to sleep.

[Katherine]

I'm sure you will get all sorts of advice on this topic, but I think every baby and parent is different. When my daughter was 8 months, we finally did the crying it out at night torture tactic. The first night - 45 minutes of screaming. The second night - less than 10 minutes. Since then - absolute bliss. Well, not absolute, but pretty darn good. Why didn't I try it sooner? Well, I didn't think I could stomach it if she was crying because of gas, teething, or something else. So I picked a time when I thought all was okay. Plus, I figured that she wouldn't remember it to later hold it over our head! Also, babies need x ounces of milk/food a day. They will get during the day or at night. If you take away the night feedings, logic has it that he will adjust to more food during the day.

You are a great mom, and try not to feel awful not responding to every cry. Sometimes it is better in the long run for both baby and parent to let a cry go unanswered when the rewards are great. Assuming they are safe, okay, etc., of course. But that is much, much easier said than done!

[Manic Mommy]

I know he's fallen out of favor but Ferber (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0671620991) saved my life. My oldest was 10 mos and still not sleeping through the night, albeit in his own crib/room.

We were dead set against the 'cry it out' mentality but read the book anyway. Sleep cues, night wakings - it makes sense. If nothing else, read it and see what works for you.

Your pediatrician would be the best one to talk to about getting vs not getting enough nutrition during the day but I would say he's just in a bad habit with you and the boob right there.